Chapter Three: Buckets of Warm Piss

[Simfan34]

We had abortion bans?

[Mechaman]

We had abortion bans?

A few years ago (in 2010 I believe) there was a wave of right wing involvement in some regions that led to abortion bans.  I believe those regions (from my old frail memory) were the Northeast, The South, and the Mideast.  I could be mistaken, but I remember it being those three.

[ZuWo]

Scandal, Lies!

This journalist has just gotten word from a source that JCL's statement, both in his campaign thread and in this interview, that he received a Liberal endorsement is inaccurate.  The source was firm in his belief that what JCL has indicated in this interview was a lie and asserts that there are "no" Liberal endorsements whatsoever of JCL.  I have taken the liberty of searching the Atlasian Election thread for Liberal Endorsements and so far my adventure has proven quite unsuccessful at finding endorsement rounds much less Liberal endorsement of candidate JCL.
The People don't like to be made to look like fools, whoever is giving us false information.  We demand an explanation.
Candidate JCL's statement in the interview, however, shall remain uncensored.  As one can quite clearly read, this journalist included "if what I read is correct" right before asking about JCL's Liberal endorsement.  In the event that we have been lied to by JCL I fully intend to keep up evidence of his disgrace for posterity.
Anybody else who wishes to offer a few words or inquiry into this matter may contact the People's Paper with more information.  Thank you for reading dear citizens, and keep an ever more vigilant ear for fabrications wherever they appear.

Mechaman

Just to clarify: While JCL wasn't endorsed by the Liberal Party in the race for regional senator, he and other candidates did receive an (informal) endorsement from the Liberal Party in the race for Mideast Assembly (maybe that's the reason for the confusion here):

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=151844.425

[Mechaman]

A quick comment:

Rereading I've realized that JCL said "if they have endorsed me" in the interview.  What I remember him saying as he did get an endorsement was in his "Office" thread which doubles as a campaign center.



It looks like this might've been an accidental controversy because of my lack of reading skills.


EDIT: Well, yes it is.  His Liberal Endorsement came about fourteen days before he announced his Senate campaign.  I therefore, offer a strong apology to my source, for confusing the Mideast Assembly race and the Senate race, and will go into hiding in disgrace until the next interview.

[Mechaman]

An Apology to The People:

As has probably become news across all of Atlasia now, I've admitted to spreading wrongful information due to my own gross negligence of the happenings of the nation I am a journalist in.  I have no excuses, other than my public apathy as voiced in the Marokai interview, to explain how such an oversight happened on my part.  I imagine a few of the people who I've targeted in the past with blithering criticism will take this moment to gloat in victory over what was a blatant error on my part.

TO them I say that to the gallows I will go saying proudly that I am a guilty man.  I screwed up.  I let the cat out of the bag.  You get the picture.
However, I won't go to the gallows until after I finish this round of interviews or the elections happen.  Whichever comes first I guess.

TO JCL I offer my strongest apologies for questioning his nature.  Often times, when the solution is so obvious to us we tend to reach out and find the answer is something that is far from the truth.  Truth is, I have experienced the nature of JCL.  It is a true, honest, and principled character second to none in this country.

To the Liberal Party I offer another round of strong apologies for mistaking their Mideast Assembly endorsement of JCL with a Senate endorsement.  Surely this error is an error that would be expected out of someone with a lot less sleep and a lot less experience than I.  However, it was made and it must be accounted for.

TO my source I apologise for giving you such a cause for concern due to my own lack of attention and comprehension.  I should've noticed that the "endorsement" came two weeks before JCL declared his bid for the Senate seat.

Those who wish to be granted an interview can still do so.

[Mechaman]

To the rest of you waiting for your interviews expect them on Monday.

[Associate Justice PiT]

We had abortion bans?

A few years ago (in 2010 I believe) there was a wave of right wing involvement in some regions that led to abortion bans.  I believe those regions (from my old frail memory) were the Northeast, The South, and the Mideast.  I could be mistaken, but I remember it being those three.

     We had a long-time ban on second-trimester abortions in the South. I signed a bill repealing that, though.

[Mechaman]

An Interview with Nix
Part I:

Today I have the immense honor of interviewing Nix.  He is known for doing things.  He was in some Assembly I think.  He has some weird left leaning ideology that I can't identify.
Here's the interview, enjoy kids:

So, what're you up to now?:
At the moment I'm focused on fixing the wiki, improving Atlasia's animal protection laws, and researching anti-poverty legislation.

That's great.  So, why are you in politics?  Err, I mean what possible reason do you have for going into this arena and den of seedy individuals who have their faces printed on five dollar bills?
I aspire to be more of a policymaker than a politician, but that's mostly because I'm not very good at politics. I have a lot of respect for politicians. Corruption and egoism aside, they're the true heroes of our Republic.

What is your opinion of the New Jesus Christ Party?
Ill-conceived. I hope that Scott returns to the Liberal fold after this election. They're an important part of our political landscape.

I've lost track of how many people have said "Atlasia is so much better without the two big parties" and that we have a diverse political culture that respects everyone's ideology.  However, over the past year or so or however long everyone FINALLY decided after a couple of years or however long to finally disband both the Jesus Christ Party (JCP) and the Regional Protection Party (RPP).  However, the amount of drama seems to have stayed the same or gotten even worse.  What was once a fight of ideologies has become almost a battle between personalities, often of the same ideology!  And the JCP and the RPP are back in some form or another.  In your opinion, was dissolution really worth it?
Dissolution inspired my first run for office, and I don't think I'm the only person who became more involved in Atlasia because of the shake-up. But dissolution was only a temporary fix. The game requires an ongoing commitment to a dynamic and diverse partisan landscape, and I think that's something that we've successfully cultivated. I've interpreted the interpersonal drama as an unfortunate but inevitable side effect of that dynamism. No one is ever really secure in their power, and it shows.

I just recently interviewed the Marokai/Duke ticket over it's proposal of a "New Direction".  Do you think Atlasia is ready for such radical change?
I'm skeptical of many Marduke game reform proposals, but I don't fault him for having an agenda. Whatever the result, discussing his initiatives will be healthy and energizing for Atlasian politics. As far as I'm concerned, it's really important that the president run on an actual platform - one that he actually acts on if he's elected - instead of relying on his personal connections for votes. That's why I supported Napoleon last June.

Also, while I'm in the subject of recently interviewed subjects, what's your stance on human trafficking?
It needs to stop, my commute is already horrible. I oppose all forms of human exploitation. And I think this goes beyond the obviously horrible; exploitation of various forms is a daily reality for many Atlasians in positions of powerlessness in their workplaces, communities, and homes.

I've repeatedly brought up registration issues in the past.  As you know current laws blah blah blah.  This is a divisive issue given the history of movements in this nation.  What is your opinion of this contentious issue?  Are the laws too lenient or too strict?
About right. I just registered where I live in real life and never gave the issue much thought. I don't really like "strategic registration," but honestly, I only care about one thing: Register in the region where you can have the most fun.

Ah, I see you got the People's endorsement for your re-election race.  Tell me, how confident are you of winning now?
I've been active, communicative, and politically in step with Northeasterners, and I've received endorsements from most of the region's active politicians, so I'm confident that I'll win.

I see that your craplousy opposition has decided to run as a write-in.  Any idea why?
No, not at all, which is unfortunate. I want to win reelection, but I'd have enjoyed a more active campaign.

I had a quick look at the Government forum.  Looks like you are a part of the Reform Oversight Committee or whatever it's called.  How's that working out for you?
Yankee and Oakvale have been fantastic partners. I know that the committee system seems useless to many outsiders, but for someone who knows what he wants to do it's great. If I were to claim a "signature achievement" for my first term, it would be the Game Moderation Amendment that I developed with assistance from three committees and a couple of Cabinet secretaries.

You've recently got praise from across the aisle from Zuwo about sponsoring the "Freedom to Eat!" act.  What exactly did that act seek to accomplish and why is eating such a big deal in Atlasia?
I regard dogs as pets, not livestock. But it is not the business of the state, particularly in a multi-ethnic nation, to tell its citizens what they can and cannot eat on the basis of culture alone, and there's no coherent moral case for banning the production of dog meat but allowing pork or beef. My region alone contains 2 million residents who originate from countries where eating dog meat is not uncommon. Even if only a small portion of them have any desire to indulge, it's a significant number of people. I don't think that they deserve to be stigmatized any more than other non-vegetarians.

I didn't expect our debate on this subject to be so shrill, but since I introduced the Freedom to Eat Act this has essentially become the in-game equivalent of the real-life debate over abortion. I regret that it's distracted from other issues, but on the other hand I'm glad to have introduced something that's stirred so much passion on both sides. On balance, it's good for the game.

A month ago or so, you called out the President to act on several pieces of legislation.  Two of these, in a very rare show of Senatorial procedure, passed unanimously.  Could you give us some insight on your dealings with the President up to and after that time?
For the first two-thirds of his second term, Nappy's only activity on the Fantasy Government board was to occasionally post some curt comment rebuffing the Senate. He didn't bother signing several bills, attempted to take action on several others just after the seven-day window for executive action had elapsed, and vetoed several other non-controversial proposals with little or no explanation (only to be overridden by a unanimous vote of the Senate on multiple occasions). He gave no indication that he was doing anything to manage his Cabinet and refused to dismiss several inactive appointees.

What is your opinion about President Napoleon, Nix?  Be honest.
I've been pretty open about my opinion of him. At his worst, Napoleon acts as a passive-aggressive bully. To an extent, the game needs personalities like his because they're the kind of people who can put together a strong GOTV, recruit new members, and make elections competitive. But giving him a second term was a huge mistake, and sending him back to the Senate would do more harm than good. It's easy to disparage the idea that we should all play nicely, but I think that straightforwardness and respect are really important values. I'm not interested in dealing with people who embody neither when I don't have to.

You've recently pulled a Ron Paul by voting "NAY" on the John Engle Memorial Act.  Sir, why are you a racist?
Snowstalker's a good guy, but I think we're all better off when we keep his, er, colorful sense of humor on a short leash.

I've noticed the Late Term Abortion Act on here.  As some may be aware, there was a debate on the issue of abortions in the last trimester for pregnant women that got mired in controversy over the role of the President to act.  Could you explain, from your view, what exactly happened?  Disregarding your views on the issue, was the outcome correct according to Atlasian law?
I think it was correct to regard to the president's veto as invalid. The dispute was over whether the seven day window for executive action was seven calendar days or seven 24-hour periods. The president argued for the former interpretation; the Senate, backed by several members of his administration, including Vice President Nathan, argued for the latter. It could have made an interesting court case, but for better or worse, it never came to that.

[Mechaman]

Part II
Your opinion on the LGBT Dignity Act seems contradictory.  On the one had, you take the Civil Libertarian stance against bans on "ex-gay" institutions but in the next breath say you support it for it's ban on "reparative therapy".  Can you explain the difference between an "ex-gay" institution and "reparative therapy"?
I refused to support Marokai's original bill, which infringed on the right to free association. The Atlasian government has no legitimate power to ban "ex-gay" organizations. Banning a fraudulent quasi-medical procedure, I think, is a different matter, and one that we're well within our rights to prohibit.

In the past, you've repeatedly touted yourself as a left leaning libertarian.  However, one of the first bills that you voted "AYE" on was the Omnibus Gun Policy & Safety Act, which would included the establishment of a gun registry and an assault weapons ban.  You've also voiced, despite your Nay vote on the "Free Refill Ban", that you would support bills that disincentivize unhealthy behavior.  Isn't this the anti-thesis of "libertarian" or at least MICHAEL BLOOMBERG?
We've established a fairly generous welfare state in Atlasia. As long as public sentiment favors maintaining that welfare state, we must accept that the government has an interest in guiding the choices that affect our personal health. With regard to the gun control, I'm not a zealot; I'm open to a wide variety of policy suggestions. But the status quo isn't acceptable to me, and I haven't heard any convincing proposals from libertarians.

I probably wouldn't refer to myself as a left-libertarian at this point, but I do try to balance my other values with respect for civil liberties. I'm particularly vehement about defending freedom of speech.

From what I read from your Office, the President has recently accused you and Senator Oakvale of vying for a "Senate Power grab" via the "Trial, not Turnout Amendment".  What parts of the Amendment do you think the President was referring to?  What was your purpose in voting for the Amendment?
Senator Oakvale argued that existing law makes impeachment little more than a question of personal popularity and turnout. My support for the amendment was pretty tepid relative to most other Senators - I don't think I even came out in its favor until Marokai offered his compromise proposal, which requires a popular vote on impeachment unless at least eight Senators vote to impeach - so I'm not sure why I was singled for criticism.

In your summary of your vote on "The Freedom to Eat", you note that you wouldn't tolerate abusive treatment of any animal, but especially mammals!  What makes mammals so damn important?
This is a complicated question that I can't answer without getting into a lot of moral philosophy and neuroscience. My reasoning relates to the role of the neocortex, a brain region unique to mammals, in conscious thought.

You've recently praised Federalist Representative Goldwater pretty highly.  What exactly about him impresses you or gains your respect?
Atlasia gets boring when the right wing is totally uninfluential. Goldwater is a Federalist in the mold of Hagrid, Yankee, or Tmth, the kind of people who actually have some effect on policy in Atlasia. I'm not that aware of his recent work, but he impressed me with his willingness to compromise on a bill repealing the Northeast's indoor smoking ban that he introduced when I was governor. After some convincing, he also abstained on a bill that I'd written raising the region's minimum wage and indexing it to inflation. Had he voted against that bill, it may have failed.

You support the passage of the Capital Relocation Act.  What exactly about it's current location don't you like?  Is it just a convenience that the new location would be located in the Northeast?
This proposal would move our regional capital from New York City to Buffalo. We'd save money over the long term by selling high-rent properties in NYC and putting them back on the tax rolls. We'd also take advantage of underused infrastructure in Buffalo and restore what was once one of the region's largest, proudest cities to its former glory. Finally, while I love New York City, its influence over the region is too large. Removing the center of regional government from its borders will do something to mitigate this problem while doing very little to decrease the city's overall significance.

Well, I believe that's all for now.  Any last statements?
If you live in the Northeast Region, I would appreciate your vote next weekend. That is all.

Thanks for your time Senator Nix.

[Marokai Backbeat]

You know; Nix is really a great workhorse of a guy. It really seems like we're finally getting more of those types in office, recent faces who work hard, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm really happy he's around.

[Cincinnatus]

We are proud to announce the addition of SJoyce to our dedicated team.  He will assume the title of Senior Foreign Policy Analyst, and looks forward to using his experience and dedication as SOEA to serve The People.  Embrace your new advocate!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Wonderful news! The Paper has just pulled even further ahead of its competition!

[HagridOfTheDeep]

That was a fantastic interview with Nix. This is a good paper. Glad to see the news about SJoyce, too.

[Mechaman]

Coming Soon!

Interviews with:

Snowstalker
Oakvale
Gass
Tallyrand
Our newest contributor SJoyce!
And yes, we will interview Mr. X at some point.. . . . .

. . ..  and, yes I guess we can interview BenConstine at some point.

[Mechaman]

The Poor Man's Candidate:

Known for his tendency for cheap trolling and his avowedly pro-labor campaigning, Snowstalker is widely known for his passion and his divisiveness.  A member of the Labor Party, Snowstalker and his partymates have taken a hardline leftist stance on economics.  Snowstalker, a vehement critic of the neoliberal tendencies of the Liberal Party, is a stalwart in the fight against monied elitism in politics.  Often, this has won him accusations that he is the candidate of West Virginia or even that he is a racist.  He soldiers on, now running as a Senate candidate for the Midwest, a region known for it's eccentricities.

Are you, or have you ever been, in a homosexual relationship?
Does oakvale count?

Oh this is the training manual for my part time job at the American Red Cross.  Sorry about that. (pulls out other sheet of paper)  Back on track.
You are one of the biggest critics of the Liberal Party and of President Napoleon.  You've run on two tickets against the President, first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale and then as President in the last election.  In the midst of the President's period of unpopularity a time back, your supporters started branding "Don't Blame Me, I voted for Snowstalker" stickers.  Do you think the rivalry between you and the President was an even bigger one than the old as time rivalry between left and right in this nation?  Why can't you guys just gay sex and make up?

Because Napoleon, as an Eye-Talian, probably has a sh**tload of VD's. Also, as a former ally of him, I feel qualified to say that he's acted like an obstructionist, corrupt bully

You and Andy Griffin are working on something called the "Folk Representer Amendment Amendment".  First off, why did you write "Amendment" twice?  Second, could you please give a non=tl;dr version of it?

Midwest no have assembly. Me want assembly. Me make assembly.

The Midwest Region is known for it's lack of an Assembly.  For years, the region has operated off of an Alping where the people of the region propose and vote on legislation that affects the lives of Midwesterners.  Why, with such a perfect implementation of Democracy, would you want to implement an assembly?

To spur activity. The Pacific was also a dead region until they adopted an assembly, and now they're thriving and growing.

Oh right.  Seems like you want to spur activity.  As low as the population of the Midwest is, surely you can agree with me that what sets it apart isn't quantity of activity, but the quality of it.  And when it comes to quality, the citizens of the Midwest provide the best of entertainment!  How would you seek to increase the activity of this region while also respecting it's unique traditions?
Well, we're keeping all the silly names.

What is it with the obsession with dogs in this nation?
I dunno. I literally have no position on this issue.

So, why is it A-Okay to shoot a caribou with a bow and arrow but not okay to sex it?  I mean really!
Why would you want to bang a caribou? Elk, on the other hand, are unbelievably sexy.

What is the best Nickelodeon show of all time?
Ren and Stimpy obviously.

You made the bold choice of declaring your bid for the Midwest Senate while you were still a Mideast resident.  You say you were "called" to run.  Is Midwest Labor in such a bad shape they go to you?
Loaded question, huh? It's clear that I am the best candidate and they clamored to have me represent their fine region.

You've indicated a little reluctance in endorsing Senator Blue's bid for President.  What issues do you not see eye to eye with him.
I had reluctance at first because his support of reducing the minimum wage. But Marokai is also surpremely qualified to serve as Atlasia's leader, and I am proud to vote for him.

You got a high amount of praise from Senator X on your previous failed Senate campaign.  So, how does it feel to be an active loser?
Better than being an inactive loser.

Do you hope to stop the Loser Train by moving to the Midwest, where the chances of a left wing loony winning increase by an exponential of fourpie?
Yes.

How will you handle losing?
By riding my flying pig through the glacier caves of Hell.

In the first grade you ran for President of the Math Class.  IIRC, you lost by five votes (in a class of six) to the prettiest girl in class.  How did such a tragedy shape your outlook on life?
wait what

You also had a date with the most popular girl in school, who ended up getting knocked up by the high school football captain.  Besides the captain going to jail for bonking a twelve year old, was there any other silver lining in that ordeal?
u wot m8

Could be worse, at least you don't have Cerebral Palsy, Snowloser.
Is this a question?

Is it true that even your sister turned you down for the Homecoming Dance?  Could I have her digits?
No, but her number is--

Hey man, PUT THAT PHONE DOWN!  I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!  All of your past issues aside, could it be that you are just unlucky because you are a member of the Labor Party, a party used to being Lucy McLoosertons?
We're about to get a Labor president, and last I checked we're the second largest party. So Lucy won't be a party member for long.

Look, I mean no offense.  It's just, you guys suck donkey dick at elections!  ANyway, one citizen once voiced his concern about your allegiance to your duty vs. that to the people.  You have made your populist credentials very well known, styling yourself (like Andrew Jackson) as "the People's Senator".  With that said, how do you silence critics who worry that you might ignore Constitutional procedures in certain circumstances (like the impeachment example) due to popular resentment?
Critics? Come at me, bros. But in seriousness, I've worked with posters of other parties numerous times before, and would be happy to work out issues of disagreement.

Say there was a politician who didn't serve the interests of the people but only his own.  Would blatant disregard and abuse of the will of the people qualify for impeachment from office?
Seems a bit vague, but if you mean Napoleon, then yes.

So, do you think of yourself more as a Labor candidate or a People candidate?


What accomplishment of the past 8 months do you look upon highly?  What has disappointed you the most
I was proud that, despite being a washed-up former governor, I placed a surprise second in the October election. On the other hand, I still lost.

Considering your duties if elected to the Senate, what do you intend on doing at that level?  We already know your opinion of regional reforms, but what about national?

I hope to first continue pushing for the Labor Rights Act that I backed in my first term as senator. Then I'll work to stop the evil liberal Nix's gun grab.

Any last words Snowstalker?
THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES...BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR UNIONS!

Good luck in your race Snowblower, err I mean Snowstalker.

Thank you for the support, God-Emperor of Interviews.

[Mechaman]

A note, if I may:

Recently there's been a tragedy IRL that is diverting some of my time away from the forum.  As an unfortunate result, I have taken the unpopular decision of delaying interviews for the time being.  Be assured, interviewees, you will get your questions.  Just not a little bit later than usual.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Haha, I love how it turned out.

For voters with any questions for me, direct them to my official thread.

[Napoleon]

Haha, I love how it turned out.

For voters with any questions for me, direct them to my official thread.

Funny you say that. I was thinking it was the most shallow, least thought provoking and least humorous interview I have ever seen published by one of Atlasia's most legendary media figures. The freaking questions give more insight than the answers!

By the way, what is it with the Midwest? They deserve better than continually electing everyone else's leftovers.

[Mechaman]

I just love the spirit of the People of this great nation!

Expect me to resume interview duties either tonight or tomorrow morning!

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Haha, I love how it turned out.

For voters with any questions for me, direct them to my official thread.

Funny you say that. I was thinking it was the most shallow, least thought provoking and least humorous interview I have ever seen published by one of Atlasia's most legendary media figures. The freaking questions give more insight than the answers!

By the way, what is it with the Midwest? They deserve better than continually electing everyone else's leftovers.

Mecha gave silly questions, I gave silly answers. I'd be perfectly open to a more serious interview from Mechaman.

And Atlasia deserves FAR better than you, Mr. President.

[Oakvale]

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

Oh yeah, I noticed that but forgot to point it out. I never ran with Oakie.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

Wiki says it was Snowguy. Which would explain the confusion.

[Oakvale]

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

Wiki says it was Snowguy. Which would explain the confusion.

That was in my Feb 2011 run, I ran with Cinci in June of last year.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

You ran with Cinci too? I thought he was most famous for his association with me in our narrow lossvictory in October 2011, when The People made Their last stand?