Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Wifi on planes is horribly expensive. I doubt even Bushie would spend his parents money on that, unless he needs to have a brief relaxation.

Yeah I didn't know, sorry, I've never been on a plane, but I plan on going on a small trip after I graduate next year, maybe Southwest's $69 cheap bastards deal. The farthest I've been from home was Niagra Falls.

You've never flown?! You innocent boy, you!

Yes, it's something like $10/hour on flights I have been on, but it could be free on first class, I have no idea. Those are Delta's prices at least, and I only fly with them unless I have no other choice. I don't know how transatlantic flights work for wi-fi or flights to Africa.

I have no idea how Bushie travels, but I expect he will be wearing a fanny pack at some point.

[opebo]

You have to wonder if Our Dear Friend will have a chance to briefly relax while in Kenya, surrounded by all those good missionaries and little children. Maybe all these naps and such were merely in preparation for this journey.

This is one big problem with many kinds of travel (non sex-tourism travel) - it plays hell on the gonads.  I've been working 9-3:30 every day of my recent sojourn, and there's no way I can have relations on a day I get up before noon (despite the rich nightlife in this large provincial town).

[King]

On American, WiFi for mobiles and tablets is only $6 a flight.  Not bad.

For some reason, it's $25 for a real computer.

[Mr. Morden]

Only a few airlines offer WiFi on flights, and it's pretty much exclusively done on domestic flights.  Doing it on international flights, especially over the middle of the ocean, is a bigger technical challenge, and I think only one or two airlines has experimented with that, and it's even more expensive than WiFi on domestic flights.  I've never been on an international flight with WiFi.  Only seen it on domestic flights within the US.

[Keystone Phil]

Only a few airlines offer WiFi on flights, and it's pretty much exclusively done on domestic flights.  Doing it on international flights, especially over the middle of the ocean, is a bigger technical challenge, and I think only one or two airlines has experimented with that, and it's even more expensive than WiFi on domestic flights.  I've never been on an international flight with WiFi.  Only seen it on domestic flights within the US.

Yeah, that's what I thought because I know I asked about it before. I was trying to ask an Alitalia customer service rep if they had online service (didn't think to call it WiFi) on flights a few years ago. She kept saying, "Yes, we have a website you can go to online."

[Хahar 🤔]

You can buy those kind of cokes here too. There's fondly known as "mexican coke." When I do drink a regular soda, and that's rare, it's a mexican coke.

Is it really that common? I know you can get it here in California, but even here you have to go out of your way to find it. I assumed ethnic food items of that nature would be harder to find in Oklahoma.

[Mr. Morden]

It really is annoying how you can't normally get WiFi on international flights btw.  Because it's those really long flights, the 14 hour ones between Sydney and LA, where I could really use it, and would probably pay through the nose for it.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I made it to DC.  I'll be boarding for Brussels in an hour from now.

[Lief 🗽]

Guys what do you think Bushie is doing right now? Shouldn't he have gotten to Brussels by now? Why no update from The Good Continent before he boarded the plane for his Kurtzian journey? Do you think something happened to him?

[patrick1]

Id like to think that Bushie is having a nice Royale with Cheese, some fries slathered in mayo and a large Mountain Dew. 400 calories max, but he had some water so it's all good.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

After watching the NBA finals, I'm going to stuff my face tomorrow with some Bushie like meals

[Sopranos Republican]

Wifi on planes is horribly expensive. I doubt even Bushie would spend his parents money on that, unless he needs to have a brief relaxation.

Yeah I didn't know, sorry, I've never been on a plane, but I plan on going on a small trip after I graduate next year, maybe Southwest's $69 cheap bastards deal. The farthest I've been from home was Niagra Falls.

You've never flown?! You innocent boy, you!

Yes, it's something like $10/hour on flights I have been on, but it could be free on first class, I have no idea. Those are Delta's prices at least, and I only fly with them unless I have no other choice. I don't know how transatlantic flights work for wi-fi or flights to Africa.

I have no idea how Bushie travels, but I expect he will be wearing a fanny pack at some point.

Yeah, my parents vacation idea is usually a 4 hour drive to Southeastern Massachusetts, to visit relatives, although I do have an uncle in West Covina, CA so I may visit him and go to LA on the Southwest cheap bastard's deal.

[Sopranos Republican]

Ugh, they only seem to have the cheap bastard's deal for East Coast to East Coast trips, but they had a $336 Boston to LA which seems good.

[King]

I anxiously await how Bushie will tell us how he managed to make a poor African diet disgustingly high in fat and calories.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

What did he eat last year in Kenya? It's not like he lost any weight during that trip either. I except he will drinks tons of cokes because he is also drinking water to not die, and he can justify it because he still thinks drinking water lessens your caloric intake magically.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Guys what do you think Bushie is doing right now? Shouldn't he have gotten to Brussels by now? Why no update from The Good Continent before he boarded the plane for his Kurtzian journey? Do you think something happened to him?

His plane was to land in Mogadishu IIRC.......maybe the Somali's don't like fat Americans?

I'm sure he's fine.

If not he's boiling in a pot.

[Lief 🗽]

I'm sure he's fine.

If not he's boiling in a pot.

Surely either one or the other.

Though if I were to cook Bushie, boiling would be the last method I'd pick. You'd want a method to burn off some of the fat. Maybe grilling on a spit over an open fire?

[opebo]

if I were to cook Bushie

Oh what a thought!  I must confess to a certain curiosity about this sort of delicacy..

There are certain Thai spicy/sour soups where pigs feet are boiled, with copious fat remaining attached, and they are wonderful!

Do we have any photos of Bushie's ankles?

[Lief 🗽]

It's been 24 hours. It's safe to assume that Bushie is dead.

RIP.

[WalterMitty]

the atlas is rather boring without bushie around.

but i do look forward to his return and his telling us that he is an african american and that he cant wait to be with 'his babies.'

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Me too, Walter. Dare I say The Update is one of the few reasons I still come to this forum. Without Our Dear Friend, this place is boring.

[Eraserhead]

the atlas is rather boring without bushie around.

but i do look forward to his return and his telling us that he is an african american and that he cant wait to be with 'his babies.'

Yep, and then you can forget about him feeding his dog or changing its water when he's supposed to. He'll be too busy thinking about his "children".

I bet his "children" won't even be the same ones as last time either.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

the atlas is rather boring without bushie around.

but i do look forward to his return and his telling us that he is an african american and that he cant wait to be with 'his babies.'

American-African, Walter. Please pay more attention.

[Mr. Morden]

The Adventures of Hobo Orgy Guy and Blondie

Episode 1: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Blondie sits in front of a campfire inside his dog house.  A hobo steps through the dog house doorway, and joins him at the fire.]

Hobo: I hope you don't mind if I take shelter in here?

Blondie: I'm just a dog.  Who am I to complain?

Hobo: Fair enough.

Blondie: But if you really want shelter, you should knock on the door of the adjacent mobile home.  You know, a mobile home for humans.  This is a dog house, genius.

Hobo: The Bushie family?  I can't stand them.  You see, the kid in that family, BushOklahoma, had abandoned his house, and it turned into a great location for group sex for myself and my associates.  However, we were found out, and the police got involved, and the whole thing was a mess.  BushOK actually moved back here from out of state, and began regular patrols of the property.  I mean, he started driving by the house for a few minutes at least once a week.  How are we supposed to ensure our privacy when he's harassing us like that?  Ever sense then, I've been trying to kill him, or at least maim him, by dropping rocks off of nearby buildings.

Blondie: So, you know the Bushie family as well?  I've actually been adopted by them.  It's a rather unfortunate state of affairs though.  I show up here a few weeks ago, looking for food and shelter.  I figure I was owned by some other family, but I don't know.  I was only a six week old puppy.  What the hell do I know?  Can you remember what happens from one day to the next when you're six weeks old?  Anyway, I show up, figure they'll return me to my owner.  Seems like they make a halfhearted attempt to find my owner.  Next thing I know, I'm being left out here in the heat all day with minimal shelter and very little human companionship.  On top of that, they start calling me J.J. for no good reason.  I'd already learned that my name was Blondie.  You're going to confuse a puppy like that?  So they won't let inside their mobile home, and they only come out briefly each day to throw a ball for me to retrieve.  Sometimes the old man walks me, but it's not much.  It's gotten worse, since BushOK left for his week in Kenya.  Hope he comes back soon, and makes a real effort to find my original owner.

Hobo: I see.  Sounds like we both have reasons to hold a grudge against the Bushie family.

Blondie: Indeed we do.......Can I ask you three more questions?

Hobo: Sure, no problem.  I've got all the time in the world.

Blondie: OK, well, I'm not sure I know how to put this.  But how do you explain what's happening to you right now: a talking dog, a campfire inside a dog house which should not logically be large enough to fit a camp fire, a dog, and a human?

Hobo: Oh, yeah.  That.  Well, I'm pretty high right now, so nothing would surprise me.  In any case, if I can't explain it, can you?  What's your explanation for how you can talk, and why the dog house is so big on the inside, like the Tardis or something?

Blondie: Don't know.  I'm just a dog.  How am I supposed to know how the world works?  Anyway, my second question is: What's your name?  I told you mine was Blondie.  How about you?

Hobo: I don't actually know my real name.  I have amnesia.  That is, everything before about 2008 is kind of a fog.  Tried to find out who I was, but I lost the will to keep looking for clues, became destitute, and found release in the orgies I participate in.  Anyway, the only name I know is the one I've taken on for myself, Hog.

Blondie: Well Hog, nice to meet you.

[Blondie puts out his paw to shake, and Hog takes it and greets him.]

Hog: So what's your third question?

Blondie: You asked if you could take shelter in here.  Well, shelter from what, specifically?  Just an "I'm homeless, and I need some place to sleep" kind of shelter, or are you taking refuge from something in particular?

Hog: You mean you don't know?  There's a tornado coming.  Can't you hear the winds?  You're a dog, so I thought you'd have super hearing or something.

Blondie: A tornado?!?

[Blondie starts digging furiously in the dirt, which sprays onto the fire, and puts it out.]

Hog: What are you doing?

Blondie: [Blondie continues to dig as he responds.]  Digging.  If there's a tornado on the way, we have to get to low ground.  There's nowhere around where there's low ground.  So we make some low ground by digging.  I mean, I'm a dog.  It's the only good response I have in a crisis like this.

[Hog peers out the dog house door at the approaching storm.]

Hog: It's too late for that now.

[Moments later, the dog house is swept up by the approaching winds, and launched high into the air.  Blondie and Hog hang onto the house for dear life.

As they're sucked into the vortex, they look out at the debris flying through the air.  They see mobile homes, and what look like human bodies, both dead and alive.

Nearby, they see what looks like Inks riding a bicycle in the air.  It slowly morphs into an image of Inks riding a broomstick and cackling.  It looks remarkably like the 3:08 mark in this clip, but with the human characters as male rather than female.

Finally, the dog house, with Blondie and Hog inside, crashes to the ground, and Hog loses consciousness.

An undetermined amount of time later, Hog wakes up to Blondie licking his face.]

Hog: What are you doing?

Blondie: Waking you up.  Sorry for the crude method, but I'm a dog.  It's the only way I know how.

Hog: No sweat.  [Hog stands up and looks around.]  How long was I out?

Blondie: Don't know.  But look!  [He points.]  The dog house is still in relatively good shape.  And the tornado's gone.  Looks like it wasn't as destructive as we thought.  And we haven't even been displaced that far from our original location.  The Bushie family trailer home is right there, just 100 yards or so away.

Good morning.

[Bushie appears behind them.  Blondie and Hog are startled at Bushie's surprise appearance.  But Hog quickly picks up the nearest rock and tosses it at Bushie's head.  The rock miraculously flies right through Bushie's head and he's unharmed.]

Oh, throwing rocks at me won't hurt.  I mean, I know you're my friend and you're just looking out for me, even though you just tried to kill me.  It doesn't bother me though.  I don't take it personally.  But you can't hurt me because I'm not really here.  I'm a holographic projection from the future, and can only communicate with you through these text boxes.  I've come here from the future so I can help you.

TO BE CONTINUED....

[Sopranos Republican]

LOL! Awesome!