The Comedy Goldmine

[SWE]

1975:

Mechaman: BRTD, nobody cares.
[/quote

[Simfan34]

I don't mean to interfere in your region's affairs, but I must recommend that you strike Section 2 of this bill in order to prevent illegal aliens from mooching off of welfare programs.

[MATTROSE94]

I really like this thread and I'm interested in replying to it, but honestly I don't know what to say. But I'll tell you what - a buddy of mine is an expert in threads like this, so I'll call him up and he can take a look at it.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Sorry, Antonio, but I LOL'd

[Antonio the Sixth]

Sorry, Antonio, but I LOL'd

Good for you, though I have no idea why.

[free my dawg]

Uh, wasn't there a user called Russ Powers? If so, then Russ Powers.

[Maxwell]

I've always found this a bit odd. Consider the top-grossing movies of 2013 (US):

1. The Hunger Games: Jennifer Lawrence leads the rural working class in resisting a government dominated by cosmopolitan elites.

2. Iron Man 3: A young Romney-esque protagonist uses his wealth to save the world from terrorists.

3. Frozen: Climate change denial cloaked as a children's movie. Enough said.

4. Despicable Me 2: Dramatic tension stems from the main character's struggles as a single parent. Clearly, children need both a mother and a father.

5. Man of Steel: An adventure ripped straight from the tales of Edward Nietzsche.

6. Gravity: Either Cuarón was trying to make 90-minute special effects demo, or this is an extended metaphor for the life of Christ.

7. Monsters University: Satire of liberal academe.

8. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug: Sequel to Rick Santorum's favorite movie.

9. Fast & Furious 6: Celebration of masculinity.

10. Oz the Great and Powerful: Don't leave the United States, because you'll run into all kinds of wacky characters and uncomfortable situations.

You might object that I haven't actually seen any of these movies. IRRELEVANT, I say, because HOLLYWOOD'S CONSERVATIVE MESSAGE IS THAT CLEAR.

One of the funniest things I've seen on this forum.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Obama, in a rare moment of honesty, at last admits that he's a Republican at heart and switches parties. In a secret occult ritual presided over by the Republican National Committee, Reagan's body is raised from the dead and his soul brought back from the netherworld beyond. Biden is forced to resign and Obama sacks his entire liberal cabinet, appointing Reagan to the Vice Presidency, John McCain to the position of Secretary of Defense, and Paul Ryan to Treasury. The administration's first move beyond internal organization would be allowing the incumbent to run for a third term through a careful re-reading of the constitution. Such allowances were found in the section that legalized "illegal" wiretaps and the like.

The Democrats, in a disarray, sought out the one true champion of liberal progress that could save the country from the arch-conservative Obama and his pal Reagan: David Cameron. Well to the left of several mainstream Democrats, Cameron had nonetheless proved his electability in the United Kingdom and the party hoped he could do the same for America. Beating out Hillary Clinton and Brian Schweitzer in the 2016 primaries, Cameron would be nominated on a platform promoting a National Health Service, similar to the one he had passed while Prime Minister. In order to counter the electoral strength of the due-conservative Republican ticket, famed left-winger and peace activist, former President Richard Nixon was resurrected. Nixon was perhaps best known for ending the brutal Vietnam War, signing arms limitation treaties, and creating the Environmental Protection Agency. A darling of the activist left everywhere, the Nixon pick helped bring the party together for the general election.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

He was OK at first, but his shtick's as old as a Biblical patriarch.

[Goldwater]

I wouldn't out any of these in my top three. Out of these, Washington is easily the best, but if I were required to select these three as my top three, I'd rank them as:

1. Washington
2. FDR
3. Lincoln

Interesting. Why FDR over Lincoln?

FDR's actions may have been terrible, but Lincoln basically took a sh**t on the US constitutional system of government. He sent countless Americans to their deaths (while sending them to kill people he considered his own citizens) in the name of the noble cause of remaining in the same country as slave owners. He centralized power and transformed the US into an imperial military state. Lincoln was basically the real life version of Chancellor Palpatine in Star Wars Episodes 1-3 (though I wouldn't go as far as to say that Lincoln's actions were as criminal as those movies).

So... Lincoln was actually leader of the Confederacy as well and was able to corrupt a young Unionist by the name of Ulysses S. Grant to the Dark Side and have him kill his fellow generals, upon which Lincoln donned a hooded robe and proclaimed himself Emperor? Seems legit.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Ok. Where's the body?

[King]

If "literally everyone" was in Austin these days the population of Austin would be over 7 billion. But that's not the case.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I suspect this has less to do with Massachusetts and more to do with Senator Richard J. Ross.

"I'll show you Marsha! I'll make it illegal for you to bang your yoga teacher in the bed I bought!"

By the way, I think this thread has also passed its expiration date.

[ElectionsGuy]

Let me just say that this "Bill" referenced in the title sounds like a huge dick.

[Oakvale]

The best statistician....ever. in the history of the world. An absolute genius on the level of Einstein.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Aye.

How does this not have 100%?

Hypothetical Nixon did not engage in criminal activity.

[Badger]

Kirk Dillard was the Mark Kirk of 2010.

I'm pretty sure Mark Kirk was the Mark Kirk of 2010.

[Enderman]

Hillary is coming!

That's what Bill said.

[Joe Republic]

Not for many, many years, however.

[badgate]

I'm going to need customers to stop saying "I don't come often" as an excuse not to sign up for our free rewards club.

[they don't love you like i love you]

Agreeing with Adam C. even once is dangerous. It's no excuse that a few of the "cool" politicians might stand by his assertions, because you'll get an addictive contrarian sort of feeling that will make you agree with him more and more often. But eventually that's not enough and you'll begin agreeing with even harder headed people and their philosophies. One nod of the head is all it takes to start down a path that inevitably leads to becoming broken and disheveled in an alleyway begging strangers for cash. Does that sounds "cool" to you?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I'm going to need customers to stop saying "I don't come often" as an excuse not to sign up for our free rewards club.

For some people, the added junkmail isn't worth possibly saving something.  I'm in that camp at times.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Ernest is the shiz.

Sounds like Paper Lion and Brian's Song are the most likely candidates.

Paper Lion seems more likely. He said he was in Middle School. I'll ask him in the morning. My dad has lived an interesting life and has met a very bizarre cast of characters with all kinds of saints and sinners. I'd be damned if he doesn't write a book about it one day.

While in the Hebrew testament YHWH does mete out punishments unto the third or fourth generation sometimes, failing to write a book isn't listed as an offense, so you need not be worried about being damned on that account.  (Considering that the effects of punishing someone severely will tend to cause one's descendants to suffer, I take such pronouncements as referring to such indirect effects rather than direct punishment upon the descendants of the offender.)

[MATTROSE94]

Though if Jay gets in, Blunt might be, how do you say? NIXONATED!

[Maxwell]

Someone asked why I think Reagan is unfairly judged, and I answered him with a long post. How is that not contributing, cyberbully?

Context is necessary.