The Comedy Goldmine

[Goldwater]

Sitting behind the desk in the oval office, being free to decide whether to push that red button in his suitcase or just get on the phone and call in the marines.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Really stupid thing to say. Yes in some ways he is exotic, but in effect saying that is just plain racist.

[Antonio the Sixth]

T_host found his perfect thread:

#29 Substance-less is dangerous, equally so is being present.

atroll

[dead0man]

Sitting behind the desk in the oval office, being free to decide whether to push that red button in his suitcase or just get on the phone and call in the marines.

The President can't make that call all by himself, he'd need the backing of ReallyGoodReason^TM.

(but most of you probably know that)

[Lambsbread]

3 favorites, eh?  From her upcoming album:

1) Do Me Like The Dirty Slut I Am.

2) I've Done It With Half Of The Seventh Fleet.

3) My Voice Sucks But I'm Rich - F[inks] You.

[Joe Republic]

I love how you fantasize about those big dark moments!

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Context:

Unionist (Protestant).

[All Along The Watchtower]

Context:

Unionist (Protestant).

lmao

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

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Tmth, noticed you made a campaign logo for yourself, but I thought it was just lacking something, so I pondered it for abit and made you a new (honest) and improved version in MS Paint! Tell me what you think

Are you like, twelve or something?

People like you are why this game has lost its charm.  I'm being brutally honest.  I will be enthusiastically endorsing your Senate opponent in October, whether he's to the left (yeah right) or right of you.

People like I are why this game has lost it's charm? Methinks you doth protest too much, Scott. You don't like me much because I, unlike you or half of the people active in Atlasia, actually have an agenda and want to implement specific policies. I am not some wishy-washy, moderate hero that wants to play nice with others because I want everyone to like me. I don't give a sh*t about that. I'm playing for all the marbles, and that's something rather alien to you and much of the Atlasian establishment, for which elections, this game, the whole damn thing is nothing but a popularity contest.

If you don't want pretend politics, don't play the part of pretend politician. I invite you and encourage you to endorse my opponent in October. I don't need your endorsement, and in fact, I'd rather not have it.

What the  did you just ing say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I became the best governor in the Northeast, and I've been involved in numerous attacks on the Labor Party, and I have over 300 passed bills. I am trained in political attacks and I'm the top participant in the entire Atlasian government. You are nothing to me but just another incumbent. I will drive you the  out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this forum, mark my ing words. You think you can get away with saying that  to me over a game? Think again, Senator. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of zombies across Atlasia and we’re putting you in last preference now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your career. You're ing out, Senator. They can be anywhere, anytime, and they can take you out in over seven different elections, and that's just in this year. Not only am I extensively trained in cross-party appeal, but I have access to the entire army of the Federalist Party and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the floor of the Senate, you little Lieboral. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" response was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're going to lose, you goddamn Laborite. I will send my zombies and you will drown in them. You're ing dead, Senator.

FTFY

[Lambsbread]

I just hope you're aware that people who use Colgate will burn in hell.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

LBJ, thinking that he's screwed up big time with the whole palatability of this "Civil Rights" thing, backtracks mid-campaign to appease white Southerners he knows he needs for the election. While the ploy works--he even selects George Wallace for Vice President over Humphrey, he alienates much of the country with his obvious racial pandering. Nevertheless, in the North he still takes Rhode Island and Massachusetts due to the Irish being scared of African-Americans as well as VP nominee Wallace's appeal to blue collar concerns. John F. Kennedy, lamenting in Hell, would remark in the post-election breakdown that selecting Johnson for VP was "the biggest damned fool mistake I ever made, and by me being here, you can see I've made a lot of 'em." Nixon goes on to fully integrate the schooling system, appoint the first African-American Secretary of State in Martin Luther King, Jr., and launches a humanitarian mission into South Africa to rescue it from the claws of the racist Brits.

Former President Richard M. Nixon (R-CA)/Mr. Jack Roosevelt "Jackie" Robinson (R-NY) 448 electoral votes
President Lyndon Baines Johnson (D-TX)/Former Governor George C. Wallace (D-AL) 90 electoral votes

[Antonio the Sixth]

Considering it's a R-MI avatar who posted this, a distracted poster could have thought he was serious.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

This is just awesome

UPDATE

You asked for it!  Includes a few butterflies in addition to the main POD to make this update worthy.

Mombasa, Kenya - 31 August 1945
Lieutenant George Bush was in a good mood as he headed back to his ship, USS Mission Bay (CVE-59).  As an officer, especially as a married officer, he couldn't partake of some the rowdier "recreations" many of the enlisted were engaging in during their shore leave. Barbara would have his nuts in vise if he'd engaged in such pursuits.  Besides, with such a good wife it was easy to be faithful.

Antisubmarine patrols in the Indian Ocean were definitely a lot more sedate than his time aboard the San Jacinto last year.  But they had gotten tense whenever they neared the Japanese-occupied Dutch East Indies.  Fortunately that appeared to be over.  The kid emperor had signaled that the Japanese were willing to surrender.  Things weren't yet official, but it was as good as over.  Still, when the ship set sail tomorrow, they'd be treating it the same as any other combat patrol.  To do otherwise just wouldn't be prudent.

But he wasn't too worried.  Kids were more sensible than adults.  Like those two orphan kids he'd met.  Cute little suckers and they'd even started calling him daddy when they learned he'd paid the orphanage director $35 to see they got a few extras in exchange for guiding him around the city today as if he were a tourist instead of a naval aviator on shore leave. They'd asked if they'd be coming with him, but he'd told them no.  Even if he'd wanted to adopt some kids, there was no way he could bring Barack and Hussein aboard as if they were mascots.

Something caught his eye.  A stray dog.  While hardly rare, this blond doggie was looking a thin, yet had a friendly air about him.  While he probably should just leave it alone, or if he had time, look for its owner, Bushie decided that he'd see if he could bring the dog back.  The squadron could use a mascot.  With that color, Blondie, would be a natural name, but giving a dog the same name as Hitler had wouldn't go over well.  He'd name it after the ship's captain, J.J.

USS Mission Bay - 4 September 1945
PhM2c Nathan looked over the slide carefully to make certain.  Yup, negative.  The Michigander always liked giving a patient good news. Hopefully he'd do the same when he became a lawyer thanks to the G.I. Bill after he was discharged from the service.  "Good news, Bushie.  No more rabies shots for you, but in the future, leave the stray dogs alone, will you?"

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

This is just awesome

UPDATE

You asked for it!  Includes a few butterflies in addition to the main POD to make this update worthy.

Mombasa, Kenya - 31 August 1945
Lieutenant George Bush was in a good mood as he headed back to his ship, USS Mission Bay (CVE-59).  As an officer, especially as a married officer, he couldn't partake of some the rowdier "recreations" many of the enlisted were engaging in during their shore leave. Barbara would have his nuts in vise if he'd engaged in such pursuits.  Besides, with such a good wife it was easy to be faithful.

Antisubmarine patrols in the Indian Ocean were definitely a lot more sedate than his time aboard the San Jacinto last year.  But they had gotten tense whenever they neared the Japanese-occupied Dutch East Indies.  Fortunately that appeared to be over.  The kid emperor had signaled that the Japanese were willing to surrender.  Things weren't yet official, but it was as good as over.  Still, when the ship set sail tomorrow, they'd be treating it the same as any other combat patrol.  To do otherwise just wouldn't be prudent.

But he wasn't too worried.  Kids were more sensible than adults.  Like those two orphan kids he'd met.  Cute little suckers and they'd even started calling him daddy when they learned he'd paid the orphanage director $35 to see they got a few extras in exchange for guiding him around the city today as if he were a tourist instead of a naval aviator on shore leave. They'd asked if they'd be coming with him, but he'd told them no.  Even if he'd wanted to adopt some kids, there was no way he could bring Barack and Hussein aboard as if they were mascots.

Something caught his eye.  A stray dog.  While hardly rare, this blond doggie was looking a thin, yet had a friendly air about him.  While he probably should just leave it alone, or if he had time, look for its owner, Bushie decided that he'd see if he could bring the dog back.  The squadron could use a mascot.  With that color, Blondie, would be a natural name, but giving a dog the same name as Hitler had wouldn't go over well.  He'd name it after the ship's captain, J.J.

USS Mission Bay - 4 September 1945
PhM2c Nathan looked over the slide carefully to make certain.  Yup, negative.  The Michigander always liked giving a patient good news. Hopefully he'd do the same when he became a lawyer thanks to the G.I. Bill after he was discharged from the service.  "Good news, Bushie.  No more rabies shots for you, but in the future, leave the stray dogs alone, will you?"

Wow, haha, that's awesome. I should probably read the entire tl.

[Leftbehind]

I can't find anything awful about Marie-France Garaud, so him.

You couldn't even find out that she's a woman?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

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This sanctimonious busybody was asked to intervene in determining the child's last name, and yet still felt compelled to force her own worldview upon the parents' choice of first name as well.

Small government, indeed.

I thought the religious wingnuts were looking forwards to the coming of the Antichrist.  So why would one try to forbid him from being properly named?

[SPC]

Too bad that's not an exercise update

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I knew Bob Dornan up close and personal. I found him utterly and totally personally repulsive - and a drunk actually. Thanks.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I used to be a stamp collector until three years ago when I broke my arm in a stamp collecting accident.

[Lambsbread]

Two from King:

VIETNAM WAR VET SAYS PATTERNS IN HIS CHEERIOS PRESENT EVIDENCE WHICH LINKS OBAMA TO MUJAHIDEEN

You know, looking at it again... something does seem a little off.

[Paul Kemp]

"Hmmm..." he pondered aloud, as he stared at his computer. "How to best to announce my return to the Atlas forum after a long hiatus?" And then it hit him, like an abusive husband hits his wife. He began furiously hitting away at the keys on his keyboard, like an abusive spouse furiously hits his or her spouse. Triumphantly, he hit down on the left mouse button--in much the same way an abusive spouse hits down on the battered mother or father of her or his children--posting the thread. "This domestic violence joke will really win them over," he smiled, like an abusive spouse smiles after abusing his or her spouse.

I'm Back yet again!

The Atlas is like an abusive husband!

You hate it for beating you but yet you run back to it anyways!

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=177852.msg383693

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I blacked out last night, and when I checked my phone the morning, the Wikipedia page for Jobbik was displayed.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

Jesus.

I agree - this is a very Christian thing to do. Good for Seattle.