The Comedy Goldmine

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

This seems strangely arcane, like USSR-watching.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I was polled several times during the primary, but not once for the general election for some reason.  Ever since Gingrich won our primary, no one has cared what us Sandlappers think.

Yeah, that's really odd, especially as SC is objectively speaking a complete toss up .

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Abortion is a barbaric act and our descendants will feel the same way about us as we feel about slaveowners now.

you have a rather macabre sense of humor. 

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

See I just can't see someone from the Minnesota for Marriage people saying "We have called f**king *number* of people"

And I can't see someone from the Minnesota DFL not screaming "Tapioca! We need more tapioca don't cha know!"

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

on John Major:

It was revealed, courtesy of Edwina Currie, that he wasn't even particularly good at being straitlaced and boring.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I have a few questions to ask about the history of the forum.

1. How long has it been around?

The Forum was established in 1975 by Dave Leip in his mom's basement, where Mr. Leip was spending time discussing elections with his imaginary friends and family's cat, Peter. He was also pretty busy sticking his colorful election maps to the wall. The Forum went down after a fire accidentally started by Daniel, a bipolar family's dog. Deeply traumatized by this experience, Mr. Leip decided to put his map in safe place, which is the internet.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Maybe you could try earning a bit of money by selling sweets to children: you certainly look the part.

Depending on how you translate that, it is either quaint or disgusting.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Why is Schwarzenegger so high?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

...before we knew the details...

...we previously had incorrectly assumed...

We had originally misidentified...

As we were figuring this out...

No idea...

...Torie estimated that we spent ~40 man-hours on Simfan in this past week...

So basically the moderators are fools who cannot figure anything out.  And Torie spent the better part of last week stalking Simfan, and another undisclosed amount of hours estimating the number of hours he spent stalking Simfan.

...that's why Simfan is no longer among us.

Glad we got that sorted out.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

what do you think this is, the tragedy coalmine?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

My philosophy is a mess. It happens with age.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

My philosophy is a mess. It happens with age.

As true as the sky is blue

yes, but it's just so hilariously precocious.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

The British tradition in these matters is to have a regency if the monarch suffers from senility or madness.  I'm all for having a regency start right now, but for tradition's sake it should wait until Charles is on the throne before a regent is appointed for him.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Of course you can say something new... Not everything has already been written about.

Please tell that to John Grisham.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I see the Atlas forum is flexing it's anti-atheist muscles again.

FF, obviously.  Society needs arrogant, douchebag atheists like him.  Without them, more normal ones like myself and my friends would still be despised and oppressed.  With people like him, we become tolerable, even respected by some of the religiouses.  

considering the subject, I have to read this as brilliantly sardonic

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

She has a husband and daughter now since y'all were engaged? She definitely moves fast!

The daughter is 10 1/2 years old, so if we had gotten married, I would have been her step father.  We broke up for the final time in early 2007, and her and her current husband just got married a few months ago.

10 years old?! She must be older than you then.

Haha, no she's almost 21 years younger!

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

2. Abolish the 17th Amendment

I don't get it.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

2. Abolish the 17th Amendment

I don't get it.

People ought have a direct say in the selection of their representatives? In addition, selection of Senators by state representatives entrenches state senate gerrymanders, leading to further disproportional representation.

oh, right. that's hilarious

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Guys, I'm running for Stu. Co reporter, and I want your opinion on the speech that I have written.

Here it is, the first draft.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Please post what you think.

Hey, sport. A few years back I ran with Everitt for the office of vice president of Atlasia. We nearly won! Are you excited about my help yet? I have decided to lend you my experience but only if you promise to make the costs for all of the products in the vending machines in the cafeteria divisible by 10 because fuck nickels.

Here is my revised draft of your speech, including actions you need to take.

STAND BEFORE PODIUM, SMILING. SHOW TEETH

Hello and thank you all for taking the time to listen to me right now concerning what I am about to tell you at the present time. If you don't know me, my name is..

SQUINT, LOOK AT YOUR CARDS AND SHUFFLE THEM

...Jackson comma Jerry. I am running for the office of reporter for Student Council. This is an exciting opportunity for me to have extra credentials when I apply for a slightly more upmarket community college. I also am a big fan of reporting and cards, unlike most of us!

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER. YOU'VE GOT THEM OFF GUARD NOW, GO IN FOR THE KILL

Now, I want to be real with you. That's why I've decided to take off some of my clothes.

TAKE OFF AS MUCH OF YOUR CLOTHES AS IS REQUIRED TO BE TAKEN REALLY

I'd like everyone to be aware as I continue that my nipples are so hard they could cut diamonds. I have no ideas about what to do in this job. I am being honest. I cannot make any promises because I have no idea how much actual leeway in this role I have for setting any sort of policy about anything. This is the student council for fucks sake! What am I going to help do, take the minutes while a couple of blowhards decide what sort of dress code is suitable for the prom? A prom that I will probably not get a date for? No, no, no. All I want is an excuse to not go home for a couple of hours a week. Why?

LOOK DOWN AT YOUR CARDS, COUGH. STICK YOUR BIG TOE INTO THE PIN YOU'VE PLACED IN YOUR $15 DRESS SHOES FROM TARGET, IF YOU ARE STILL WEARING THEM, UNTIL YOU FEEL THE TEARS FLOWING

Because my mom is a nympho, and every time I come home from school she's either riding my Dad, or one of your dads. I can't take it anymore. I'd give my left nut, and bear in mind that's like my favourite one, to not have to put up with that sh**t when I get home.

COUGH, WIPE THE TEARS AWAY WITH A TISSUE. BEFORE THROWING IT AWAY, SNIFF IT AND PUT THAT MILDLY PLEASED LOOK ON YOUR FACE. NOT A FACE THAT SAYS "THIS IS A DELICIOUS RISSOTO!!" JUST ONE THAT SAYS, "THIS IS THE THIRD DAY OF 75 DEGREE WEATHER IN A ROW, HOW NICE" LOOK BACK AT YOUR AUDIENCE. IF THEY TOO ARE CRYING, YOU'VE WON THE VOTE.

Thank you all for your time, and remember: Vote for Jackson! A vote for Jackson is a vote for the children.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!  How utterly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

it wasn't quite that funny.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Creationists, they've been ruling the World since Theodosius took power.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

If the white women and white men of Missouri were segregated from each other to such a degree that a gender gap in voting showed up on a county map, it would be no wonder the state had weird pregnancy politics.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Well here was something else that came to me last night as well. I just realized that hot blonde drunk girl is probably also a Christian. see "hot blonde drunk girl" is what I think of her as since I don't know her real name. I've probably heard it before, I just don't remember it. i doubt she does remember mine either so who gives  a . But i see her at shows all the time, i've bought her drinks before, she's boughtme drinks before, we interact on some level. And she's always ING DRUNK and dances like crazy. she's the one who told  me about her time that she got banned from this club for smoking pot outside, but then she got back in by flashing the doorman like 2 weeks later. haha, like doesn't give a  about anything but pot, alcohol, shows and records. like my ideal person, but probably not a christian. But here she is at mewithoutyou. now yeah lots of nonchristians listen to them, like even Tweed listens to mewithoutyou. ING TWEED GUYS But she was christian dancing. not like normal dancing like everyone does, like CHRISTIAN DANCING. Hand raising and waving, holding them out, and then jumping up and screaming along lines like "THERE IS DEFINITELY A GOD" and "GOD IS LOVE AND LOVE IS REAL". so you see, that's the type of person Jesus would hang out with today. Not some ing megachurch preacher or suburban church events committee couple. No He'd probably have some pot dealer roommmate, and his other roommate like an art school grad or something like that. He wouldn't drive or own a ing car of course. He wouldn't have lots of money but would buy everyone drinks at shows. it'd be so cool.

also i wish it would cool down here ing fast so girls start wearing hoodies again. Girls look SO CUTE in hoodies.

there used to be a Christian satire magazine called The Wittenburg Door.  They would have published that.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

an oldie I just found that's relevant:
https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=90783