Update Thread and Other Ramblings by BushOklahoma

[TeePee4Prez]

Congrats Reverend.  Please do not be Staff Sgt. Dauterive with this one.

[TeePee4Prez]

No worries, Flyers!!  This is not going to be another episode of "speed dating", LOL!!  For one, she's never had a boyfriend before, so it will all be new to her.  Two, I learned my lesson with Tiffanye, "speed dating" doesn't work.  Being an Associate Pastor now, I have to really watch myself closely and really uphold the integrity of the Bible and the integrity of the Pulpit in our relationship.  I can't afford to be "careless" with this relationship as I was with Tiffanye, for it could not only cost me my relationship, but it could cause me to have my ordination revoked, something that would be very embarrasing.

This will be a great test for me and since we're just starting out as friends, not even technically BF/GF, we won't be tempted to go too fast.

We will be having our first double date either this Tuesday night or Friday night, depending on her and the other couple's schedule.

I like your new mental attitude.  With Tiffanye it sounded like you were discussing marriage when you were first talking.  WHOA!  That's too much man.  I learned the hard way myself not to get too attached too early.  It has come back to bite me in the ass.  And even I get enamored with women early that even I need that friend or someone saying "Pat, cool it man, you're coming off needy."  I know, it's harder if you are actually involved with someone, but that 3rd party perspective can sometimes help.  Congrats again.  Hope it works out.

[TeePee4Prez]

Is anyone else nervous that Jeff's date has never had a boyfriend? 

Considering the fact that such girls frequently have too high expectations, yes.

Be careful, Jeff, really careful.

If she's semi-attractive, I'd be VERY afraid.  She could be one of many things:

1. Psycho
2. REALLY picky

Or just not that attractive.

If she's 25 and semi-attractive, some guy has poked her unless she's REALLY Christian or closed off. 

[TeePee4Prez]

The Double Date Night is in the books and can I just say, WOW!!!  Mexican food and games were the agenda for the evening, so nothing too fancy.  She told me tonight that she really enjoyed the entire evening and she wants to meet again one evening this week.  There was some talk of future plans, mostly by her, but don't you worry, there is no threat of a pre-Valentine's Day proposal this time.  The main talk of our future plans were focused on Valentine's Day here in 3 weeks.  She talked a little farther down the road, as well, so I may have to reel her in just a little bit, but we are going to go slow, though.

It was a great night all the way around!!

You better be thinking after Labor Day to even think of proposal man.  Your mother is right.  Put the brakes on this.  If you're the one doing it, you have the advantage and us men need it.  Do not give it to them or they will eat you for breakfast like Tiffanye (HAHAHA, Breakfast at Tiffanye's).

[TeePee4Prez]

The Double Date Night is in the books and can I just say, WOW!!!  Mexican food and games were the agenda for the evening, so nothing too fancy.  She told me tonight that she really enjoyed the entire evening and she wants to meet again one evening this week.  There was some talk of future plans, mostly by her, but don't you worry, there is no threat of a pre-Valentine's Day proposal this time.  The main talk of our future plans were focused on Valentine's Day here in 3 weeks.  She talked a little farther down the road, as well, so I may have to reel her in just a little bit, but we are going to go slow, though.

It was a great night all the way around!!

You better be thinking after Labor Day to even think of proposal man.  Your mother is right.  Put the brakes on this.  If you're the one doing it, you have the advantage and us men need it.  Do not give it to them or they will eat you for breakfast like Tiffanye (HAHAHA, Breakfast at Tiffanye's).

I'm definitely thinking no earlier than October.  That gives us roughly 8 1/2 months to get to know each other better and make sure this is definitely what we want to do.  I want to make sure that we're sure that we're sure.  Our main focus right now is Valentine's Day 2010.  We've got a few options that we can do, and we still have two full weekends between now and then to think about it.  To be honest, while I am thinking of this fall, its not a major thought right now.  I just want to get to know her better right now and then if things develop between us, then we can head in that direction.  That's why I am saying no earlier than October to give us the entire Spring and Summer to just date without having any hardcore planning.

Don't even think that far ahead.  Think about the 2nd date and what your plans are.

[TeePee4Prez]

Damn, man, how much did you tell Mommy about Tiffanye?

And Mom probably wants to kill her I'm guessing.  Hey, my sister who's 5-3 120 at best went after a girl after I bought her a drink at a bar.  Then again my sister was probably right.  She was just using me for drinks.  As I was driving my mom and sister to a family party, my sister also proceeds to tell my mom about it on the ride.  At one point I was about to throw them both out.  My point is word will get back no matter what.  Just try to keep it on the DL as much as possible.

Now for the online thing, I tell a sibling of mine before a date and leave it at that.  Of course word will spread, but I'd rather it spread without me.

[TeePee4Prez]

In all honesty, I haven't even thought about proposing, yet,

That's good, considering you aren't even calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend yet.

Many, many, normal people, especially for us young folks, date for years without debating about proposing...to be with someone for a few years first minimizes the chance of divorce.  Quick marriages don't often end well sir.

Trust me, I learned my lesson with Tiffanye.

We're basically boyfriend/girlfriend, but not officially.  In fact, Saturday evening my Dad asked me "so, how's your girlfriend."  I chuckled and responded, but officially we are just friends who are dating.

My problem with Tiffanye started immediately.  We met on a Friday night, then I took her and her son out to dinner and then we were BF/GF that same night.  That was a bad omen.  My mother says that I was "in love with being in love" that I couldn't see or think clearly.  She started the initial rush, and I tried to resist, but then I lost my will to resist and the snowball started rolling down hill and then it got so big and so fast it ran me over just 7 weeks later.

So, based on the lesson with Tiffanye, I am not even calling Susan my girlfriend, just yet, even though that's basically what we are to the outside world.

You and her are just dating if that.  No MySpace/Facebook updates.  It's just that.  Focus on date #2.  Not Valentines' Day.  Not October.  Not Christmas.  Just Date #2.

On that note, I'm back on match.com talking to 2 women right now so I'm kinda with you here.  One just initiated with me yesterday and I'm actually feeling her more than the other one, but I'll go for dates with both to see which one I'm feeling after meeting.  I am not even mentioning relationships or marriage with either of them.  Stay tuned...

[TeePee4Prez]

Marriage should just stay out of all thoughts of a relationship in the 1st year.  You shouldn't even be marveling about how you haven't thought about proposing yet.

If you're closer to our age- 27/28 in BushOK's case, almost 30 in mine, the time frame can feasibly be shorter, but not the Tiffanye craziness.  I'd say if all goes REALLY well 4 months at the earliest, preferably at least 6 months.  My parents were only 3 months from meeting to engagement and they have a 30+ year marriage.

[TeePee4Prez]

Yeah but our parents were a different generation.

The AVERAGE age for marriage for guys, in the U.S., is about 28 years old, and that's not a statistic that adjusts particularly well to trends of marrying later.  If you meet someone when you're 27, marrying when you're 29 would be completely reasonable and place you well in the mainstream.    

It IS a very different culture in the Plains states, so if BushOK happens to feel any pressure to be married off by now, stewing over it is understandable, if not warranted. There are a lot of people in Kansas ... and in other surrounding states ... that are married in their very early-20s. On average, even the ones that wait until 27-28 to get married have been in a solid relationship for five years or so. It's awfully rare to find someone in their 30s that hasn't been married in the Great Plains.

So for guys like me and BushOK who are both in their late-20s and seem to have no definite prospects, there's a certain underlying pressure to "git 'r dun," so to speak. It's most likely in our heads, but when everyone around your age has been married for years and aunts constantly ask about "why you're not married yet" at family reunions, it gets a little grating.

It's perfectly reasonable if he feels like he has to move fast, but it's HIGHLY recommended that he doesn't act on those feelings. I got out of a "I HAVE to get married ASAP" funk a little over a year ago and realized that I don't have things all that bad. I keep everything I earn (or only pay my own bills) and I do what I want when I want. There are a lot of those poor suckers who rushed into it at 22 or 23-years-old who get lead around by their wives now.

If you haven't found the right one, it's not worth giving anyone else a try ... just wait and be happy in the meantime.

I feel a little bit of pressure even in my neck of the woods.  Most here late 20s-early 30s, BUT South Philly I notice it's a lot earlier.  I'm almost 30 and never had a steady relationship so I'm getting pressure there and a few of my peers are married.  Problem here is cost of living is much higher than the Great Plains and starting salaries of $40-50,000 don't cover sh**t.  I'm thinking that could be a factor in the delay.   

[TeePee4Prez]

Smart man. IHOP ain't bad for a second date ... it's relaxed, it can be fun but it's better than fast food, for sure.

I just chewed out some immature younger dude at my gym for thinking IHOP was a good place for a date.  Still almost as bad as a fast food joint.  I don't know what's in Oklahoma, but me's thinking at least a Carrabba's, T.G.I. Fridays, or some half decent local place. 

[TeePee4Prez]

Smart man. IHOP ain't bad for a second date ... it's relaxed, it can be fun but it's better than fast food, for sure.

I just chewed out some immature younger dude at my gym for thinking IHOP was a good place for a date.  Still almost as bad as a fast food joint.  I don't know what's in Oklahoma, but me's thinking at least a Carrabba's, T.G.I. Fridays, or some half decent local place. 

You're 43?

29, turning 30 in April.  IHOP is for maybe post-sexual night over talk or a hangover.  It's not for an actual date.  That's my point.

[TeePee4Prez]

IHOP is way too expensive and formal for a third date. How about Arby's or KFC?

Too classy.  Maybe McDonalds?

[TeePee4Prez]

I got a call from Susan this morning and she wants to be my girlfriend.  I accepted, naturally.  I'll just put it bluntly, she is falling head over heels for me and the feeling is mutual.  Everything is going just great.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Seconded.  I'd wait at least a month.  Again, I'd likely be in the same boat and need people to tell me the same.  You need to be in the driver's seat here Bushie.  And right now, you can easily be in that position.  Just sit back and let her be the eager one. 

[TeePee4Prez]

Light travels more slowly than your relationship with Tiffanye!!

That was just a mistake all the way around.

Besides for Valentine's Day 2010, our next step will be for her to meet my parents and grandmother.  This is not any indication, but just to give them a chance to meet, get to know and get used to each other, in case things do develop further.  I've already met her mother and her grandmother, and I really like them and they me.  I'll probably ask my grandmother to fix a dinner in early March and have all of us meet over there.  The last thing I want to do to my mother is sometime down the road propose to a girl that my mother has never met.  That's not being a very courteous son or boyfriend.

There you go!  I'm thinking this one will be better for you.

As for me I'm on match with a few issues with some women.  One got pissy with me after the Eagles lost to Dallas, then I was drunk and texted a few nasty things, now she e-mailed me apologizing profusely saying how she was a b-tch and how nice a guy I am and she regrets how she was towards me.  I made her sweat a bit, but I'm giving her another chance.

[TeePee4Prez]

If all goes well, we'll have two dates this week.  Tuesday I'm going over to her house and play games with her and her mother.  Her mother is a great lady, albeit in declining health.  Poor Susan has to take care of both her mother and her grandmother, but she is happy to do it, because they took care of her when she was a kid. I'm still thinking about what to do with her this Friday.  I've got something in mind, but we'll see.

Don't forget these.........we don't need another scare bro.

Haha, no, no its nothing like that.  I'm thinking about a game night with our best friends.

Bring one just in case.  I always keep one in my wallet and have a pack in my glove compartment.  Error on the safe side. 

[TeePee4Prez]

Light dinner and games are on the agenda for tomorrow night.

Sex games?  (Or is that all part of 'light dinner'?)

Haha, no, I'm talking about UNO and other board/card games.  We have made it a commitment early on that we will not h  ave sex until if and when we are married.

C'mon Bushie you're a cooter hound,  you can't wait that long.

Know what?  I think he's doing the right thing.  Seriously.  Well kinda.  Just like those Viagra commercials- If the moment is right, do it.  Not good to set deadlines or restrictions.

[TeePee4Prez]

Light dinner and games are on the agenda for tomorrow night.

Sex games?  (Or is that all part of 'light dinner'?)

Haha, no, I'm talking about UNO and other board/card games.  We have made it a commitment early on that we will not h  ave sex until if and when we are married.

C'mon Bushie you're a cooter hound,  you can't wait that long.

Know what?  I think he's doing the right thing.  Seriously.  Well kinda.  Just like those Viagra commercials- If the moment is right, do it.  Not good to set deadlines or restrictions.

Don't bullsh**t me Flyers, Bushie is getting more than you ever did.

Did?  Probably not.  Now?  Definitely.  Hey, I never coughed up 2 rings to get any though.  BTW my date last Saturday was a disaster.  Not calling her nor has she called me since.  She was my age 29 and she must have dressed like she was 45 and I'm not talking about the Cougar with f--k me boots either.

Though my friend is busting my balls over setting the Guinness Book of Records for unsuccessful 1st dates.  I maybe looking at the triple digits before I hit 30.  I believe in the law of averages and man do I ever have to play it. 

[TeePee4Prez]

Finish whatever you start, son. You're the best lookin' crime fighter since myself.

No way dude.  This girl didn't even try to establish any chemistry, was boring, and dressed like an old woman.  Then at 11 Saturday night, she had to go home because she was tired then I went to a bar to meetup with friends.  I've had better and I'm not wasting my time with her.  She would have had to blow me in the parking lot for me to even give her another chance.  I even tried to kiss her and she acted weird.  She wasn't terrible looking, but no frigging way will I call her.

[TeePee4Prez]

Finish whatever you start, son. You're the best lookin' crime fighter since myself.

No way dude.  This girl didn't even try to establish any chemistry, was boring, and dressed like an old woman.  Then at 11 Saturday night, she had to go home because she was tired then I went to a bar to meetup with friends.  I've had better and I'm not wasting my time with her.  She would have had to blow me in the parking lot for me to even give her another chance.  I even tried to kiss her and she acted weird.  She wasn't terrible looking, but no frigging way will I call her.

On the FIRST DATE?  C'mon man, even I don't do that.  Of all the things I did with Tiffanye, I never kissed her.  And, Susan has only pecked me on the cheek, that's it.

Don't try to kiss on the first date.  The kiss needs to be meaningful for both of you, not because it sounds like a good idea at the time.

I've had sex on the 1st date.  Kissing is nothing.

[TeePee4Prez]

Of course, I would never do it again on the 1st date.  Didn't end well.

[TeePee4Prez]

No kissing on the first date? What is this, Mayberry?

^^^^^^^^^^^^

However, I get the general point of what BushOK is saying -- physical intimacy (of any kind) on the first date may say something about your intentions for going on the date in the first place. Not kissing is extreme though. People who are going to be in a relationship need to connect on various levels -- physical attraction is one of those levels.

And with that being said, I prefer sex on the first date (for more reasons than JUST the physical aspect of it). That's easier to accomplish with men than with women, though.

One issue I can see with women willing to have sex on the 1st date is, they're willing to do it with other dudes just as easily.  I noticed one woman had a lot of new men on her MySpace in a very short period of time and most of her activity with comments were with female friends.  This was of course someone I met on match.com.  She ditched me for one of these other guys within a month.  Not good.

[TeePee4Prez]

In the off chance that any women are reading this thread... I would like to apologise on behalf of the entire forum.

There must be 2 Reverends posting on this thread then.

[TeePee4Prez]

She met my parents tonight and it was a HUGE success!!  They love her and she loves them.  They told me that they could tell that she needs me and I needed her and that she really likes me.  They didn't think Tiffanye even liked me and definitely didn't need me.  So, it was a great first encounter with her and my parents.  Friday night, we'll either have another game night with our friends, or we might have a movie night with my parents.  Saturday is a Valentine's Banquet and she will be going to church with me Sunday morning.  So, it will be a great weekend up ahead!!

Did they like Tiffanye too?

No.

My sister would have probably killed her if the same thing happened to me.  I was at a happy hour and bought a girl a drink then got snubbed and my sister got pissed over that.  I couldn't imagine an engagement ring involved.

I'm glad it's working out well for you after what you've been through.  Keep it up man!

[TeePee4Prez]

Valentine's Weekend 2010 is over and it was indeed a wonderful day!!  Starting off with an inch of snow this morning to make for a postcard like scene outside, and then a wonderful morning service at church with my girlfriend by my side.  Went home and took a nap and then went to church this evening and then back to her house for some of her mother's spaghetti (a wonderful delicacy, I must say!!).  Susan and her mother made me some cookies for Valentine's Day and Susan got me a stuffed tiger and not one, but TWO, Valentine's Day cards.  I got her a teddy bear and a card.  Nothing too fancy, but she really enjoyed it, I think!!  We're now ready to move on from Valentine's Day and work our way toward St Patrick's Day and Easter.  She does have some Irish heritage in her, so March 17 should mean a little more than in previous years.  We are looking forward, though, to going through this Easter preparation season called Lent together which starts this Wednesday, February 17.  I will say that we have started talking about the future more and more and where and when do we go from here.  We both agree that any advancement won't happen until late this summer at the earliest or more likely mid-fall.  No wedding would happen until the summer of 2011.  We need time to get to know each other more, so that's why the tentative dates are so far in the future, but we have talked about where does this go from here and when.  I respect her too much, though, to propose to her any earlier than August or September.

Goddamnit, BushOK, stop talking about proposing and putting timelines on it! Trust me ... you could have a disagreement next week and end up hating her guts! Even tentative dates at this point are ridiculously stupid.

I'm glad you had a good Valentine's Day, though

Amen, Jmann

Other than the timelines, I'd say he's doing mighty well though!  Keep it up BushOK.  Just skip the deadlines.

[TeePee4Prez]

Wedding in 2010, mark my word.

If it happens, it probably won't be the worst thing in the world.  I just hope the ring comes out at a minimum in 4 months though.  My parents were 3 mos. btw.