Update Thread and Other Ramblings by BushOklahoma

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Well that settles it. It's time to focus on a Christmas wedding! Let's all make plans! I'll bring the SoCo, eggnog and Christmas Ale!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Well that settles it. It's time to focus on a Christmas wedding! Let's all make plans! I'll bring the SoCo, eggnog and Christmas Ale!

It gives me even more reason to "focus on Christmas!!!!"

[Lunar]

You know my politics and some of my personal life, but you really don't know me. 

We know of an individual who has rushed two marriage proposals and been burned and is presently rushing a third, thinking of marriage in depth on the 2nd date, and a few weeks in, already planning the wedding date. 

You say we don't know you because we barely know you.  Well, 99.9% it takes more than a few weeks to truly know someone is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you've done this a couple times before...

[WalterMitty]

you havent french kissed this woman yet?

[afleitch]

You know my politics and some of my personal life, but you really don't know me. 

We know of an individual who has rushed two marriage proposals and been burned and is presently rushing a third, thinking of marriage in depth on the 2nd date, and a few weeks in, already planning the wedding date. 

You say we don't know you because we barely know you.  Well, 99.9% it takes more than a few weeks to truly know someone is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you've done this a couple times before...

Couldn't agree more.

He not only undervalues marriage so greatly that he has had two previous engagments broken off, he now has a 3rd. All so he can have 'legit sex.' It's not his brain or heart that's driving this...

[Joe Biden 2020]

We have already said that we want to marry each other, but we still want to get to know each other a little more so we may push everything back by a few months.  Instead of a Spring Proposal/Christmas Wedding, we may do something like a Late Summer Proposal/Mid Spring Wedding.  We're still tossing ideas around and nothing is set in stone.  She doesn't like suprises, either good or bad, so I have to let her in on my proposal plans.  She did tell me today that she definitely wants me to propose to her later this year, though.  I was thinking somewhere around September for that or so.  That's not a hard and fast date as it will depend on how we are doing.  We are very comfortable with each other already, so that's a very good sign.

The main thing is, and I want to stress this, I am committed to her no matter how long it takes and she said the same thing to me.

[Scam of God]

You are possibly the most unconsciously artificial - I believe the term is inauthentic - person on this forum.

[Franzl]

I repeat my question: Why bother proposing at all if you've already agreed to marry?

[Joe Biden 2020]

I repeat my question: Why bother proposing at all if you've already agreed to marry?

Just for tradition, really,  It's now merely going to be a formality, as we are unofficially engaged, but we still want some sort of tradition.

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

[J-Mann]

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

I know I said I'd shut up ... but why are you engaged on any level -- unofficially or otherwise -- if you don't know all there is to know about each other? Engagements and subsequent marriages aren't the most opportune times for people to learn new things about each other.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

I know I said I'd shut up ... but why are you engaged on any level -- unofficially or otherwise -- if you don't know all there is to know about each other? Engagements and subsequent marriages aren't the most opportune times for people to learn new things about each other.

Which is why we are going to set a date, yes, but put it kind of on the back burner so we don't rush and stress ourselves out.  If we're rushing around for a 2010 wedding, we won't be able to enjoy the next several months, but if we put deeper into 2011, a date that can still be easily adjusted either way, then we won't have to rush as fast and may keep the stress level down which would give us more time to enjoy each other.

[Magic 8-Ball]

Okie, I think you need Update again and pay close attention to what you said about Tiffanye.  Much of what you said there is being repeated here.

[phk]

My parents had an arranged marriage and it worked out just fine. They do tend to work out a little better considering the lower divorce rates.

[Joe Biden 2020]

If you consider a relationship to be composed of 5 major steps with the first step being meeting each other, the second boyfriend/girlfriend, the third commitment to each other, the fourth engagement, and the fifth marriage, we are at the beginning of stage 3.  We're committed to each other with a tentative date for step 4 and step 5 to happen, but we are not in step 4, because other than the date, we're not going full throttle into engagement and wedding planning, yet.  We still have some of step 2 hanging on, but we're transitioning into step 3 and peering ahead to steps 4 and 5.  As I said earlier, that date we are about to set can easily be adjusted either forward or backward.  We're not locking it down, yet, just a date for us to shoot for.  If we feel we need more time, we will not hesitate to adjust the date back.  If we feel we are ready, we will not hesitate to adjust the date forward some.  We don't want to move it forward too far because we will still want time to plan a good, albeit small, wedding all the while continuing to enjoy each other's company.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

January 17th (your first post) to March 1, today, is 44 days, and you're unofficially engaged after preaching to us you're not rushing?

Ever watch the movie Groundhog Day, cause here it goes again.......

[Franzl]

January 17th (your first post) to March 1, today, is 44 days, and you're unofficially engaged after preaching to us you're not rushing?

A guy's gotta do what he's gotta do If you get the drift...

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

January 17th (your first post) to March 1, today, is 44 days, and you're unofficially engaged after preaching to us you're not rushing?

A guy's gotta do what he's gotta do If you get the drift...

Uh, yeah, I got it.....lol.

[Lunar]

If you consider a relationship to be composed of 5 major steps with the first step being meeting each other, the second boyfriend/girlfriend, the third commitment to each other, the fourth engagement, and the fifth marriage, we are at the beginning of stage 3.  We're committed to each other with a tentative date for step 4 and step 5 to happen, but we are not in step 4, because other than the date, we're not going full throttle into engagement and wedding planning, yet.  We still have some of step 2 hanging on, but we're transitioning into step 3 and peering ahead to steps 4 and 5.  As I said earlier, that date we are about to set can easily be adjusted either forward or backward.  We're not locking it down, yet, just a date for us to shoot for.  If we feel we need more time, we will not hesitate to adjust the date back.  If we feel we are ready, we will not hesitate to adjust the date forward some.  We don't want to move it forward too far because we will still want time to plan a good, albeit small, wedding all the while continuing to enjoy each other's company.

If we can boil down getting to the 4th stage of the relationship to getting to 100mph, there's a difference between going 0 to 100mph in a millisecond and 100 seconds...the former  would rip you to shreds.  You've tried the millisecond route twice and had to go to the hospital twice, why not try actually getting to know her more substantively like the rest of us are required to do to know if we want to marry someone else, since you've already tried this path twice before and it hasn't worked.  It's completely illogical and emotionally dangerous to do what keep doing to every woman you date, and, as has been pointed out, cheapening the value of marriage.

[Joe Republic]

I hope B.O. realizes that since he clearly has no understanding or acceptance of any advice that anybody here tells him, these "update" threads serve solely as schadenfreude for the rest of us.

[ilikeverin]

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

I know I said I'd shut up ... but why are you engaged on any level -- unofficially or otherwise -- if you don't know all there is to know about each other? Engagements and subsequent marriages aren't the most opportune times for people to learn new things about each other.

Actually, in the Middle East, usually dates don't happen until after engagement... proposing marriage (with the approval of both families, obviously) is just kind of way to say "I want to get to know you."

Of course, this is commensurate with engagement not automatically being "I want to marry you", so the situations aren't exactly directly comparable

[Joe Biden 2020]

Again, while we are committed to each other and FWIW engaged, I am still going to wait until closer to her birthday in early October before proposing to her and then wait until around my birthday in late April 2011 to wed.  Maybe I'm calloused, but I still don't see it rushing.  We're only going to make very small wedding plans over the summer mainly just getting the date, venue, and preacher set.  We pretty much already know who's going to be in it, but won't really discuss that for a few months.  Now, I will admit that if I did propose to her in May as was my plan, than yeah that would be rushing it a little.  That's why we're waiting an extra few months until late summer/early fall.  Right now, we're at the stage that we know that God has put us together.

Sometimes people know fairly soon after first date that they're meant to be together, but still take time to get to know each other while slowly planning the future.

What I'm trying to say, is there is no magical length of time that a couple must take to get to know each other.  Every couple is different.

Gramps, yes, I have seen Groundhog Day. Very good movie, but this is not a rerun of the first two.  The first engagement came after 13 years of knowing each other and off and on dating.  The second was way too quick.  This one is going at a comfortable speed.  Those aren't my words, they are my girlfriend's words and our friends words, as well.

I understand everyone's concern and I appreciate all the advice, but this is a relationship that the speed will be determined by the couple, not by families, not by friends, and not by internet friends.

[Joe Biden 2020]

We had a chance to talk about our plans tonight and we both have decided on a September 2010 proposal and an April 2011 wedding.  We're not making any other real plans besides that for right now.  She did tell me that she does want to marry me, though.  I said the same thing to her.  It is very comforting to know that.  As I've said before, we are totally committed to each other.  We grow fonder and fonder of each other every time we get together.  We know without a shadow of a doubt that God put us together.  We couldn't have found each other by ourselves.  God has been preparing us for each other since the 1990s.  That's when I met our mutual friend, in my sophomore year of high school, her junior year.  We instantly became best friends.  We lost touch with each other while I was away at college, but met again after I returned home and I've been best friends with her and her husband since.  All this time she knew Susan and became really good friends with her.  This friend promised me she would help me find someone and introduced me to Susan in August 2008.  We dated for about a month, but she got scared somehow so she dropped me in September.  I went my own way and followed another friend's advice that led me to Tiffanye, which we all know how that turned out.  This mutual friend comforted me and said she would still help me look.  Then, in January 2010 it was just the right time and I knew God had put us together.  We hit it off really well right off the bat and our hearts grew together last month and now we are extremely comfortable with each other and we love each other so much.

[King]

We had a chance to talk about our plans tonight and we both have decided on a September 2010 proposal and an April 2011 wedding.  We're not making any other real plans besides that for right now.  She did tell me that she does want to marry me, though.  I said the same thing to her.  It is very comforting to know that.  As I've said before, we are totally committed to each other.  We grow fonder and fonder of each other every time we get together.  We know without a shadow of a doubt that God put us together.  We couldn't have found each other by ourselves.  God has been preparing us for each other since the 1990s.  That's when I met our mutual friend, in my sophomore year of high school, her junior year.  We instantly became best friends.  We lost touch with each other while I was away at college, but met again after I returned home and I've been best friends with her and her husband since.  All this time she knew Susan and became really good friends with her.  This friend promised me she would help me find someone and introduced me to Susan in August 2008.  We dated for about a month, but she got scared somehow so she dropped me in September.  I went my own way and followed another friend's advice that led me to Tiffanye, which we all know how that turned out.  This mutual friend comforted me and said she would still help me look.  Then, in January 2010 it was just the right time and I knew God had put us together.  We hit it off really well right off the bat and our hearts grew together last month and now we are extremely comfortable with each other and we love each other so much.

I hope this is the one for you, man.
But I remain skeptical and he idea of her scheduling the date for you to propose to her sends chills up my spine.

[J-Mann]

This friend promised me she would help me find someone and introduced me to Susan in August 2008.  We dated for about a month, but she got scared somehow so she dropped me in September.

[King]

This friend promised me she would help me find someone and introduced me to Susan in August 2008.  We dated for about a month, but she got scared somehow so she dropped me in September.

Obviously, intensive marriage talks after two weeks had nothing to do with it.