Chapter Three: Buckets of Warm Piss

[Cincinnatus]

You ran with Cinci too? I thought he was most famous for his association with me in our narrow lossvictory in October 2011, when The People made Their last stand?

I didn't whore myself out to just you, ya know..  

Funny you say that. I was thinking it was the most shallow, least thought provoking and least humorous interview I have ever seen published by one of Atlasia's most legendary media figures. The freaking questions give more insight than the answers!

Indeed.  The People are grateful to have Mecha in the fold.  As a side note, a Mecha interview of Nappy would be interesting..

[Napoleon]

I make headlines every time. I sure am something, huh?

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

Oh yeah, I noticed that but forgot to point it out. I never ran with Oakie.

You should. Would be loads of fun. All I ask is that next time you interview, you don't need to call me names.

[Mechaman]

"first as the VP on a ticket with Oakvale"

Lies, slander and lies! My running mate was Cincinnatus, a true fighter for The People.

lol

My bad.

MechaTV, the CNN of Atlasia.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I would like to apply for an interview, if it's okay with you.

[Mechaman]

I would like to apply for an interview, if it's okay with you.

Mecha interviews, after reading up on recent controversy over the Capital City debates, is looking forward to getting a few words with Governor Scott over the matter.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Still waiting

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

On second thought, I'd like to postpone my interview until a time that's less tense.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Give me a goddamned interview

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Give me a goddamned interview

First, you need to show respect to The People, who's hallowed thread you are posting in. No one, I don't care how hardcore, can waltz into this newspaper and demand something like that. If you want an interview, get on your knees and beg The People for forgiveness. Once it is granted, your wish will be Their command.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Coming Soon: Fear and Loathing, On the Campaign Trail '13

The People's Paper is proud to announce former presidential candidate Cathdawg will publish a miniseries about his experiences during the February 2013 Presidential Election. Be sure to tune into The Paper over the course of the next few weeks to read this tantalizing tale.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '13 by Cathcon
Chapter One: Decision Point

For those of you not familiar with the IRC, it is one of the most frequented locations for many of the nation's premier political trend-setters. Despite this fact, it barely resembles such. It is, quite frankly, a smoke filled dive. Whether that smoke be of tobacco, or of something else, is not for me to judge. The room is dominated by a large central table, where visitors converse. A lone light hangs over its center.

 Across the table, I could make out the shadowy figures of those that I shared the room with. A few stand out, though the details are foggy--or rather smokey. There are many folks that were in there at one point or another. Oakvale, Cincinnatus, Snowstalker, and many more. Some were engaging in conversation, some merely milled about in the shadows, far away from the room's only light source. In any case, for those of us that were talking, discussion centered on the upcoming election. The Napoleon era, at least under the definition it was classified as during the time, was coming to a close.

I had spent quite some time building experience in various areas of Atlasian politics. While those that know me know primarily of my long service in the Mideast Assembly, I nevertheless served in our nation's diplomatic corps during Napoleon's first term, first as our nation's At-Large Ambassador, then as Secretary of External Affairs. Now, sitting that room, feet on the table as I secondhand smoked whatever the Hell it was my colleagues were partaking in, my ambitions were as large as ever. Therefore, I began inquiring as to whether a run of mine would be well received by the Atlasian public. However, my sights were at that point still not fixed on the Presidency. With the New Year approaching, and with it the election (In February) I began inquiry as to whether I should run for Atlasia's Vice Presidency. While some were amenable to that, it seemed many wanted me to aim for the nation's highest office instead.

Returning to the IRC in the following days, the subject of my potential run seemed to dominate the conversation. With people who, though not political allies were nonetheless prominent Atlasians and folks who ended up second preferencing me, encouraging me as someone who they believe could represent the Right well, I was soon faced with an important decision. The Right was then (and still is) in a slump. The newly created Federalist party, having started at the beginnign of Napoleon's second term, was in need of a candidate. Several of our heavyweights, ZuWo, NCYankee (as a Vice Presidential candidate), and so on had already been put forward, whether as Whigs or previously during the days of the RPP. It was then that I rose up from that table, clearing my throat of the various gases and smokes that had invaded it while sitting at there, and made possibly one of the most important decisions of my political career, though one that would be in vain. On January 3rd, at a press conference in front of my office in Lansing, Michigan, I announced I would be running for President of the Dave's Blessed Republic of Atlasia. I made clear my intention to run for the nominations of all parties, in an attempt to unite The People Themselves behind my candidacy. I knew such a road would not be popular in the deeply partisan world of Atlasia. Many career politicians fear such overwhelming tides of Popular support, and I have no doubt that my stated intentions were anathema to many of the old pols in the Labor and Liberals parties. Such would be the attacks leveled against me in the days to come as I embarked on the mind-freeing and consciousness-expanding journey into the unknown.

Cath "Cathdawg" Con is The People's correspondent to the Mideast, The People's cartoonist, and a well known legislator and diplomat throughout Atlasia. He is perhaps best known for his recently completed campaign for Atlasia's presidency in February, 2013.

[Napoleon]

Am I correct in understanding, then, that the Napoleon era has been redefined?

[Oakvale]

Glad to be on board.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Am I correct in understanding, then, that the Napoleon era has been redefined?

Since your re-entry into the Senate, 'twould seem so.

[Napoleon]

Am I correct in understanding, then, that the Napoleon era has been redefined?

Since your re-entry into the Senate, 'twould seem so.

Most excellent.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Chapter Two: Startiness

In this Dave-awful country, here's one piece of advice. If you want to win a race, start early. Then, use your personal connections and friendships to get oaths of fealty and political support. Take the example of my friends in the IRC. On the nights following my announcement, as I attempted to rally support thanks to my connections at the dive, I learned a dear lesson of Atlasian politics. While I'd been busy wondering if a campaign of mine was too ambitious, the fact was that Marokai had been securing support from these very folks the entire time! The fact was that the best way to get support was to enter early and use folks' personal feelings of loyalty for your own gain. What was this damned so-called establishment for if not for using connections? In fact, probably the kindest messages I got in response to my candidacy came from people who had already pledged allegiance to MarDuke! "Oh, you seem nice, but I'm already pledged to the Labor ticket." That's like flirting with a married woman for Dave's sake. And in a system where (some) people felt a strange loyalty to a verbal promise, flirting with a married woman got you no good. Let me tell you!

However, there was some comfort. My early platform--what ended up being the only platform published by my campaign, much to my dismay--had a bullet point on it concerning the introduction of a White House staff, congressional liaisons, and a Presidential advisory board. Any seasoned political veteran could tell this was political code for patronage. And lots of it. If there has been one overriding issue that I have felt a deep personal connection to, it has been appointed offices. After all, how else could I explain my various points in the Assembly, which were in large part due to repeated appointments to said office. And more importantly, how else but shameless begging and a well placed nomination to the Senate would I have been able to make my entrance into Atlasia's diplomatic corps? I believe in loyalty. That is the central foundation of society in my opinion, and if creating offices so people could be appointed to them was how I made my bones in this Dave-forsaken system, I wasn't going to abandon the other grovelling office seekers. And it seemed no one had caught on.

Nevertheless, despite what appeared to be a lost cause, things were looking well. In early polls, I was shown either closely behind or tied with Marokai. I'd even gotten good results in response to polling that had William McKinley as my running mate. I could not trust the polls however. This campaign would depend on hard work, determination, and more than a lot of luck. The Atlasian right, whether the RPP, the Whigs, or the Federalists, was by all accounts a failure in political experimentation. The last time any election had been won was two years ago in February, 2011. Such halcyon days were but a distant memory. Instead, Atlasia was stained by the dark and pervasive shadow of the Liberal party, and we were no doubt the worse for it. Despite the Liberals failing to even run a candidate--more on that disgrace later. I mean for Dave's sake, we at least ran a damned candidate!--that stain would not disappear shortly. Rather, I'd say it has only deepened its presence since the results were made clear.

Cath "Cathdawg" Con is The People's political cartoonist and a prominent voice in both Mideast and Atlasian politics. He is perhaps best known for his recently completed campaign for Atlasia's presidency in February, 2013.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Since it appears things have calmed down now, I would like to once again request an interview.

[Cincinnatus]

Since it appears things have calmed down now, I would like to once again request an interview.

Mechaman is on LOA, we'll get back to you..

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Also, fear (and loathe) not, the series will continue. Things have just been busy.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Where's my f**king interview?!!??

[Donerail]

A Look Ahead: Foreign Policy in the Upcoming Senate Session
54th Senate, Marokai Administration

This feature is designed to serve as a handy guide to bills affecting foreign policy, our military, the DoEA itself, etc, etc, etc, in the upcoming Senate session. It's largely factual.

The TRICARE Reform Act of 2013: SoIA Snowguy summed this legislation up quite well. Nobody thought much about military healthcare when our previous national healthcare system was implemented, and everyone just assumed that it was just lumped in with Medicare and Medicaid, so we're just going to pass an amendment and pretend like it's been there all along, which for most purposes it has.

Department Renaming Act: Senator Oakvale's legislation to rename the DoEA/SoEA (as well as the DoIA/SoIA) to Secretary of State, with other names (I prefer Secretary of Foreign Affairs, which Talleyrand brought up) being considered. Presently, debate focuses on the name for the DoIA. The idea behind this legislation is to make the names more interesting to possibly draw more applicants for the posts.

Presidential Succession Amendment: This would place the SoEA higher up in line for the Presidency, right behind the President where the PPT now sits. This is fundamentally good legislation - the PPT is essential to the workings of the Senate, and were they to leave the Senate to be acting President while there's a perfectly good SoEA who could do it, the odds of things getting done would drastically decrease. This would let the SoEA take over instead, which just makes much more sense.

Virgin Act: This act by Sen. X would incorporate the Virgin Islands as a state, making them Atlasia's 53rd. The rationale behind this legislation is questionable at best: the Virgin Islands are extremely small relative to all other Atlasian states, and it is not necessary to add them as another state to incorporate them. The Virgin Islands could be added as part of Puerto Rico to incorporate them without needing to create another state, spreading thinner our population and making the odds that Mr. Griffin will ever succeed in his Save Our States movement even slimmer. There is a clear solution to this problem, and it doesn't require going as far as Sen. X's bill.

Protocols I & II of the Geneva Conventions: These are common-sense housekeeping bills in the mold of the previous UNCLOS ratification. It's ratifying treaties that are already customary international law that we haven't ratified yet, but we really should ratify because come on y'all it's the Geneva Conventions.

Separation of Powers Amendment: Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. This would remove Senate oversight over all nominees, so if the Senate has severe and legitimate concerns about a nominee's ability to serve as the Senate had during the Griffin hearings, they would no longer be able to approve or reject the nominee. If a bad nominee is nominated who doesn't even show up, like Mr. King's hearings, that nominee would still be confirmed. The Senate needs to send these nominees through confirmation hearings in order to make sure they're actual quality nominees, simple as that.

SJoyce is The People's Senior Foreign Policy Analyst and a leading voice on foreign and Imperial politics. He served as Secretary of External Affairs in the Polnut and Napoleon administrations.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

A Look Ahead: Foreign Policy in the Upcoming Senate Session
54th Senate, Marokai Administration

This feature is designed to serve as a handy guide to bills affecting foreign policy, our military, the DoEA itself, etc, etc, etc, in the upcoming Senate session. It's largely factual.

The TRICARE Reform Act of 2013: SoIA Snowguy summed this legislation up quite well. Nobody thought much about military healthcare when our previous national healthcare system was implemented, and everyone just assumed that it was just lumped in with Medicare and Medicaid, so we're just going to pass an amendment and pretend like it's been there all along, which for most purposes it has.

Department Renaming Act: Senator Oakvale's legislation to rename the DoEA/SoEA (as well as the DoIA/SoIA) to Secretary of State, with other names (I prefer Secretary of Foreign Affairs, which Talleyrand brought up) being considered. Presently, debate focuses on the name for the DoIA. The idea behind this legislation is to make the names more interesting to possibly draw more applicants for the posts.

Presidential Succession Amendment: This would place the SoEA higher up in line for the Presidency, right behind the President where the PPT now sits. This is fundamentally good legislation - the PPT is essential to the workings of the Senate, and were they to leave the Senate to be acting President while there's a perfectly good SoEA who could do it, the odds of things getting done would drastically decrease. This would let the SoEA take over instead, which just makes much more sense.

Virgin Act: This act by Sen. X would incorporate the Virgin Islands as a state, making them Atlasia's 53rd. The rationale behind this legislation is questionable at best: the Virgin Islands are extremely small relative to all other Atlasian states, and it is not necessary to add them as another state to incorporate them. The Virgin Islands could be added as part of Puerto Rico to incorporate them without needing to create another state, spreading thinner our population and making the odds that Mr. Griffin will ever succeed in his Save Our States movement even slimmer. There is a clear solution to this problem, and it doesn't require going as far as Sen. X's bill.

Protocols I & II of the Geneva Conventions: These are common-sense housekeeping bills in the mold of the previous UNCLOS ratification. It's ratifying treaties that are already customary international law that we haven't ratified yet, but we really should ratify because come on y'all it's the Geneva Conventions.

Separation of Powers Amendment: Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. This would remove Senate oversight over all nominees, so if the Senate has severe and legitimate concerns about a nominee's ability to serve as the Senate had during the Griffin hearings, they would no longer be able to approve or reject the nominee. If a bad nominee is nominated who doesn't even show up, like Mr. King's hearings, that nominee would still be confirmed. The Senate needs to send these nominees through confirmation hearings in order to make sure they're actual quality nominees, simple as that.

SJoyce is The People's Senior Foreign Policy Analyst and a leading voice on foreign and Imperial politics. He served as Secretary of External Affairs in the Polnut and Napoleon administrations.

To be honest, I forget my rationale for that bill and just withdrew it

[Donerail]

To be honest, I forget my rationale for that bill and just withdrew it

Well that's disappointing. The legitimate rationale was to give these people statehood and representation, through adding them to P.R. or making them a state.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

To be honest, I forget my rationale for that bill and just withdrew it

Well that's disappointing. The legitimate rationale was to give these people statehood and representation, through adding them to P.R. or making them a state.

No, I mean my rationale for giving them statehood rather than making them part of Puerto Rico.

[Mechaman]

Interview with SJoyce:

Good evening, on today's edition of Mecha Interviews we sit with SoEA SJoyce to get his perspective on various issues in Atlasia.  From his encounter with the strategic registration controversy known as "Cottonfield" to his most recent loud and proud declaration of being a Liberal.

First off, how're ya?
Doing pretty decent.

First off, I want to thank everyone for their concerns over what has happened lately.  To keep it short, there's a friend of mine that recently ran into a bit of trouble.  I haven't really been kept in the loo about what is going on with them at the moment, but it's been hard for me to focus on doing this and other day to day activities.  I apologize for taking time out of the interview to cover this, but it had to be said.
Anyway, welcome to the team!
Good to be here.

So, you're like some kind of Foreign Analyst or something?  What exactly is that?
Basically, I'm writing articles discussing the doings and goings-on, some opinion some fact, of Atlasian foreign policy. I haven't written much in the past few weeks due to the lack of really anything happening on Atlasian foreign policy, but with the new SoEA and administration in place that's looking to change.

What is your first impression of working side by side with The People?
It's pretty great, I think it's a great publication and a great group of people.

Does being a friend of the People make you feel invincible?  Full of pride for your Ulster roots?
Sure, let's go with that.

So, when can we expect your first contribution?
I've been traveling or sick over the past few weeks, but you can expect one pretty soon.

Well, since we are on the topic of opinionated writings, recently you and Winfield had a row over the contentious issue of guns in this country.  You really seemed to be getting that guy into quite a spell.  Do you think Winfield ever answered your question about assault weapons?[/b]
I don't really think he ever did. I oppose a ban on 'assault weapons', as they are, simply because such a ban wouldn't make us any safer. Somebody can kill people just as easily and efficiently without an assault rifle (Columbine, Virginia Tech) as they can with one.

What exactly is your view on gun issues, for the kids?
I support an individual right to keep and bear firearms, which is constitutionally protected. Excessively restricting that right, like Senator Nix's proposal would do, is something I oppose. There is room for some commonsense reforms like universal background checks, but I oppose them when they simply don't work (like an assault weapons ban) or go too far in infringing on the rights of the people (like Sen. Nix's legislation).

Okay, moving on.  A few months back you were the Speaker of the IDS Assembly and as Speaker you made a very bold speech against what you called "an invasion of leftists" in your region, what many in this country have started to refer to as "Cottonfield".  You then went onto claim that not only were these brigands committing blatant carpetbaggering, but that they were overruling democratic law and you told them in true Eastwood fashion to get the hell out of the IDS.  Wasn't that a little harsh?
In retrospect, maybe that was a little harsh, but not only were they coming here but they were attempting to override our democratic process in order to get their candidates to achieve victory. Seatown v. IDS I think will go down in history as the lowest point of the leftist invasion, with a Labor operative and candidate filing a lawsuit seeking, on a technicality, to invalidate the ballots of a large number of our citizens in a manner that would swing the election and elect a Labor candidate. That sort of blatant disregard for the will of all the citizenry of the region isn't anything I can condone.

I mean, could you have given them a polite Hallmark card instead, asking them to please relocate to another region and not to force their views on an unwilling populace of business owners and capitalist lovers?  What exactly was "undemocratic" about their court challenge?  I am kind of confused as to what happened.
Basically, Seatown filed a suit in regional court attempting to get a good number of ballots overturned on a technicality relating to placing the name of the office at the top of the ballot (folks had been voting in elections without putting the name at the top of the ballot for elections for only one office for however long without any problem). By invalidating the ballots, he would have changed the results of the election because so many people wouldn't have counted as voting and it would've elected another Labor candidate. He was using the courts to try to change the ideals of the populace.

Well okay.  Well recently you also made a very long post declaring your support for the Liberal Party after a spell as a registered Independent while working in the Administration.  What brought that about?
I was serving in a Liberal administration at the time and some of the leading members of the Liberal Party asked me to consider joining. Since it wouldn't create any issues with the administration, and since I do agree with a lot of what the Liberal Party stands for, I accepted.

You've previously mentioned interest in working with right to work laws.  What is your ideal stance on this?
I was (still am) interested in repealing our region's right to work law. It seems to me that right to work laws basically infringe on your freedoms of contract and association. If you choose to make a closed-shop agreement with a union, what right does the state legislature have to interfere? Employers have the rights to decide to pay their wages and make their sites available to specifically union members as part of their right to trade with anyone they choose. When we interfere with voluntary contracts, we're interfering with people's freedom to bargain. Unions are generally good things as well, and aren't something we should be legislating against.

Same question, this time on regional parks.
I never really did get around to finishing that, did I? We've got some beautiful places here in the IDS - the Smokies, the Glades, Apalachicola, the Congaree, Okefenokee, our Civil Rights sites, and these places are worth us, as the regional government, stepping up and making an effort of preserving. We need a comprehensive plan, going forwards, to figure out exactly how we're going to protect the long-term stability of these areas. The federal government already has a lot of land in these regions, and figuring out how to closely cooperate with them in order to best protect these areas is something I'd like to work on further.

What is your opinion of the Aliya Mustifina Movement?
Certainly interesting folks. At least they're promoting exercise.

Well that's it for now.  Any last words?
Just that it's been good to be discussing regional issues again.

Have a good day SJoyce