masochism and its practical application

[© tweed]

we are all heroes in our own dramas.  we all build narratives around our lives so that they do not occur in a vacuum.  these narratives become ingrained, and begin to influence events... 'interdependence' takes root.


if we build negative narratives: "I always fail, I am a loser, I fck up habitually"... to a point enough where all that becomes ingrained, are we capable of breaking out of it?  is it worth breaking out of it? what's on the other side?  nothing is as secure in its degree of effort vs. outcome than is failure, unadulterated failure...

[Yelnoc]

I don't think most people are capable of breaking out of self-made cages on their own, and need the support and encouragement of others.  If you tell yourself "I am a failure, a loser, a fuck-up" enough that you believe it then those doubts will always nag you and inhibit you from moving forward.  If you try to go it alone then, unless you have extraordinary will power, you may fail and fall back on your own habits and thought patterns.

That is why you need a friend, a family member, another person who cares to help you through the difficult spots in life.  At least, that's my point of view.  Hope this helps, I don't mean to depress.

[Redalgo]

To answer the questions posited:

1. Some people can break out of it on their own, many need help from other people and will fail if left to their own devices, and among the latter group some people need help from a professional and/or medication. Not every example of it is the same, and a lot of it may well hinge upon how these negative narratives impact ones ability to capably function as a sufficiently independent, productively motivated individual.

2. The answer to your second question is subjective, but having explored both routes in my experiences it seems to me that it is very much worthwhile to break out of it. What's on the other side is less certain, yes, but will almost certainly be less painful and less miserable in the medium and long-term future than what one is inadvertently subjecting their self to by being resigned to defeat. This is something that took me several years to learn on my own.

Interdependency is okay, really, but the narratives you describe are invariably self-destructive.

[Gustaf]

People wouldn't stick to their narratives if they didn't get something psychologically out of it. You don't necessarily need someone else to make a conscious effort in order to get out of it. And it is worth it. That's based on my experience, at least.

[opebo]

I don't think masochism is the same thing as poor self-esteem, Tweed, nor is poor self-esteem the same thing as pessimism.

For example, I'm not masochistic, and I have (and treasure) a vaunting narcissism, but I am also convinced I can do naught but 'fail' and die in misery and ignominy - the latter of course, being caused by factors outside my control.