The Comedy Goldmine

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Just noticed the reference to me here.

But yeah good for him, this concert looked boring as f**k. I mean sitting on that chair the whole time? How the f**k are you supposed to dance? Also full of boring people too based on that pic. Does this place even serve alcohol and is it full of hilarious wasted people? That concert looks like it'd be utter hell to sit through, comparable to a metal show.

[Paul Kemp]

Yeah, no.

Which is it?  Make up your mind.

Apparently it flew over your head.  The answer is clearly no.  To read this properly, you say the "yeah" slow and drawn out with a quick, sudden "no".  Kinda like - "yyyyeeaaahh, no."

[Napoleon]

The most dangerous city in Canada. Oh noez! Run for the hills

[Leftbehind]

I love how you can imply in the title of this thread that anyone reading it is male, because it's so blatantly obvious that no women use this forum.

[Mr. Morden]

Maybe "Comedy Goldmine" isn't the best place for this.  What about "WTF mine"?:

Are you going to tell your dad you want to live full time in Kenya within the next year to year and a half?

Is the dog ok?

I'll tell him when I get home.  The old man needs time to get used to the idea, as well.

He just sent me a picture of JJ, so she's okay. We found out she squats instead of lifts a leg, so she's a girl.

How's the female dog that you guys have for some reason named Jeff Junior doing?

J.J. is growing like a weed.  He's as active as ever and he does come inside during the hottest of temperatures.  We are taking him to the vet tomorrow at 1630.  They wanted to wait until I got home to help them.

I am really confused. 

Perhaps the first question to ask the vet: In your expert medical opinion, does this dog have a penis?

Whoops, all that should say "she."  We'll find out for sure from the vet tomorrow.

[Paul Kemp]

preferably someone that doesn wear a bolo and have extreme right wing gun views.

but i may be asking too much.   

[tik 🪀✨]

To oldiesfreak in the good post gallery. I usually don't laugh at much here but this gif brightened my loins.

You're so bad at this thread. SO BAD.

[Zanas]

I read the Bible straight through every year from Genesis to Revelation as well as read cherry-picked passages.  I rarely will read just one verse, though.  I have also started reading another Christian book on the side called "Total Church" by Steve Timmis.  I should be finished with that book within the next two weeks and will move on to a book called "Christian America?".  That should take me about 4-6 weeks and then it will be "Normal Christianity" sometime in September.

Counting the Bible as one book, I voted 1-3, with a more defined answer of 2.

This one is just sick.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

I don't get it.

[Paul Kemp]

The more the dog stays indoors, the less exercise she gets by being able to run around outside.

The irony mine just collapsed. RIP to all those lost in the rubble.

[Paul Kemp]

Bushie has kids? Isn't he like 17?

[Paul Kemp]

If I lock it, that's it, no more Update. Ever. 

[Oldiesfreak1854]

Wait, don't we have to give each other presents or something?

A Merry Davemas to Dave and to all my fellow Atlasians.

[Oakvale]

cc: Gallery

Anyone remember "The Sopranos" episode where Dr. Melfi discovers that talk therapy may only advance sociopathic tendencies? I think The Update is our version of that.

[tmthforu94]

Can I ask why I was banned? I don't want to intrude or anything.

[Napoleon]

Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

There's no way this guy isn't a troll.

[Napoleon]

Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

There's no way this guy isn't a troll.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNv7lY-ZhKA

moderate and sympathetic?

[tmthforu94]

Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

He's made some bad posts, but I don't see this as one of them.

[rejectamenta]

Perhaps the most important question is which sexual acts would be legal or would all sex acts be legal if we were to legalize prostitution. I mean it sounds like it could be a problem. Things would have to be worked out and paper work signed ahead of time. Imagine a guy buying a prostitute and after it was done wanted to poop on the female because it's just what t urns him on. Think about it. [...]

[opebo]

Left out the best part, rejectamenta:

I certainly don't want to come into contact with prostitutes who smell like dirty diapers.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Isnt it ironic? Bushie was the only poster to have any substance in that thread. WTF

[Gustaf]

That post by Barfbag on prostitution makes it very clear that he's a troll.

" these are important questions that our country needs to ask itself before we move on with legalization because I certainly don't want to come into contact with prostitutes who smell like dirty diapers."

That's pretty clear sarcasm.

[tik 🪀✨]

Just to give the Goldmine back a little more class:

I'm surprised by the votes so far. People disapprove of the police confiscating jars of poop?

i'll give you my jar of poop when you pry it from my COLD DEAD HANDS

[Napoleon]

I guess it's time to eat some humble pie.

I've been watching a lot of videos by Market Anarchists, Libertarians and ultra-Capitalists on Youtube, and videos by Socialists too, and in watching the Socialist's videos I've been watching the market anarchists videos too, and I've been persuaded by some very good arguments by them. I always had barriers aganist these ideas that were JUST barriers, you know. When you think about ultra-Capitalism it's only about how two people interact with one another, and how they should interact etc, and it's fallen to me.

If they don't agree then they don't have to do business with one another. You know, it's so simple, anybody can learn it, it's effective. I've made a lot of comments on here criticising it, and I've realised how stupid I was. For example, let's say a landowner is living landlocked by a lot of other landowners, and he needs to get off that land to survive basically. I used to think, "well he's trapped, he can't move to a market, he can't get water, he can't go anywhere, without the express permission of the other landowners, and if they said no then he's going to stave to death."

That was what I used to think, but when you think about it it's really that person's responsibility to invent themselves a flying machine, and then they can go right up high into the air, and they won't invade anybody's airspace, and they can come back down and find a land that they are allowed to use.

And I'm sure that they'd be some private company that decides which land people are allowed to go on and off, so you could have these flying machines that just hop around the planet, but only for people that are inventive enough to actually have them.