Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Lief 🗽]

Coming this Fall, from the people that brought you The Update!, comes an exciting new weight loss solution: "The Walking Around in Airports and Eating A Fourth Sloppy Joe Exercise and Diet Plan!"

[Joe Biden 2020]

Coming this Fall, from the people that brought you The Update!, comes an exciting new weight loss solution: "The Walking Around in Airports and Eating A Fourth Sloppy Joe Exercise and Diet Plan!"

Filmed at McDonald's!

[Bacon King]

As Walter mentioned, something is breaking... Literally...  On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house, A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.  It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.  There is a great big crack in the glass that looks like a big spider from where the rock made impact.  I called my grandmother to get the name of the business she used to get her back windshield replaced after the recent hail storms.  I called them and they will replace the front windshield tomorrow at 11:00 am for $180.  Not bad at all, I think!

Hey guys and gals can we go back to this post for a minute?

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Like, how is somewhere that's "just a couple miles away from my house"still only "on the way out the driveway" Bushie how long exactly is your driveway jesus

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How did a rock get up there, I mean rocks can't climb or fly or even move on their own

Also how do you know where the rock apparently came from, unless it was like really huge you wouldn't be able to see it until it hit your car

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Is it just me or is this like the worst explanation for anything ever?

How did a rock get on top of a building? Do Oklahoma buildings have roofs flat enough for rocks to just chill on top of them anyway? How does "a little bit of wind" cause tree branches to fling a rock like it's a golf club? Since when does Oklahoma have buildings tall enough (and road frontage small enough) to even make something like this possible according to physics?

Bushie how did this really happen

was some kid throwing rocks at you or was it just because you sat on your window

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Remember, guys, Bushie is not a liar, a sociopath, or a thief.

[Bacon King]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

[Adam Griffin]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

[patrick1]

Outside our front door this morning was a little visitor - a puppy. She has hung around the porch all day so Mom got her a small bag of cheap dog food. She gave her quite a bit of food and the pup wolfed down every morsel of food. She is very adorable and very friendly, but one person is not happy - the cat. Even though the cat is indoors and the pup is outdoors, the cat had some words for the pup through the screen door. Poor little puppy just got cussed out and an old lady cat. We don't know who the puppy belongs to, and we don't know if she's riding the circuit going to a different porch tomorrow, but for the time she's with us, she will be called Blondie

I don't know whether I find the lurch into Children's Lit intriguing or disturbing. Bushie talking like an 8 year old, I could do without.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Hey guys and gals can we go back to this post for a minute?

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Like, how is somewhere that's "just a couple miles away from my house"still only "on the way out the driveway" Bushie how long exactly is your driveway jesus

Driveway is only about 100 feet, I was exaggerating on the "couple miles".

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How did a rock get up there, I mean rocks can't climb or fly or even move on their own

Also how do you know where the rock apparently came from, unless it was like really huge you wouldn't be able to see it until it hit your car
[/quote]

I'm guessing it was a rock.  It was some kind of debris and a rock would only make sense considering the shape of the crack.

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Is it just me or is this like the worst explanation for anything ever?

How did a rock get on top of a building? Do Oklahoma buildings have roofs flat enough for rocks to just chill on top of them anyway? How does "a little bit of wind" cause tree branches to fling a rock like it's a golf club? Since when does Oklahoma have buildings tall enough (and road frontage small enough) to even make something like this possible according to physics?
[/quote]

My area does have some flat roofs.  When I say "little" wind, it was blowing about 20 mph which is just a light breeze for Oklahoma.  20 mph is still strong enough to blow limbs around and swing debris in such a velocity that can crack windshields.  I'm not very good in physics, but the physics happened to come together to cause my windshield to crack

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No kids were throwing rocks and I didn't sit on it.  I'm not 100% sure how it happened,  because it happened so fast and I ducked as it hit.  All of the why is educated speculation.  The only thing definite is the what.

[Mr. Morden]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

I think it's one of the same guys who had an orgy in Bushie's shed.  The infamous orgy that caused him to move back to OK.  He hates Bushie for taking away his favorite orgy location, and for Bushie moving back to OK, where he uses up all the Indian medicine that the hobo was relying on.  He now takes every opportunity to throw rocks at Bushie, and has even planted a rabid puppy on Bushie's porch, sent in to assassinate the family cat.

While Bushie's in Kenya, we should continue on with the Update with the midseason replacement series, which features Hobo Orgy Guy (HOG).

[Joe Biden 2020]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

I think it's one of the same guys who had an orgy in Bushie's shed.  The infamous orgy that caused him to move back to OK.  He hates Bushie for taking away his favorite orgy location, and for Bushie moving back to OK, where he uses up all the Indian medicine that the hobo was relying on.  He now takes every opportunity to throw rocks at Bushie, and has even planted a rabid puppy on Bushie's porch, sent in to assassinate the family cat.

While Bushie's in Kenya, we should continue on with the Update with the midseason replacement series, which features Hobo Orgy Guy (HOG).

I like that theory!

[Sopranos Republican]

People actually put ketchup on pasta?!

I think its fairly common unless you have a Mediterranean background.

Dukey and I are Greek, and Phil's Italian, so you might be onto something there.

I'm about 40% Italian, and I find it disgusting personally, and even though I'm mostly Irish on my dad's side, my dad only has on sister who we rarely see, but I have 7 aunts/uncles on my mom's side, and we have real Italian food all the time when we visit them. So same here with the Mediterranean thing.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Wait, how did it fall off a building? Were you driving under it? Or did it just blow it off and the rock floated in mid air to your car? I'm liking the rock throwing theory. Maybe Bushie was playing at a playground with some kids and the teens started making fun of him and throwing rocks. Fearing for his life, Bushie ran to his car and got in but one of the punks threw a rock and hit his windshield.

Sounds plausible to me.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

I'm sorry... I have to break my silence here (and it doesn't really count, since I'm not addressing Jeff ), but ketchup on pasta may be the most revolting "recipe" I have ever heard of, and that includes the time I tried making gouda mac & cheese, which turned out absolutely terrible.  Also, Honey Boo Boo is a degenerate.

[Bacon King]

Driveway is only about 100 feet, I was exaggerating on the "couple miles".

wait but there is an abandoned building along that 100 feet driveway? And you don't know if it's abandoned?

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wait so rock impacts on windshields look like spiders

is that a known fact where you come from because my life experience does not allow me to make any judgements or guesses about glass/object impact physics

(just wondering)

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That's cool about the flat roofs I figured there would be too much snow for them even in Oklahoma. But maybe the flat roofs prevent a house from getting picked up by tornadoes which makes sense especially if you assume the laws of physics don't apply normally in Oklahoma which I am beginning to suspect

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Wait but you said like four sentences earlier that you didn't know what hit your car man, don't be changing your stories on me like this, it makes me confused

Also isn't it dangerous to be ducking from the windshield while you are driving? How fast were you going? Also how can you duck if you are wearing a seatbelt, because required safety features in the US include that thing where if you lean forward too quickly in a car the seatbelt will lock up which can be annoying but also is a good thing if you are ever in a crash.

Bushie you were wearing your seatbelt right?

Also btw I'm glad you didn't get glass in your face

[Bacon King]

Wait, how did it fall off a building? Were you driving under it? Or did it just blow it off and the rock floated in mid air to your car? I'm liking the rock throwing theory. Maybe Bushie was playing at a playground with some kids and the teens started making fun of him and throwing rocks. Fearing for his life, Bushie ran to his car and got in but one of the punks threw a rock and hit his windshield.

Sounds plausible to me.

I like this theory, good work Detective Duke

Also when you said "driving under it" it made me think. What if the rock fell off the awning above the McDonalds drive-thru window and he fabricated the rest of the story to hide his dietary lie of the day from the forum?

[Хahar 🤔]

I see the story is veering into magical realism now.

[politicus]

As Walter mentioned, something is breaking... Literally...  On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house, A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.  It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.  There is a great big crack in the glass that looks like a big spider from where the rock made impact.  I called my grandmother to get the name of the business she used to get her back windshield replaced after the recent hail storms.  I called them and they will replace the front windshield tomorrow at 11:00 am for $180.  Not bad at all, I think!

Nasty stuff. Glad to hear you are OK.

[Keystone Phil]

Wait, how did it fall off a building? Were you driving under it? Or did it just blow it off and the rock floated in mid air to your car? I'm liking the rock throwing theory. Maybe Bushie was playing at a playground with some kids and the teens started making fun of him and throwing rocks. Fearing for his life, Bushie ran to his car and got in but one of the punks threw a rock and hit his windshield.

Sounds plausible to me.

We're starting to hear rumors of a second rock thrower in a nearby grassy knoll.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Bushie, are you motivated enough to walk today, or is it just bad food and sitting around?

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, are you motivated enough to walk today, or is it just bad food and sitting around?

Walking is too dangerous.  He might be hit by rocks from nearby buildings.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Bushie, why don't you just say 'something hit my windshield'? I haven't seen a single person here who thinks your working theory holds up as well as you think it does, unless your driveway goes through some hitherto uncharted range of mountains.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Bushie, why don't you just say 'something hit my windshield'? I haven't seen a single person here who thinks your working theory holds up as well as you think it does, unless your driveway goes through some hitherto uncharted range of mountains.

Ever wonder if he exaggerates about his supposed weight loss the same way?

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Bushie, why don't you just say 'something hit my windshield'? I haven't seen a single person here who thinks your working theory holds up as well as you think it does, unless your driveway goes through some hitherto uncharted range of mountains.

Ever wonder if he exaggerates about his supposed weight loss the same way?

I don't wonder about that; I'm resigned to it as probable fact.

[Oak Hills]

Also isn't it dangerous to be ducking from the windshield while you are driving? How fast were you going? Also how can you duck if you are wearing a seatbelt, because required safety features in the US include that thing where if you lean forward too quickly in a car the seatbelt will lock up which can be annoying but also is a good thing if you are ever in a crash.

Bushie you were wearing your seatbelt right?

I highly doubt that Bushie wears his seatbelt at all.

[Insula Dei]

I literally want to barf, politicus. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
When I was visiting Berlin, my hostel was in a Turkish neighborhood. They had these little hotdog stands that said Currywurst on them. I thought it must be some cool fusion that would be amazing. Nope. Regular American style hotdog with ketchup and curry powder on it. So gross! 

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