CANONICAL UPDATE READING LIST

[Lief 🗽]

Yea but Bushie could have at least save the three seasons as PDFs before he deleted them smdh 😒

[Lief 🗽]

I'm currently going through season 7, writing a three paragraph or so summary and review of the season. Hopefully I will get through all twenty season eventually.

It is striking how different these old seasons were. A lot of people still had a lot of hope for Bushie. People like myself, opebo, Eraserhead were defending him from the attacks. I found him a torrent for his porn show so that he could cancel his subscription! And then he just betrays us by purging us from Facebook. The transformation from hero to villain that he's undergone over the past 10 season or so was so masterfully done by the writers. 

[Mr. Morden]

It is striking how different these old seasons were. A lot of people still had a lot of hope for Bushie. People like myself, opebo, Eraserhead were defending him from the attacks.

If there was a big turning point when people turned against him, it was when he lost his job in Utah and moved back in with his parents in OK because his father told him to.  Then a few months after that, there was the adoption of Blondie and subsequent debate about mistreatment of him/her.  Those were grim times.

[Lief 🗽]

The rating on this one might be controversial. At the time I wasn't a fan of this season very much, but looking back on it now it had so, so many classic episodes, jokes and character arcs that it's hard not to rate it highly. Let me know what you guys think.

Season VII: The OK Corral

As the season begins, Bushie prepares for his second trek into the heart of darkness, by posting his flight itinerary and scamming his mother out of hundreds of dollars to afford the trip. Bushie finally cancels his softcore porn subscriptions (but in a surprise twist, later reveals that he hasn't gotten around to canceling the last subscription!). Lief helps Bushie find a torrent of the softcore porn show he loves so that he can finally cancel his subscription (Bushie later ungratefully backstabs Lief by de-friending him during The Purge in season 19). Bushie attends a "packing party" one month before his vacation to Kenya to pack his suitcases for his vacation to Kenya. After the packing party, Bushie ardently defends his decision to mooch off the Indian medicine man, by claiming that the Indian tribe is "uber rich." Inks racistly attacks Bushie's authentic pure-blood Indian heritage.

A darkly fascinating story arc follows Bushie as an "amateur meteorologist", as he tracks a severe thunderstorm heading straight for Oklahoma. Thanks to some quick thinking and a keen understanding of meteorology, Bushie's weather forecasts on his "Facebook blog" alert his followers to escape the storm's path just in the nick of time. Unfortunately, Inks refuses to celebrate Bushie's heroics, instead pointing out that Bushie has no idea what he's talking about and his forecasts were all wrong.

Bushie also finally gets serious about his weight loss. He promises to stop drinking non-diet soda forever, schedules an appointment with a dietician, and figures out that he can't cheat a walking app on his phone by just driving extremely slowly. Luckily, the Indian medicine woman dietician tells Bushie to change his habits one at a time so he doesn't get burned out; Bushie's understands this to mean that he doesn't have to change his dietary habits at all. He ignores all her other suggestions, and reveals that he does not eat salads with dressing, because dressing "defeats the purpose of a salad." For the remainder of the season, he goes weeks at a time without eating fruits or vegetables, but makes sure to always clean up the meat and not waste a single drop of soda, even when he accidentally puts it in his cup at McDonalds.

Towards the end of the season, he uses the money he's saved his parents by canceling his porn subscriptions to waste on a trip across the state to his old alma mater to inquire about re-enrolling and upgrading his computer science minor to a full degree. While he admits he could have just sent an email and saved the time and money, in the end the motel room brief relaxation makes it all worth it. Producers teased this trip as the prologue to a "Bushie Goes to College!" season eight, but unfortunately due to budgetary constraints the storyline would be scrapped.

As the season ends, Papa Bushie is forcing Bushie to go to CADD school, Bushie is preparing to officiate a wedding, and the Kenya trip is quickly approaching!

Grade: A-
A return to form after the past few seasons, this season saw the writers more organically weave the conflict between Bushie and Inks into the overall storyline. The seeds of Bushie's Walter White-esque descent from hero to villain were planted in these exchanges. That said, the Inks character was still shrill and thoroughly unlikeable, and though the injection of conflict into the show was welcome, it still dragged down many episodes as it had done the entire prior season. Still, I have a hard time not rating this season highly. It has a number of truly classic moments (Bushie's insane belief that he would be accepted into the Peace Corps, Bacon King and Adam Griffin's amazing and hilarious pictorial replies, the origination of the "clean up the meat" catchphrase, the first appearance of Bushie's sister-in-law and the road trip to college). Bushie's weight had always been an important part of Update, but season 7 was the first to really focus in depth on it, with the introduction of the dietician character and the truly bizarre beliefs Bushie held about food (refusing to eat vegetables, believing beans in Mexican food caused him to lose weight, thinking 2000 calories per day would starve him, his refusal to eat chicken sandwiches despite King's exasperated attempts to convince him to, etc.). It's these classic lighter moments that kept the season zipping along, and have endured in the memory of all Update super fans to this day.

[memphis]

I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember Bushie was too timid to type the word Playboy, preferring instead to use the confusing abbreviation Pb. I also recall that Bushie was, in fact, defeated by the walking app. He tried to outsmart it by driving very slowly, but the app knew better.

[Mr. Morden]

After the packing party, Bushie ardently defends his decision to mooch off the Indian medicine man, by claiming that the Indian tribe is "uber rich."

Gotta love this quote:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173181.msg3730094#msg3730094

You must be logged in to read this quote.

[Lief 🗽]

Season VIII: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

"They have Chinese in Oklahoma.  I don't touch the stuff, but they do have Chinese food." - Bushie, Season 8

The eighth season was intended to be a sequel to the very popular season three, which had largely focused on Kenya. This was surprising: fans had been clamoring for another relationship storyline, and season three was famously the first to not be centered on Bushie's romantic entanglements. But ratings for Update had been in steep decline ever since the Utah story arc and the disastrous addition of Inks as a main character. A return to Kenya was seen by producers as a sure-fire way to get the show back on track. To keep costs low, however, the entire season was shot on a sound-stage in Oklahoma. As a result, the season premier was widely panned for its unrealistic portrayal of Kenya.  

After quickly officiating a shotgun wedding for a pair of devout Christians mere hours before the bride gave birth, and giving a riveting monologue that many argued Bushie should have won the Emmy for that year, Bushie was supposed to hop on a plane to Africa. Unfortunately, the beginning of the season dragged, and Inks continued to be featured heavily. Luckily for viewers, after the first few episodes, Inks's character was abruptly written off the show and replaced with an adorable new puppy: Blondie aka J.J. the dog. After months of hard work, careful scientific research, and many failed attempts, Bushie's family finally figured out what sex the dog was. Unfortunately, they were not as diligent in returning the dog to its owner, and Bushie continued his development from hero to villain as he defended his family's refusal to do so. Making matters worse, Bushie soon began torturing J.J. by forcing the poor puppy to spend his days dying in the searing Oklahoma sun and refusing to walk her. Eventual after fan backlash and threats of a boycott, Papa Bushie took time off from his 90-hour work week to buy the poor puppy a dog house to pass away with dignity in.

The writers weren't afraid to play with genre in season eight. Who can forget the cooking show episodes? Then there was the series premiere of the fantastic "Adventures of Hobo Orgy Guy" spinoff. And, about a quarter of the way through the season, viewers were treated to a riveting mystery episode, guest starring season 7 fan favorite Bacon King. To this day, fan theories still abound about what exactly broke Bushie's windshield that day. A number of episodes focused on Papa Bushie, a peripheral character up until this point in the Update saga. Viewers responded to the heartbreaking tragedy of his life, and the contrast of Papa Bushie's 100-hour work weeks, back-breaking labor, and constant sacrifice with Bushie's lazy and slothful lifestyle punctuated with fun Kenyan vacations was especially stark, driving home Bushie's descent into villainy in these later seasons.

Finally, about half-way through the season, Bushie left for Kenya. He soon began devising ways to move to Kenya and adopt his children, despite Kenyan laws being written specifically to prevent white men with creepy mustaches from coming to the country and adopting children so that they could "love on" them. In a thrilling, special effects heavy action sequence, Satan attacked Bushie, though our protagonist eventually prevailed. Soon Bushie returned to America, 15 pounds lighter, ready to devote himself to Kenya. After quickly burying the sun-bleached carcass of J.J. the dog, Bushie set about on his quest to become a CAD(D), so that he could save up the money to return to Kenya permanently. Viewers were briefly given some hope for a new romantic interest, but unfortunately new character and fellow Kenya enthusiast Krista only briefly featured on the show. As the season came to a close, his Kenyan children tragically died of malaria probably and were never heard from again.

Grade: A
Definitely a mixed season, and very hard to grade. The tone of Update became much darker in season eight, heralding things to come. Many viewers were shocked and offended by this, with the Papa Bushie and J.J./Blondie story lines in particular turning many off Update for good. The writing of Bushie's character was applauded by some critics, and compared to the evolution of Walter White in AMC's Breaking Bad. However, late season storylines (like the church merger and the aborted search for part-time employment at J.C. Penny) dragged, and the promise of Kenya: Part 2 never really materialized, with the writers perhaps relying too much on nostalgia for season 3 and unwilling to experiment or take that part of the story in a new direction. Perhaps cognizant of this, the show has not returned to Kenya in the twelve seasons since then, and as of now, there are no plans to do so.

But at the same time, I have to give this season credit. The theme of fatherhood is explored and juxtaposed in so many interesting ways in season 8. There is of course Papa Bushie, working himself to death with his 115-hour work weeks to support his layabout son. And then we have Bushie re-inventing himself as a father, seeking the trappings of parenthood while not even meeting the responsibilities of a child to his father. Layers of irony pervade these explorations of fatherhood, from the financial castration/emasculation wrapped up in Bushie using his grandmother's money to support the orphans, to the fact that "Jeff Jr." (aka Blondie) tragically passes away from dehydration, starvation and exposure while Bushie is loving on his adopted children in Kenya. And there is the commentary of parent-child relationship as solely a financial one, per Bushie's understanding; just as his father supports him financially (and otherwise seems not to interact with him at all), Bushie believes that to be a father to his "children" all he must do is send them a check every month. Yes, the children have a biological grandmother who raises them, but because Bushie is the one with the checkbook, he as the financial father is the true parent. Perhaps no other season is as rich thematically as this one, and for that I must give it an A.

[Bacon King]

Lief thank you for these reviews. Thanks to you I have rediscovered my favorite post in Update history:

May I ask the forum a question?  Anybody who wants to respond feel free?

Why am I not encouraged to follow my dreams?  Am I somehow not allowed to follow my dreams?  Every time I mention something I hear people constantly saying "it's impossible", "don't try it", "you're wasting your time", "it's a pipe dream", etc.

I have made many mistakes, but it doesn't mean I have no right to pursue my dreams.

Because it's is actually important I'll break my vow of update silence and explain this one for you. (And yeah all these gifs has a specific message I'm trying to make, although admittedly some are so abstract I'm not really expecting anyone get them).

The net symbolizes your goals.

The jumping man is you.

His rolls of fat are your rolls of fat and also symbolizes your numerous habits that are unhealthy for you mentally and physically.

The mat is your dependency on others because you're unable to take care of yourself.

EDIT: And just so we're clear I'll go ahead and connect the dots between these concepts. If you try to keep your eye on the prize without solving the problems that are holding you back you'll fail and nothing will change. Get your day to day life in order before you even think about what your plans will be more than like a year from now. If you can't even motivate yourself to walk around the block how do you think you'll motivate yourself to focus on your education and graduate at the time you're expecting, let alone keep up with all the other things you want to do after that?

[Ebowed]

Loving these reviews, Lief!

[Small Business Owner of Any Repute]

Loving these reviews, Lief!

[King]

Yes, keep them coming.  I recall Season IX being so good that A.A. Dowd gave it a C+.

[Mr. Morden]

Skimming through Season VIII also reminded me that it was Papa Bushie who actually asked for the name change from "Blondie" to "J.J." (for "Jeff Jr.").  Once again, Bushie buckled under his father's demands.

[Lief 🗽]

Thank you for the kind words friends! I'm having fun re-reading the old seasons myself and look forward to catching up with all of them. I'm just sad that the Russ Powers and Allison stories have mostly been deleted along with seasons 11-13.

edit: Oh and Xahar, you're missing Season XVII (https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=198684.0) in the list on the first page!

[King]

Thank you for the kind words friends! I'm having fun re-reading the old seasons myself and look forward to catching up with all of them. I'm just sad that the Russ Powers and Allison stories have mostly been deleted along with seasons 11-13.

edit: Oh and Xahar, you're missing Season XVII (https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=198684.0) in the list on the first page!

Interesting that Season XVII had two instances of Bushie planning to make spaghetti but it being upended at the last moment while this season has Bushie planning on making spaghetti but coming down with an illness.

ODF is deathly afraid of boiling water it appears. RIP.

[Bacon King]

bump, the link for the lost update has been lost again

also is there any progress from restoring update seasons XI thru XIII? or saving any others from premature deletion?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I still have the lost update on my computer. Maybe I should just email it to someone who can host it.

[Mr. Morden]

The canonical reading list is missing several important Update threads from 2009:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=97579.0

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=100340.0

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=101396.0

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=102437.0

[elephantower]

What ever happened to creating a unified PDF? This narrative needs to preserved for generations to come
Yes, I did make my first Atlas account just to post this (linked to me by a friend)

[Bacon King]

What ever happened to creating a unified PDF? This narrative needs to preserved for generations to come
Yes, I did make my first Atlas account just to post this (linked to me by a friend)

Update has moved off site: darkatlas.us

edit: and I see your thread there now! I believe adam griffin is working on a PDF but discussion about the update is now banned here

[elephantower]

What ever happened to creating a unified PDF? This narrative needs to preserved for generations to come
Yes, I did make my first Atlas account just to post this (linked to me by a friend)

Update has moved off site: darkatlas.us

edit: and I see your thread there now! I believe adam griffin is working on a PDF but discussion about the update is now banned here

Hm? I haven't posted on that site, but I suppose I'll mosey over now.