Is masturbation moral or immoral?

[angus]

It's immoral if you're a selfish brut and are not giving your old lady the high, hard one because you're always pounding it.  Lots of middle-aged guys are like this.  They know it's immoral.

On the other hand, if you've got a little energy left over after taking care of the family, or you are out of town and not expected to stand it up at attention like a soldier on command for anyone special, then it's generally not a problem.  Just lie back naked and squeeze one off in the hotel room and let the housekeeping staff deal with the fallout.  That's what I always do.

[angus]

Dr. Seuss book

I will not do it in a box,
I will not do it with a fox,
I will not cream into my socks
I just don't like to roll my rocks.

Try it, try it, you will see,
It's as easy as can be,
Spit can lube it, right on top,
Once you try it, you can't stop.

Hey, Sam I am, this is no jest,
Tossing, slapping, it's the best!
I like it since it's so much fun.
But what a mess when it's all done. 

[angus]

Would anyone care to explain how masturbation is, in fact, moral but not a neutral issue?

Thing 1 and Thing 2 can help you with that.
Don't believe me?  Just go ask The Cat.
Perhaps it's amoral for a cat who's all black
When no one is looking to lie down and jack.


At least that's how I interpreted it:  I voted neither assuming that it means amoral (i.e., not concerned with morality.)  However, as you get older you will find that there's a real morality associated with excessive masturbation.  There's what I already mentioned, and even if you're not in a committed relationship, you're creating more laundry for your poor mother.  She's already out all day slaving away at her job to keep you in ipods and Nikes and video games.  At the very least, if you're going to pound it five times a day, you should offer to assist her with the laundry. 

Also, if you are tossing your seed to the wind every night, you'll become less interested in women.  Rosie will become your best friend, and you'll stop looking for pussy.  You'll get to a point where you can't wait to get back home after an evening out with the guys.  You'll leave early, excited to get back home and jump between the sheets.  You'll turn down potential dates with attractive, single young women, in favor of practicing self-abuse.  I guess it's like anything else:  in the abstract, and in moderation, it's rather amoral.  But if it becomes excessive and burdensome, or takes your attention away from your studies and your family, then it becomes immoral.


As for Harry and Sally, on that cold, cold wet day
What will they do while their mother's away?
They might play Twister, or Monopoly,
Or watch a porn movie, starring Ron Jeremy.   

[angus]

Exception is when you use a vacuum cleaner to do it. Then it's potentially unhealthy and therefore immoral.

You just need to have the right model.

[angus]

Maybe if she didn't let herself look like a sack of potatoes it wouldn't be an issue.

If you’d never been born,
well then what would you be?
You might be a fish!
Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob!
Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of
hard green tomatoes.

This thread has given me a new appreciation for Dr. Seuss.

Then our mother came in
And she said to us two,
"Did you have any fun?
Tell me, tell me.
What did you do?"

And Sally and I did not
know what to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on
there that day?

Well...what would YOU do
If your mother asked you?

   --from "The Cat in the Hat"


meow! 

[angus]

I was wondering about that as well.  Maybe masturbation precludes drug use.  After all, it's a bit difficult to smoke meth and jack it at the same time.  On the other hand, you could argue the converse:  doing drugs prevents masturbation.  After all, if you're really stoned from smoking too much weed, it can be hard to sustain an erection.  It's all part of the Great Balancing Act.

You’ll get mixed up,
of course, as you
already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that
Life’s A Great Balancing Act.

   --from "Oh, The Places you'll go"

That was the very last Dr. Seuss book my mother gave me.  She gave it to me on the occasion of my graduation from university.  Ah, but later, when I grew up and had children of my own I started to have an excuse to collect Dr. Seuss books again.  We have quite a collection now, and I've been inspired to go back and read some of them. 

What a wonderful thread.