I think I need some personal advice

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Nathan, if Bushie thinks its a good idea...it's not a good idea...

I know that that's usually the case, hence I'm still far from convinced that going immediately to the people involved is the best way to address this.

[Gustaf]

The people arguing that point, what is talking to anyone supposed to achieve exactly?

[Filuwaúrdjan]

My advice is that the very last place you should go to seek personal advice is the Atlas forum.

[Simfan34]

Remind me to never have you guys as friends.

[Oakvale]

Remind me to never have you guys as friends.

What would you, as our resident Solomon, suggest he do?

[Simfan34]

Remind me to never have you guys as friends.

What would you, as our resident Solomon, suggest he do?

Consult the lady-friend's friend then sit down both separately.

[Napoleon]

Remind me to never have you guys as friends.

What would you, as our resident Solomon, suggest he do?

Consult the lady-friend's friend then sit down both separately.

That is invasive/intrusive/inappropriate.

[Simfan34]

Remind me to never have you guys as friends.

What would you, as our resident Solomon, suggest he do?

Consult the lady-friend's friend then sit down both separately.

That is invasive/intrusive/inappropriate.

Friendship is intrusive.

[Napoleon]

No, friendship has respectful boundaries. It isn't a free pass to involve yourself in every aspect of one's life. Marriage doesn't even give you that. Learn the limits.

[Simfan34]

No, friendship has respectful boundaries. It isn't a free pass to involve yourself in every aspect of one's life. Marriage doesn't even give you that. Learn the limits.

This is not some minutiae. This is a real relationship at stake, I would feel morally obliged to demonstrate to my friend that he was making an error. That's essentially what friendship is about. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines friendship as "  distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake." To not have that concern, to not be worried by such things is a problem, but  to be aware of it and to not take action upon it, as you deem it to not be your business, would be tantamount to declaring "I am not a friend of yours".

[Oakvale]

I agree 100% with Napoleon on this, Simfan. It's not for you to judge whether someone is making an error - they may well be, and, yeah, probably are, but meddling in other people's business like a prudish busybody is rarely a good idea.

Getting caught up in the philosophical implications (!) of this misses the point entirely. The practical effect would be to piss off everyone involved, and possibly even ruin a friendship or two. Discretion is the better part of valour.

Look at this way - if you were the guy in question, how would you react if someone "confronted" you about the incident? They're grown-ups, they can make their own decisions, or mistakes.

[Simfan34]

You speak as if I'm some random somebody, but I'm coming from the position of a close friend. Old Europe speaks as if he is really, really close to the woman in question, at least, and I think from there it wouldn't be seen as "busybodying". I wouldn't. If my friends came to me and said "Simfan- what you are doing is wrong", I might be upset, but it wouldn't be as if it was some random stranger.

[TJ in Oregon]

It really does depend on what the personality of the friends are, how well you know them, and when you will see them next. Is this very far away from how they normally act when they are drunk?

All that being said, if you do decide to talk to them, don't call them in like it's some interrogation or something; that'll just make everyone angry and irritated. Just say about a maximum of three sentences, something like, "Do you know what you did last night..?" etc. If this is a friend you actually know well enough to have this conversation, this shouldn't be that much of an effort, ie. you see this person in the next day or maybe two at the maximum without having to try.

Considering this post happened two days ago, if you haven't already said something, you probably shouldn't.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

You speak as if I'm some random somebody, but I'm coming from the position of a close friend. Old Europe speaks as if he is really, really close to the woman in question, at least, and I think from there it wouldn't be seen as "busybodying". I wouldn't. If my friends came to me and said "Simfan- what you are doing is wrong", I might be upset, but it wouldn't be as if it was some random stranger.

I speak from personal experience of having the emotional/ethical sh**t verbally kicked out of me by close friends on quite a few occasions, all of which I think were perfectly justified given the character of close friendship. I don't think sexual decisions are unique in this. They're still decisions that come from certain places in one's personality and character and affect one's life.

[patrick1]

No, friendship has respectful boundaries. It isn't a free pass to involve yourself in every aspect of one's life. Marriage doesn't even give you that. Learn the limits.

This is not some minutiae. This is a real relationship at stake, I would feel morally obliged to demonstrate to my friend that he was making an error. That's essentially what friendship is about. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines friendship as "  distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake." To not have that concern, to not be worried by such things is a problem, but  to be aware of it and to not take action upon it, as you deem it to not be your business, would be tantamount to declaring "I am not a friend of yours".

Simfan...I really don't know what to say.

[Associate Justice PiT]

     I would tell the boyfriend of the involved female if he were a very close friend of mine. Otherwise, I'd do nothing.

[angus]

What do you do?

What do I do?  I gossip.

What should a responsible adult do?  Mind his own goddamned business.  My advice to you would be this.  It's really not your concern, and should you decide to make it so, you'll probably regret it.

[Gustaf]

I was once in a somewhat similar situation. A good friend of mine had a girlfriend. He had sex with a mutual friend's friend in a bush. The girl told her friend who told me and my then girlfriend. There was a discussion then about whether there was a moral obligation in telling the girlfriend. We didn't, they broke up shortly afterwards and that was that. Which was probably better for all involved.

[angus]

I was once in a somewhat similar situation...in a bush.   

Me too.  My mother strongly advised me to stay out of it.  The wife of a friend was actually turning tricks in their apartment while the husband was at work.  Making a little money with her bush.  I talked to Mama about it and she said that there would be several possibilities that would occur if I got involved in it, all either neutral or detrimental to me.  If I stayed out of it, there were also several possibilities that would occur, all neutral to me.  She said that the most likely scenario would be that they'd divorce soon anyway.  I actually followed her advice, which is very rare.  Mama gave me lots of good advice over the years, and mostly I regret not having followed it.  That was one time I followed her advice and was glad I did.  As she predicted, the marriage didn't last long, and the divorce had nothing to do with anything I said or did. 

[Simfan34]

No, friendship has respectful boundaries. It isn't a free pass to involve yourself in every aspect of one's life. Marriage doesn't even give you that. Learn the limits.

This is not some minutiae. This is a real relationship at stake, I would feel morally obliged to demonstrate to my friend that he was making an error. That's essentially what friendship is about. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines friendship as "  distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake." To not have that concern, to not be worried by such things is a problem, but  to be aware of it and to not take action upon it, as you deem it to not be your business, would be tantamount to declaring "I am not a friend of yours".

Simfan...I really don't know what to say.

Would you prefer if I just pulled things out of my rear end?

[tpfkaw]

No, friendship has respectful boundaries. It isn't a free pass to involve yourself in every aspect of one's life. Marriage doesn't even give you that. Learn the limits.

This is not some minutiae. This is a real relationship at stake, I would feel morally obliged to demonstrate to my friend that he was making an error. That's essentially what friendship is about. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines friendship as "  distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake." To not have that concern, to not be worried by such things is a problem, but  to be aware of it and to not take action upon it, as you deem it to not be your business, would be tantamount to declaring "I am not a friend of yours".

Simfan...I really don't know what to say.

Would you prefer if I just pulled things out of my rear end?

That depends.  What's in your rear end?

[Simfan34]

Fæcal matter.

[tpfkaw]

Fæcal matter.

Kinky.

[Torie]

Not nearly enough information was presented to give any sort of intelligent advice. Depending on the friendship, you might ask if her relationship is winding down or whatever, it does depend on the relationship with her boyfriend, or former boyfriend, and so forth. 

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Not nearly enough information was presented to give any sort of intelligent advice. Depending on the friendship, you might ask if her relationship is winding down or whatever, it does depend on the relationship with her boyfriend, or former boyfriend, and so forth. 

This is a possibility I hadn't considered. It seems like it would be worthwhile trying to ascertain whether this is the case.