Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

What's with all these good Christian brides having children out of wedlock? I don't know anyone that's had a kid out of wedlock in my sinful, secular environment.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

What's with all these good Christian brides having children out of wedlock? I don't know anyone that's had a kid out of wedlock in my sinful, secular environment.

Weddings are for rich people. Has very little to do with religion either way.

What? That's the first time I've ever heard that only the rich get married...

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I think I am just out of touch, Grumps. Weddings are only for the rich, which I am shamelessly a part of, apparently, so weddings for the poors are atypical. I was just shocked that they had not picked a venue days before their wedding, as I have a friend of mine getting married tomorrow night as well, and they had theirs planned for months (it's a greek wedding, so obviously).

He said the bride already had a child, so it's definitely a shotgun wedding, just a little slower. It sounds like most of the people Bushie knows have kids out of wedlock, which isn't surprising, I guess, despite how religious they are.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I think I am just out of touch, Grumps. Weddings are only for the rich, which I am shamelessly a part of, apparently, so weddings for the poors are atypical. I was just shocked that they had not picked a venue days before their wedding, as I have a friend of mine getting married tomorrow night as well, and they had theirs planned for months (it's a greek wedding, so obviously).

He said the bride already had a child, so it's definitely a shotgun wedding, just a little slower. It sounds like most of the people Bushie knows have kids out of wedlock, which isn't surprising, I guess, despite how religious they are.

Not even necessarily despite. I'd imagine there's a strong connection between being deeply religious and not using contraceptives (or at least growing up in a deeply religious area where such things aren't talked about).

Yeah, it's pretty much accepted that more religious people have kids out of wedlock than others because they don't believe in contraceptives yet have sex because it is natural to want to do that. That's my theory. I am just glad Bushie keeps confirming it every time he gives us peeks into the people in his life.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

My dad's girlfriend had a brain tumor a while ago and still gets migraines occasionally. When she does, she locks herself away and basically sits in a quiet, dark room until it goes away. I can't imagine her driving, administering a wedding or anything. If it is a 9/10, Bushie has a tremendous tolerance for pain.

And his mom has had a migraine every day for 35 years? Is that even possible?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Bushie, did you go for free doughnut day? I'm in line for one right now!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Bushie, did you go for free doughnut day? I'm in line for one right now!

No but he lied and went to McDonalds. He's fatter than he says.  Nice pic Bushie.  At least your friend is cute.

I just had 2 free doughnuts! And I feel like sh**t, but it was well worth it.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Bushie, did you go for free doughnut day? I'm in line for one right now!

Doughnuts cost less than a dollar. What's the big deal in getting a free one?

For fun! For America!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

What did you have today at McDonald's? I wish you had a free doughnut! Mine was delicious.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Remember when your friend told you it wasn't simply about calories, but what you ate?

But it's okay. I've given up on your dietary habits. I'm hoping you'll find a lady soon so you can ignore my advice there too. I'm a sucker for punishment.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Yeah, that's a super lame excuse but we really shouldn't harp on him for it. Obviously McDonald's wasn't the only place he could've gone when crunched for time. He just wanted a double quarter pounder! No need to go any further and he doesn't have to make excuses.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Right. I'd respect him a lot more if he just admitted he wanted a double quarter pounder. I never listen to his excuses because he has one for any and every occasion.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Maybe or maybe not. Subway is obviously healthier, but eating tons of carbs late at night will always be stored as fat. I am not sure why Bushie is making that argument though. It's kind of laughable that he's worried about food turning to fat when he just gobbled down a double quarter pounder with cheese.

It's a shame too. I thought we had turned a corner, but then I forgot that Bushie likes to have "cheat days" every other day...

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Gosh, you spin things so much, Bushie. But we all know you're just hiding behind seeing your friends as justifying your decision to go to McDonalds. You didn't expect to see them there. You just got lucky. You went there with a quarter pounder on your mind and nothing more.

Just admit you wanted to eat at McDonalds and move on. Seriously. I think all of us would be okay with that instead of shamelessly lying and making up excuses like you normally do. If you were serious about dieting and being healthier, you would've made the effort to do so.

Like tonight - I had a walk on the wild side, eating doughnuts and barbecue for dinner. I did it because dammit, I wanted to.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Maybe or maybe not. Subway is obviously healthier, but eating tons of carbs late at night will always be stored as fat. I am not sure why Bushie is making that argument though. It's kind of laughable that he's worried about food turning to fat when he just gobbled down a double quarter pounder with cheese.

It's a shame too. I thought we had turned a corner, but then I forgot that Bushie likes to have "cheat days" every other day...

Subway would've been less than half the carbs he had at McDonald's.

Inks, he doesn't want to diet. He has no interest in health, being healthier, and he will always weigh 250+ for as long as he lives. It will be an accomplishment if he stays below 300 pounds during his lifetime.

Exhibit A:

Okay, yes, I did have a Quarter Pounder on my mind.  That chicken sandwich was awful the other night.  I had to rectify that!

The man cannot even eat grilled chicken, much less vegetables that aren't cooked in fat or that are starches. He will never lose weight, so harping about it will not solve anything. Just accept he will always be a fat man.

His parents are fat. His grandmother is likely fat. That's just the way he is, and he does not have the drive, intellectual curiosity, or willpower to change his life for the better. He never will. I'd be willing to have sex with a horse - I am that sure that he will never lose a substantial amount of weight, and I don't even like horses.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

LOL. It was across the street from McDonalds? Bushie is trolling again...

This guy, he's such a smartass it's hilarious.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

None of this is new, Inks. Bushie acts older than my 90 year old granddad. His excuse isn't surprising at all. In fact, I wouldn't expect anything less from my dear buddy!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Let's be honest, The Update is not about progress. It's about regression.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Jeff, the difference is that I'm actually telling the truth; you're not.

I could go round and round all morning long, but I've got a wedding tonight.

Me too! I can't wait! I'm always excited about an open bar!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Jeff, the difference is that I'm actually telling the truth; you're not.

I could go round and round all morning long, but I've got a wedding tonight.

OK... And I've asked you to name one thing I've said that's untrue.  You've avoided that.  So, name one thing I've said that's untrue.  If you'd like, you can even wait until after the wedding.

For Bushie's sake, I hope he's too hammered to post here coherently after that wedding. He would be if he knew what was good for him.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Lol. You didn't lose 2 pounds while sleeping. Maybe of water weight of you took a nice dump. It doesn't work that way though.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Bushie needs to get drunk and bang a bridesmaid and tell us about it. We need more entertainment here.

I have this feeling it'll be a dry wedding tonight that he's attending. I couldn't imagine anything worse.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I don't think you can out tradition the Greek Orthodox Church, and I've gotten hammered plenty of times at church festivals. Hell, even our priest drinks with us.

But I'm not surprised. Bushie won't get to enjoy a real wedding.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I made some questionable decisions concerning the bride's sister last night at that wedding. Good thing it's over now.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Why does he equate taking advice as an insult? There's nothing wrong with being wrong and hearing differences of opinions. That's why it's so silly when Bushie says he doesn't listen to anything we say to him. That's probably why he is where he is today.