The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy
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Author Topic: The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy  (Read 389343 times)
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Miamiu1027
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« Reply #1125 on: February 18, 2012, 10:08:51 AM »

or at least, conscious that he is regarded as a troll and playing into it.

this largely describes Naso as well (though 'troll' is a harsh term in his case)
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King
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« Reply #1126 on: February 18, 2012, 02:53:45 PM »

With numbers like these, you'd think Massachusetts was Mitt's home state instead of Michigan.
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King
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« Reply #1127 on: February 18, 2012, 03:06:19 PM »

Really, there's no point in posting Politico anymore, but this one tickled me especially:

That show Big Bang Theory is enormously popular among females. Chicks dig geeks. Chicks will dig Romney's geekiness.
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Just Passion Through
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« Reply #1128 on: February 18, 2012, 07:50:08 PM »

Really, there's no point in posting Politico anymore, but this one tickled me especially:

That show Big Bang Theory is enormously popular among females. Chicks dig geeks. Chicks will dig Romney's geekiness.

Damn, beat me to it.
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Simfan34
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« Reply #1129 on: February 18, 2012, 11:02:43 PM »

You realise you're not actually a fictional politician, just some guy on an obscure internet forum, right? Who is the intended audience of this vapid drivel?
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Miamiu1027
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« Reply #1130 on: February 19, 2012, 09:55:50 AM »

funny cause it's true

...lunch is fantastic when it (1) involves alcohol, (2) lasts for at least 90 minutes and (3) involves friends.

What you have just described is illegal under neo-liberalism.  Get back to work!
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memphis
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« Reply #1131 on: February 19, 2012, 10:12:49 AM »

I love the United States of America. I love her so much that it hurts and makes me angry, frustrated and saddened when I see her in bad shape.

All around the world in Human history we've seen attempts at Government and society that could better the lives of people. Sadly, most of these attempts failed. But, for almost 237 years now, the United States of America has remained the sole torch that carries the light of freedom around the world. Many other countries now live under monarchies, dictatorships, and even anarchy. But America remains freedom's last best hope. Where would people look to without the United States? Greece? France? China? It's a scary thought, which is exactly why we need to keep the fundamental principals of the United States alive and well for freedom's preservation.

Today, however, I see a bleak picture for the short term United States. I see a nation where people fear using the word God, which our country was founded on, which appears on our currency, because they are afraid that they may offend a select few people.

Government and higher-ups...must stay out of the lives of the American people. Don't tell us what doctor to go to, don't take the money we earn, don't tell us what we can feed our children in school lunches. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. President Ronald Reagan said, "I don't believe in a government that protects us from ourselves." Agreed, Mr. President.

The business of Government is NOT to control the American people. It's the job of the American people and the entrepreneurial spirit to help America run.

As Ronald Reagan also once said, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" It couldn't be more true.

When I hear Republican candidates speak about "the two visions for America", I know exactly what they mean. I see a country where people are terrified to do or say what's fundamentally right for fear of insulting a very small fraction of people. I see a country where people do everything they can to recieve goods and services for free, not to save money, but just because they feel entitled to it. They are entitled to nothing. The unalienable rights they have to act that way are what they are entitled to. Just as Westboro protesters can stand near a Military funeral and protest in a disgraceful way, regardless of how despicable it is, that is their right. It is the same that Americans have the right to bear arms. It's fact. It's our constitution. It's what America was founded on.

That's the difference between the ideologies. In the majority of America, if you asks somebody what they are, they don't say "a firemen" or a "teacher"...they say, "A Christian". Outside of New England, the West Coast and Chicagoland, it's quite different. I've heard people say, you want to feel the pulse of America, come to Trenton, or New York. I disagree, the pulse of America is in the heartland.

So comes my fear for the next four years. Barack Obama is re-elected. My fear is that the election will show America's divisions. As is the case in virtually ever national election, women and African Americans will vote overwhelmingly for the Democrats, while white voters and men will vote overwhelmingly for the Republicans. However, this fall, I feel it will be exaggerated. I feel that men and whites will vote astoundingly for the Republican candidate, most likely Santorum, while African Americans and women will vote astoundingly for Obama. Thus no matter what occurs (and don't rule out a Santorum victory with an Obama popular vote win) America will appear more divided than ever before along racial and gender lines.

Barack Obama will take office again on January 20, 2013 and the second term curse begins. From Watergate to Iran Contra to Impeachment to Katrina/Economic Collapse. 1974, 1987, 1999, 2006....second term years that left a large negative on each of those four Presidents. It's of course too early to yet determine if Barack Obama will escape the same fate.

Then you have the midterms of 2014, which if Obama is re-elected, appear favorable for Republicans. Then a wide bench of non-flawed Republican candidates vs. a slim bench of older, unappealing Democratic candidates. Thus in November 2016, we elect a Republican President, continuing the politics of the last 16 years of one party succeeding the other.

But in my heart I know America will come back, it's just a question of if and when. I still see a country I love.

- Reaganfan
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #1132 on: February 19, 2012, 05:56:33 PM »

I love the United States of America. Yes, I love her - from her rich abundance of fast food outlets to the alluring, almost sexual jags and curves of her coasts - and it hurts. I get angry, frustrated and saddened when I see her in bad shape, looking like a meth whore, her big 80s hair falling in ugly clumps from the national scalp.

For almost 237 years now, the United States of America has stood proud, the world's loudest and shrillest voice for the vague "Reaganesque" concepts I hold dear. Freedom. Liberty. God. Yes, America remains the mythical shining city on the hill (Reagan, 2:15 - "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."), but I fear the city is crumbling, decaying - overrun by ethnic groups of every hue under the sun, by hordes of marauding homosexuals, by groups of wild-eyed socialists, by fearsome militias of Black Panthers, and, yes, by Democrats. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by political correctness, starving, hysterical naked, dragging themselves through San Francisco streets at dawn looking for a "fix". A "fix" of drugs.

I knew a woman once, and her name was Freedom. She was aging but vital, the righteous (and Right-eous) fire in her eyes more than making up for the sagging in her bosom and the distinguished crow's feet around her eyes. She had a stunning mess of blow-dried, blonde hair, improbably permed. We spoke of God and country, of small government and low taxes. She was twice my age, with two grown sons fighting overseas, and a third who was a Republican Congressman. She was, in short, what I called a 'cougar'.

We made love like animals, on a blanket underneath the stars. Afterward, I smoked a cigarette and pointed out the constellations. "That one's Reagan," I said, pointing. She took the cigarette out of my mouth and took a drag. "That one's Bush. That one -" I pointed at a cluster of stars resembling a weeping eagle "is Liberty".

Freedom looked at me for a very long time. "Liberty," she whispered. "Liberty," I replied with the kind of grin Tom Cruise gave in Top Gun, and kissed her.

Me and Freedom parted ways the next evening. I understood. I was a virile, if ginger, young man, and she was a mature woman with a deep sadness inside. As I turned to leave, throwing on my denim jacket, she grabbed my arm. "Remember to always vote Republican!" she said. I smiled. "Always do," I replied, and jumped on my horse, Gipper, casually tossing my ten gallon hat on my head.

As I rode off into the sunset that July night, I realised it was July 4th. Independence Day. I slid off Gipper and sat on the side of the road, staring out at the rugged landscape that surrounded me. Somewhere to the west, homosexual and drug-users were "partying" in San Francisco. To the east, degenerates and crack-fiends would be doing the same in New York city. But not here. Here was calm, and quiet. As I smoked another Lucky Strike, I glanced up at the stars, and saw the constellation I'd pointed out to Freedom last night.

I stared up at Reagan, twinkling in the black night, and a single tear rolled down my cheek. I stayed there like that for some time.

---

Anyway, what I'm saying is that Democrats are politically correct pussies, and that all non-whites will vote for Obama, and that everyone should vote for Rick Santorum. Rah-rah-Republicans!

Thank you, and God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

- Oakvale.
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King
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« Reply #1133 on: February 20, 2012, 03:18:52 AM »

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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
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« Reply #1134 on: February 20, 2012, 09:54:48 AM »


Dammit I was just gonna post that Sad
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Grumpier Than Uncle Joe
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« Reply #1135 on: February 20, 2012, 03:53:17 PM »

Does Courtney Love count as a woman? Or hot? Cuz honestly, looking at her gives me diarrhea.
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J. J.
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« Reply #1136 on: February 20, 2012, 09:33:34 PM »

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=149326.msg3204320;boardseen#new

One of the more bizarre ones I've read.
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Miamiu1027
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« Reply #1137 on: February 21, 2012, 03:48:16 PM »

d
ELECTION 2092


Iowa Senator and Fmr. Biologist Jumbo Yumpiger (Republican) : 49.7%, 316 EVs
Utah Governor and Fmr. General Knark Glubyah (Democrat) : 49.9%, 222 EVs
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Antonio the Sixth
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« Reply #1138 on: February 21, 2012, 04:09:16 PM »

Wow, I think this is my official debut in the institute. Smiley
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World politics is up Schmitt creek
Nathan
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« Reply #1139 on: February 21, 2012, 04:25:24 PM »

The best thing about that map is how a quarter of the United States population is on the moon and the overall size of the Electoral College still doesn't change.
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20RP12
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« Reply #1140 on: February 21, 2012, 06:01:16 PM »

We have talked marriage. Seriously. Which would be lovely.

If you get married you really have to share with us which of you 'wears the tiara'.
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Хahar 🤔
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« Reply #1141 on: February 21, 2012, 10:25:52 PM »

d
ELECTION 2092


Iowa Senator and Fmr. Biologist Jumbo Yumpiger (Republican) : 49.7%, 316 EVs
Utah Governor and Fmr. General Knark Glubyah (Democrat) : 49.9%, 222 EVs

A blue moon?  I can't see that happening very often.
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they don't love you like i love you
BRTD
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« Reply #1142 on: February 21, 2012, 11:40:05 PM »

The best thing about that map is how a quarter of the United States population is on the moon and the overall size of the Electoral College still doesn't change.

Or how Wyoming is the second largest state after the moon.
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Tender Branson
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« Reply #1143 on: February 22, 2012, 03:53:10 AM »

d
ELECTION 2092


Iowa Senator and Fmr. Biologist Jumbo Yumpiger (Republican) : 49.7%, 316 EVs
Utah Governor and Fmr. General Knark Glubyah (Democrat) : 49.9%, 222 EVs

What happened to the upper East Coast, population-wise ?

Asteroid impact in the Atlantic in the 2060s, followed by a 1/2-mile high tsunami ?

Or did the New Yorkers all go to the moon, like they do with Florida now ?
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Platypus
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« Reply #1144 on: February 22, 2012, 11:37:39 AM »

Global warming made it more like northern Quebec, climatewise, and the Canadian and northeast Americans largely moved to the rockies as climate refugees as they were warming but still had bountiful supplies of clean, fresh water?

Or sumthin'
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Antonio the Sixth
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« Reply #1145 on: February 22, 2012, 02:55:28 PM »

Global warming made it more like northern Quebec, climatewise, and the Canadian and northeast Americans largely moved to the rockies as climate refugees as they were warming but still had bountiful supplies of clean, fresh water?

Or sumthin'

Also, the Very Very Great Depression of 2053 hurt the Northeast and Midwest particularly hard, so that the region fell into anarchy and mass starvation, thus encouraging emigration. Oh, and let's not forget about the 2043-44 Great Nuclear Catastrophe, as well as the Stobbertnist Revolts of 2059.
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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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« Reply #1146 on: February 22, 2012, 04:24:09 PM »

It's immoral if you're a selfish brut and are not giving your old lady the high, hard one because you're always pounding it.  Lots of middle-aged guys are like this.  They know it's immoral.

On the other hand, if you've got a little energy left over after taking care of the family, or you are out of town and not expected to stand it up at attention like a soldier on command for anyone special, then it's generally not a problem.  Just lie back naked and squeeze one off in the hotel room and let the housekeeping staff deal with the fallout.  That's what I always do.



Thank you for making the funniest post I've ever read on this site ever.
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They put it to a vote and they just kept lying
20RP12
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« Reply #1147 on: February 22, 2012, 06:08:57 PM »

Context

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The world will shine with light in our nightmare
Just Passion Through
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« Reply #1148 on: February 22, 2012, 08:10:51 PM »


I will not do it in a box,
I will not do it with a fox,
I will not cream into my socks
I just don't like to roll my rocks.

Try it, try it, you will see,
It's as easy as can be,
Spit can lube it, right on top,
Once you try it, you can't stop.

Hey, Sam I am, this is no jest,
Tossing, slapping, it's the best!
I like it since it's so much fun.
But what a mess when it's all done. 


From the same thread
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tpfkaw
wormyguy
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« Reply #1149 on: February 23, 2012, 01:06:35 AM »

Newt was "intellectually superior" to the others on stage.
Governor Rick Perry
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