The Comedy Goldmine

[Paul Kemp]

preferably someone that doesn wear a bolo and have extreme right wing gun views.

but i may be asking too much.   

[Paul Kemp]

The more the dog stays indoors, the less exercise she gets by being able to run around outside.

The irony mine just collapsed. RIP to all those lost in the rubble.

[Paul Kemp]

Bushie has kids? Isn't he like 17?

[Paul Kemp]

If I lock it, that's it, no more Update. Ever. 

[Paul Kemp]

context

Matt Dillon will have to play him in a movie now.

[Paul Kemp]

American pie is a funny movie. I burst into laughter when I hear the boys say"What a loser!"

[Paul Kemp]

"Hmmm..." he pondered aloud, as he stared at his computer. "How to best to announce my return to the Atlas forum after a long hiatus?" And then it hit him, like an abusive husband hits his wife. He began furiously hitting away at the keys on his keyboard, like an abusive spouse furiously hits his or her spouse. Triumphantly, he hit down on the left mouse button--in much the same way an abusive spouse hits down on the battered mother or father of her or his children--posting the thread. "This domestic violence joke will really win them over," he smiled, like an abusive spouse smiles after abusing his or her spouse.

I'm Back yet again!

The Atlas is like an abusive husband!

You hate it for beating you but yet you run back to it anyways!

[Paul Kemp]

"Hmmm..." he pondered aloud, as he stared at his computer. "How to best to announce my return to the Atlas forum after a long hiatus?" And then it hit him, like an abusive husband hits his wife. He began furiously hitting away at the keys on his keyboard, like an abusive spouse furiously hits his or her spouse. Triumphantly, he hit down on the left mouse button--in much the same way an abusive spouse hits down on the battered mother or father of her or his children--posting the thread. "This domestic violence joke will really win them over," he smiled, like an abusive spouse smiles after abusing his or her spouse.

Top post. Beat you to it

...no pun intended?

[Paul Kemp]

lolololololol

[Paul Kemp]

Americans who do not care to use dirty language use BM.

[Paul Kemp]

Here is the piece of propaganda from Vlad: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/12/opinion/putin-plea-for-caution-from-russia-on-syria.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Finally a true champion of democracy, peace, non-intervention, and the rule of law. Obama could learn a lot from this great man, though he'll probably be too busy literally reading our emails in between rounds of golf to peruse this great article.

[Paul Kemp]

Thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected by J. J.'s relentless efforts to report every minuscule detail as it happens.

[Paul Kemp]

That one's OK but this one's brilliant:

this was the closest i could get the states to looking like a penis

(please let me know if this crosses the line, I'll delete it)

[Paul Kemp]

Bandit legend status:

Last week I went on a road trip, and I passed through King County TX, the county where only 5 people voted for Obama.

There wasn't a person (of any political persuasion) anywhere in sight. The county seat was a ghost town. But I Occupied the courthouse square...

http://www.angelfire.com/yt2/lastword/osay.html

Even the most right-wing county in America isn't safe from the Occupy coalition!

[Paul Kemp]

The single funniest thing ever to appear on TV.

Well, we know who the biggest O'Toole is here...

[Paul Kemp]

That might be considered really cool if it were actually your job, and your actions actually meant anything whatsoever.  But as it is, it's basically a 21st century version of standing around train stations with a notebook and a thermos.

[Paul Kemp]

Been reading thru old threads on U.S. General now that I'm a mod there now to see if there's anything that needs deleting or moving to another board.  Came across this old gem discussing the post of Senate Majority Leader that displays the perils of making predictions.

Santorum will run after Frist retires (in 2006) and yes the GOP will still have a majority in the Senate.

This is perfect for my wrong prediction/funny in hindsight thread that never really took off.

[Paul Kemp]

Bacon King just wins.

[Paul Kemp]

This forum has a well-known anti-Italian bias. Keystone Phil can speak more to it.

[Paul Kemp]

Context, naturally:

I do two things. The first is that I pick up the pistol in front of me. The second is that I use it to blow my brains out.

[Paul Kemp]

whitefeelings.txt below -

I get the sense that if I pretended I was white my posts wouldn't be as infuriating to Republicans...

It would actually be even more infuriating. Hypocritical white assholes who get on their soapbox to lecture people who have more important things to be thinking about as to how they should be sorry for their 'privilege', when of course the very same people will most likely have lived the same privileged existence. Take some advice, if people from minorities find this sort of thing 'tin-eared' and hurtful, they should grow a thicker skin and stop whining. It is perfectly acceptable in our society to insult a ginger person for 'having no soul', or to insinuate that every Roman Catholic is a paedophile who lurks in a confessional box waiting to molest choir boys. Blacks, homosexuals and other 'oppressed' minorities need to grow up and realise that, yes, people can be insensitive, or deliberately hurtful, but that in the end that is not and should not be a crime. Threatening someone is, blackmailing them is, but not making an insensitive joke or a slip of the tongue. Do you really think racism (and sexism and all the other 'isms' and phobias) will be reduced by having a hissy fit every time someone makes a comment like this, a clue: no. It will be reduced by not forcing people to constantly be on edge, fearing that they will lose their career and prospects and then held up to media ridicule if they make an insensitive or hurtful remark.

Now, I'm a very privileged person, at least by global standards. But I'm not shutting up because of this.

List of my top three favorite things the internet has invented:

1) gifs
2) white tears
3) high definition streaming pornographic videos

[Paul Kemp]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=183725.0

Wrong link.

[Paul Kemp]

Context:

She did what was necessary for the sake of the Union.

[Paul Kemp]

All I really know is that half the reports I receive is him attacking someone with expletives on the fantasy board. The other half is him reporting attacks on himself.

[Paul Kemp]

Excellent .gif technique right here:

I'd prefer it if his first name was Sneakers.