Update for Everyone II - Less Boring, More Whoring

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Duke, is it an artistic hipster tattoo, or a gross trampy one?

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Hopefully things turn around for your cat. Mine was in the vet for a couple nights and just got back today. She wasn't eating and had gotten pretty lethargic. Turns out she has pancreatitis. It's scary when your cat is 12 years old and you start having to confront the fact that she won't be around forever. I feel for ya.

Also, I'm bi.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

You guys really oughta be more concerned about my cat.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

You guys really oughta be more concerned about my cat.

Really, knowing this forum, you really expected people to focus on something else than your sexuality?

Nah, I'm just being cheeky. Honestly, I appreciate everyone's support. It's an interesting time.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Congrats. And it's not somber, don't worry. It's a good thing!

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Oh, I forgot about that.

I'm awful.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

I did not just discover it. I was just previously an idiot... and I know I owe an apology to a lot of people for that.

Having feelings for men and women has been trickier to navigate than it might seem, and I think I used it as an excuse to be dishonest about who I was and reach some warped conclusions about marriage. There was something appealing about being a contrarian in liberal Toronto; maybe I liked the attention. In the end, it was awful for me and my development and, frankly, turned me into a part of the problem. I wish I could go back and change it. For a long time I thought I could get away with never really confronting this side of myself, but the fact is I've been unhappy lately, and I think it's time for me to just be who I am. Unfortunately I'm finding the process a little more difficult in real life, but it'll happen eventually. Small steps.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

My Lyme disease is pretty much cleared up now and I'm steadily regaining full internet access.  (I'm writing this from a hotel in NC.)

I read on FB that you were not only hacked but also wiretapped!! How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?

Well, my mom called Virgin Mobile when we were at a hotel in VA a few days ago.  According to the operator, this hack was unlike "anything he'd seen before," and that it was so severe it's more accurately classified as a wiretap.  (No, the NSA isn't on our tail, fortunately, but the bastard pulling this s**t on us isn't just some kid learning hacking tricks in his parents' basement.)

Oh yeah, and we got our identities stolen, too.  My mom needs to get new banking information and we both need to get new Social Security numbers.

Scott, I am so sorry. Maybe this isn't the right thing to say, but gosh... I can't think of anyone who has had worse luck. We're all on your side, and hopefully everything you're dealing with will eventually resolve itself. If you need anything or wanna talk, let me know.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Just watched Fargo. That movie was incredible. Best I've seen since Llewlyn Davis earlier this year, proving the Coen brothers are amazing.

Creepy, I just watched Fargo a couple nights ago with my mom. It totally went over her lol, but I love the artistry of Indie films.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Today I saw my collarbone for the first time I can remember.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

So, you guys will recall that I used the situation with my cat to, um, "playfully accompany" what I thought was more important news, but it turns out that her health was much worse than we thought, and our family has made the decision to put her down. She's home now and I don't think we have a date yet, but it was kind of spelled out to us as the only solution.

It's just very hard to deal with, because I have so many thoughts racing through my head that you tend to also get with a sick relative. The denial. "Does the vet actually know what he's doing?" "Are they only interested in making money?" "Are we sure there's no other option?" "Why not let her die naturally?" "Couldn't it just pass?"

It's a tough one. Euthanasia throws an interesting wrench into dealing with the emotional aspects of this. I mean, she's laying right here and "looks" fine...

And as silly as it sounds, contemplating the death of a pet who's been by my side for 12 years has made me think a little bit more about mortality in general. A bunch of swollen organs and fluids are going to do her in. It's scary to actually confront the fact that crude matter is the only thing holding us on to life.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

We put my cat down today.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Sorry to change the subject, but I appreciate everyone's support in here. I know she was just a cat, but it's tough. Thanks guys.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

I think I'm going to try and make a new friend or two. It's been a long time since i last made a friend I could use a new friend or two.

I'm bad at it.

I'm starting teachers college next week and there's a Facebook group of students who will be in the same program. They're all making plans to socialize and meet up and make friends.... and it's just like, ugh.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

The girl I've liked for four years broke up with her boyfriend a month ago. We had a heart-to-heart last night, and she feels the same about me as I feel about her. Except I'm going to school in Kingston, Ontario and she's going to school in Cincinnati.

And there's the whole "me also liking dudes" thing, which she doesn't know about.

Gah. Confusing times.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

She sounds like a good catch.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

My update is that I'm not good. Cheers and goodnight!

[HagridOfTheDeep]

So there's this boy.

But there's also this girl.

It's a lot to handle. Date on Saturday.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Also, in the hours since my last post I've just pushed away the best friend I've had in a long time.

What a summer it's been.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Hagrid, your best friend was in love with you???

Good luck Hagrid, stay strong!

Yeah, and I thought I was in love with her too... until it was real. Something I clung to, I guess.

EDIT: Okay, I'm getting all sorts of PMs from people who are concerned about me, so I'm clarifying, lol. Sheesh, this is complicated.

I said I pushed away one of my best friends last night. I'm probably being dramatic, but yeah. I was an idiot last night. That being said, this friend is not the girl I mentioned being in love with. The girl is still one of my best friends as well, but now that her feelings for me are out in the open, I'm not really interested. Part of me wonders if I'm not bi at all and just clung to the idea of liking her because it "made sense."

ANYWAY, I still need to figure out a bunch of sh-t with her, and in the meantime I have a date with a guy on Saturday. It's not really "cheating" on the girl because I told her I can't be in a relationship with her and that I'm trying to figure stuff out. She's hundreds of miles away, so we never actually became an item.

I don't know if that's any clearer, lol. But yeah. I never realized I was "in demand." It's weird.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Hagrid, your best friend was in love with you???

Good luck Hagrid, stay strong!

Yeah, and I thought I was in love with her too... until it was real. Something I clung to, I guess.

EDIT: Okay, I'm getting all sorts of PMs from people who are concerned about me, so I'm clarifying, lol. Sheesh, this is complicated.

I said I pushed away one of my best friends last night. I'm probably being dramatic, but yeah. I was an idiot last night. That being said, this friend is not the girl I mentioned being in love with. The girl is still one of my best friends as well, but now that her feelings for me are out in the open, I'm not really interested. Part of me wonders if I'm not bi at all and just clung to the idea of liking her because it "made sense."

ANYWAY, I still need to figure out a bunch of sh-t with her, and in the meantime I have a date with a guy on Saturday. It's not really "cheating" on the girl because I told her I can't be in a relationship with her and that I'm trying to figure stuff out. She's hundreds of miles away, so we never actually became an item.

I don't know if that's any clearer, lol. But yeah. I never realized I was "in demand." It's weird.

So, if I understood, 3 persons (2 girls and 1 boy) are in love with you?  One of them is your best friend. You like her as a friend but nothing more.
Seriously, you did nothing wrong with her. No need to feel guilty because of that!

And then, saturday, you will have a date with a boy. Will you have a date with the other girl too?

You're not sure you're bi? What would be your sexual orientation? Gay (you thought during a long time you were attracted by girls, but finally, you like dudes much more) or straigth? (the boy, you really like him, but finally you realize you're not in love with him?).

Can't wait for the saturday message after the date .

But really Hagrid, good luck, it appears that's not a good period for you. But you will survive!

1 boy I have a date with
1 guy who is a good friend who I pushed away
1 girl who is a good friend, has a crush on me, and I thought I liked

If I'm not bi, I'm gay. I've known I like guys for years. It's easy to trick yourself into thinking you like girls too when you still get crushes on them, but I'm starting to think I just wanted to have crushes on them because being bi would be easier for me to accept.

That being said, I still don't know for sure.

I can't go on a date with the girl because she's in Cincinnati and I'm in Ontario. I did sort of do something wrong with her though, because she doesn't know I like guys and I also told her I like her as well. I mean, I thought I did, but now every time I get a text from her I just get turned off. I have since told her that I can't be in a relationship right now and that I'm "struggling with some things." I need to tell her the truth very soon.

So complicated.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

So, stuff happened.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

... Does anyone know how to remove hickeys?

[HagridOfTheDeep]

I mean, I have very little authority on coming out, but when I make the full leap, I don't think I'll want to do it in a costume where people might get confused. "Are you actually gay, or are you just dressing up as a gay character?"

Best of luck however you do it, but... I want to be 100% me when I let people know. I understand what you're going for, but I feel like, for me, it might complicate things.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

 her.