Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[memphis]

What an appropriate day - National Doughtnut Day - to start a new Update! Don't worry, guys. Our Dear Friend will celebrate by eating only three doughnuts. Strict diet.

[memphis]

What's with all these good Christian brides having children out of wedlock? I don't know anyone that's had a kid out of wedlock in my sinful, secular environment.

Weddings are for rich people. Has very little to do with religion either way.

[memphis]

What's with all these good Christian brides having children out of wedlock? I don't know anyone that's had a kid out of wedlock in my sinful, secular environment.

Weddings are for rich people. Has very little to do with religion either way.

What? That's the first time I've ever heard that only the rich get married...

http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/economix/2012/02/06/marriage-is-for-rich-people/

[memphis]

Bushie, did you go for free doughnut day? I'm in line for one right now!

Doughnuts cost less than a dollar. What's the big deal in getting a free one?

[memphis]

Bushie needs to get drunk and bang a bridesmaid and tell us about it. We need more entertainment here.

I have this feeling it'll be a dry wedding tonight that he's attending. I couldn't imagine anything worse.

This being a church, there will be no alcohol at the reception.

Most churches have alcohol in the service.

Not this one.  We are a very conservative and very traditional church, so no alcohol allowed on church grounds at any time.

That's neither 'very conservative' nor 'very traditional'.

The wine, along with the cracker, is the most critical part of the traditional service, isn't it? How can Bushie be unaware of this?

[memphis]

I think most folks find bushie much more endearing than inks.

This is certainly true. I did a poll about it not long ago. I'm not much of a psychologist, but surely there's some broader point to be made about life and what people value.

[memphis]

Wow, the reception only lasted 90 minutes? I guess a reception without alcohol is just unbearably boring.

90 minutes seems fine to me. My cousin had an elaborate big fudging deal wedding a few years ago, and I found it in very poor taste. Supremely masturbatory.

[memphis]

I don't get the insistence that a wedding must be an orgy of conspicuous consumption. I doubt very much these people have any money. Nothing wrong with living within your means. They got a friend to officiate at their little church and theu'll spend the evening downtown.  Sounds simple but nice. I wish them well.

[memphis]

Are you going to be able to Update from Kenya? I hate it when my favorite shows take breaks.

[memphis]

I very much enjoy the flashbacks courtesy of Xahar. Good work, buddy!

[memphis]

Pretty clear Bushie never gets any fiber in his diet ever. I bet if he ate some broccoli, he could lose several pounds just from pushing out the clogged remains of countless hamburgers.

[memphis]

Pretty clear Bushie never gets any fiber in his diet ever. I bet if he ate some broccoli, he could lose several pounds just from pushing out the clogged remains of countless hamburgers.

You are telling that to someone who cannot stand broccoli.

Even in Chinese food? It's no longer healthy, of course, but some chewy beef and  crisp broccoli in that sweet Chinaman sauce is so damn tasty!

[memphis]

They have Chinese in Oklahoma.  I don't touch the stuff, but they do have Chinese food.

I love Chinese food, but there's this one Chinese place not far from my job that is a little too authentic for me. So I guess I can understand how Bushie feels.

http://www.newasiagermantown.com/page15.php

[memphis]

I literally want to barf, politicus. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
When I was visiting Berlin, my hostel was in a Turkish neighborhood. They had these little hotdog stands that said Currywurst on them. I thought it must be some cool fusion that would be amazing. Nope. Regular American style hotdog with ketchup and curry powder on it. So gross! 

[memphis]

I had a Bushie dinner tonight. I ate with my mother at Shoney's. The food wasn't bad, but I can't imagine eating that way all the time. You get an oversized entree, a side, bread, and unlimited soup and salad bar for $9. But it was such a plain, depressing little place.

[memphis]

Shoney's are still around? I remember seeing them off of the highway when I drove back and forth from college and home a few years ago. I've never been, but I imagine they're like most chains.

When you grow up knowing nothing else, I imagine you are used to food like that.

Shoney's isn't like most chains. Chili's and Applebee's and even Cracker Barrel try a lot harder to be cool, clever, and clean at every opportunity. Shoney's, in contrast, is like K Mart. Depressing, dull, and just limping along the best way it can. The waitress was nice enough but she was just a tired old lady without the pep and ironed apron of an Olive Garden waiter. I'm certain she figured out a long time ago that she's going to be poor until the day she dies.

[memphis]

I've never been to a dietician. Why would one need regular visits?

[memphis]

I weigh myself several times a week at the gym. Maybe it's because my meals (and presumably poops) are not as extensive, I don't get these wild fluctuations that Bushie gets. My statistical noise is never more than an pound or two. Dropping weight is also very difficult

[memphis]

I'm back from Shawnee and I've had lunch.  2 PB & J sandwiches - 600 calories total according to the nutrition labels on the bread,  peanut butter, and jelly.  Dinner remains to be seen, but it shouldn't be anything too heavy.  I'm going to take a nap for a bit, then get started packing a little later.

Why do you have to nap every day?

He probably has sleep apnea. He's probably also bored with nothing to do all day.

[memphis]

You sleep with your minister?

[memphis]

Call the police over a found dog? You guys have been watching too many 50s sitcoms.

[memphis]

Call the police over a found dog? You guys have been watching too many 50s sitcoms.

Why not? People routinely call police departments about lost wallets, etc., what would be the harm in giving them a call?

It's not something they do. They concern themselves with crime. And there's plenty of it to occupy them. Lost wallets carry the threat of ID theft, which is a serious situation. But feel free to call them. It may make them chuckle, and hopefully they won't chew you out for wasting their time.

[memphis]

Call the police over a found dog? You guys have been watching too many 50s sitcoms.

Why not? People routinely call police departments about lost wallets, etc., what would be the harm in giving them a call?

It's not something they do. They concern themselves with crime. And there's plenty of it to occupy them. Lost wallets carry the threat of ID theft, which is a serious situation. But feel free to call them. It may make them chuckle, and hopefully they won't chew you out for wasting their time.

Sounds like you have the worst police department in the nation.

Because they're focused on crimes instead of dogs? The police have a scary and difficult job. I give them a lot of credit. It's not Barney Fife and Mayberry out there.

[memphis]

Bushie has stated previously that his height is 5'8. If his BMI is 42.1, that means that he weighs  277 lbs, which is more than he has ever admitted.

[memphis]

My checking account looks pretty good if you look at it right. Just after payday, before I pay any bills.