The Comedy Goldmine

[Antonio the Sixth]

In Germany the church taxes you.

[Lambsbread]

Probably gonna get death points for this, but this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on this forum

Context:

Is this nigga still alive?

[Lief 🗽]

As Walter mentioned, something is breaking... Literally...  On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house, A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.  It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.  There is a great big crack in the glass that looks like a big spider from where the rock made impact.  I called my grandmother to get the name of the business she used to get her back windshield replaced after the recent hail storms.  I called them and they will replace the front windshield tomorrow at 11:00 am for $180.  Not bad at all, I think!

Hey guys and gals can we go back to this post for a minute?

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Like, how is somewhere that's "just a couple miles away from my house"still only "on the way out the driveway" Bushie how long exactly is your driveway jesus

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How did a rock get up there, I mean rocks can't climb or fly or even move on their own

Also how do you know where the rock apparently came from, unless it was like really huge you wouldn't be able to see it until it hit your car

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Is it just me or is this like the worst explanation for anything ever?

How did a rock get on top of a building? Do Oklahoma buildings have roofs flat enough for rocks to just chill on top of them anyway? How does "a little bit of wind" cause tree branches to fling a rock like it's a golf club? Since when does Oklahoma have buildings tall enough (and road frontage small enough) to even make something like this possible according to physics?

Bushie how did this really happen

was some kid throwing rocks at you or was it just because you sat on your window

[Lambsbread]

Who is HPJ?

I think it is a virus that causes cervixial cancer.  Caused by masturbating with socks.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Two from the same set of commentary:

I see the story is veering into magical realism now.

Wait, how did it fall off a building? Were you driving under it? Or did it just blow it off and the rock floated in mid air to your car? I'm liking the rock throwing theory. Maybe Bushie was playing at a playground with some kids and the teens started making fun of him and throwing rocks. Fearing for his life, Bushie ran to his car and got in but one of the punks threw a rock and hit his windshield.

Sounds plausible to me.

We're starting to hear rumors of a second rock thrower in a nearby grassy knoll.

[SPC]

Hopefully they help us remove a few of the conservatrolls and Paultard radicals.

And perhaps a few arrogant Frenchmen as well?

Good thing he's Canadian.

Could be one of those cases where both countries will try to blame each other.

[Bacon King]

COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH

[Paul Kemp]

Mods are NSA
Wake up sheeple
IPU unite
Ron Paul 2016

Only because they don't understand the zoo.

[Goldwater]

Leif is a Viking and the person who really discovered America.

Link is a fictional fantasy character who wears green and saves the kingdom of Hyrule from a Man-Bear-Pig guy named Ganon/dorf.

How do you confuse them?

[Oldiesfreak1854]

Let's let those slide. He proudly identified himself as a Republican; a Northeast establishment Rockefeller Republican. Talked about all the money he donates and almost literally mapped out his political future.

What the hell is Oldiesfreak doing in PA?

[Sol]

Massachusetts currently has an African-American man and a Native American woman.  South Carolina has an African-American and a homosexual.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Probably about 2 in 10 strongly support affirmative action and the other components of the war on whites.

[Paul Kemp]

My eyes are starting to fade, but there is still something I need to do before I go to bed. 

Say no more friend, I get ya.

I guess he just types in "sex.com" and hopes for the best, since apparently they don't have google search in Oklahoma yet.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Can't find sulfur mine thread, so brutal ownage of Oldiesfreak by Joe goes here:

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Happy Father's Day, Bushie! I hope your children sent you a card.

I didn't get a card from the kids, though I may get one later this week when I am able to hold them in my arms!  I did get recognized among the real fathers by birth at church today and was given a couple tokens of appreciation.  There were only 5 dads there this morning, myself included.

[politicus]

From the "How many countries have you been to?" thread:

1: The greatest country in the world.

So what parts of China did you visit?

Gotta give credit when Hoosier's right

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Also today, I did not torture any puppies by leaving them outside in the heat all the day instead of letting them inside.

And I got a small chocolate frosty from Wendy's. Twenty calories, max.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

I don't know if to put this here, the deluge, or the GPG.

Hitchens in a nutshell:

HAR HAR CHRISTIANS SUCK THERE IS NO GOD LOLZ!

BOMB IRAQ BOMB IRAQ, INVADE AND SLAUGHTER PEOPLE!

HAR HAR TORTURE IS AWESOME!

HA HA BUSH RULES, LIBERALS WHO TRASH HIM SUCK, LIBERALS LOVE TERRORISTS!

There I completely summarized that idiot's "contribution" to public discourse.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

If the white women and white men of Missouri were segregated from each other to such a degree that a gender gap in voting showed up on a county map, it would be no wonder the state had weird pregnancy politics.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Quote from Naso:

"She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."

[Paul Kemp]

Quote from Naso:

"She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."

Let us cite the whole post:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=174430.msg3767985#msg3767985

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[politicus]

We better have the whole quote then:

Nice guys don't finish last....they finish in the shower. (Two and a Half Men)

In reality, it depends on the person themselves. It's very easy to generalize and in many cases books can be judged by their covers. But other times it's about perception. Take me for instance.

I never did so much as go on a date until I was 20 years old. I still live at home. Yet I have dated more girls than I can count. What's funniest of all? My biggest time period of dating the most girls occurred when I was without money and unemployed. In fact, my date life has gone sour since I've been making steady money. Perhaps less time focused on getting girls and more focus on getting money. Whatever the case, you would assume working and being around more people and having money would make you more attractive than being unemployed and without money.

There was a girl I dated a year and a half ago, with whom I'm still friends with today. We talk all the time but we just didn't remain in a relationship longer than a few months. This girl is close to my age, and gorgeous. She's hot. She liked that I played guitar and she liked my red hair.

We were a hot item together. I remember one day we spent the whole day and night together during which time we took this picture.



That night I went to my work. A girl I worked with who was 19 years old came up to me with an awkward smile. She asked if she could ask me a personal question. I said, "Sure."

She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."

Again, I was insulted. These girls look at me and see a redheaded Tuba-playing virgin. When in reality, I'm a redheaded guitar-playing womanizer.
It's the way I am perceived. I do often feel out of the times. One step behind. The best example of that is a picture from after my sister's wedding. All the guys from the wedding party were walking "Reservoir Dogs" style down the sidewalk and suddenly everyone decided to grab each other's hands and jump in the air for a picture. I tried, but as you can see from the photo, I was the only one who didn't think, "Let's all be youthful goofballs and jump in the air holding hands."



I was one step behind.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier. 

[opebo]

If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier. 

Thread closers suck.

[politicus]

If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier. 

Thread closers suck.

Okay, Ill reopen it. I just thought it had run its course.