Onion headlines

[J-Mann]

"The Onion" bashes everyone, and the post-election environment is rich for parody.  Here's their most recent headlines:

- America Comes Out Agin The Gay Marryin'

- Nader Supporters Blame Electoral Defeat On Bush, Kerry

- Candidates Launch 2008 Presidential Campaigns

- Liberals Return To Sodomy, Welfare Fraud

- MoveOn CurlsUp InCorner

- $14.5 Billion Pledged To Rebuild
Battleground States

- Poll: Youth Totally Meant To Vote In Record Numbers


http://www.theonion.com/election2004/  Go here for their full election breakdown.

[Nation]

Pointers for election day:


*You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."

*If your election official hooks you up to a machine via a needle in your arm, you are actually donating blood.

*Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you.

*If you live in Florida, for Christ's sake, look at the ballot very, very carefully this time.

*If you don't know where the polling place is in your district, just try to remember the ugliest, dingiest, most depressing building in a three-mile radius. That's probably it.


LOL!

[Jens]

LOL

An it gets even better

Despite Republican Victory, Bush Supporter Has Tiny,
Tiny Penis

And my favorite:

Kerry Captures Bin Laden One Week Too Late

[Colin]

My Favorite:

"Cheney Vows to Attack US If Kerrey Elected"

[badnarikin04]

*You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."

I love how the Onion manages to piss me off in one story then makes up for it the next. Such a cruel cycle, Onion. Do you hate us or love us?

[KEmperor]

Pointers for election day:


*You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."

*If your election official hooks you up to a machine via a needle in your arm, you are actually donating blood.

*Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you.

*If you live in Florida, for Christ's sake, look at the ballot very, very carefully this time.

*If you don't know where the polling place is in your district, just try to remember the ugliest, dingiest, most depressing building in a three-mile radius. That's probably it.


LOL!

Those are some of my favorites too!

[NHPolitico]

*Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you.

[Beefalow and the Consumer]

*You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."

I love how the Onion manages to piss me off in one story then makes up for it the next. Such a cruel cycle, Onion. Do you hate us or love us?

Neither.  They just think that we are dumb.

I wish I still had my stack of Onions from 95-96, before they went online and became a national phenomenon.  Stories like  "Tommy Thompson changes title from 'Governor' to 'Dominator.' "  With a very disturbing pic of Thompson decked out in S&M gear.

Then there was the story about a two-headed baby being born, and the doctors' noble, but sadly unsuccessful, attempts to snuff it out.

[dougrhess]

The only bad thing about The Onion, is the amount of work I don't get down while I get stuck reading there.