how Tweed handles romance: a real document ripped from a real situation

[© tweed]

this situation leaves me dealing with a measure of nagging disappointment. for a solid ten-day bloc of time, you emerged from relative nowhere to provide me with a ubiquitous companionship. I instantly valued and prioritized this very highly, not only for a hope for what it could one day be, but for what it in-the-moment actually was. with restrained emotion, I found myself quite looking forward to further developing the relationship via face-to-face contact, the most enduringly magical form of contact of all.

instead, I have been met with what I can only assume to be a case of what my therapist would call 'pre-emptive abandonment'. or, in the words of another therapist, portrayed by Robin Williams in my favorite-ever film Good Will Hunting: "you'll never have (a soul mate) in a world where you're always afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative ten miles down the road." something within you, something learned, is provoking a serious anxiety, and your coping strategy has been to completely remove yourself from me and from the situation.

I can relate - I do this too. I can't tell you not to do it. this behavior exists for a reason, serves an 'evolutionary purpose', if you will. but I sincerely hope you do choose another path, and reopen yourself to me communicatively, emotionally, and otherwise... allow me to briefly state my case.

__

it is hard to pick a favorite amongst the innumerable one and two- liners from Kerouac's On the Road, but the following ranks very high on the list: “Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.”

... and this is the point, isn't it? talk about souls, soul-exploration? avoidance serves an evolutionary purpose, but it is self-limiting. in order to live completely, satisfy the riddles and paradoxes that emerge from the clumsy reconciliation of animal drives with higher intelligence, we must entertain this whole other realm: emotional intimacy, the 'spiritual', and a dive into the deep end of the interpersonal requires its own sort of faith. and, _____, if you live in a world where the specter of the horrors of your past cast their long shadows into the future, you run the real risk of neglecting an extremely important part of your Self.

so, to shamelessly quote Good Will Hunting again: "I'm afraid too.  it. I want to give it a shot and at least I'm honest with you." I am communicating, not without my own anxiety; and I look forward to your taking a leap of interpersonal faith, in me, to speak and share with me despite not being able to see or control where it is headed. because this is life, isn't it?

David.

[Beet]

Did you actually send this to her? I assume so. Oh well, kudos to you. You know what I would have done with that? Preemptive abandonment, because I am too cowardly to show my attachments like that.

[opebo]

Check out Eric Blair on prose clarity, Tweed.

[© tweed]

Check out Eric Blair on prose clarity, Tweed.

you're talking about Politics and the English Language?

[opebo]

Check out Eric Blair on prose clarity, Tweed.

you're talking about Politics and the English Language?

Yeah it doesn't really apply exactly - more that he's just a good role model for we a-bit-above-average writers.  But anyway that stream of consciousness style is not my cup of tea.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I disagree with opebo in this particular instance. Orwell on prose clarity is generally an invaluable source but there are instances and modes of writing in which it can actually make matters worse. Mellifluous language use worked well here, and I hope you sent (or send) it.

[© tweed]

as I intended to imply with the title, this was sent along prior to its being posted here.

[Beet]

Well, I know this'll probably offend you, but if she doesn't reply to this she's a b_tch (I'm pretty sure she replied / will reply though).

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Ok, so tweed wants to up the ante from some online thing to real life?  If so, kudos for that......but maybe there's a comfort level she's not ready to cross yet.  Online is 'safe' , if you will.

[© tweed]

I've met her in person before.  and she did reply within ten minutes.

[Paul Kemp]

I didn't read it but I can only assume it's some pretentious trash.

[Ebowed]

Good piece.