The Comedy Goldmine

[Marokai Backbeat]

Is it just me, or does this thread reek of semen?

[Goldwater]

2016

The year is 2016. Nine armed terrorists affiliated with white supremacist groups have taken control of the DNC, threatening to hold the entire convention hostage until their demands are met. Their demands, including a return to the Southern Democratic platform of 1860 and the appointment of State Sen. Hillbilly32 and State Rep. David Duke as the party's ticket in November, are met. They are to keep the party officials hostage to ensure that the ticket receives serious funding. Democratic Senator Brian Schweitzer manages to escape from the convention when Bill Clinton creates a diversion and Mayor Rahm Emanuel cusses em out while Sen. Cory Booker overpowers one of them to escape out a back exit.

At the RNC, meanwhile, similar shenanigans are occurring. Rep. Peter King has stood up to nominate Sen. Marco Rubio as the party's nominee, with House Majority Leader Darrell Issa as his running mate. However, former Vermont Governor Jim Douglas enters another name into nomination: Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 of Michigan, noted historical revisionist. Rep. Oldiesfreak had previously run an unsuccessful presidential campaign, carrying only his home state of Michigan and Northern New England. Despite being crushed in the popular vote, it appears that (through rather undemocratic means) Oldiesfreak's followers (known as 'the freaks') have succeeded in controlling a majority of state delegations. Oldiesfreak is duly nominated, and chooses his fellow historical revisionist President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, attempting to draw a sharp contrast with the current administration due to Gallup polling suggesting that President Ahmadinejad was overwhelmingly preferred by rural voters over incumbent President Obama.

Gov. Brian Sandoval, alongside Gov. Susana Martinez and Gov. Mitch Daniels for the Republicans and Sen. Brian Schweitzer, Sen. Cory Booker, and other minor Democrats who did not attend the convention, announce the formation of the National Union Party, which has as its main two planks non-racism and acceptance of history (the party would later add several more policy planks that allow it to remain cohesive, tending towards centrist/center-right fiscal views and centrist-to-left social views). National Union, while it has great popular support, is lacking in fundraising due to a takeover of the RNC apparatus by the freaks and the aforementioned situation with the Democrats.

On election day, early results are not favorable for the National Union. Oldiesfreak had unexpectedly pulled out victories in New Jersey (despite the vigorous campaigning of Gov. Chris Christie for the National Union ticket), Connecticut, and ME-02, while results from the South suggested that Hillbilly32 had an unprecedented 80% of the Southern vote, because he was popular amongst all southerners, including an inconceivable 98% of the black vote because black like him. Going through the night, the only state in the Midwest the National Union ticket wins is Illinois (due to splitting between downstate and the black vote in Chicago). However, NU dominates in the West.

FINAL ELECTORAL TOTALS

State Sen. Hillbilly32 (D-FL)/State Rep. David Duke (R-LA): 206 EVs, 31% of the PV
Sen. Brian Schweitzer (NU-MT)/Gov. Brian Sandoval (NU-NV): 198 EVs, 54% of the PV
Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 (R-MI)/former Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad(A-IR): 134 EVs, 15% of the PV

[Antonio the Sixth]

2016

The year is 2016. Nine armed terrorists affiliated with white supremacist groups have taken control of the DNC, threatening to hold the entire convention hostage until their demands are met. Their demands, including a return to the Southern Democratic platform of 1860 and the appointment of State Sen. Hillbilly32 and State Rep. David Duke as the party's ticket in November, are met. They are to keep the party officials hostage to ensure that the ticket receives serious funding. Democratic Senator Brian Schweitzer manages to escape from the convention when Bill Clinton creates a diversion and Mayor Rahm Emanuel cusses em out while Sen. Cory Booker overpowers one of them to escape out a back exit.

At the RNC, meanwhile, similar shenanigans are occurring. Rep. Peter King has stood up to nominate Sen. Marco Rubio as the party's nominee, with House Majority Leader Darrell Issa as his running mate. However, former Vermont Governor Jim Douglas enters another name into nomination: Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 of Michigan, noted historical revisionist. Rep. Oldiesfreak had previously run an unsuccessful presidential campaign, carrying only his home state of Michigan and Northern New England. Despite being crushed in the popular vote, it appears that (through rather undemocratic means) Oldiesfreak's followers (known as 'the freaks') have succeeded in controlling a majority of state delegations. Oldiesfreak is duly nominated, and as his running mate he selects the only other man on the world stage with such a blatant disregard for historical fact, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, attempting to draw a sharp contrast with the current administration due to Gallup polling suggesting that President Ahmadinejad was overwhelmingly preferred by rural voters over incumbent President Obama.

Gov. Brian Sandoval, alongside Gov. Susana Martinez and Gov. Mitch Daniels for the Republicans and Sen. Brian Schweitzer, Sen. Cory Booker, and other minor Democrats who did not attend the convention, announce the formation of the National Union Party, which has as its main two planks non-racism and acceptance of history (the party would later add several more policy planks that allow it to remain cohesive, tending towards centrist/center-right fiscal views and centrist-to-left social views). National Union, while it has great popular support, is lacking in fundraising due to a takeover of the RNC apparatus by the freaks and the aforementioned situation with the Democrats.

On election day, early results are not favorable for the National Union. Oldiesfreak had unexpectedly pulled out victories in New Jersey (despite the vigorous campaigning of Gov. Chris Christie for the National Union ticket), Connecticut, and ME-02, while results from the South suggested that Hillbilly32 had an unprecedented 80% of the Southern vote, because he was popular amongst all southerners, including an inconceivable 98% of the black vote because black like him. Going through the night, the only state in the Midwest the National Union ticket wins is Illinois (due to splitting between downstate and the black vote in Chicago). However, NU dominates in the West and ends up with a majority of the popular vote.

FINAL ELECTORAL TOTALS

State Sen. Hillbilly32 (D-FL)/State Rep. David Duke (R-LA): 206 EVs, 31% of the PV
Sen. Brian Schweitzer (NU-MT)/Gov. Brian Sandoval (NU-NV): 198 EVs, 54% of the PV
Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 (R-MI)/former Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Abadgaran-IR): 134 EVs, 15% of the PV

[Kitteh]

SJoyce is on a role here:

He could talk about the Native Americans could self-deport.

(context)

[Keystone Phil]

Julio Jones with that interception made me cuss in front of my grandparents.

If your grandparents are anything like mine, I would be a former member of Planet Earth!!

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167720.msg3589337#msg3589337

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Julio Jones with that interception made me cuss in front of my grandparents.

If your grandparents are anything like mine, I would be a former member of Planet Earth!!

That's more absurd than funny.

[Warren 4 Secretary of Everything]

So... do we ban blacks?

[Mr. Morden]

BushOK cites Kenyan Law. First time this has been done since Specter's vote during the Clinton Impeachment trial.

[they don't love you like i love you]

Maybe you could try earning a bit of money by selling sweets to children: you certainly look the part.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Maybe you could try earning a bit of money by selling sweets to children: you certainly look the part.

Depending on how you translate that, it is either quaint or disgusting.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167877.0

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

I was hoping for 7 years of silence, like Clarence Thomas.

[Paul Kemp]

Two hits in the Update:

I believe all the "girls" here have penises, no?

We need to really strike at the root of this "porn addiction" thing? How often do you watch it, Bushie?

It's possible that Bushie thinks Sports Illustrated's suimsuit edition qualifies as porn.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

King's signature is ironic; he's not even a Republican.

Not ironic in the least.  I hold a very moderate hero position.  I believe that Obama is a closet Muslim socialist who wishes to destroy traditional America and make us follow Sharia, but I support this cause completely.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

[Antonio the Sixth]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

[Paul Kemp]

Last time I checked my name is not Monte Te'o.

MONTE!!!!

[CatoMinor]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167938.0

The entire thread.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

[Lief 🗽]

Ban Lief for trolling. Now.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I once invested a lot of time reading this online life blog of some guy from Oklahoma who had about 20 jobs in the span of 2 years, as well as 5 broken engagements.  I felt emotionally cheated when I realized how many holes there were in the narrative, and how it couldn't possibly be true.

[Antonio the Sixth]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

It's that old?!?

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

It's that old?!?

It plays on JetBlue TV, so...

[Keystone Phil]

Antonio is my boy but the young bull is really showing his age here, not knowing The Flintstone's are several decades old.