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Author Topic: The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival  (Read 198499 times)
Baconomics 🐖
Bacon King
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« on: November 03, 2014, 07:35:13 pm »

new thread named after the winner of the last one
And re-renamed at said winner's request
« Last Edit: June 06, 2015, 06:04:23 pm by Bacon King »Logged

BK without all the crazy drugs just wouldn't be BK.
SPC
Chuck Hagel 08
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« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2014, 09:29:14 pm »

I hereby present to you the Keystone Phil of 2014 Award!
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Badger
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« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2014, 09:52:21 pm »

I hereby present to you the Keystone Phil of 2014 Award!

Dammit! Just came here to post that.

Though it arguably belongs in the Sulfur Burn thread too. Wink
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I have zero tolerance for perverts that aren't me.
morgieb
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« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2014, 09:54:30 pm »

This next Presidential Election Season, Hillary Clinton is terminated.

She cannot escape it.  Her record is about to catch up with her in a bad bad way.  Did she and Obama really think that Benghazi would slip by the public consciousness?  Especially in today's political climate where newsfeeds, blogs, and other internet sources constantly carp on about it?

And we certainly know that Fox News certainly won't shut up about it.  I mean hey I don't like Fox News, but on some things (like Benghazi, the IRS scandals, "Fast and Furious", among other Obama era controversies) they are absolutely right!  And I believe that come 2016 every Republican in the nation will be begging the Democrats to nominate Hillary for the guaranteed landslide election they will win when the utter incompetence of the administration in handling that crisis was.

You have to wonder sometimes if there is a conspiracy afoot, given the lack of details and the slowness of the Administration to the incident.  That the national news media and others have tried to keep this issue silent, despite it constantly being in the public's mind, speaks volumes to how desperate they are in not having it impact the ballot success of Democrats.

So I hope you've enjoyed your dishonest victories, because they will be coming to a crashing end.  Both tomorrow on election day and in two years from now when the Democratic brand is repudiated thoroughly.
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Badger
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« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2014, 09:59:43 pm »

new thread named after the winner of the last one

Point of order: I believe it was Comrade Carter who actually "won" the last thread, but was mis-identified by Snowstalker as Joe (though in fairness it was a very Joe-like post).

http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=190031.msg4363925#msg4363925
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oreomilkshake
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« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2014, 12:50:47 pm »

A degenerate bourgeois left-liberal capitalist bankster and criminal thug was teaching a class on Hillary Clinton, known neoliberal.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Clinton and accept that she is the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Karl Marx!”

At this moment, a brave, working class sage scholar who had 1500 karma on r/socialism and understood the necessity of dialectical materialism stood up and held up a rock.

“How much is this rock?”

The arrogant bankster smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion dollars, you dirty communist.”

“Wrong. It’s been 5,000 #WomanCrushWednesdays since I found it. If it was 4.6 billion dollars, and capitalism, as you say, is real… then it should be a Porsche now.”

The bankster was visibly shaken, and dropped his hoard of gold and copy of Capitalism and Freedom. He stormed out of the room crying those Goldman Sachs crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Socialist Alternative that day and accepted Marx as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Slobodan Milosevic” flew into the room and perched atop the Burkina Fasoan Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Internationale was read several times, and Marx himself showed up and crushed the neoliberal hegemony throughout the world.

The bankster was arrested for crimes against the proletariat and was shipped off to Serbia the next day. He died in a NATO invasion and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

He who feeds you, controls you
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Cranberry
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« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2014, 12:57:43 pm »

A degenerate bourgeois left-liberal capitalist bankster and criminal thug was teaching a class on Hillary Clinton, known neoliberal.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Clinton and accept that she is the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Karl Marx!”

At this moment, a brave, working class sage scholar who had 1500 karma on r/socialism and understood the necessity of dialectical materialism stood up and held up a rock.

“How much is this rock?”

The arrogant bankster smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion dollars, you dirty communist.”

“Wrong. It’s been 5,000 #WomanCrushWednesdays since I found it. If it was 4.6 billion dollars, and capitalism, as you say, is real… then it should be a Porsche now.”

The bankster was visibly shaken, and dropped his hoard of gold and copy of Capitalism and Freedom. He stormed out of the room crying those Goldman Sachs crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Socialist Alternative that day and accepted Marx as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Slobodan Milosevic” flew into the room and perched atop the Burkina Fasoan Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Internationale was read several times, and Marx himself showed up and crushed the neoliberal hegemony throughout the world.

The bankster was arrested for crimes against the proletariat and was shipped off to Serbia the next day. He died in a NATO invasion and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

He who feeds you, controls you

Came here to post that Tongue
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HokeyDood
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« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2014, 01:16:53 pm »

A degenerate bourgeois left-liberal capitalist bankster and criminal thug was teaching a class on Hillary Clinton, known neoliberal.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Clinton and accept that she is the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Karl Marx!”

At this moment, a brave, working class sage scholar who had 1500 karma on r/socialism and understood the necessity of dialectical materialism stood up and held up a rock.

“How much is this rock?”

The arrogant bankster smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion dollars, you dirty communist.”

“Wrong. It’s been 5,000 #WomanCrushWednesdays since I found it. If it was 4.6 billion dollars, and capitalism, as you say, is real… then it should be a Porsche now.”

The bankster was visibly shaken, and dropped his hoard of gold and copy of Capitalism and Freedom. He stormed out of the room crying those Goldman Sachs crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Socialist Alternative that day and accepted Marx as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Slobodan Milosevic” flew into the room and perched atop the Burkina Fasoan Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Internationale was read several times, and Marx himself showed up and crushed the neoliberal hegemony throughout the world.

The bankster was arrested for crimes against the proletariat and was shipped off to Serbia the next day. He died in a NATO invasion and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

He who feeds you, controls you

Literal LMAO here.  LOL!
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IceSpear
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« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2014, 01:25:44 pm »

A degenerate bourgeois left-liberal capitalist bankster and criminal thug was teaching a class on Hillary Clinton, known neoliberal.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Clinton and accept that she is the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Karl Marx!”

At this moment, a brave, working class sage scholar who had 1500 karma on r/socialism and understood the necessity of dialectical materialism stood up and held up a rock.

“How much is this rock?”

The arrogant bankster smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion dollars, you dirty communist.”

“Wrong. It’s been 5,000 #WomanCrushWednesdays since I found it. If it was 4.6 billion dollars, and capitalism, as you say, is real… then it should be a Porsche now.”

The bankster was visibly shaken, and dropped his hoard of gold and copy of Capitalism and Freedom. He stormed out of the room crying those Goldman Sachs crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Socialist Alternative that day and accepted Marx as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Slobodan Milosevic” flew into the room and perched atop the Burkina Fasoan Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Internationale was read several times, and Marx himself showed up and crushed the neoliberal hegemony throughout the world.

The bankster was arrested for crimes against the proletariat and was shipped off to Serbia the next day. He died in a NATO invasion and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

He who feeds you, controls you

Came here to post that Tongue
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morgieb
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« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2014, 04:41:21 pm »

Mine to be renamed in Sawx's honour plz
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King
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« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2014, 04:45:07 pm »

That's an old bit. A few of us have used it before with names changed.

Still a classic though.
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R2D2
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« Reply #11 on: November 04, 2014, 04:46:33 pm »

Mine to be renamed in Sawx's honour plz

x me
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Jimmy Garoppolo win percentage (as of Feb. 2018): 100%
Goldwater
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« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2014, 06:07:44 pm »

I accidentally voted for a Democrat for Judge. I feel sick. She was campaigning and I hadn't heard of her opponent. She was listed without an affiliation. Googled her and sure enough...Democrat. Damn. I hope my vote isn't the crucial difference.
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The result of a neocon and libertarian having a baby while drunk, and leaving it to be raised by hippie liberal wolves.
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R2D2
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« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2014, 06:31:14 pm »

I accidentally voted for a Democrat for Judge. I feel sick. She was campaigning and I hadn't heard of her opponent. She was listed without an affiliation. Googled her and sure enough...Democrat. Damn. I hope my vote isn't the crucial difference.

Hahaha hopefully my sarcasm detectors aren't miscalibrated.
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Jimmy Garoppolo win percentage (as of Feb. 2018): 100%
King
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« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2014, 10:24:58 am »

? what?  demean uninformed mob mentality?  

...yes, I oppose scientifically stupid behavior

...you probably should as well, if you don't already.  



I'm seriously laughing my ass off. "Scientifically stupid behavior"

What a dolt.
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Simfan34
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« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2014, 11:19:34 am »

Good Lord, is Snowstalker ever happy?

♫ If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! ♫
Snowstalker: A typical capitalist plot to divert the proletariat from taking into their own hands the means of production.

♫ If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet! ♫
Snowstalker: True happiness will not be obtained until the people stomp the capitalist system into the dustbin of history.

♫ If you're happy and you know it, shout Amen! ♫
Snowstalker: As you can see, the predatory capitalists - like the rapacious feudalists before them - are quite happy to dope the masses with the opiate of religion.
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The world is becoming globalized, but cosmopolitanism is being hijacked by the Davos Man. What choice is left besides nationalism? The thought is terrifying, to be honest.

I just hope Trump doesn't turn into some kind of Berlusconi-esque Teflon man.
R2D2
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« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2014, 11:26:02 am »

Context:

Abbott is pretty good at sitting.
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Jimmy Garoppolo win percentage (as of Feb. 2018): 100%
King
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« Reply #17 on: November 05, 2014, 12:47:20 pm »

I'll defend Manchin on one issue: As governor, he wanted to revoke the driver's licenses of high school bullies. It was about time someone said no to the spoiled brats, and Manchin is one of few people to publicly suggest this.

I'm tired of bullies of receiving preferential treatment.
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MattVT
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« Reply #18 on: November 05, 2014, 04:28:56 pm »

RIP Mechaman

When Mechaman is banned, I'll blame the WASPs. It's what he would have wanted.
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IceSpear
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« Reply #19 on: November 05, 2014, 07:00:03 pm »

You have to laugh, otherwise you'd cry.

Americans voted for higher minimum wage, marijuana legalization, expanded access to abortion, gay marriage and the Republican Party.
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Goldwater
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« Reply #20 on: November 05, 2014, 07:53:56 pm »

You have to laugh, otherwise you'd cry.

Americans voted for higher minimum wage, marijuana legalization, expanded access to abortion, gay marriage and the Republican Party.

Well, I'm a Republican who supports three out of four of those things. Tongue
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The result of a neocon and libertarian having a baby while drunk, and leaving it to be raised by hippie liberal wolves.
Here is my attempt and explaining my own confusing and contradictory views
Lief 🐋
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« Reply #21 on: November 06, 2014, 02:19:16 pm »

People who think Courtney murdered Kurt are idiots. Like half his songs were about how much he wanted to kill himself.

but he had plans to go fishing with his uncle!11!!!!
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fuck nazis
R2D2
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« Reply #22 on: November 06, 2014, 08:24:47 pm »

On his last day in office , Obama will declare himself Ayatollah Obama for life. After dissolving the Supreme Court and Congress he will declare America a Islamic Republic and finish the war on Christians and whites.
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Jimmy Garoppolo win percentage (as of Feb. 2018): 100%
Chief Justice windjammer
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« Reply #23 on: November 07, 2014, 07:38:44 am »

Young people in politics, especially when they're teenagers, are pretty universally terrible

Why is it terrible? Young people are a being a traditionally disenfranchised group. They don't see politicians addressing them or their issues. They don't feel cared about or efficacious in the system. So they don't vote. They get screwed over as a result (see education costs, the reversal of elder vs. youth poverty in the past 40 years). At a systemic level this hurts progressives more than conservatives, especially as Millennials tend to be more Democratic at the moment. Also, I'm not at all convinced being young makes you less politically intelligent per se, compared to an equally inexperienced / educated older person.

Yes, old white men are terrible politicians too and young people are screwed over on a regular basis by politicians etc., but 'young people in politics' generally tend to be (overgeneralizing some, but whatever) (a) doltish, entitled and disconnected rich sons/daughters of (like Saira Blair or our Biebertrudeau), (b) weird freaks of the kind who wear suits to class on a regular basis and speak like 60-year old congressmen, (c) sociopathic weirdos (Geoffroy Didier and Guillaume Peltier), (d) dumb empty-suits reciting bland and empty talking points (THE NEW POLITICS) which the media/public loves because 'muh rising star' or 'muh young talents!' (Niki Ashton, Biebertrudeau), (e) annoying student-activist types (be they the student True Leftist, the student granolamuncher or the student conservative/libertarian), (f) clean-shaven and well-dressed party hacks regurgitating dogma and serving no purpose whatsoever (the FN's young'uns or most young Tory MPs in Canada) and/or (g) random milquetoast and generic young backbenchers elected by chance and who don't do anything productive (most QC NDP MPs). And, yes, there's overlap in my categories (and excludes objectively horrible ones like the FN's cohorts of young fascists like Panzermiss)

In pictures, I have people like this in mind:


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Quote
Flo   it seems like everytime i talk to you i have some sort of illness
Windjammer Partisan Voting Index for US state senates
Windjammer Partisan Voting Index for US State Houses
Trounce-'em Theresa
Nathan
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« Reply #24 on: November 07, 2014, 06:30:47 pm »

Disgusting. 

Hopefully the SCOUTS takes the case, and that might just be the end of the debate in the country.

That won't be the best strategy - the SCOUTS have had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the world of tolerance toward gays.  If you want SSM, you won't want them to weigh in on it.
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Professor Nathan. A shameless agrarian collectivist with no respect for private property or individual rights. Can you really trust him?

Yeah that's right, I said Siam. Why don't you go tell Pedro Martinez
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