I just signed up to have Mormon missionaries visit me at home
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  I just signed up to have Mormon missionaries visit me at home
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Author Topic: I just signed up to have Mormon missionaries visit me at home  (Read 11190 times)
© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2012, 07:54:11 PM »

I have a tentative appt for 230 on Saturday.  I also have a "date" (ie, appointment with sexually attractive female) scheduled for late Saturday afternoon, so.  something may have to give.  and wouldn't want the first date to be, "yo, I am having LDS missionaries over, you want to just have me make coffee and save the 80 cents off of retail" kinda deal.
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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #26 on: January 26, 2012, 03:14:18 PM »

"we're excited to meet ya" on a Voicemail.  she sounds sweet.  sorry guys I don't think I'm going to offer her coffee or beer or anything, I'd feel very guilty.  I may try to have sex with her though.
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Eraserhead
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« Reply #27 on: January 26, 2012, 03:21:37 PM »

I would never allow a Mormon to step foot in my home. You're a braver man than I, Tweed.

Aren't you supposedly supporting one for President now?
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Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.
jmfcst
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« Reply #28 on: January 26, 2012, 03:24:32 PM »

...I may try to have sex with her though.

well, she might be very deceived, but she ain't that desperate.

Wink
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Lief 🗽
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« Reply #29 on: January 26, 2012, 06:32:16 PM »

I would never allow a Mormon to step foot in my home. You're a braver man than I, Tweed.

Aren't you supposedly supporting one for President now?

Bushie has betrayed his God.
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Joe Biden 2020
BushOklahoma
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« Reply #30 on: January 26, 2012, 07:02:06 PM »

I would never allow a Mormon to step foot in my home. You're a braver man than I, Tweed.

Aren't you supposedly supporting one for President now?

Doesn't mean I would let him step foot in my house, though.
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Franzl
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« Reply #31 on: January 27, 2012, 03:20:23 PM »

Are you serious, BushOK?
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minionofmidas
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« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2012, 03:22:20 PM »

Same as with the Black man he supported for President four years ago, so I would suppose so. Evil
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Joe Biden 2020
BushOklahoma
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« Reply #33 on: January 27, 2012, 05:25:32 PM »

Same as with the Black man he supported for President four years ago, so I would suppose so. Evil

Let me clarify.  I would let him step into my home on Presidential/cordial terms, not as a Mormon trying to convert me.  The moment he starts trying to convert me, I would show him the door.

I would enjoy having President Obama in my home, because there is at least a chance he is a Christian, nobody knows for sure.  Romney is definitely not a Christian, he's a Mormon (I'm not going to get into the differences at this time).

My vote for President Romney is not about his religious beliefs, because I think he will keep them separate from public policy.  My vote for Romney is about Obama wanting to cut the military.  That turned me off real fast.  I still would not be too disappointed if Obama wins in 9 months, because he's done several pretty good things in his first term.
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Yelnoc
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« Reply #34 on: January 27, 2012, 05:39:58 PM »

Same as with the Black man he supported for President four years ago, so I would suppose so. Evil

Let me clarify.  I would let him step into my home on Presidential/cordial terms, not as a Mormon trying to convert me.  The moment he starts trying to convert me, I would show him the door.

I would enjoy having President Obama in my home, because there is at least a chance he is a Christian, nobody knows for sure.  Romney is definitely not a Christian, he's a Mormon (I'm not going to get into the differences at this time).

My vote for President Romney is not about his religious beliefs, because I think he will keep them separate from public policy.  My vote for Romney is about Obama wanting to cut the military.  That turned me off real fast.  I still would not be too disappointed if Obama wins in 9 months, because he's done several pretty good things in his first term.
As an evangelical Christian, shouldn't you let Romney (and Obama if he isn't a Christian) stay as long as they want and try to convert them?
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Franzl
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« Reply #35 on: January 27, 2012, 05:57:20 PM »

Same as with the Black man he supported for President four years ago, so I would suppose so. Evil

Let me clarify.  I would let him step into my home on Presidential/cordial terms, not as a Mormon trying to convert me.  The moment he starts trying to convert me, I would show him the door.

I would enjoy having President Obama in my home, because there is at least a chance he is a Christian, nobody knows for sure.  Romney is definitely not a Christian, he's a Mormon (I'm not going to get into the differences at this time).

My vote for President Romney is not about his religious beliefs, because I think he will keep them separate from public policy.  My vote for Romney is about Obama wanting to cut the military.  That turned me off real fast.  I still would not be too disappointed if Obama wins in 9 months, because he's done several pretty good things in his first term.

To be honest, cutting defense (even though not by near enough) is one of the most responsible things Obama has done as President.
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afleitch
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« Reply #36 on: January 27, 2012, 06:03:53 PM »

To be honest, cutting defense (even though not by near enough) is one of the most responsible things Obama has done as President.

It's been the most sensible and strategic cut since the Nixon era.
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Franzl
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« Reply #37 on: January 27, 2012, 06:06:08 PM »

To be honest, cutting defense (even though not by near enough) is one of the most responsible things Obama has done as President.

It's been the most sensible and strategic cut since the Nixon era.

Indeed, but if you ask the current Republican circus acts, we desperately need to cut Medicare and Social Security, while lowering taxes and maintaining absurd Pentagon funding.
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Joe Biden 2020
BushOklahoma
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« Reply #38 on: January 28, 2012, 07:20:34 AM »

One of the reasons I am supporting Mitt Romney, even though he's a Mormon and not a Christian is that Mormonism is very family-oriented, one thing I do have to give them a whole heck of a lot of credit for.  They are probably more family-oriented than evangelical Christians, sad to say, but true.  I know Barack Obama has a real sense of family, and has been commended for such by Gov. Mitch Daniels in the SOTU Republican Response.  Governor Romney shares more of the values I agree with on the major issues.  We don't see eye-to-eye on everything, but he's the closest one to my views.
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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2012, 07:01:12 PM »

well, Brothers, it happened.  they were here for about an hour, I just kicked them out.

I'm sorry to report to you fellas that I didn't play any practical jokes... no, I even went to the trouble of removing the boxes of Corona Light and Miller High Life that were scattered on the floor, and (gasp) put the Cusinart 4-cup coffee machine back in the cupboard.  Tweed, respectful?  ha!

well, yes, I guess I was.  there were three of them.  two were proper missionaries and one a Cornell student that just tags along on her free time.  from here on in I'll drop my own voice and just try to report events as best I can say they happened.

__


they came in the door and I offered them seats.  they were a bit awkward, and I'm sure I was too.  all three were women, age 19-22.  one was good looking, we'll get to that later.  so, I offered them seats, and they decided to cram onto my two-seater couch rather than risk the torn-up chair with an MLB pillow on it for a backrest.

we opened with a prayer.  I bowed my head properly.  we're glad we could be here with David tonight in Ithaca, bless him, etc.  and then we got on with it.  they asked me the following:

what led me to request a Book of Mormon?
what was my religious background (if any)?
have I had any moments particularly of spiritual inclination? (later defined as a sense of spiritual peace, rather than an emotional high, after conversation)
do I believe it is possible to attain a sense of spiritual certainty?


I must toot my own horn here for a bit.  I positively 'wowed' them with my knowledge of Mormon theology... though I'm sure it is but cursory in the presence of the three devotees, my days ostensibly wasted on Wikipedia and in Barnes & Noble apparently are good for a bit of backdoor shock value.  the moment came as I asked a question that went something like "so after the Lamanites slayed the last of the Nephites, there was no contact between God and the people of Earth until Joseph Smith 1200 years later?'  and they were like wtf, who are you.  of course in a nice way, they were nice people.


ok I'll write part two in a bit.  feel free to ask questions or offer comments as I sip on my Corona Light and get this thread back on track, and also anger Snowstalker by stoking the searing flames of the Forum's continuing obsession with the LDS holy Fire.

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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2012, 11:07:22 PM »

Part II.


I'm fully addicted to this place.  fully admit it, no qualms, nothing.  I'm more yours than you are mine.  but going through that, there's a fundamental truth, that ascribes me into my own Atlas experience: you are, my diary of sorts.


so what is pain?  is pain something that we convince ourselves that we feel, or is it real?  because, look, I understand how to minimize my pain.  and I've been to the therapy sessions, and I've seen the results.  but instead of the momentum finding a way to snowball, as the speed times time formula or whatever it is would suggest, oh no, it... the negativity creeps up.  it's lurking, and I can beat it back for 24, 48 hours on a good run, but then it is BOOM! and I just crave it.  don't crave the negativity per se, no, just the emotional potency of it.  I'd take positive, happy emotional potency if it existed, but I have this scary feeling that it doesn't, that only through drugs and their likeness have I accustomed myself to that search for emotional-psychic high, a spiritually dangerous thing to do to oneself.

so, do I need religion?  do I need Joseph Smith?  "do I need love or just a blowjob", as Johnny Hobo once put it.  well, I'd like both.  I'd like cake, and eat the cake too, and not just eat the cake too, but to eat it without the carbohydrate content, so I could be slim, looking at cake, and having ate it, and married, and happy.  but our human minds are gifted with this stupid capability to fantasize, and the reality never quite seems to catch up with the fantasy.


part III later.
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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #41 on: January 30, 2012, 10:18:48 AM »

turns out my therapist is a lapsed Mormon who spent two years as a missionary in Chile.  small world.
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Lief 🗽
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« Reply #42 on: January 30, 2012, 12:33:27 PM »

you're dropping the ball wrt to part 3 BT.
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Eraserhead
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« Reply #43 on: January 30, 2012, 01:25:18 PM »

Part II got pretty existential, which is fine. I kind of wanted to know the rest of the main story though.

Same as with the Black man he supported for President four years ago, so I would suppose so. Evil

Let me clarify.  I would let him step into my home on Presidential/cordial terms, not as a Mormon trying to convert me.  The moment he starts trying to convert me, I would show him the door.

I would enjoy having President Obama in my home, because there is at least a chance he is a Christian, nobody knows for sure.  Romney is definitely not a Christian, he's a Mormon (I'm not going to get into the differences at this time).

My vote for President Romney is not about his religious beliefs, because I think he will keep them separate from public policy.  My vote for Romney is about Obama wanting to cut the military.  That turned me off real fast.  I still would not be too disappointed if Obama wins in 9 months, because he's done several pretty good things in his first term.

Haha, really? Are you saying that because we can never really know if someone beliefs or not, or because he's a black man with a scary sounding name?
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World politics is up Schmitt creek
Nathan
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« Reply #44 on: February 01, 2012, 11:14:07 PM »

I'm looking forward to Part III, Tweed. This is one of the most genuinely insightful threads you've made here.
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Lief 🗽
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« Reply #45 on: February 02, 2012, 01:32:56 AM »

you're dropping the ball wrt to part 3 BT.
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Jerseyrules
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« Reply #46 on: February 02, 2012, 01:35:28 AM »

Despite TWO "No Soliciting" signs on my front door, I still get the occasional Mormon and Girl Scout.  They don't come to your door now?

U doesn't like girl scout cookies Surprise
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Vosem
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« Reply #47 on: February 02, 2012, 06:17:22 AM »

All Marriotts come with Books of Mormon in the room; I stole one a few months ago from a Marriott by Charlotte Airport, and got pretty far before losing interest. It's a great story, some parts vaguely remind me of Game of Thrones Smiley

(Or it might not be Marriott, some other big hotel chain. I think it's Marriott, though).

You can also get a completely free iBook of Mormon from the iBookstore Smiley
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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #48 on: February 02, 2012, 09:02:26 AM »

I'll write part three today.  due to the popular demand.  usually I hardly ever finish what I start, but this will be an exception.  it's on my official list of things to do today along with reading the Book of Mormon, going to a 1pm appointment, and rededicating myself to health.
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© tweed
Miamiu1027
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« Reply #49 on: February 02, 2012, 12:31:57 PM »

As I mentioned, one of the three was good-looking.  She had blond hair, cut to shoulder length (I wonder if they have a restriction to this effect)… she was also endowed with deep, big, blue eyes, which fixated on me without fail (as per her LDS missionary training in Provo, I would later learn from my lapsed Mormon therapist) as she recounted her testimony.  Draping her lively face were thick-rimmed, large-lensed, even ‘hipsterish’ glasses, a small concession to modernity amid the fit-for-the-19th-Century getup.  The attire made it difficult to tell what she was carrying in the important areas: tits, ass, and so on, and I suppose that’s the entire point.

Despite any serious visual encouragement, as she continued her testimony, my mind started wandering.  Not in the fantasizing-about-having-sex with her sort of way, though, admittedly, there was a bit of that.  Most of the time, though, my mind went far from the room, even far away from her.  The vision had me somewhere in Utah… not Provo, I wouldn’t go that crazy, but it did seem to be a rural area.  Hopefully within reasonable driving distance of Salt Lake City so I could get a touch of what I’d be missing out on when I started to crave it.

So there I was, deep in the corners of my own mind, married to Sister Smith, at the very reasonable Mormon age of 22, holding a job as a human resource manager for some mid-sized firm.  (My fantasies are always well-thought out, making concessions to the Real: my earning power in the mountain West is sure to dwarf what it would be in my native tri-State area).

Oh, Lord! The novelty of my Ivy League degree amidst the sea of BYU and Utah State grads.  And how I would impress Sister Smith’s mother, I swear I would… in a month I could master enough LDS theology and history to convince them all of my worthiness of Latter-Day Sainthood.  They’d be convinced of how curious and learned I am just by my reading of mainstream biographies of George Washington and inane American exceptionalist histories of the Civil War.  How easy it would all be!  And when I needed my fix I could always sneak onto the Atlas and hunt-and-peck my way towards an impassioned defense of Lenin, or head into Salt Lake proper and catch a show or an indie film, or even StubHub my way into seats when the Clippers come to town two or three times a year.  I’d have my outlets!

And what makes this fantasy stick, is that it’s not impossible.  It’s not too far from the real.  I could never believe in my heart that God talked to Joseph Smith Jr. on that dark 1823 night, I could never write an archaeological dissertation feigning to prove the historicity of the Nephites.  But is this really the question, are the critics putting the cart before the horse?  Religion and God are there to serve us, to give us comfort in this otherwise cold, harsh, dark alley.  And while my fantasy is sure to be flawed, idealized, whatever, it’s not too far from a truth that repeats itself countless times over, and is repeating as we speak.  All I have to believe is that the whole package is a “spiritually correct analog”, or even just a “spiritually useful analog”, and head on my merry way to the snow-capped pastures.




Part 4 will contain a more dispassionate recounting of the events that I remember about the trip and have not yet covered.
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