Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Mr. Morden]

The entire ceremony only lasted 20 minutes and the reception was over by 2030.

The reception lasted 17 years???

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie the title of this season hurts my eyes. Can you change it?  Thx.

Nothing to stop you from putting in your own subject line for all of your own posts on this thread.  Maybe this can be a "choose your own adventure" Update season, where everybody picks their own title.

[Mr. Morden]

Are you going to be able to Update from Kenya? I hate it when my favorite shows take breaks.

When he took his last Kenya-Update break, I suggested that we all just imagine what he must be doing each day in Kenya, and post it here, but I don't think anyone took me up on it. 

[Mr. Morden]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

I think it's one of the same guys who had an orgy in Bushie's shed.  The infamous orgy that caused him to move back to OK.  He hates Bushie for taking away his favorite orgy location, and for Bushie moving back to OK, where he uses up all the Indian medicine that the hobo was relying on.  He now takes every opportunity to throw rocks at Bushie, and has even planted a rabid puppy on Bushie's porch, sent in to assassinate the family cat.

While Bushie's in Kenya, we should continue on with the Update with the midseason replacement series, which features Hobo Orgy Guy (HOG).

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, are you motivated enough to walk today, or is it just bad food and sitting around?

Walking is too dangerous.  He might be hit by rocks from nearby buildings.

[Mr. Morden]

That morning, I will go to bed at 00:15, wake up at 03:30, pray and meditate until 05:00, eat a normal breakfast at 05:20, leave for the airport at 06:00, arrive at Will Rogers World Airport at 06:30, meet with the group at 07:30, go through security about 08:30, board at 10:10, and depart for Washington, Dulles International Airport at 10:40.

Why would you stay up until after midnight that night, and end up with just 3 hours sleep before your travels?  Why not go to bed early so you can get more sleep?

[Mr. Morden]

That morning, I will go to bed at 00:15, wake up at 03:30, pray and meditate until 05:00, eat a normal breakfast at 05:20, leave for the airport at 06:00, arrive at Will Rogers World Airport at 06:30, meet with the group at 07:30, go through security about 08:30, board at 10:10, and depart for Washington, Dulles International Airport at 10:40.

Why would you stay up until after midnight that night, and end up with just 3 hours sleep before your travels?  Why not go to bed early so you can get more sleep?

I always get less sleep before I travel. The more time I spend sleeping on the plane, the better.

Really?  I find plane sleeping to be terribly uncomfortable.  I prefer to be well rested before flying, then distract myself on the flight with movies or something, rather than trying to sleep.

In any case, it looks like Bushie stays up past midnight virtually every night since he stopped working?

Is his weird sleep schedule messing with his metabolism and making him fatter?

[Mr. Morden]

Bad sleep schedules can do that!?!?

Oh man

That's what I've read in various news stories, but I'm sure there are others here who are more expert on such matters.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, why don't you call the police about this dog?  It could belong to someone, have been missing for some time, and the owner would presumably like to find it.  (Or maybe you'd rather just adopt it for yourself, just like adopting orphans from Kenya?)

Also, with regard to your sleeping problems, one thing that can help one sleep better is getting some exercise during the day.  But that's probably too extreme a solution for you.

[Mr. Morden]

Call the police over a found dog? You guys have been watching too many 50s sitcoms.

Why not? People routinely call police departments about lost wallets, etc., what would be the harm in giving them a call?

It might distract them from their investigations of all the rock throwing going on in Oklahoma.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, why don't you call the police about this dog?  It could belong to someone, have been missing for some time, and the owner would presumably like to find it.  (Or maybe you'd rather just adopt it for yourself, just like adopting orphans from Kenya?)

Also, with regard to your sleeping problems, one thing that can help one sleep better is getting some exercise during the day.  But that's probably too extreme a solution for you.

We have looked online for missing dogs and nothing has turned up.

You're not going to pick up the phone and call anyone, like a shelter or something, asking about how to find the owner if there is one?  You're just going to rely on your own internet detective skills, the same skills which have led you into falling for numerous scam jobs?

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie, who's idea was it to name the dog J.J.?  Was it yours?  Is the name based on our very own J.J., here on Atlas?  What does J.J. stand for anyway?  I mean, is it really a "male" name if it's just two random letters?  (Shades of The Simpsons: J.J. stands for Jay Jay.)

[Mr. Morden]

It was Dad's idea to name him J.J.  I still prefer Blondie, personally, because as you can see by the link I posted earlier from my facebook, he is a blonde color dog.

I can't see anything at that link, genius.  If you want me to see it, change the privacy settings. 

You must be logged in to read this quote.

I'm going to assume that it stands for Jay Jay.

Also, go ahead and call it Blondie if you want to.  Don't let your Dad push you around like that.  You're that dog's favorite human, so you should get to name it.

[Mr. Morden]

The sweet stuff is mitigated by salty stuff, like french fries.

Yes.  As long as you have an equal amount from the sugar and salt food groups, you should be fine.

And knowing this, you still allow them to make important life decisions for you? They take their morbidly obese son to dinner and encourage him to order a bacon cheeseburger? And a vanilla malt? I don't even.... it's almost like they're trying to kill you.

That would be an interesting Update subplot: Bushie's parents try to kill him for the insurance money.  Maybe they paid off Hobo Orgy Guy to throw the rock at Bushie.  Everyone seems to be out to get him now: Hobo Orgy Guy, his parents, the adoption laws in Kenya, the cat for letting a dog near the house.  Bushie's only "true" friend is Blondie, and he's not even allowed to call him by his proper name, because his father / wannabe assassin insists on naming him after a member of Atlas.

[Mr. Morden]

there could be many reasons for this.  maybe they are unhappy and bushie is the glue that keeps them together?

They do sleep in different rooms, and Bushie has told his mother about his desire to move to Kenya permanently, but not his father, or something like that?  Some really weird familial dynamics going on there.

EDIT: Ha, Duke posts my thoughts ahead of me.

[Mr. Morden]

Anyone know what percentile of the general population 42.1 would put Bushie in?  A quick Google search didn't turn up anything.

[Mr. Morden]

Bushie has stated previously that his height is 5'8. If his BMI is 42.1, that means that he weighs  277 lbs, which is more than he has ever admitted.

Maybe his scale at home is defective.  When he went to the doctor to measure his BMI, they used a scale that's actually properly calibrated.

[Mr. Morden]

1 sandwich is definitely less than normal.  It would leave me hungry again within the hour.  2 sandwiches are not that much, especially when each sandwich is only about 310 calories altogether.

What about one sandwich with a side of a fruit or vegetable?  I seem to get by OK with that for lunch most days.

[Mr. Morden]

I am under 100 hours until Kenya 2013 begins - 98 hours as of 22:00.  Kenya 2013 will begin at midnight Thursday morning.

I'm traveling again later this week, but will get back home on Saturday night (Australia time).  After I get home, if Bushie does indeed disappear from Atlas and is unable to post from Kenya, I might try writing a few "The Adventures of Hobo Orgy Guy and Blondie" episodes in this thread, to see what the other side of the Bushie tale is thinking.

[Mr. Morden]

Haha!  It is Sunday Morning, so I'm pleased to say that I will be in Kenya THIS WEEK!!

Since Sunday is the first day of the week, it makes sense.

You're still only 10 minutes closer to Kenya than you were 10 minutes ago.  So don't get too excited.

[Mr. Morden]

The gif levels in this thread are approaching critically low levels.

Your homework assignment is to post 3 gifs a day here when Bushie is in Kenya, to tell his story via pictures. [/professor]

[Mr. Morden]

Can I also add that Update is now generating ~500 posts a week(?!?)?  Since Dave doesn't want us to keep threads going longer than ~2000 posts anymore, we now face the prospect of a new Update season every month.  Or is the new pace of posting a fluke?  I really don't know how it suddenly got so active.

EDIT: Looks like this furious posting rate has been going on since February (the month that Bushie announced his return to OK), and we have in fact been averaging one season a month since then:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173182.msg3720350#msg3720350

[Mr. Morden]

Can I also add that Update is now generating ~500 posts a week(?!?)?  Since Dave doesn't want us to keep threads going longer than ~2000 posts anymore, we now face the prospect of a new Update season every month.  Or is the new pace of posting a fluke?  I really don't know how it suddenly got so active.

I was just thinking about that the other day.  Is there anything we can do to kind of slow it down a bit short of locking it?

Yes, you could stop posting.

[Mr. Morden]

Can I also add that Update is now generating ~500 posts a week(?!?)?  Since Dave doesn't want us to keep threads going longer than ~2000 posts anymore, we now face the prospect of a new Update season every month.  Or is the new pace of posting a fluke?  I really don't know how it suddenly got so active.

I was just thinking about that the other day.  Is there anything we can do to kind of slow it down a bit short of locking it?

Yes, you could stop posting.

Maybe I could change the story line.  It generates 500 posts a week or so, 450 of those at least are diet related.  If my viewers will let me, I could try to change the story line that doesn't generate 90% of the Update.

Start posting about something like 19th century French literature, and I'm sure the number of responses will go down.

[Mr. Morden]

Home prepared potato salad - 360 kcal
Pineapple Angel Food cake (1 slice) - 150 kcal

Looks like this is the closest Bushie will ever come to eating fruits and vegetables.