Bushie: The Final Frontier - Update Season V

[Bacon King]

I will admit that there are times when I think I am mildly bi-polar.  I do tend to go from one mood extreme to the other in my personal life, often within a manner of minutes.  That may explain a lot of what has happened in the past and even now.  I'm too scared to go get tested for bi-polar as I know my ex-fiancee' Susan had to spend $3,000 a month for medicine if it weren't for her Medicaid.  I am also afraid that a bi-polar diagnosis would automatically condemn me to being a bachelor the rest of my life and dying alone.  Now, mind you, I am only bi-polar in private.  In public or even with just one other person in the room, I am very mellow and usually very kind and thoughtful.

The worst mood I have around others is just being a little cranky from time to time.

Jeff, in spite of my better judgement I'm going to try to give you some advice and words of wisdom here. I don't really like talking about my personal life on the forum, especially regarding such negative topics, but I'm trying to reach out here and help you. I hope you'll at least give my words some serious consideration, let them sink in a little, or something.

I have bipolar disorder and have been diagnosed as such for several years now. Sometimes it's manageable, but other times it can be extremely bad. In the highs of my mania I've made some incredibly bad decisions, going on ridiculous binges of all sorts (I've watched four seasons straight of 30 Rock on Netflix with zero breaks, I've impulsively spent an entire day constructing a map of the Earth out of torn-up green and blue Post-it notes, I've had sex with five girls in one evening, I've spent an entire day looking through economic data to argue with CARLHAYDEN, etc, etc, etc); in the worst of my depressive episodes I've gone days without leaving my bed and weeks without leaving my home.

While I'm normally not nearly so bad, those are the psychological extremes I have to face from myself. Bipolar disorder has, of course, impacted my life greatly: I've ruined more friendships and romances than I can count, I've had plenty of trouble getting a job, and I'm three semesters behind in school due to psychiatric leaves of absence. I was stubborn for a long time and refused proper treatment, accepting only an anti-anxiety medication to lessen the worst of the manic episodes as well as the racing negative thoughts of depression.

However, last Autumn things became unbearably bad- I stopped going to class, broke away from all my friends and relationships, thought constantly of suicide, and was almost institutionalized. Ultimately, a couple of months ago I finally gave in and was prescribed a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. I simply can't understate how much better my life is now, thanks to this medication. It has honestly worked wonders and I feel I can reach my potential so much more fully. Sure, I'll still have some weird mood fluctuations from time to time, but nothing nearly as bad as before. I feel genuinely stable in a way I didn't even know was possible before; the constant flipping between mental extremes was something I'd just taken as a fact of life.

I'm no doctor, of course, but I've been reading the Update Threads for years so in a limited extent I've gotten to know you. Through your writings, I can understand the way you think, and the thing is, I relate to it. Though our personalities may differ greatly, I feel as if our thought processes are often very similar. In that vein, I've seen ample evidence over the years that seems to indicate you might have Bipolar Disorder as well. Even if you feel like you can't really relate to the description of myself above, no two cases are identical and I doubt your extremes would be as severe as mine anyways.

I highly recommend you get a consultation with a psychiatrist. Even if you don't have insurance, this should only cost you $25-100, or even cheaper at some places that give discounted rates for those with low income. Don't worry about the cost of medicine, either: just ask for generics if you're prescribed anything, and get it filled at the Walmart Pharmacy (they charge almost nothing for most generics). Just remember to be completely honest with the doctor, because he's the one who will be trying to diagnose you, and it's in your best interest to be properly treated. Also, don't worry about the stigma of a diagnosis; trust me, the positive results of accurate treatment infinitely outweighs one's pride.

Ask me any questions you need to, Jeff, and I really hope this helps you because I want you to be well. I feel weird making this post because it's such a personal issue for me, and this whole thing has basically been stream-of-consciousness because if I look back to edit such a sensitive subject I'd certainly have second thoughts about posting it at all. I'm avoiding these reservations and trying to reach out to you here, so I hope you take my advice to heart rather than shrugging it off like you seem to do so often with others who try to help you. Regardless, best of luck to you.

-Justin


PS: Pretty much everyone here has good recommendations for you, but I think you should especially listen to Torie. I'm pretty sure he could bill someone $500 an hour for the advice he's been doling out here for free.

[opebo]

This thread needs some serious opebo.

By that I assume you mean bitter pessimism.  Well, I told him years ago to keep his job at the City Power and Light or whatever it was - after he abandoned that to go work in fully-fledged 'private-industry' I considered him lost forever - and doomed.

But turning the cold glare upon him again, I couldn't agree with you more memphis - this poor lad has no business attempting to live on his own.  Staying in his parents basement is probably the best solution.  Just doing nothing is such a pleasure, and I miss it terribly.

That said, I have to disagree with this:

...those like him having  skill sets that are generic and commonplace,

He's a subtle tale-spinner and I think that coupled with the fat-preacher look would make him a promising con man.

Bushie, either move home or really embrace your dark side - deceive everyone around you (not just mum and dad) and get that money.  

Can anyone think of some creative cons for a trustworthy-looking fat guy?

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I agree with BK (kudos for talking publicly about such a personal topic. You cannot rely on your parents, prayer, preacher or the promise of a family that isn't yours. You need professional help and it's the ONLY way you're going to have a chance. Also considering your father sounds as ill-disciplined and illogical as you, it's probably inherited.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I don't think he will ever get professional help with his enablers still enabling his behavior. Moving home is merely throwing himself into the lions den, as the bible says, and will result in a further deterioration of his life. I am afraid this season is taking a turn for the worst, and the writers are beginning to take us towards the end of this series.

I fully expect BushOK will be back in OK next week because they won't make him work out a two week notice. They will try to replace him as fast as they can.

[Torie]

BK why do you think you resisted  talking meds, until in extremis?  Yes, that is common, and in the case of my relative, his reasons for not taking them were illogical nonsense (which attended his condition), but if you care to share on that, if Jeff has an issue, it might be helpful to him.

[WalterMitty]

Inks, a Suze Orman routine...  Telling him to work two jobs when he is struggling to hold one.

But he's not struggling to hold one because he can't work... he's struggling to hold one because he listens to the poor advice of his family and is impulsive and thinks things will always be better with the latest scheme.  That doesn't mean he's incapable of holding 2 jobs.

This can get me some infraction points but my general concern here is that Bushie is not in the best health. From the aggregate of everything he posted on here I would think he has some form of anxiety or mood disorder.  I think were he to get himself fit, he could succeed at one job and even two. Right now, not the one.  Life can overwhelm anyone and it can completely swamp those who do not look after themselves.

The lies, self delusional flights of fancy, and the bouts of depression are all very familiar and I don't think this is just me projecting.

patrick hit the nail on the head.

i have struggled all of my life with major anxiety and depression.  i know how absolutely overwhelming life can be for those who are mentally ill.  that is why is crazy for you all to suggest that bushie just needs to get 2 jobs or something.  *one* job can be a major struggle for those who have psychiatric disorders.

that being said, bushie needs to see a professional.  quite honestly just seeing your 'preacher' is insane.  your preacher isnt going to pray this away for you.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I am almost positive you won't work a two week notice. They will want to replace you as quickly as possible. So good luck tomorrow. I expect you will be landing back in OKC within the week! Go THUNDER!

[Bacon King]

BK why do you think you resisted  talking meds, until in extremis?  Yes, that is common, and in the case of my relative, his reasons for not taking them were illogical nonsense (which attended his condition), but if you care to share on that, if Jeff has an issue, it might be helpful to him.

Honestly, I just found it more comfortable to pretend everything was okay and normal even when it clearly wasn't, often to the point that I was completely deluding myself about the state of my own mental well-being. I didn't want to be what I thought of as a "crazy person" (for lack of a better term) so I ignored the warning signs for years until it was almost too late. Whenever something bad happened to me because of my Bipolar, I just rushed forward and either focused excessively on future plans or lived entirely in the moment as a way of keeping my mind off whatever I'd messed up. It also didn't help that I tend towards mania more so than depression, and manic periods often include a bit of mild euphoria, so most of the time I genuinely did feel that everything was completely fine.

[Paul Kemp]

Inks, a Suze Orman routine...  Telling him to work two jobs when he is struggling to hold one.

But he's not struggling to hold one because he can't work... he's struggling to hold one because he listens to the poor advice of his family and is impulsive and thinks things will always be better with the latest scheme.  That doesn't mean he's incapable of holding 2 jobs.

This can get me some infraction points but my general concern here is that Bushie is not in the best health. From the aggregate of everything he posted on here I would think he has some form of anxiety or mood disorder.  I think were he to get himself fit, he could succeed at one job and even two. Right now, not the one.  Life can overwhelm anyone and it can completely swamp those who do not look after themselves.

The lies, self delusional flights of fancy, and the bouts of depression are all very familiar and I don't think this is just me projecting.

patrick hit the nail on the head.

i have struggled all of my life with major anxiety and depression.  i know how absolutely overwhelming life can be for those who are mentally ill.  that is why is crazy for you all to suggest that bushie just needs to get 2 jobs or something.  *one* job can be a major struggle for those who have psychiatric disorders.

that being said, bushie needs to see a professional.  quite honestly just seeing your 'preacher' is insane.  your preacher isnt going to pray this away for you.

Welcome back Walter. We've missed you.

What are your thoughts on the sex shed?

[Torie]

Oh, so you never sought medical help with your symptoms, but hoped they would all go away BK, I take it. We all have a tendency to do that, particularly males. I know I do. MD's are for pussies!  

[Joe Biden 2020]

I am almost positive you won't work a two week notice. They will want to replace you as quickly as possible. So good luck tomorrow. I expect you will be landing back in OKC within the week! Go THUNDER!

Those are my predictions, as well.  We'll see what happens tomorrow.  The good news is I should at least be able to get a half day in.  I go in at 5:00 am and my supervisor doesn't get in until about 9:00 or so.  Don't be surprised, though, if I'm back on the thread before noon!

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

Just watch

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

Just watch

OK - prove me wrong.  When you're at home, don't take handouts from your family.  In fact, pay your family back.  But that means you need to stop eating out and quit buying flavored drinks because you don't want to drink water.  If you have to go somewhere, and the location is close by, walk (or ride a bike), instead of wasting gas.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

Just watch

OK - prove me wrong.  When you're at home, don't take handouts from your family.  In fact, pay your family back.  But that means you need to stop eating out and quit buying flavored drinks because you don't want to drink water.  If you have to go somewhere, and the location is close by, walk (or ride a bike), instead of wasting gas.

When I get home, we're going to sit down and develop a game plan of what we want and need to do.  We'll probably develop the game plan the day after I get home, because I'm going to go a different route than I came up here and it will likely take me 3 solid days to get home since I won't be in any kind of rush.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

Just watch

OK - prove me wrong.  When you're at home, don't take handouts from your family.  In fact, pay your family back.  But that means you need to stop eating out and quit buying flavored drinks because you don't want to drink water.  If you have to go somewhere, and the location is close by, walk (or ride a bike), instead of wasting gas.

When I get home, we're going to sit down and develop a game plan of what we want and need to do.  We'll probably develop the game plan the day after I get home, because I'm going to go a different route than I came up here and it will likely take me 3 solid days to get home since I won't be in any kind of rush.

Your game plan is simple: Don't spend money on things that you do not NEED.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Guys, I will be okay.  Yeah, it going to be rough for a while, and this definitely sucks, but I will be alright.  This is just another chapter in my life.  I don't want to leave Utah, but I've got to do what I've got to do.  I know you guys are worried sick about me, and I genuinely appreciate that, but I'm not worried about it.

Duke, I'm really fearing I won't be able to do a two weeks notice.  Xerox in Oklahoma City in a round about way gave me the finger like that, so I'm not entirely sure Xerox in Sandy, Utah would do any different.  We'll find out tomorrow, so there's nothing to worry about tonight.  What happens tomorrow won't affect my preparation, but it will just affect my departure.  I will leave Utah with my head held high and not regretting anything.

And, no, Duke, this series is far from over.  There will be a lot more update to come!

Yeah, too bad leaving Utah is not something you've "got to do".  And you know that.  I know you do.  The problem is that you've lied to us so many times that you're confusing your own self now.  You have some serious mental/psychological issues... and moving home isn't going to fix those.  You may think it will make things better, but you're moving home with people who are just as naïve as you, evidenced by the fact that they are flushing money down the toilet by funding your frivolous adventures and excessive eating.  Things will only get worse now that you're moving closer to the source of the money, and if your father loses his job, you'll be in big trouble--not only because you will be cut off from your source of judgment-free welfare, but because you will be suddenly cut off from something that you will have grown even more dependent on in the coming months.

Just watch

OK - prove me wrong.  When you're at home, don't take handouts from your family.  In fact, pay your family back.  But that means you need to stop eating out and quit buying flavored drinks because you don't want to drink water.  If you have to go somewhere, and the location is close by, walk (or ride a bike), instead of wasting gas.

When I get home, we're going to sit down and develop a game plan of what we want and need to do.  We'll probably develop the game plan the day after I get home, because I'm going to go a different route than I came up here and it will likely take me 3 solid days to get home since I won't be in any kind of rush.

Your game plan is simple: Don't spend money on things that you do not NEED.

My ultimate goal is to get back out of their house as effectively and as efficiently as possible.

[Eraserhead]

Bushie, have you ever thought about simply getting a mall job (for now)?

Sure, it's not glamourous, but you'll probably get paid not much less than what you've been getting at these call centers and it will almost certainly provide you with much greater stability. It's very difficult to get fired from most of these jobs. It's also pretty easy to set up a work schedule for yourself at most of them that will allow you to make time for school/therapy/etc. Also, it's pretty easy to take time off usually too.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

OK - so let's get the promise right now: "I, Jeff Brown, will not spend money on dining out or drinking beverages."  It's that simple of a start.  I mean - maybe spend money dining out if you take your mother out for her birthday, or something like that.  But no more treating yourself once a week.  Cut the V-8 crap.  Just be efficient.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Bushie, have you ever thought about simply getting a mall job (for now)?

Sure, it's not glamourous, but you'll probably get paid not much less than what you've been getting at these call centers and it will almost certainly provide you with much greater stability. It's very difficult to get fired from most of these jobs. It's also pretty easy to set up a work schedule for yourself at most of them that will allow you to make time for school/therapy/etc. Also, it's pretty easy to take time off usually too.

I've thought about it.  We'll have to see what we want to do.

OK - so let's get the promise right now: "I, Jeff Brown, will not spend money on dining out or drinking beverages."  It's that simple of a start.  I mean - maybe spend money dining out if you take your mother out for her birthday, or something like that.  But no more treating yourself once a week.  Cut the V-8 crap.  Just be efficient.

I'm not going to sign that promise, because, like I said, I don't know what the plan will be.  The thing I will say is we won't spend frivolously, but we will not drink water and only water.

[Sbane]

Ridiculous.

[patrick1]

Glad Warden Inks, who wants to impose a water and hard tack diet, has identified V8 as the culprit of so many problems.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Well, I'm heading to bed so I can attempt to put in my two weeks notice in the morning.  I'll talk to you guys after work, either after the shift or after the job is over.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Glad Warden Inks, who wants to impose a water and hard tack diet, has identified V8 as the culprit of so many problems.

Well, I don't know what else he frivolously spends money on.  But I can tell you this - he ought to be ashamed of himself for spending money on crap he doesn't need when he knows that his dad could be out of a job in a matter of months.

V8 is not the only problem, but it's my fill in for all unnecessary spending.  Also included (if he pays these) would be cable TV (although I'm guessing his parents already pay for that if they have it), a cell phone data plan (I'll consider a cell phone "necessary", but a data plan is not), gasoline to make trips that could be done via walking or bike, eating out (except for rare occasions), any beverages other than tap water (or some other free beverage), seeing movies, going to plays/concerts, magazine subscriptions, newspaper subscriptions, video games - in fact, he could sell any that he has to make some money.  The list can go on and on.