US Political junkies have a sense of humor too!! :-)

[Filuwaúrdjan]

The British version of the newspaper joke(from the very, very funny sitcom Yes Minister) :


Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country, The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country, The Times is read by people who actually do run the country, The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country, The Financial Times is read by people who own the country, The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country, and the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"

Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Two polls from TV Nation(off the top of my head. I've got a list of the others and will post them up soon) :

10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orrin Hatch(R-UT) fight a big mean dog on pay TV.

86% would root for the dog.

100% of women would root for the dog.


16% of Perot voters think that if dolphins were really smart they would be able to get out of those nets.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

From The Portadown News June 2001:

US fact-finding mission
by our American correspondent, Brad Cheeseburger

Arizona Senator Mick O'Malley is back in Portadown for another election 'fact-finding' mission. Speaking to our reporter yesterday, the Senator outlined the facts he hopes to find.

"The main facts I plan to find concern British human rights abuses, RUC brutality, and harassment of Sinn Fein community representatives," he explained. "I may find some other facts, but those are the ones I'm really interested in."

Senator O'Malley has a long history of fact-finding in Northern Ireland. His previous discoveries include:

*Republican paramilitaries don't sell drugs
*RUC patrols regularly kill and eat children
*Queen Victoria personally ordered the potato famine

By complete coincidence Senator O'Malley is himself currently campaigning for re-election in Arizona, under the slogan: "O'Malley Electrocutes More Blacks".

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Like most British satire The Portadown News is "dry wit" and very sardonic.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

We don't know either

Portadown News is written by Newton Emerson(a "liberal unionist" from Portadown in Northern Ireland(famous for it's annual Catholic v Protestant riot, I mean Orange Order parade... It's in David Trimble's constituancy of Upper Bann) who also writes a column for the Irish News and does stuff for UTV) and is very funny.

Emerson is not exactly a fan of either the DUP or Sinn Fein:

"Yesterday the much-vaunted Mr Dodds said if Trimble really wanted the debate
Paisley is currently ducking out of, he should try conducting it "on the
streets of Portadown" - and see how his own constituents react.
By 'constituents', of course, Dodds means the DUP rent-a-mob who heckle,
barrack and physcially intimidate Trimble any time he tries to visit those of
us who have dared to elect him. You're right - this sort of behaviour is much
scarier from an educated man like Dodds than from a moron like Robinson."

www.portadownnews.com

[Filuwaúrdjan]

And:

"Following this week’s terrible outrage, there can be no doubt that the people of Portadown are At War With Terrorism. Everything must be done to capture the evil mastermind behind this atrocity, and make him pay for his diabolical crime.
Possibly by appointing him Minister for Education."

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Yes Minister is excellent.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

You missed out "General Sherman Rocks!"
Nice to see you back.