Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Eraserhead]

He got his "babies" Thunder t-shirts.

[WalterMitty]

It's nice he's buying them things and all, but again, he's making it about him and creating "daddy moments" more than anything.

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

Didn't he previously say he was going to stop calling himself their daddy because he'd accepted that he couldn't adopt them, at least without a wife?

Yeah, like I said earlier, these poor kids are going to be so confused when they actually grow up and can think on their own as to why some white guy who sent them $30 a month is calling him their father.

Bushie needs to get to work finding a wife if he really loves these kids. It should be hit top priority when he gets home!

There is probably some different well meaning Yank every other week.

good point.  these kids probably have many daddies.

[Mr. Morden]

It's nice he's buying them things and all, but again, he's making it about him and creating "daddy moments" more than anything.

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

Didn't he previously say he was going to stop calling himself their daddy because he'd accepted that he couldn't adopt them, at least without a wife?

Yeah, like I said earlier, these poor kids are going to be so confused when they actually grow up and can think on their own as to why some white guy who sent them $30 a month is calling him their father.

Bushie needs to get to work finding a wife if he really loves these kids. It should be hit top priority when he gets home!

There is probably some different well meaning Yank every other week.

good point.  these kids probably have many daddies.

And perhaps many pairs of shoes.  Is this a 419 scam?

[WalterMitty]

this whole thing does sound fishy.

unfortunately these kids may be being used as pawns in some scam.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I assume the money he's sending there actually goes to pay the salaries of the employees... Or 95% of it anyway.

[Mr. Morden]

The Adventures of Hobo Orgy Guy and Blondie (....in progress)

Episode 3: "I Really Don't Think I Need Mental or Psychological Help"

[Holo-Bushie is outside the Bushie family mobile home, pretending to throw a stick that Blondie will fetch.  But obviously, he's just a hologram, so he can't throw a stick that Blondie could possibly catch.]

(in baby voice, just after making a throwing motion) Where did it go?  Where did the stick go?  Aren't you going to fetch it J.J.?

Blondie: I'm not going to play along with your stupid games.  Why don't you try filling me in on all the exposition that the other two are having dumped over their heads right now?

You don't want to fetch?  Besides, they can tell you all about the male/male hybrid babies when you're on your road trip.

Blondie: What road trip?  And male/male hybrid babies?  And earlier you talked about someone named Fredward?  Does this story have any female characters at all?  And what's with all the exposition?  Isn't this supposed to be about the adventures of Hog and me?

Please, don't break the fourth wall.

But look, we've got to keep playing out here, because you can't go inside.  You're not housebroken.  And besides, I'm just a hologram, so I can't open the door to let you in.  And in any case, there's no room inside.  We just don't have the space to keep a dog in there.

[Blondie growls at Bushie.]

OK, fine.  I'll just peek inside and see how they're doing.

[Bushie, in holographic form, walks through the wall of the mobile home, appearing inside just when Hog and RickRoll finish their Fredward song.]

RickRoll: Same old Bushie.  Walking in on people at inappropriate times.  Do you remember in college, when you walked in on Steve when he was frenching What's-Her-Name, and you thought she was pregnant?

I've moved past that.  Let's move on.  Why don't you try the next implant?  I know you've just covered the business with the male pregnancies, but we're getting a little ahead of ourselves.  Why don't you try this one, about the court proceedings about whether I should be ordered back to America after the Supreme Court ruling?  Once it was ruled that every unmarried man in Oklahoma had to be gay married, I decided to accelerate my plan to move to Kenya permanently.

RickRoll: You stayed in Kenya for asylum, so you wouldn't have to move back to Oklahoma to marry a man?

It was an issue, what to do with the Oklahoma men who were out of state, or out of the country.  Fortunately, I had good legal representation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czI2hfSas2Y

Hog: What was that?

Sorry.  Executive order from President Naso.  Every court scene must be preceded by the Night Court theme.

[We dissolve on a federal court room interior.  Inks.LWC is representing Bushie in this hearing, which is being held to determine whether the federal government should order that Bushie return to Oklahoma from Kenya, where he currently resides, and from which he is appearing by live video feed.]

Inks: Your honor, my client is being asked to appear in the state of Oklahoma for the purpose of being married off to another Oklahoma man.  I ask you, how can such a fate be inflicted on any man, to be forced to be married to my client, one of the most despicable human beings I have ever had the misfortune of looking upon?  Would that not be cruel and unusual punishment?

Judge: That's your argument?  That your client is such an awful person that we cannot force him upon any potential spouse?  I'm afraid that the Supreme Court ruling makes no character exemptions.

Inks: Your honor, I intend to produce numerous character witnesses who will testify to the exceptionally low character of my client.  His transgressions go beyond that of any human being the Supreme Court could have contemplated.

Judge: And yet you've also described numerous psychological ailments that you believe Mr. Bushie suffers from.  You believe that he is not actually responsible for his actions?

Inks: Legally, he bears no responsibility.  That is correct, your honor.  However, I still judge him on a personal level, and am so repulsed by his actions over these last few years, that I can only find satisfaction in berating him constantly for his sins, making him feel as guilty as possible.  Even though, yes, legally, he has no idea what he's doing.

Judge: This is quite an unusual legal defense.  Mr. Bushie, Mr. Inks was assigned to defend you, because you could not afford your own attorney.  However, given the circumstances, are you sure you don't want a replacement?

BushOK: (on video monitor) Not at all, your honour.  I know Inks only says these awful things because he cares.  He wants to get me to change, though I think he's going about it the wrong way.  Can we move on?  I'm done with this topic.

Can we talk about how I called you "Your honour", because they use British spellings here in Kenya, and I'm a Kenyan now?

Judge: Yes, I'm aware of this novel attempt to prove that you've been planning a move to Kenya for some time now by using British spellings in your sworn statement.  I noticed the "honour", "colour", and "behaviour".  I even noticed the questionable placements of "U"s in some cases.  Mr. Bushie, I don't think they spell "orange" "o-u-r-a-n-g-e" in Kenya.

BushOK: Well, I'm trying.  I just want to fit in here in Kenya, and show my Kenyan patriotism.  I want to learn more about the sports here...like football, which you Americans call soccer.  I'm really getting into sports, and will watch the cricket team play for hours on end for several days in a row.  Which I think is the playing time for a single game.

I'm sure President Uhuru Kenyatta, his deputy William Ruto, and everyone else in the government here would be impressed by my deep knowledge of my homeland here.  Just like I'm sure your American President, who, if you didn't know, is of Kenyan ancestry himself, is proud of Kenyan immigrants to America, like Barack Obama Sr.  I'm reading everything I can here about Kenya, on sources like CNN International.  And occasionally going outside to talk to people about life here.

Inks: Your honor, I believe if we demonstrate that my client had been planning to move to Kenya long before this Supreme Court ruling was made, that would argue against his classification as a resident of Oklahoma at the time of the ruling, thus nullifying the applicability of the marriage order to him.  In addition to the contemporaneous written statements made by him on the "Atlas" forum, I believe a desire to flee the country for good is the only logical implication of his horrible treatment of everyone around him within the United States.  He was clearly trying to burn all his bridges in this country before leaving it forever.

BushOK: Inks, I know you're my lawyer, and you've been a very good lawyer.  I support you 100%.  But why do you have to say such hurtful things?

Inks: (his voice rising) Bushie, why did you keep lying to us on Update?  Why didn't you move back to your own house when you left Utah, rather than leech off your parents?  Why didn't you look for a job?  Why didn't you walk the dog, or mow the lawn?  WHY DIDN'T YOU THROW OUT THE ROTTEN FRUIT?  You wanted to take advantage of everyone in the United States before moving on to Kenya, didn't you?

BushOK: Wow, just....wow.  Inks, there is no reason to try to catch me in every little thing I did wrong.  I made mistakes, I know that.  I have no excuse for that.  Seriously, why can't I tell my story without being grilled like this?  I know you're my lawyer, and you care about me, and you're just trying to help me, but this behavior is really uncalled for.

....I mean...I'm sorry, but can the court reporter make a note that in saying "this behavior is really uncalled for", I was pronouncing "behavior" as "behaviour" and "for" as "four"?


TO BE CONTINUED....

[Joe Biden 2020]

Hey, folks.  I am the kids only sponsor.  Each child has one sponsor.  The money goes to pay for education, meals for a month, school supplies, school fees, and basic healthcare.  For only $35 a month per child, from American eyes that wouldn't cover meals for 3 days let alone 30.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Hey, folks.  I am the kids only sponsor.  Each child has one sponsor.  The money goes to pay for education, meals for a month, school supplies, school fees, and basic healthcare.  For only $35 a month per child, from American eyes that wouldn't cover meals for 3 days let alone 30.

So you pay $70 a month for your two kids?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

It's hard to knock Bushie for spending $70/month on sponsoring these kids if his parents allow him to do it. I will knock him for lying about what he spends the money on, but if they are okay with funding his parenting fetish, then it's their own fault.

Generally it's admirable to do what he's doing, but only if you can afford it. He still can't be these kids parents. He is in no position to have children or a family of his own. Hell, I just want him to start dating again!

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

He still can't be these kids parents. He is in no position to have children or a family of his own. Hell, I just want him to start dating again!

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

[opebo]

Hard to believe charities aren't scams.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

He still can't be these kids parents. He is in no position to have children or a family of his own. Hell, I just want him to start dating again!

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

I know, but even he told us to ignore what he says while at Kenya and the immediate aftermath, because it will be insane. You know it will be bad if he warns us!

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

He still can't be these kids parents. He is in no position to have children or a family of his own. Hell, I just want him to start dating again!

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

I know, but even he told us to ignore what he says while at Kenya and the immediate aftermath, because it will be insane. You know it will be bad if he warns us!

I'm ready for the flight cancellation post, Dukey.  Maybe your mob law firm can find a suitable rental for him in Kenya?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

He still can't be these kids parents. He is in no position to have children or a family of his own. Hell, I just want him to start dating again!

"Proud to be a daddy" is what he says on his FB. 

I know, but even he told us to ignore what he says while at Kenya and the immediate aftermath, because it will be insane. You know it will be bad if he warns us!

I'm ready for the flight cancellation post, Dukey.  Maybe your mob law firm can find a suitable rental for him in Kenya?

This is Bushie we are talking about. He'll never stay in Kenya permanently, just like he will never hold a permanent job, lose weight, etc... He simply has big dreams but has no desire to do the grunt work to achieve them.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Bushie is already asking himself if America or Kenya is more blessed.... when I can assure you most of those Kenyans would come to America if they could. Bushie just takes for granted the blessings he has in his life!

[memphis]

Hard to believe charities aren't scams.

A lot of them are.

[opebo]

Bushie is already asking himself if America or Kenya is more blessed.... when I can assure you most of those Kenyans would come to America if they could. Bushie just takes for granted the blessings he has in his life!

He only has the one - the father who will pay.

[memphis]

He also has the injun doctor. I'm jealous! Healthcare is crazy expensive!!!!

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Hey everyone!  While you're waiting for Bushie to  post his next update, you should check out my latest Downfall Parody - Update Version: https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=175266.0

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

My point is, he has far more than the average Kenyan, especially those orphan children.

[Lief 🗽]

Guys it's becoming pretty obvious that this whole orphanage deal is just a scam to get money from religious, naive, and aimless white people. They let Bushie come visit every two years or so, let him fulfill his daddy fantasies for a few weeks (while having him do unpaid labor), and then suck him dry with $70 a month until his next visit, all the while promising that he'll be able to move there full time "when the orphanage is ready", which will obviously be never. Meanwhile, I'm sure most of the money goes to the people in charge, who live in luxury while his "children" don't have shoes.

[Mr. Morden]

This is the orphanage, isn't it?

http://www.maishainternational.org

Has anyone done any internet detective work on them?

And I'm still confused about Bushie's orphans.  They don't actually live in the orphanage.  They live with the grandmother, right?  How does this work?  When Bushie is taking his kids shoe shopping, does the grandmother come along?  What's the relationship between Bushie, the grandmother, and the kids?  After his first return from Kenya, Bushie made it sound like the grandmother probably wouldn't live long anyway, since she's old, and this is why he was cool with the idea of adopting them?  (I might have the details on that wrong.)

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

From what I recall, he did say she was old and couldn't be a parent to them like he could. He further went on this bizarre rant claiming that even though Kenyan law wouldn't allow him, as a single male, to adopt them, God didn't care about Kenyan law and would make it happen if he prayed hard enough.

But yeah, it sounds bad if the kids don't have shoes after bushie has been sending them $70 a month for almost a year now.

[Mr. Morden]

But yeah, it sounds bad if the kids don't have shoes after bushie has been sending them $70 a month for almost a year now.

Maybe they've just worn through their last pair.  Who knows how long Kenyan shoes last!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

They don't need shoes anyway. They live simple lives and just rely on Jesus even more than Americans!