The Comedy Goldmine

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I was polled several times during the primary, but not once for the general election for some reason.  Ever since Gingrich won our primary, no one has cared what us Sandlappers think.

Yeah, that's really odd, especially as SC is objectively speaking a complete toss up .

I was trying for some subtle humor in my own post there.  Not that bore's reference to the polling average is without merit either.  Anyway, here's what I came to the Goldmine to post:

12:00 pm EST - 17 hours until Vermont opens.  24 until all the polls are open.  30 until polls close in Indiana and Kentucky.  36 until all the polls are closed.

Interesting that the margin between Vermont opening, all opening, all closing, etc. always remains the same. What's the party ID?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Virgin Good is goode, American and... chaste. God bless him.

He wasn't chaste by many voters.  Worst Constitution Party performance since 2000.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

If Politico had written this it would have gone in the Deluge as he would have been serious, but I'm fairly certain Winfield was just making a joke here:

Obama doesn't want Romney in his cabinet.

He is waiting for Ginsburg to resign so he can appoint Romney to the Supreme Court.  Romney does have a law degree as well as an MBA from Harvard after all.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

While it's not intentional comedy, it did make me laugh.

I saw the truncated title of this thread "So there's a rash..." and the poster who'd made it and I thought Bushie was going to regale us with a tale of some new rash he had found on his body!

Imagine the disappointment when you open up the present and its clothes.

By the way, I would have put that in the Update thread.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I once invested a lot of time reading this online life blog of some guy from Oklahoma who had about 20 jobs in the span of 2 years, as well as 5 broken engagements.  I felt emotionally cheated when I realized how many holes there were in the narrative, and how it couldn't possibly be true.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

It's that old?!?

It premiered in 1960.  It's old enough that before they were being used to sell vitamins, they were selling Winston cigarettes.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

Agreed, what kind of man wouldn't like a show about six hot lesbians learning to love each other more?

Gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

If you want symmetry, try oȹɵȸo.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Where in the freaking World Wide Web did Lewis drag that from?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I think they need to abortmanteau.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

The sample of these polls are D+3 and therefore junk.  Swing three points no to yes for anything a hippie would eat.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

This thread is hemispherist.  Why do you hate us so much that you refuse to acknowledge our alternative season lifestyle?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

1994

'94 midterms show the slowing trust of moderate Republicans, and moderate Democrats. Congress is split in both houses of Congress. Nasa discovers a lightweight, and strong alternative to lead. Nasa also found a quicker way to get to, and from Mars. The Voyager program is rejuvinated, and also launched Voyager III to Uranus; by making a flyby of the Sun, and other planets, and by having the strongest engines, and the largest fuel tanks to make the possibly 12 to 15 year trip, only 6 to 7 years long. Richard Nixon dies three days after his heart attack in April; People like Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Bob, and Elizabeth Dole, President Quayle said that even though he didn't know him, Richard Nixon helped the Republican party
questions? corrections? comments? If not, I'm ready for 1995.

Best part in bold. NASA sends a ship TO THE SUN all because George H.W. Bush didn't run in 1988.

Not to the sun, but a flyby, which isn't quite as absurd.  Gravity assist has been used several times already to accelerate spacecraft, including the first two Voyagers. However, gravity assist doesn't work with the sun.  Gravity assist is used to increase the velocity relative to the sun of a spacecraft via a transfer of momentum with the body that used to sling the spacecraft.  It only works if the body you slingshot around is not your frame of reference.

(Note, in theory one could do a powered slingshot around the sun as using thrusters when close to a body is the most efficient way of using them.  However, in order for the effect to be noticable, you'd need to get much closer to the sun than would be advisable.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Also, note that such spaceship does a flyby of the sun on the way to Uranus.

So?  The Galileo probe did a flyby of Venus and two of Earth to get the speed needed to go to Jupiter.  Cassini did two Venus flybys, one Earth flyby, and a Jupiter flyby on its way to Saturn.  Going to an inner planet to gain speed to reach an outer planet is fairly normal.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

What are his positions on women ?

Generally against.

Came here to post that.

That's not really funny.  Funny would have been to answer "missionary".

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas.  I have a book about pizza where the author says that a general rule of thumb is that pizza should not be served with dipping sauce.  Personally, I would probably agree.  Pizza is much too good on its own.  Why ruin such a great classic Italian/American comfort food like that?

Oh? I'm glad you've cleared that up with the experts' opinion.

I see he has the same high standard in culinary experts as he does in historical experts.

What's that supposed to mean?

He's complimenting you. Be proud of your research abilities.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Why people keep reading that pile of sh*t is beyond my understanding.

Because it is America. 

It's not merely America.  It's Oklahoma!

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

75% of us are unimaginable, 25% are normal.

Sounds about right. This is the Atlas Forum after all.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Gotta love the National Lampoon in its days of glory.  However, I doubt that even without Chappaquidick that Kennedy could have beat Nixon in 1972.  (The parody of VW ads of the time was done in 1973.)

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Does anybody know why Bushie uses military time?

It's not that it's "military time;" he just recognizes that that's how they do it in most other countries. Oklahomans are cosmopolitan like that.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

To be loved over the long haul you need to Be Somebody - see Bushie, BRTD, and (risking forfending modesty, myself).

I've never thought of you as someone all that worried about modesty.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I did Nazi that coming.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

also it's weird that you folks call all dessert pudding

it's like calling breakfast "pancakes" or calling lunch "sandwich"

Or calling all sodas "Cokes"

Besides, they're soft drinks.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Foreskins, goats, trips to 76+% Romney counties, the value of pee-stained retro chairs, and now god-is-great elephants.  Can it get any worse?