Update Thread and Other Ramblings by BushOklahoma

[Joe Biden 2020]

Our second month is starting off beautifully!!  It's so nice to have a lady such as this.  No matter how long things take, I can tell this is the woman for me.  When we first started going out in January, she was very hesitant on showing affection, now 5 weeks later, she grabs my hand at every chance.  She seems very comfortable giving me pecks on the cheek.  A couple weeks ago, she had asked if I wanted to give her a kiss on the lips (no french), but I didn't because I respect her too much and I want to save that until we get to know each other better.  She said, "WOW!! I have never met a man who loves and respects me that much!!"  Things may go a little faster than what we had planned based on the way things are going, but we're not making any real plans.  What I am going to do starting March 1 is save up for a possible ring so when I go purchase it, it's not as big of a sting.  It's good that we're getting more and more comfortable with each other, though.

[Joe Biden 2020]

TIffany only lasted 4 weeks? What a rollercoaster that was! It seemed like it lasted forever!

It was a long 4 weeks, and we only saw each other for 3 of those 4 weeks because I was gone to church camp for a week.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

What I am going to do starting March 1 is save up for a possible ring so when I go purchase it, it's not as big of a sting.  

This is the frugal Greek coming out in me, but Bushie, what happened to the ring you got back from Tiffanye? 

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

Ah, Dukey, my fellow Greek boy

[Joe Biden 2020]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.  It's bringing me bad luck.  Plus, I think Susan wants a special design on her ring.  Our mutual friend who put us together is going to talk with her and get the specifics and go with me to help pick it out.  I already have an open account at Gordon's Jewelers, so we'll probably start there.

[King]

If you are worried about luck pawn the old ring and get a new one at said pawn store.

[afleitch]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.  It's bringing me bad luck.  Plus, I think Susan wants a special design on her ring.  Our mutual friend who put us together is going to talk with her and get the specifics and go with me to help pick it out.  I already have an open account at Gordon's Jewelers, so we'll probably start there.

Stop
Getting
Engaged
Every
Five
Minutes
Unless
Marriage
Is
Really
THAT
Cheap
To
You.

[King]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.  It's bringing me bad luck.  Plus, I think Susan wants a special design on her ring.  Our mutual friend who put us together is going to talk with her and get the specifics and go with me to help pick it out.  I already have an open account at Gordon's Jewelers, so we'll probably start there.

Stop
Getting
Engaged
Every
Five
Minutes
Unless
Marriage
Is
Really
THAT
Cheap
To
You.

He's protecting its sanctity by trying to out marriage you, Gay.

[CubOB]

Ha! I'm sure he also has us beat if it's a race; if/when she says yes, I can't see it being a very long engagement. This is a "no sex before marriage" denomination, right?

[Marokai Backbeat]

I still say BushOK is a troll or is just messing with us all at the very least.

[Obnoxiously Slutty Girly Girl]

I still say BushOK is a troll or is just messing with us all at the very least.

No duh.

As is opebo.

[Magic 8-Ball]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I still say BushOK is a troll or is just messing with us all at the very least.

But he's my Facebook friend! He's real!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

[Magic 8-Ball]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

Why didn't the first two engagements teach you to take things more slowly?  Take a year or two to make sure you know this is what you want.  There's no need to marry her right away.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

Why didn't the first two engagements teach you to take things more slowly?  Take a year or two to make sure you know this is what you want.  There's no need to marry her right away.

I don't believe that a couple has to drag things out.  If they love each other, 4-6 months is plenty.  My brother said it right, going too fast is dangerous, but going too slow is equally as dangerous.  4-6 months is definitely not too fast.  I don't need a year or two to make sure this is the woman I want to marry, and she has already told me she wants to marry me and has already picked out the venue and the preacher.  I know a lot of couples who met less than 6 months before engagement and they are just as happy as can be.    The first engagement came after 12 years of knowing each other and the second came 12 days after knowing each other.  Her mother is on board with the idea and my parents are, as well.  There is no need to know each other for two years and then have another year of engagement.

[King]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

While 10 good days together over the course of 35 is a good avg if you're playing baseball, I'd wait a little while longer before taken things more seriously.

You probably don't believe in living together before getting married, I presume?  Otherwise, that's usually the best way to tell if a marriage is going to work out.

[J-Mann]

Well, you're doing absolutely everything that some of us advised you against. Things have a tendency to go well early on in relationships ... they're only tested after you've spent a certain amount of time together (and disregard the previous 19 months; I don't get the feeling that either of you were really getting to know each other during that time, since no one made any sort of a move until your friend set you up).

You will disagree with each other about something eventually. How will you handle that? How will she? Will either of you speak your minds and get things off your chest, or will you be passive-aggressive about your differences until they blow up and seriously threaten the relationship?

How close is she with her parents? How close are you with yours? Will her family or yours interfere with the relationship to a degree that makes one or the other of you uncomfortable? How will you handle that?

What are your financial situations? Are you prepared to handle a marriage if one of you (or both of you) were to lose your jobs shortly thereafter? What are your career goals? Do they mesh?

If she has a stroke tomorrow and becomes a vegetable, is she still the woman of your dreams? Will you stay by her side then? Harsh, but it's a valid point ... marriage is a serious commitment.

How do the two of you feel about sex? And I don't mean the whole "wait till marriage" thing. What are your fantasies? What are hers? Are you scared or nervous about your first time? Is she? (These are things you damn well better know before marrying a person.)

Dive into every political issue. Talk about money. Talk about your goals, your fears, your hopes and dreams. Talk about kids and family. Talk about pets. Talk about annoying habits and be open about things that bother you about each other, not just the things you like. Talk about how you solve problems and come to decisions about things, both petty and serious.  For God's sake, kiss each other! On the lips!

Those are all questions and discussions that HAVE to be answered before you bumble into a marriage based on infatuation. And that's exactly what it is at this point. Infatuation. Afleitch has a really, really good point -- you have chosen to share intimate details of your life with those of us on this forum, and through that you have proven that you fall fast and hard for women willing to give you the time of day. Many of us think that the enthusiasm you have for this relationship is, while different from the last, simply a matter of being relatively new to it. That's understandably exciting, but hardly enough on which to base a lifelong commitment. You've said that you respect her so much that you won't even kiss her yet ... then respect her enough to REALLY get to know each other before locking yourselves together for life, taking the chance that there were stones left unturned.

Before you spend money on yet another ring, and before you both decide to go down this path together, just talk it through -- between the two of you and with those you trust most. In your case, you should specifically seek the advice of church members and clergy that you trust. Be honest with them about what you're feeling and tell them to be honest with you ... it's unlikely you'll have any sane, older mentor tell you that five weeks' worth of good dates have adequately prepped you for making marriage plans.

And this is the last I'll say on it. If you're committed, I'm happy for you; you know my opinion and advice on this well enough by now, and while I'd urge you not to discount it, I'm not always right. Just don't fool yourself. Ask the right questions. Cover the right issues. Truly take the time to explore the relationship. You don't truly know someone until you've been through bad times with them; their demeanor and their reactions can speak volumes about how a relationship may truly play out. A game of Scrabble with Grandma and a couple of wholesome nights on the town DO NOT make a marriage.

[King]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

Why didn't the first two engagements teach you to take things more slowly?  Take a year or two to make sure you know this is what you want.  There's no need to marry her right away.

I don't believe that a couple has to drag things out.  If they love each other, 4-6 months is plenty.  My brother said it right, going too fast is dangerous, but going too slow is equally as dangerous.  4-6 months is definitely not too fast.  I don't need a year or two to make sure this is the woman I want to marry, and she has already told me she wants to marry me and has already picked out the venue and the preacher.  I know a lot of couples who met less than 6 months before engagement and they are just as happy as can be.    The first engagement came after 12 years of knowing each other and the second came 12 days after knowing each other.  Her mother is on board with the idea and my parents are, as well.  There is no need to know each other for two years and then have another year of engagement.

This is the problem with this whole "Marriage or Bust" rule you have here, Bushie.  It's causing "going too slow" to be dangerous.  GOING SLOW SHOULDN'T BE DANGEROUS!  If you took your relationship in stages (2-3 months of causal dating, 4-6 months of LIVING TOGETHER, 2-3 months of ENGAGEMENT, and then MARRIAGE) there would be NO RISK of failure and there would be no downside of taking it slow.  But you keep getting yourself on these First Date to Wedding Day in 6 seconds thrill ride rollercoasters.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

If they love each other, 4-6 months is plenty. 

It's just a chemistry, it can easily fade away when you already will be in trap.

We warned you.

[CubOB]

BushOK, it's impossible to make a statement like "4 to 6 months is enough time to get to know someone", because it's never going to be true in every case. It could be true for one combination of two people, and VERY VERY INCORRECT about another combination, even if one of the partners (ie you) is the same.  When it comes to relationships, one size doesn't fit all. Personally, I think that if you can both find out everything about each other and forge a deep connection in that kind of timeframe it might be quite a shallow relationship and you'll run out of things to talk about after a year or two, but that's just me.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Ha! I'm sure he also has us beat if it's a race; if/when she says yes, I can't see it being a very long engagement. This is a "no sex before marriage" denomination, right?

No, Chris, don't you remember the pregnancy scare with his last fiance?

[Franzl]

Why didn't the first two engagements teach you to take things more slowly?  Take a year or two to make sure you know this is what you want.  There's no need to marry her right away.

For people that don't believe in sex before marriage, it's obviously necessary to marry as soon as possible.

The whole "no sex before marriage" thing is borderline criminal because of the consequences rushing into marriage can have. And all because of a stupid principle like this.

I don't need a year or two to make sure this is the woman I want to marry, and she has already told me she wants to marry me and has already picked out the venue and the preacher. 

What's the point of proposing at all....let alone in April or May.....if she's already planned everything???

[Joe Biden 2020]

We're definitely starting to make plans.  I appreciate all your advice on the forum, but with all due respect, you don't know this relationship other than what I've shared, and I have only shared a drop in the bucket of everything we've been talking about.  You don't know Susan and you really don't know me real well, since you have never met me in person or have never heard my voice over the phone or IP.  The only forumite who has ever heard my voice is jamespol.  You know my politics and some of my personal life, but you really don't know me.  You are talking from generalites and what works in most relationships and you were speaking based on what I've shared about past relationships.  So, having said all that, we are definitely past the "newbie" stage.  This is no longer infatuation, it is genuine love.  We have had a couple disagreements and I have seen her not real happy, but we both snap out of it and talk it through and iron out our disagreements.

I am planning a Spring-time proposal and we have both talked about and basically decided on a Christmas-themed December Wedding since we both love Christmas so much.  So, while it's not official and won't be for a couple months, we are pretty much headed in that direction.