The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy

[Badger]

RE: Guiliani's pending announcement whether or not he'll run:

I dont know why he is running-there is no room for him.

9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11


The 10 anniversary of 9/11. My mother 9/11. My cross dress 9/11. The Yankees 9/11.  My dick 9/11.

[Badger]

The Twilight author is a Mormon.

Well, that explains why the number of people who'd never vote a Mormon rose substantially the last decade.

[Badger]

Nerds go to the polling place and pretend to be legally blind so that they can have the voting machine speak the ballot to them in Mandarin Chinese.

[Badger]

To argue that Bachmann's surge hurt Santorum's numbers is like saying that Eminem's emergence hurt Vanilla Ice's career.

[Badger]

Re: today's earthquake.

It interrupted my eating of a delicious turkey sandwich with salt and vinegar chips and iced tea.

Stupid Obama and the GOP establishment comprising and coming up with this.

[Badger]

He dared to ask this to Al !?!?

It's great because it had to have made Mr. Know It All's head explode. Classic comment!

Your feud with Al is as epic as the Murkowski-Palin feud.

In fairness, no one would ever call Phil a know-it-all.

[Badger]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=144214.0

I shouldn't have laughed at that at all, and yet I did so uncontrollably.

PS: That thread is exactly how those of us who don't read what-if timelines view each and every what-if timeline.

Best post from that thread:

I feel like there's some code here.

If I read it enough times, I'll discover the key to the Antikythera Mechanism.

[Badger]

Don't be stingy, Xahar. Why post only a snippet of a top 5 post of the year?

[ring ... ring ...]

Hello, you've reached the Department of Labor, Regulatory Compliance Information Services Division. How may I help you?

Hello, I'm calling from the suburban Milwaukee investment firm that e-mailed you last week. As you'll recall, we're considering an investment in a metal fabrication company in Oshkosh but we have some questions about the legality of the proposed contract they have sent us. One of the clauses contains a procedure for disbanding their union, but the legal precedents for the specific procedure are unclear. Have you had a look at the e-mail I sent and determined whether your department considers this a legal procedure?

Yes, I had a look at the contract. The union is holding the company hostage, just like the NJEA is holding hostage the taxpayers of New Jersey, who have been forced to increase funds to the New Brunswick school district by 35% over ten years with no improvement in test scores.

Uh... OK, but do you think that the contract is legal, or is the company at risk of prosecution?

The NJEA crybabies claim that "class sizes need to go down!" even though this hasn't shown any improvement in results, and they've got everything they want from their people in Trenton.

Right, but I'm not interested in New Jersey internal politics; do you realize I'm calling from Wisconsin?

Yes, the state where the previous governor Doyle raided the transportation fund to give to the teachers' unions. Now matter where you go, Democrats gouge the ordinary taxpayer to satisfy their greedy union buddies.

Look, I'm a private-sector white-collar worker in Waukesha County, I'm obviously a Republican and you don't need to convince me of that, but what do you think about this contract?

Republicans can be just as guilty as well. Before Chris Christie came along, Tom Kean sold the farm to the union thugs just as much as Corzine.

You're not answering any of my questions; this is totally unproductive.

On the contrary, I am maximally productive. The productivity of my answers can be straightforwardly measured by how many questions each answer answers, and I have given just one answer to all your questions.

You dumb*ss, productivity is the ration of GDP per hour worked. Are you still in high school?

No, I have graduated from South Crapsboro High School, which has a median SAT score 45% higher than Central Newark High despite spending $1,227 less per pupil.

I give up. I expect bad things from government bureaucrats, but this is beyond anything I've experienced before. There's some adjective derived from some author and some French suffix for this kind of thing, but despite being something of an expert in women's literature and English adjectives, I can't recall what it is - "à la Brontë" or something like that.

[Badger]

I gave you all a couple of months to post this bit of hilarity, and you failed me.

Context is key.

second from the right.

EDIT: Wait, "forum" + "post", right? I doin't get the offensive part, but hey, A for effort, Hugh!

[Badger]

Opebo and Gustaf are like the two church ladies who can't stand each other and are always bickering over whose jello salad is better (Opebo's cuz it has fruits and mayonnaise in it... Gustaf just made plain gelatin and put hunks of soured fish in it).

[Badger]

Every time Snowguy posts about food, I get confused, then disgusted.

Sorry, SG. Couldn't resist.

[Badger]

New Pennsylvania numbers:

Asked of any woman on the street: Do you enjoy anal intercourse?

Yes .......................................................... 2%
No ........................................................... 5%
Get the hell away from me, you creep .... 93%

Adding this to the map we can see that there is still a clear national trend toward "get the hell away from me, you creep." Bad news for President Obama.

Brilliance.

Truly. My favorite is the subtle detail that the "yes" vote is slightly higher in Nevada.

[Badger]

Dear students, faculty and staff,

I am writing you to serve notice that Mr. jmfcst is hereby expelled from The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy for inappropriate self promotion. This, as you know, is a serious offense and will not be taken lightly. We would kindly suggest, in an effort to help redeem himself and possibly gain re-admittance, that Mr. jmfcst instead engage in self promotion in the Atlas Deluge of Absurdity, Ignorance and Bad Posts.


Sincerely,

Keystone Phil

* wild cheering *

[Badger]

By the way, can other posters read my posts of the last week or so, or only me?

No, I can't read any of them.

It isn't really funny if you know that Badger is not an ordinary poster, but a moderator, Jas.

Lies and damned lies! I was FUNNY dammit!!

[Badger]

I didn't think it was that super-good

You are wrong, wrong, wrong.

[Badger]

This thread sucks now.

This thread needs emergency chemotherapy treatment.  Stat.

Or maybe just taken behind the barn with a shotgun.

Phil, I appriciate the moral victory you feel you won keeping this thread alive another week, but maybe as OP you should just put the old girl out of her (and our collective) misery?

Whaddya say? I think most Goldmines have historically been put down when it reaches this level of bitchfest. I know it's hard, but every cute new kitten eventually turns into an old chronically ill cat....

[Badger]

The Institute doesn't close its doors, Badger. There's no reason why this should end.

Really? Um, all the previous ones did eventually, but whatever.

[Badger]

Context:

"And why don't submarines have screen doors, anyway?"

Craigo is definitely one of the better new posters in a while.