The Comedy Goldmine

[Kaine for Senate '18]

I don't know about rape-induced pregnancies, but these types of comments from Republican politicians are most certainly a gift from God.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

if Al was chiming in on the Assange saga being a postmodern hack thriller novel... what is this?

This is a Shakespearean sex comedy, of course.

So it will shortly be revealed in the final act that everyone was actually just having sex with their spouses after all, in an elaborate scheme of mistaken identity and disguise?

[Kaine for Senate '18]

We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Krazen: The Early Years:

"Mom, check that there aren't any teachers hiding in the closet" Little Krazen did shout/
Just before the lights went out.  
There were no teachers hiding in the closet that night/
Or even any other night
But little Krazen still couldn't sleep/
He was too scared to make even a peep.  
Tomorrow was his first day of school and if there was school there were sure to be teachers/
Truly the most vile of all God's creatures.  
Little Krazen was a clever lad/
He knew the truth about the evil that all teachers do and society's ignorance of it made him quite sad.  They don't hit kids nor do they scream and shout/
But they didn't fool little Krazen, no, he knew what they were all about.  
Teachers live the high life in apartments with $50,000 per-year pay instead of in a box by a gutter/
Thought Little Krazen with a shudder.  
Little Krazen was smart as a tack/
Much too smart for any union thugs that the teachers might send to attack.
Day after day in the classroom he would sit silently and despair/
While the teachers got paid, isn't life most unfair?
Years later Pre-Teen Krazen would find/
An internet forum on which to vent and unwind.
"The union thug wouldn't think of checking my posts, cause he's just a dumb jerk"/
Thought Pre-Teen Krazen with a smirk.
And that is how Krazen1211 came to be/
Attempts to reason with him about teachers are futile, don't you see?

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Jeff, you forgot your disclaimer in the first post...

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Venezuela has some of the freest, best-run elections in the world (certainly better than those in the United States). But if it makes you feel better to put quotations around things, be my guest.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Jimmy Carter?  Come on.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?

I've heard of the Jimmy Carter who constantly coddles up to terrorists.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

So you really had a teacher who thought Hitler should be considered Lincoln's son?

Pretty much.  He had a picture of Lincoln put under a picture of Hitler's head.  He hated Abe Lincoln and was asked once if he wishes the Confederacy won which he answered in the affirmative.  I wish I could remember his reasoning behind that, because a statement like that needs to be backed up, but I can't place it.  Mind you that was late 90s/early 00's.

Well, that explains it then.  That was back when The War Between the States was still fresh in people's memories, and the emotions were still raw.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Why don't they just forgo democracy and appoint the nominee?

Or pass primary voter ID law requiring 4 forms of ID, including at least two platinum or higher credit cards to vote.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Glad you enjoyed that, Joe.  The whole article (I think I linked it) is quite amusing, for lawyers and non-lawyers alike.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Yeah, I can imagine you saying that while we're watching the movie. And I look at you with one eyebrow raised and say, "Dude, it's just a Disney cartoon, relax." Then we bump hands reaching into the popcorn and you flip out because you put yours in first so I don't have a right to any of the popcorn. And later you'll draw a comparison with how the Genie is clearly a metaphor for the welfare state. And I'll sarcastically ask you what that makes Iago, and you fumble around for a second before saying he's "the media or something.. maybe the teacher's union!" At that point I go into the kitchen to slam back a couple of Advil because of the pounding headache you've given me. And God help us when you hear that line in one of the first few songs: "I steal only what I can't afford - and that's everything." No. No, I would not watch Aladdin with you.