The Ranch Dressing Epidemic: Will it cripple our great Republic?

[old timey villain]

I just started a job at a pizza place. I start graduate school next fall so I just needed a job now to keep me going until then.

The place is really cool. It's one of those trendy, hearth oven places where customers can make their own custom personal pizza with lots of fresh ingredients. They have stuff like sun dried tomatoes, artichoke hearts, capicoa, buffalo mozz, fresh vegetables and your typical meat toppings, so you can pretty much make any kind of pizza you want.

You'd think that when one has the ability to customize their pizza exactly to their liking, they wouldn't need to wash it down with any condiments. Oh how very wrong I was. I quickly learned that the most frequent customer request was, "can I get some ranch with this?" or even better, "can I get A FEW cups of ranch with this?" Literally almost every time I give someone their pizza, they want to drown it in ranch dressing. And they know our ranch is free so they let it flow like running water.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of ranch dressing, not necessarily the bottle stuff, but when you make it fresh like many restaurants do then it's delicious. I love it on a hearty salad and of course it's great with raw vegetables. But pizza?? I remember back in grade school a lot of kids would slather ranch dressing over their pizzas, but I always chalked it up to something that kids do. As it turns out old habits die hard. People LOVE ranch dressing on their pizza. We even have a marinara ranch sauce that's really popular, cutting out the middleman altogether.

Has America's love affair with this calorie and msg laden condiment gone too far? I mean, I just don't understand why people are putting it on their pizzas now. I imagine the Italian immigrant street vendors of yesteryear are spinning in their grave at the thought of it. Ranch is no longer a guilty pleasure of Americans. I believe it has become an addiction, and I am now an enabler.

Do YOU enjoy ranch dressing on pizza and other dishes or do you think it's simply gilding the lily to use it excessively?

[tmthforu94]

It's funny you say this, because for years, my sister-in-law and I have done this, while everyone else in our family thinks it is weird. I love sauces - ketchup, barbeque, and ranch, specifically, and dip a lot of stuff in one of those three. My Subway subs often have barbeque sauce and ranch dressing on it.

[old timey villain]

It's funny you say this, because for years, my sister-in-law and I have done this, while everyone else in our family thinks it is weird. I love sauces - ketchup, barbeque, and ranch, specifically, and dip a lot of stuff in one of those three. My Subway subs often have barbeque sauce and ranch dressing on it.

It's not as bad on sandwiches. I mean I love to put a little ranch on a BLT. It's just weird to me to put it on pizza.

[7,052,770]

Ranch on pizza is very common here.  I wouldn't slather my pizza with ranch, but I love dipping it in ranch, or even better, a ranch/marinara mix.

[they don't love you like i love you]

Hate ranch dressing, never use it on anything.

[old timey villain]

Ranch on pizza is very common here.  I wouldn't slather my pizza with ranch, but I love dipping it in ranch, or even better, a ranch/marinara mix.

It seems to be more popular in the south, don't know why though.

[Marokai Backbeat]

I don't think I'd want ranch dressing on most pizzas, but I've definitely seen and had ranch dressing on certain kinds of pizzas that were pretty good.

[memphis]

I very much do not like the ranch. I would just as soon put dog turds on a pizza as ranch dressing. That's Fear Factor territory.

[Fritz]

I like ranch dressing, and I like pizza.  Never have put the two together.

[dead0man]

The Ranch made from Hidden Valley powder is like crack, and I don't even like Ranch.  It tastes good on everything.  Fries, burgers, pizza, shoe leather...probably even dick.  I don't eat it often (even though there is almost always some in the fridge) because it's not really all that good for you.  Plus Tobasco makes pizza better.

Oddly, I don't care for it on a salad.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

A friend of my family's who was the executive chef at the resort we live in and then moved to our favorite steakhouse downtown used to eat ranch on his pizza all the time and he was thin as a rail.

When I was in college, my friends and I used to order these pizza like things called pokey sticks and they came with ranch. God damn, eating that after about 15 beers was literally the best thing ever.

[memphis]

I suddenly remember a Hidden Valley commercial from my childhood. This Norman Rockwell-esque child is talking about how his whole family is trying to eat better. And so they're going to be eating lots of salad. With plenty of Hidden Valley ranch dressing. Reminds me of the Update.

[bedstuy]

Dear lord, I don't understand middle American food whatsoever.  Ranch dressing is vile. 

NYC needs to file a class action lawsuit against middle America for putting ranch on pizza and creating blueberry/cinnamon raisin bagels.

[Marokai Backbeat]

NYC needs to file a class action lawsuit against middle America for ... creating blueberry/cinnamon raisin bagels.

Now you're just being crazy!

[dead0man]

Dear lord, I don't understand middle American food whatsoever.  Ranch dressing is vile. 

NYC needs to file a class action lawsuit against middle America for putting ranch on pizza and creating blueberry/cinnamon raisin bagels.

I had no idea NYC residents were forced to do what middle America tells them.  Cowards.

[Franzl]

Ranch is a disgusting thing to put on a salad.

It's alright as a side to...say...wings.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

Ranch is a disgusting thing to put on a salad.

It's alright as a side to...say...wings.

Thank you!!!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Yes. God bless wings and ranch.

[Franzl]

Yes. God bless wings and ranch.

+ a semi-good beer, say, Sam Adams. Wouldn't want a really good craft brew with it.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas.  I have a book about pizza where the author says that a general rule of thumb is that pizza should not be served with dipping sauce.  Personally, I would probably agree.  Pizza is much too good on its own.  Why ruin such a great classic Italian/American comfort food like that?

[Sol]

Hate ranch dressing, never use it on anything.

Same here.

[Franzl]

I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas.  I have a book about pizza where the author says that a general rule of thumb is that pizza should not be served with dipping sauce.  Personally, I would probably agree.  Pizza is much too good on its own.  Why ruin such a great classic Italian/American comfort food like that?

Oh? I'm glad you've cleared that up with the experts' opinion.

[dead0man]

I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas. 

<drools>...garlic butter sauce....mmmmmm

[MasterJedi]

A local pizza chain has an amazing BBQ chicken pizza with ranch. Other then that it depends, ranch can be great on pizza but it really depends on whats on it.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas.  I have a book about pizza where the author says that a general rule of thumb is that pizza should not be served with dipping sauce.  Personally, I would probably agree.  Pizza is much too good on its own.  Why ruin such a great classic Italian/American comfort food like that?

Oh? I'm glad you've cleared that up with the experts' opinion.

I see he has the same high standard in culinary experts as he does in historical experts.