What parties would you be in other countries?

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These things are usually amusingly mindless in most cases, but whatever:

USA: probably an independent, but obviously one who votes almost exclusively for Democrats (unless they're stupid moderate hero Blue Dogs) because the GOP is a far-right extremist party.

Canada: The Liberals are the least horrible party and they can sometimes manage to be quite decent, though often totally incompetent. Above all, however, my shtick is being anti-Conservative and anti-Harper in whatever way possible. That is the real issue.

Mexico: all the parties are various shades of horrible, but the PAN, despite its less appealing elements (conservatism, ties to the Church) is the most competent and tolerable of the three main parties. It is a pity that the PSD wasn't able to keep its ballot line, because they were the only party which I could back without afterthoughts.

Chile: Pinera has generally been awful, so I'd back the Concertacion by default. Probably the PRSD if forced to choose a party.

Brazil: only personality matters, so ideally some non-corrupt moderate progressive/centre-leftist. I'd have voted for Marina Silva in 2010, but I've been impressed by Dilma.

UK: It would depend heavily on the constituency, local candidates and a bunch of other factors. I would vote for the SNP, Plaid and Mebyon Kernow in their respective regions; but in England I'd be on the fence. If forced, I'd vote Labour because the Coalition is horrible and Clegg is a douchebag. But sadly I'd have voted LibDem in 2010 and probably before that during the Blair years, especially 2005. I could consider the Greens, but I'm not really a fan.

Ireland: Not a big fan of any party, but Labour I can stomach pretty easily. In Northern Ireland, I'd vote Alliance or SDLP. Maybe Green too.

Germany: I would be a fairly loyal Green voter, but I might be tempted by the Pirates these days. All other parties suck.

France: I dislike all parties, but some are clearly more horrible than others. Unfortunately, the largest parties are all various shades of horrible (or horror) and I refuse to vote for any of the useless goons they put up in the first round. EELV is, for me, the most tolerable party even though it should grow up a bit. I long for a Borloo/ARES-like centrist social liberal alternative which is serious and competent, but alas. Of course, if I could, I'd happily vote for a regionalist candidate in a hurry (parties such as the PNC, PB and so forth).

Italy: The Italian left gives the LPC a run for its money on the issue of being totally incompetent, so I doubt I'd vote for the PD if other choices - on the left, naturally; the Italian right is not worth sh**t - came up. Antonio has convinced me to like Nichi Vendola, so I'd vote SEL in the next election. Otherwise I'd flirt with the IdV at times, and in the past I would have loved the Radicals.

Spain: Certainly I'd rather die in boiling water than vote PP, but the PSOE is certainly not a great party. Naturally, in Euskadi and other regions, I'd vote for the regionalist option (PNV, CiU, BNG, Compromis, CHA) if they were decent or tolerable - the PNV is of course a great party. Otherwise, I could vote PSOE if they didn't piss me off too much (which is fairly easy to do, it seems). In 2011, I'd have voted Equo or a small party outside the peripheral regions.

Portugal: The main parties are not too great, though not downright horrible either. I'd probably vote PS, but the BE is pretty nice sometimes too. Some of the tiny parties are nice too.

Poland: In 2011, the Palikot Movement would certainly have gotten my vote. Otherwise, the parties generally suck. Some suck more than others, with PiS and the right generally being ghastly; while PO is pretty sucky but very tolerable. I'd vote SLD if they got their act together.

Netherlands: The Netherlands doesn't vote correctly, but it does have great parties. D66 and GroenLinks are very close to my views. The other parties, meh, not so great (of course, the PVV is horrible). The PvdD is nice.

Belgium: Ecolo in Wallonia, Groen! in Flanders. All others aren't worth my time.

Greece: Elections won't matter anymore in Greece, therefore I'd obviously vote KKE. Given how downright horrible the other parties are (besides maybe Syriza and DIMAR), I wouldn't have much afterthoughts. If I felt more serious, I'd vote Green. ND, PASOK and LAOS should disband or go DIAF.

Croatia: The HDZ has become far more tolerable, especially under Kosor, but I'd obviously have vote for Kukuriku in 2011. The HNS and IDS are my preferred parties.

Serbia: The LDP is the party I'd prefer, but I would strategically vote for any halfway decent moderate pro-European politician or party like Tadić and the DS.

Hungary: The new green party, LMP, given that all other parties are beyond horrible or they just suck.

Czech Republic: The Greens were fine before they died off, now all parties are pretty sucky. I really don't like the ODS, so I might hold my nose and vote CSSD, hopefully they have a competent leader now, not a useless douchebag.

Sweden: Reinfeldt leads one of the few right-wing governments in the world which I actually *like* and the left, though good in the past, has become fairly crappy or stupid in recent years. I'd probably vote for the Centre Party, with their new liberal-greenish twist.

Denmark: Pretty clearly the Social Liberals (B). All other parties tend to be horrible, though F and Unity List are tolerable despite being too leftie for my personal tastes.

Finland: Besides PS, the parties aren't horrible as much as they're boring. The Green League is my preferred party.

Norway: I like the Labour Party, but my favourite party is Venstre, which is one of my favourite parties in the world.

Austria: Getting the hell out of Austria is the first priority, but if I couldn't, then the Greens obviously. The LIF were cool during their brief existence. I might stomach the SPÖ if it was necessary, somehow, to block the Nazis.

Switzerland: A bit useless, but the Greens or GreenLiberals. The CSP is nice too sometimes.

Israel: New Movement-Meretz is by far the best, though Shinui was cool back in its days too.

Turkey: the Kurd nationalists, but the CHP has gotten a bit less horrible now. The ÖDP is not relevant, but it's a cool party.

South Africa: Certainly DA, the ANC and IFP are horrible nowadays and COPE is a fat joke.

India: Most parties are totally useless, but the INC are obviously the good guys here though it is unfortunate they ally with not-so-good guys. The BJP is just horrible.

Thailand: All parties suck balls, but the Democrat Party is the one I'd feel less dirty after voting for. They still suck, though.

Taiwan: I'm not sure how I feel about the Big Issue in Taiwan, and I'd be a swing voter, but I would probably lean towards the Pan-Greens/DPP.

South Korea: The Korean right is ghastly, the liberals have not been competent since Kim Dae-jung, but I'd still lean towards them.

Japan: I'm not pleased with the DPJ's performance in government, but they are on the good side now that Ozawa has been sidelined a bit. They are still the good guys against the LDP, but I could vote for the JCP or something over them at times.

Australia: The ALP are the good guys when stacked against Tony the Nutjob's Liberals, but I can't say I'm much of a fan of the ALP in government. I would vote Green in almost all cases in first preferences (AU Democrats in the past), but I'd direct my preferences for 2PP to Labor to defeat the Coalition.

New Zealand: Green or Māori Party. John Key, however, has been a fairly decent Prime Minister.

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Well, France does have 'libertarian' parties but they're more in the vein of classical liberalism than America's weird conspiratory anarcho-capitalism. The oldest one is Alternative liberale, which has apparently merged into the NC. The other one is the Liberal Democratic Party (PLD) which is a split off of AL. There are some tiny anarcho-syndicalist parties as well, but I don't recall them running candidates much. In terms of proximity to social and economic liberalism, Borloo's Radicals are probably a good bet fwiw.

Historically, Alain Madelin's DL - their heir of Giscard's PR - was quite close to liberalism - though it had some pretty socially conservative elements. They also left a bad taste in my mouth because Madelin was pro-Iraq and the DL was formed by apologists for the FN who didn't see the trouble in allying with them for the sake of power.

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Neither the NC or MoDem are actual political parties.

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Neither the NC or MoDem are actual political parties.

Ah well, I thought they were. What are the actual political parties then?

They're political parties in the liberal sense of the term, but given that in reality they're both empty shells which are nothing but failed vehicles for their stupid leaders, I don't really treat them as political parties.

The NC has never been a political party, and has never shown any aspiration to be treated seriously. It was created by those UDF deputies who opposed Bayrou's post-electoral strategy, largely because they were scared sh**tless about losing their jobs if the UMP ran candidates against them (which it would have done, likely with some success, if they had followed Bayrou). Hence, from that point on, they've been a useless bunch of centre-right barons which leeches on the UMP and is clearly dependent on the UMP's good graces for its political survival. Morin never really had any political ambitions beyond being a useless rural gombeen deputy. Lagarde and those in the NC who were actually remotely ambitious have left the party now after their civil war with Morin. Since 2007, it has been practically one and the same with the UMP, appearing more as the centre-right faction of the UMP than an actual UDF-like political party. The few non-incumbent NC candidates which ran against UMP candidates all won terrible results (like 5% in exceptional circumstances, 1-2% otherwise), and for that reason it shied away from running independently in the Euros and regionals. The few public statements by the NC have consisted of the old centrist pablum ('European integration', 'humanism' and some other bullsh**t which doesn't mean jack crap).

OK, the MoDem was intended to be a political party, given that it actually runs independent candidates in most elections (!) and that it had developed a slightly more thought-out and coherent ideology (but obviously it doesn't give a sh**t about it). However, it started out as a personal vehicle for Bayrou's half-baked presidential ambitions and it has transformed at a dizzying pace into a one-man show which serves Bayrou's delusions and uncontrolled sadist urge to become President in 2002 2007 2012 2017. I mean, he's run the party like a Soviet Commissar and forced everybody who thought that perhaps Bayrou's strategy was probably not the kewlest thing eva to leave the party in shame. Since 2007, he's show that he literally doesn't give a sh**t about how the other people in the MoDem (all 5 of them) fare in elections or that the MoDem has gotten its ass kicked in all/most elections.

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Well then what's left that's decent? Democratic Convention? Modern Left? Radical Party of the Left? Radical Party? Something else entirely?

If the NC isn't a political party, then the CD and GM sure as hell aren't close to be political parties. The CD is a totally unknown one-man entity (unfortunately for them, that one man, Hervé de Charette, got defeated in June in a constituency which the right had no business losing ever). It never made a mark on anything, and I doubt anybody besides people like me even knew it existed to begin with.

The GM at least had a membership higher than one, but you wouldn't think that considering that it too is/was (nobody has heard from the party in recent months) a one-man entity led by Jean-Marie Bockel (the former leader of the most right-wing faction of the PS, and one of those lefties who became a Sarkozyst). Its relevance dwindled after Bockel got kicked out of the government, and nobody outside Mulhouse (even there...) gives a sh**t about him (assuming they've even heard of him). It those have 2 MEPs (which nobody knows) and I think the only one remotely "well-known" (for a guy like me, who lives and breathes with this sh**t) guy in the party is that guy who has lost every election in Guadeloupe since 2008 (Daniel Marsin).

The PRG is a decent party - after all, for some reason, I voted for it in June (well, the main reason being that the candidate was hot and her suppléant had the most epic mustache ever, but I digress). I personally like its platform (European federalism, social liberalism, pragmatic-reformist centre-leftism, laicisme), but in reality that doesn't really matter because, since its foundation in the 1970s, it has been to the PS what the NC has been to the UMP (with a few, notable, exceptions which make it more relevant and more of a political party).

It is the best known example of a useless 'party' whose survival is entirely dependent on the PS and its generosity (some Green guy recently said that if EELV kept going down its current track, it would become "like the PRG", and the PRG promptly threw a fit, stung by the truth). As a fairly loyal and reliable partner of the PS, it usually gets a good deal out of them - it has a few cabinet ministers now, it got its own group in the Assembly back in June (but make no mistake: I doubt it would have over 3-4 seats if the PS ran candidates against the PRG). Besides that, it is totally irrelevant and while it isn't quite Jean-Michel Baylet's (a newspaper owner who is the PRG's leader, senator, local baron) own little toy, it doesn't have any impact on national politics.

The PRV is a political party (but that's fairly recent), but then again, despite Borloo being the official boss of the party and holding high ambitions for it (but he's too crappy and lazy of a politician to follow through on it), in practice it is actually very divided considering only 5 of the dozen or so PRV deputies actually followed Borloo's lead in forming the UDI group in the Assembly. You still have a good number of Radicals who continue to operate as UMP in all but name and they're quite open about it. From my POV, Borloo's platform is quite good: some sort of centre-right/centrist social liberalism/green liberalism, but I hold little fantasies about it - he's not going to go places.

In terms of parties which might actually fit you, France is a nightmare for American libertarian types, given that such an ideology has basically no echo whatsoever in France. You certainly have two openly libertarian/classical liberal parties (whose main platform points are smaller government, less regulation, lower taxes mixed with social liberalism), Alternative libérale and the Parti libéral démocrate (the PLD is a splinter of the AL, given that AL was originally run in a very authortiarian fashion - funny how that works out) and both run a few candidates in elections who struggle to get over 1% (PLD ran 23 candidates in June, AL apparently ran none, I've read that they're recently associated with the NC). In the past, in the late 1990s, Nicolas Miguet's RCF was basically a Paultard movement and I think the Paultards might have tolerated Alain Madelin's DL even if his foreign policy was a world away from Paul.

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Why UPyD? Do you hate the Basques or are you a pseudo-intellectual who is full of himself (and full of sh**t)?

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France: FASE, Les Alternatifs (I know they're both non-existent parties; I could support a non-dumb centrist)

So you'd vote for the FG. The FASE and Alternatifs don't run separately from the FG anymore besides in a few local elections or some dissidents.

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France: FASE, Les Alternatifs (I know they're both non-existent parties; I could support a non-dumb centrist)

So you'd vote for the FG. The FASE and Alternatifs don't run separately from the FG anymore besides in a few local elections or some dissidents.

That's a front, not a party. Or am I that wrong about the French political system? I have my qualms with the PCF and I gave up the PG after Melenchon's comments on Breton language issues.
Anyway, what would you say about the MdC? Too much authoritarian tendencies, or something?

If you want to be pedantic, yes, the FG isn't an actual party - it's a quasi-permanent coalition of many parties (most of which probably have like 2 members). In electoral terms, since the FG's components almost always support one candidate (except in some local elections, or like in the 2010 regionals when the PG ran lists with the NPA in places where the PCF had allied with the PS), it is pretty much a single political party. It makes little difference if you dislike the PCF, PG and like the FASE.

The 'MDC' has been known as the MRC since 2002. I guess if you're a Eurosceptic and Jacobin left-republican, the MRC is a fine choice. But the MRC doesn't matter all that much anymore, since most of the time they ally with the PS by the first round anyhow (how do you think they win their seats?).

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The French Socialist Party is a bit far to the left for my tastes, but my real problem with them is that they're ineffective and poor at governing.

Yet, by choosing the PRG, you're effectively choosing the PS. The PRG is, for all intents and purposes, basically indistinguishable from the PS - except that they tend to be a bit more pro-European than the PS (but even then...). All of their elected officials only got there thanks to the PS, and they only run enough candidates in legislative elections to qualify for the first fraction of public financing. If the PRG had not been allied to the PS since the 1970s, they would about as relevant as the countless tiny far-left outfits out there.

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The French Socialist Party is a bit far to the left for my tastes, but my real problem with them is that they're ineffective and poor at governing.

Yet, by choosing the PRG, you're effectively choosing the PS. The PRG is, for all intents and purposes, basically indistinguishable from the PS - except that they tend to be a bit more pro-European than the PS (but even then...). All of their elected officials only got there thanks to the PS, and they only run enough candidates in legislative elections to qualify for the first fraction of public financing. If the PRG had not been allied to the PS since the 1970s, they would about as relevant as the countless tiny far-left outfits out there.

So is there any point at all in stepping outside the UMP/PS duopoly? There doesn't seem to be many non-awful parties that aren't tied to one coalition or the other.

I guess there is a point, though obviously I would be one to argue that given that the first round candidates I've voted for have won no more than 2%. It's just that the PRG is inextricably tied to the PS in all but a few instances, which is not the case for EELV (greens) who are capable of being independent and will run their own candidates in most elections (even if, in all but a few cases back in 2011, they will drop out of the runoff if they are qualified behind another left-wing candidate). Of course, EELV is becoming more and more tied up to the PS these days...

There's always the MoDem, of course, but I don't see why anybody would vote for them considering that at this point it's an empty personalist cult run by and for Bayrou. Bayrou might have a few good ideas, but he's an opportunistic moderate hero whose platform largely consists of whining about the PS/UMP duopoly and not proposing any coherent alternative besides what would probably be some horrible Third Force-type wet dream. You would probably find a few UDI politicians (Borloo, Jégo, Jouanno, Lagarde) pretty acceptable since they're socially liberal, moderately right-leaning on economic issues, not xenophobic sh**ts like most of the UMP and a bit environmentalist on the side. But at the same time the UDI is a useless party which is full of horrible bland right-wingers.

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Australia: Australian Greens - 11.8%
Austria: The Greens - 10.4%
Belgium (Flanders): Groen! - 6.9%
Belgium (Wallonia/Brussels): Ecolo - 12.3%
Brazil: depending on personality, likely Workers' Party - 17.1%
Canada: Liberal Party - 18.9%

• Alberta: Alberta Liberal Party - 8.9%
• British Columbia: Green Party - 8.1%
• Ontario: Ontario Liberal Party - 37.6%
• Manitoba: Manitoba Liberal Party - 7.5%
• Quebec: Québec Solidaire - 6%
• Saskatchewan: Green Party - 2.9%

Chile: Concertación - 44.4% (by default)
Croatia: Kukuriku coalition (SDP-HNS-IDS) - 40.4%
Czech Republic: Green Party - 2.4% (since they all suck)
Denmark: B - Radikale Venstre - 9.5%
Finland: Green League - 7.3%
France: Europe Écologie – Les Verts - 5.5% (party I most closely identify with)
Germany: The Greens - 10.7%
Greece: Democratic Left (DIMAR) - 6.3%
Hungary: Politics Can Be Different - 7.5%
Iceland: Left-Green Movement - 10.9%
India: Indian National Congress - 28.6% and most other UPA parties
Ireland: Labour Party - 19.5% (even if they're horrible)
Israel: Meretz - 4.6%
Italy: Sinistra Ecologia Libertà - 3.2%
Japan: Japanese Communist Party - 6.2%
Korea: Democratic United Party - 36.5%
Mexico: Institutional Revolutionary Party - 31.9% (I know, but at this point I'm optimistic about EPN)
Netherlands: D66 - 8% or GroenLinks - 2.3%
New Zealand: New Zealand Greens - 11.1%
Norway: Liberal Party - 3.9% or Norwegian Labour Party - 35.4%
Poland: Palikot's Movement - 10%
Portugal: Left Bloc - 5.2%
South Africa: Democratic Alliance - 16.7%
Spain: Equo - 0.9%

• Catalonia: Initiative for Catalonia Greens - 9.9%
• Euskadi: Basque Nationalist Party - 34.6%
• Galicia: Galician Left Alternative - 13.9%
• Valencia: Coalició Compromís - 7%

Sweden: Centre Party - 6.6%
Switzerland: The Greens - 8.4%
Taiwan: Democratic Progressive Party - 34.6%
Turkey: Democratic Left Party - 0.3%
Ukraine: All Ukrainian Union – Fatherland (The options there suck.)
United Kingdom: Labour Party - 29%

• Cornwall: Mebyon Kernow
• Northern Ireland: SDLP - 13.9%
• Scotland: Scottish National Party - 44%
• Wales: Plaid Cymru - 17.9%

United States: Democratic Party

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I'm always a bit skeptical of these new parties which seem really nice and sweet but often turn up to be useless moderate hero parties. I don't know the ins-and-outs of BF, and from what I know about them they're pretty good, but for some reason I feel closer to the Left Greens.

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I'm well aware of the Centre's disastrous libertarian/urban social liberal twist, and I don't really mind it all that much. I don't like the Greens much because of their Eurosceptic positions, and I generally like the current centre-right government (whereas the centre-left opposition seems pretty useless). I would probably vote for the Greens if I started to dislike the centre-right government, but it's all a moot point.

Are you sure? Even for me they are too left-wing, although I'd cheerfully vote for them if I lived in Galicia, specially after this:

Italy's SEL is pretty left-wing for me, but like AGE they're the only decent option on the ballot. The Socialists, no offense, are horrible and have some pretty serious re-thinking to do before I'll treat them seriously. The BNG is pretty sectarian and very useless.

QS? LOL, Ok...

What I wrote about AGE holds true again here. QS is much more left-wing than I am and they have a lot of horrible True Leftists or sectarian Franco leftie separatists, but what other options are there? The PQ is the best major option but they're boring, incompetent and useless. The Greens are dead. And there's obviously no way in hell that I'm voting for the mafia's party or Cack. Besides, in the current context, it's the only party which we can be certain isn't in bed with the mafia.

As for the NDP, I don't really dislike them all that much although under Mulcair they're really boring and stale (the same could be said about the Liberals, obviously, especially with Biebertrudeau - in fact, Harpo is the only one who isn't boring but that's because he's an horrible reactionary). They do have a lot of annoying and ingratiating partisans who often seem to hate the Liberals more than they hate the far more dangerous reactionary Purgatories, but I suppose the same can be said of many other parties (I'm well aware that many Liberal hacks, which I am not, are almost as annoying and ingratiating morons). I would vote for the NDP in any marginal Purgatory-NDP riding, but in my riding, a vote for the NDP is basically a vote for the horrible Purgatory incumbent.

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Colombia: Social Party of National Unity

Given your choice of parties in (most) other countries, this one doesn't fit at all.

Also, literally nobody has ever called that party 'Partido Social de la Unidad Nacional'.

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Colombia: Social Party of National Unity

Given your choice of parties in (most) other countries, this one doesn't fit at all.

Also, literally nobody has ever called that party 'Partido Social de la Unidad Nacional'.

Why does it seem so strange?

You don't seem like the kind of person who would be a supporter of Juan Manuel Santos.