Tweed for President 06/12 campaign HQ

[© tweed]

here it is.  for fictional purposes allow us to imagine my campaign is headquartered in the back store room of Juan Deli Grocery, 13002 Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, NY (photo currently unavailable).


in this Thread I will, over time, flesh out my platform, as well as other miscellaneous and potential irrelevant thoughts.


non-supporters and supporters alike are free to ask the candidate any question, but please keep discussion amongst each other to a minimum as we're in violation of zoning law, and if the cops hear a lot of voices coming from Juan Deli we're liable to get busted.

[© tweed]

I looked it up on Google Maps, and it's in Queens.

as such, we open with a gaffe.

[© tweed]

It's right next to Phil Rizzuto Park. How do you feel about your campaign's association with a Yankee?

the official position of the CPoA-M-L-T is to view all capital-sponsored sport as a means of diverting the pent up revolutionary and sexual energy of the proletariat away from threatening the regeneration of the means of production.  it is thus unworthy of comment.

When will you announce me as your running mate?

good question.  as I stated in my campaign kickoff thread, but this probably bears re-stating, all members of the Community are encourage to display interest in serving as my running mate via private message.

[© tweed]

'ah, also.  my official campaign theme song is "...My Nine Rides Shotgun" by Long Island's own, Brand New:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZmHf5mWD4I

This has happened before
I'm sure
And it'll happen again
It's getting old
And you never know
It's not the first time
She said it's the last time...again

And you're a tease

Have fun overseas
No I'm kidding

Give it some time
And take my advice
see all these scars on me?
I'm just marking marking territory
But I know a million girls would kill to be you right now

Give me one night inside of your thighs
A million girls would kill to be you right now

And it's happened before
And it'll happen again!

When your boyfriend comes home
I suggest he keeps you terribly close
And you never know
Wouldn't be the first time
Don't think this will ever end

Know you're a tease

Have fun studying abroad
No I'm kidding

Give it some time
take my advice
see all these these scars on me?
I'm just marking territory
But I know a million girls would kill to be you right now

Give me one night inside of your thighs
A million girls would kill to be you right now

And it's happened before
And it will happen again

<largely unintelligible outro>

this will be played on a repeat loop throughout all of my speeches in the hopes of minimizing my gaffes.  much like the blender in Naso's YouTube video.

[© tweed]

in that case you will not be considered.  and besides your belief in this silly liberal 'transparency' is an anachronism.  when I am elected everything will be done in private, including but not limited to signing death warrants, defecation, eating low-carb cereal, sporting events, conferences with international drug kingpins (Atlasia will be converted to a narco-state), and your ghost-writing of my autobiography at gunpoint while I watch Seinfeld re-runs on state television.

[© tweed]

Young Tweed answers questions and provides his campaign mission statement in this first video of the campaign.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFFwAhKPsX0

WARNING: extensive use of profanity

[© tweed]

very excited to announce that bgwah will serve as my vice presidential candidate for the June 2012 election cycle.  here is my speech.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaUYoIMI5kM&feature=youtu.be


WARNING: use of adult language.

[© tweed]

delighted to have Old Forum veteran TCash101 on board.  everyone knows my feelings about the importance of tenure to the membership.


for everyone else, please note that the most active (and earliest aboard) of my supporters will be duly rewarded once I assume power, so jump aboard now and receive your deferred prize. 


I am the anti-meritocratic candidate.

[© tweed]

Might an ambassadorship be in order should I join you in your campaign?

that is setting the bar quite low.  if I were you, I would have began by asking for a high level cabinet position.  but, to each their own.  my answer to you: absolutely!

[© tweed]

Ah, now you have my attention. This should be good. The Golden Era...

glad to hear it, Phil.  Marxism-Leninism-Tweedism (also known as Marxism-Leninism with Atlasian Characteristics or Boss Tweed Thought) is a systematic fusion of the reactionary-cultural with the revolutionary-political, destined to bring many into the fold.

[© tweed]

Ah, now you have my attention. This should be good. The Golden Era...

glad to hear it, Phil.  Marxism-Leninism-Tweedism (also known as Marxism-Leninism with Atlasian Characteristics or Boss Tweed Thought) is a systematic fusion of the reactionary-cultural with the revolutionary-political, destined to bring many into the fold.

Oh, ok. Keystone Phil-ism promotes Atlasian fun and a return to the old days so...yeah.

glad to see that we are in agreement!

[© tweed]

I endorse your candidacy and look forward to my reward once you are in power. Good luck sir!

duly noted.


I encourage all of my supporters to re-register under the name 'Communist Party of Atlasia (Marxist-Leninist-Tweedist)'.  and this will be duly noted as well.

[© tweed]

Tweed, what is your opinion of the cabinet positions, specifically SoIA? The Senate has recently debated a bill to abolish the position.

I've supported paring down the number of jobs.  SOIA just the tip of the iceberg.

[© tweed]

BGWAH STANDS FOR SOMETHING? AND IS PRONOUNCED BEEG-WAH?!?!

endorsed.

my campaign will be chock full of revelations.

[© tweed]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQWU5dwIqPg&feature=youtu.be

[© tweed]

I think you will rank pretty high up on my ballot.

I encourage my supporters to disassociate from preferential voting and simply vote "1. Boss Tweed" in June.  as I did in the recent Northeastern election despite not being a candidate.

[© tweed]

Okay so I just got to about the 5:30 point of the video and I am crying. Because you're absolutely right. AF is really the only place I've ever felt welcome and it kinda saved my life.

as President I will nationalize counseling & psychological services and they will be free at the point of use for all, except the rich.

[© tweed]

Okay so I just got to about the 5:30 point of the video and I am crying. Because you're absolutely right. AF is really the only place I've ever felt welcome and it kinda saved my life.

as President I will nationalize counseling & psychological services and they will be free at the point of use for all, except the rich.

Why not for the rich? They should be required to attend counseling since being rich is a symptom of an underlying mental illness.

they will be forced to attend counseling at their forced labor camps but they'll have to pay for it out of their nationalized property and nominal wages.

[© tweed]

when elected, I will abolish the system of preferential voting for all federal elections, to be replaced with a system of pure first-past-the-post, on Inauguration Day.  this will be done via executive order.*

I trace the death knell of the game to the push for preferential voting that occurred in the first half of 2004.  I say with disdain that this was backed by President Nym90, for whom I bled in February.  this motion was, of course, backed by the forefathers of everything that is evil, the United Atlas Centrists.

the UAC was a bandwagon to end all bandwagons, the post-modern political juggernaut we all must come to hate should the race be saved.  they had no cogent positions or orientations short of 'Elect the UAC'.  this was the worst form of liberalism... its extreme; no longer must we simply operate within a system that is a vacuum full of egotists, but we had to within that elect a float full of egotists.

and so the UAC banked on being everyone's second choice, and it worked, as Gustaf deposed Nym90, who had sewn the seeds of his own demise (as I had warned him; he did not seem to care).  I attempted to organize a movement that would have been a 'counter-ideological alliance' between Democrats and Republicans, to mutually preference each other's nominee in second, but again, Nym90 failed to go along, and the rest is a troubled history.


so!  enough of the past, believe it or not, we do have a future.  that future is to get rid of the system of preferential voting, which I shall do with the stroke of a pen.  this will be good.  it will force everyone into parties, two major parties.  and while this is a horrible way to run the real world, we are not the real world: we are the players of a role-playing game, and the return of party politics will mean the return of Machines, the return of meaningful Primaries, and so on.

see, what we have now is a vacuum, where we have no activity for a long while, then everyone shows up to vote in straw polls every few months, and that's it.  I can fix it.  I was here when it was better, so hop along and I will lead you to the promised land.

Tweed '12: Restore the Pride**.


__
* I anticipate people will complain about this being illegal; for now, I will simply state that I believe it to be legal and will gladly defend the action through the legal channels should both I and the Community deem it to be necessary.

**slogan borrowed from James Hoffa's 1998 campaign for the presidency of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters.

[© tweed]

booooooo

NO TO TWEED! YES TO LIBERTY!

"It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed."  --Lenin

[© tweed]

So Tweed what's your opinion on parliament system? I think it's a lot more fun than just having two parties in FPTP. Because you know, Unholy coalitions and all.

fine so long as it were constructed using FPTP balloting.  though in practicality I'm not sure how well it would work, as we're too small to have a diverse array of "ridings"/districts

[© tweed]

and obviously I will need a significant level of domestic support (the floor would probably be the Bolsheviks-1917, at 25%) to get anywhere with my programme, so ultimately the power lies with you, the citizen.

[© tweed]

thanks for the free media bro.


as for an actual update, I do have a few ideas floating in my head on a potential short essay.  no release date at the moment but it shouldn't be too long.

[© tweed]

using the term 'essay' lightly.  it'll resemble my post on page no. 5.

[© tweed]

anti-intellectual spectacle based jerk offs.