Any tips for dating a shy girl?

[Lief 🗽]

If I had to pick between garlic and women I would be very tempted to pick garlic. Luckily my gal loves the stuff as well.

[memphis]

Try to share one of her interests. You'd be suprised how a typically shy person can perk up when somebody wants to discuss or participate in something she enjoys doing.

[Ban my account ffs!]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

Just read her palm bang bang?

[LastVoter]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

Just read her palm bang bang?

Probably more like this.

[angus]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

Just read her palm bang bang?

I assume he's referring to key parties, Smuggler's Cove, the joy of being a bald fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt with a bag of coke, and for the truly adventurous, the San Francisco bathhouse scene.  Neither he nor I are old enough to have experienced any of that, but the previous decade had achieved legendary status and was a source of envy by the time I started life as a university student.

I'm speaking of something much simpler.  Just getting together with a nice girl and impressing her with your wit and wisdom isn't a particularly difficult thing, but you do have to put some effort into it. 

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I don't know. Usually it just takes time for them to open up. This shy girl I worked with 3 summers ago really liked me, and we went out a few times. I did my best to be funny, and she laughed a lot because I am a funny guy, but her shyness really was too much for me, and we never took off.

We eventually just became friends though after we both ended up at the same law school, and she told me a year ago that I was the most intimidating person she had ever been around and that I gave off this energy that just made her so anxious and happy at the same time. It was weird. So anyway, I guess I don't have any good advice for you, but that is my experience with shy girls. If you have a strong personality that tends to dominate the conversation like I do, it may not be a great fit, but go ahead and try it. I did.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

It's an art to make a shy person not shy through conversation, and I don't think Hokey has enough mileage to get the job done, but it is possible to do. 

angus' sage advice here should be heeded unless you want that thing getting dusty in your wallet for another two years.

[angus]

Well, the truth is that we guys can't stand women who can't stop talking--good thing I'm not that poor bastard memphis, or I'm sure that comment would have inspired a thread--but it's true.  Shy is sexy.  Shy is endearing.  Shy allows you to fill the gaps.  Men are visual creatures.  We fall in lust too easily.  Women much less so.  Still, we'd rather be truly in lust than just in heat when we consummate.  It seems nobler somehow.  This is precisely why the shy girl is so damned hot.  Once she opens her mouth she may have the annoying local accent of that low-rent neighborhood you usually try to avoid, or she may curse like a sailor, or opine freely only to suggest disagreeable policies which cause you shock and awe and grief, but if she's shy, then you are free to project upon her the values of your ideal mate.  The longer she keeps shy, the more you pine and pant.  She also understands all this a little more, perhaps, than she lets on.  

The problem is, she doesn't look you in the eye, and you interpret it as a lack of interest.  Or you interpret the shyness as arrogance.  Or, like most guys, you're looking for your mother and because she isn't constantly reassuring you you can't get it up.  So you freak out and come on too strong.  That'll likely turn them off.  She is not a witness on a stand and you are not the prosecuting attorney.  It's best not to dwell on the aspect of getting her to open up a little.  Compliments should be sincere.  Actions fluid.  Sobriety is strongly recommended.  Petshops, palmreadings, and pizza are some things we can all enjoy.  Others have suggested billiards, bowling, and sporting events.  In any case, leave off the sappy chick flicks, the adventure-packed thrillers, the historical politico-dramas, and other Hollywood fare for after the relationship flowers.  A walk in the park is much more meaningful than staring at a screen while you make richer the overpaid, overhyped celebrities who are already far richer than you'll ever be.  It will also give you a chance to speak your mind.  If she is truly less talkative than you, then you might just make the perfect pair.  By his own admission, we know that the only reason for Duke's failure to consummate was his lack of tenacity.  His grandeur, apparently, was both mystifying and marketable to the fair lass of a distant summer masturbatory fantasy.  Of course, your deepest fantasy is that she'll devour your flesh just as a female anglerfish absorbs her mate.  A pussycat by day, a man-eating tiger by night.  This generally won't be the case.  Still, a mediocre lay is invariably better than no lay.

Learn to read "no" for an answer even though it may not be stated directly.  "Hey, how about a drink?"  "Well, um, I'm not sure."  That usually means she's uncomfortable with that.  (Of course, if you avoid the mind-altering chemicals in the first place, that won't be an issue.)  Take the cue and suggest something else instead.

Do hold her hand.  I cannot overstate the efficacy of this simple act.  She may blush.  Her palms may be moist and clammy and she may feel the need to constantly dry them off on her pantlegs, but you don't make a big deal of it.  

Realistically, don't expect to wake up in her bed the next morning, at least not on the first date--If it happens, great, and we'll expect a detailed report--but don't hold your breath.  If you happen to get incredibly lucky, then be particularly sensitive in the bedroom.  No comments about moles or mustaches or ingrown toenails.  (Except to your mates here on the forum.  Photos are also appreciated.)  Don't tear her clothes off, or yours.  Spend some time remaining fully dressed.  Speak slowly and softly and genuinely.  (At this point, there are many wonderful things you can say genuinely, I'm sure.)  When you do undress her, take it very patiently and sensually.  And don't go straight there.  Meander a bit first. 

Mainly, just be polite, be yourself, and don't forget to smile.  

[TeePee4Prez]

Sounds like a perfect match.  Two talkers could be death.  My advice- Take charge!  No really that's it.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Sounds like a perfect match.  Two talkers could be death.  My advice- Take charge!  No really that's it.

Flyers giving advice on women?

...

[Gustaf]

I think Angus makes some sense, although he over-generalizes quite a bit. I don't like women to be that shy, for example. I enjoy the ones that can talk and are opinionated.

Also, most women can be pretty adventurous in bed once they trust you enough to open up. It has little to do with how prudish or outspoken they are in the daytime, at least in my experience.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Well anyhoo.... the date went well enough.  At least we now have an open dialogue.  She told me she's not looking for anything serious right now.  Actually, I'm okay with that.  As far as getting her to open up.  She did.  We had a nice discourse throughout the night.  I got shot down going for the goodnight kiss... which sucks, but she's worth my patience.  If I need a physical release, there are plenty of cute, slutty things at my university.  She's already shown interest and thinks it can work out down the line.  I've noticed I enjoy it more when I have to work for it/wait for it...

So, thanks for the helpful tips, guys. 

[fezzyfestoon]

Patience

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Well anyhoo.... the date went well enough.  At least we now have an open dialogue.  She told me she's not looking for anything serious right now.  Actually, I'm okay with that.  As far as getting her to open up.  She did.  We had a nice discourse throughout the night.  I got shot down going for the goodnight kiss... which sucks, but she's worth my patience.  If I need a physical release, there are plenty of cute, slutty things at my university.  She's already shown interest and thinks it can work out down the line.  I've noticed I enjoy it more when I have to work for it/wait for it...

So, thanks for the helpful tips, guys.  

It's not the kill , it's the thrill of the chase.  Good man, HD.

[angus]

She told me she's not looking for anything serious right now. 

Usually one hears that only after a tumble in the hay. 

Not sure what to make of it.  I'm tempted to say that she's just not into you, but you said that she was texting you and such.  Also, if she really brushed you off you'd know it.  Is she a student?  Maybe she's obsessive about her grades and wants to focus.  Ah, that doesn't really make sense, because even then she'd give you a tumble before blowing you off.

Maybe she's coming off a bad relationship.  That happens.  Once bitten, twice shy.  If that's the case you'll need plenty of patience.

Best of luck.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Maybe she's a virgin waiting for a husband to be the first........sh**t Hokey, you have some investigating to do.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Maybe she's a virgin waiting for a husband to be the first........sh**t Hokey, you have some investigating to do.

I know that not to be true.  That's fine, though.  I genuinely think she's not looking for anything right now per some inside info from one of her girlfriends. 

I still think she is worth keeping around.  I've had enough meaningless relationships in my time since I really, actually liked somebody else.  (around 6 years)

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I still think she is worth keeping around.  I've had enough meaningless relationships in my time since I really, actually liked somebody else.  (around 6 years)

Uncle angus and I approve.  At least I think he would approve.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

I still think she is worth keeping around.  I've had enough meaningless relationships in my time since I really, actually liked somebody else.  (around 6 years)

Uncle angus and I approve.  At least I think he would approve.

Huzzah!  Do I get an extra special birthday cake this year, oh uncle? 

[angus]

I still think she is worth keeping around.  I've had enough meaningless relationships in my time since I really, actually liked somebody else.  (around 6 years)

Uncle angus and I approve.  At least I think he would approve.

Huzzah!  Do I get an extra special birthday cake this year, oh uncle? 

Well, we normally take our nephews to a gentlemen's club on their 18th birthday, but we know that you started frequenting those places at 13, so I guess we'll have to think of something else.

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

I still think she is worth keeping around.  I've had enough meaningless relationships in my time since I really, actually liked somebody else.  (around 6 years)

Uncle angus and I approve.  At least I think he would approve.

But I be 25, oh uncle

Huzzah!  Do I get an extra special birthday cake this year, oh uncle? 

Well, we normally take our nephews to a gentlemen's club on their 18th birthday, but we know that you started frequenting those places at 13, so I guess we'll have to think of something else.