The Comedy Goldmine

[Mr. Morden]

The other thread is awful now.  This is the real comedy goldmine, as far as I'm concerned.

My first entry:

Enjoy your final hours as a moderator.

[Mr. Morden]

"Stuff they do on hard wood" is presumably what BSB is talking about.

I know that's a basketball reference, but cheerleaders do perform on the hard wood.  So, it's still not a gaffe, IMO.

[Mr. Morden]

FF.

I smell FANFICTION

[Mr. Morden]

Naso has a man with whom he travels in Florida? This thread just became more interesting than the Update.

[Mr. Morden]

Context:

In case anybody has missed it, Politico is currently suggesting that people who are made to feel unwelcome in a particular community are better off leaving than sticking around and putting up with the abuse.

[Mr. Morden]

Mitt Romney is not a governor. He is an ex-governor. The governor of Massachusetts is Deval Patrick.

In America, ex-politicians are generally called by their most recent office held as a matter of courtesy, which is why (for instance) Bill Clinton is still introduced as President Clinton and Mitt Romney is still Governor Romney.

I've always thought it's a pretty ridiculous custom. You don't see the BBC calling Tony Blair the Prime Minister, for example.

Thankfully the UK doesn't have ridiculous titles given for life.

[Mr. Morden]

On Bushie's untruthfullness about how much weight he's lost:

Don't you guys ever visit the polling boards? Never trust numbers with decimal points.

[Mr. Morden]

*Bump*, since the other thread was locked.

[Mr. Morden]

In response to Naso's take on the presidential campaign:

Can we get a list of every member of your family tree and their takes on the state of the race?

[Mr. Morden]

Welcome to 2004.

[Mr. Morden]

The GOP died on its way back to its home planet.

[Mr. Morden]

It would be sad if our first female President was one who got their on the coattails of her husband.

But maybe she will reform education so that your children will learn the difference between "their" and "there."

[Mr. Morden]

BushOK cites Kenyan Law. First time this has been done since Specter's vote during the Clinton Impeachment trial.

[Mr. Morden]

What I love about this story is every single player lived up to their stereo type.  Gun nut conservative dad.  Disrespectful liberal daughter.  Busy body neighborhood gossip.  Intrusive liberal social worker.  I was rolling laughing.

That's because stereotypes are real

[Mr. Morden]

Plus, I helped out an honorable local charity.

Your $2.00 will go a long way in buying toilet paper for their local headquarters.

[Mr. Morden]

That just means that he's retiring loudly!

[Mr. Morden]

Brian Schweitzer has no chance of being the Democratic nominee in 2016. Why? Two words: Air. Hub.

[Mr. Morden]

You are now what I call a Stage 1 Adult - you can vote, legally smoke, legally have consensual sex and are legally considered an adult.  A Stage 2 Adult is Age 21 where you can legally consume alcoholic beverages.  One can make a case for a Stage 3 Adult at Age 26 when you can no longer be on your parent's insurance.

Sheesh, these sound like a disease.

What stage are you?

[Mr. Morden]

Because he says "He wasn't a good President" and then says "but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century"

If you think that all US Presidents since Reagan have been pretty bad (like Jeff apparently does) its not absurd to say Clinton was the best of them, even though "he wasn't a good President". In that case he was the best of a bad lot.  

Except Bushie seems to go into every presidential election undecided, but thinking that both candidates are good people, who he'd be cool with becoming his president.

[Mr. Morden]

Maybe "Comedy Goldmine" isn't the best place for this.  What about "WTF mine"?:

Are you going to tell your dad you want to live full time in Kenya within the next year to year and a half?

Is the dog ok?

I'll tell him when I get home.  The old man needs time to get used to the idea, as well.

He just sent me a picture of JJ, so she's okay. We found out she squats instead of lifts a leg, so she's a girl.

How's the female dog that you guys have for some reason named Jeff Junior doing?

J.J. is growing like a weed.  He's as active as ever and he does come inside during the hottest of temperatures.  We are taking him to the vet tomorrow at 1630.  They wanted to wait until I got home to help them.

I am really confused. 

Perhaps the first question to ask the vet: In your expert medical opinion, does this dog have a penis?

Whoops, all that should say "she."  We'll find out for sure from the vet tomorrow.

[Mr. Morden]

He would have Vermont in the vag so as long as the Democrat was guaranteed 270 EV's.

Let's hope Vermont doesn't wind up there. Might need to visit the clinic afterward.

[Mr. Morden]

Classic Bushie:

And no, Christie is not pro-choice.

I know Christie isn't exactly a staunch conservative, but I could have sworn i heard pro-choice.  I guess not.  I guess I need to read up more on my candidate of choice!

[Mr. Morden]

I'm going to assume western Ukraine is more fiscally conservative, and eastern Ukraine is more socially conservative?

Western Ukraine is fiscally conservative but socially liberal whereas eastern Ukraine is split between constitutional conservatives, bold progressive voices, and straight-talking mavericks with independent streaks a mile wide. Geopolitics 101, my friend.

Thanks,

Yanukovych was thought to be one of the straight-talking mavericks, but turned out to be more of a PORINO.

Too bad he won't be running for another term, or we might have seen a good "demon sheep" ad used against him. 

[Mr. Morden]

On the 2016 GOP presidential candidates traveling to Las Vegas to try to win the backing of billionaire GOP donor Sheldon Adelson:

Christie is gonna nail the swimsuit competition.

[Mr. Morden]

This thread is over the 2000 post mark, and thus it should be time for a new one (just like the "opinion of previous poster's signature" thread).  Anyone want to start the next Comedy Goldmine?