The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Did you guys know that David Duke lived in my [Austrian] home town of Zell am See for quite some time ?

Well, well. Not only you are posting pictures of 15-years old. David Duke was also your neighbour.

[Simfan34]

You won't be able to lay anyone anyway if you have enough booze. Take it from me, pal

Wouldn't mind a girl laying me. I love assertive women.

[windjammer]

I will approve of it tomorrow

Context

[Oakvale]

Have sex with a woman

[Foucaulf]

Not a post, but those of you with signatures disabled are missing out on Oldiesfreak's creation:

[Flake]

Not a post, but those of you with signatures disabled are missing out on Oldiesfreak's creation:

I'm so glad I turned signatures off. So glad.

[Simfan34]

Have sex with a woman

This goes in the deluge. Deeply disturbing.

[Miles]

My wife would be pissed.

[Joe Republic]

Have sex with a woman

This goes in the deluge. Deeply disturbing.

Exactly.  This is the Atlas Forum.  You either have sex with men, or not at all.  Mainly the latter.

[politicus]

Sex ed by Vox Populi:

You don't need them if a girl is on top. Thanks to gravity, she won't be able to get pregnant.

[Oakvale]

If you want to overcome social awkwardness all you need to do is start conversations with random people. I used to be pretty introverted (and still am at heart) but your social confidence will increase over time if you simply initiate interactions (no matter how small) with random people.

If there is honestly nothing interesting you can talk about that is a problem in itself. You seem to be well traveled...surely you have some exciting stories? I bet you've had some experiences in Ethiopia that people would find interesting. Or just join a club of some sort. That should give you something to talk about (plus meeting new people through the club will improve social confidence).

As far as appearance, females are far less selective in that regard than us men. Even if you aren't great looking there are girls who don't care that much and some may be intrigued by your "exoticness" (assuming you're clearly African rather than a native black...even better if you have an accent). If you're indistinguishable from a homegrown brotha....let's just say there are plenty of girls who are into that too. As for your physique you're the only one stopping you on that front. Just hit the gym and eat right (ideally fresh fruits and vegetables, plenty of meat, and eggs...no junk or grains).

Since you say you're a bad conversationalist, I highly recommend this book. You may feel silly reading a book about how to talk to girls if you put in the effort I guarantee you this guys advice will help.

Finally, you should be irrationally self-confident. Don't try to delude yourself about your faults (though that certainly isn't your problem), and don't necessarily be a douchebag, just don't apologize or feel the need to make excuses. Act like the African pride male you are. Better to be too confident than too timid. Being confident in yourself will make you much more attractive to women, which is a positive feedback loop since their positive reactions to your confidence will in turn make you more confident in interacting with them, etc.

I feel like I'm going overboard with this lol but seriously bro, your utter lack of confidence and sexual accomplishments pains me. You are in college...for most Western males college is a time of sexual conquest before a lifetime of sexual stagnation and starvation. Unless you plan on returning to your homeland and marrying an old-fashioned Ethiopian gal, you really need to make the most of the present.

[RR1997]

I was just about to post that on here

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

Hillary Clinton - 529
Jeb Bush - 9

Obviously.

[Lief 🗽]

I highly recommend this book.

mods pls ban

[windjammer]

He unfriended me?!?! After I wished him a Happy New Year?! well f[inks] him too

[Joe Republic]

Perhaps there is a strong inverse corelation between how well one knows Jeff and whether or not one is allowed to be his facebook friend. Maybe all of the encouragers on fb are just the random people from high school whom we all have on our faces, for no particular reason. They encourage not out of foolishness but out of ignorance.

There's some pure foolishness on there, to be sure. I have to laugh (so as not to cry) at some of Jeff's old lady friends who blindly encourage or discourage the dumbest of things:

JEFF'S STATUS:             "I'm going to start eating healthier."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "BOOOO no don't let them take away yer fun!"

JEFF'S STATUS:             "I'm moving for the eighth time this year."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "GOOD LUCK praying for you yaaayyy change!"

JEFF'S STATUS:             "Just got fired."
OLD LADY COMMENT:    "They'll sure be sorry when ur running applesoft one of these days!"

[Lief 🗽]

[politicus]

In a lot of ways, he's the forum's equivalent of Jesus Christ. Still waiting for him to rise again though.

Date Registered:    April 07, 2014, 05:25:30 pm

[Flake]

Rahm Emanuel will raise the minimum wage, but the man came in on polarized terms when he is dead set against the minimum wage and he waged a class warfare on Quinn, we he called his tax increase to fix public education a 67%.


We will never be satisfied with Rauner.

This was the most OC post I've seen in a very long time and I couldn't stop laughing.

[🦀🎂🦀🎂]

I'm also in favour of setting up an "Atlas Court", in which I will file an action for injunction with regards to the smear campaign and false allegations against me by Kalwejt and Grumps.

This needs to be stopped, because new (and current) posters might get a false impression of me !

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

Question - why is this thread stickied, around this particular issue?

MAPS CAL! MAPS

[Panda Express]

The problem is, among high information citizens Hillary's favorability is low. These are the people who both know a lot about politics and have made up their mind in a very fixed way. As the campaign heats up, and the low information citizens currently propping Hillary up in the polls start to engage and pay more attention, they are going to encounter the former high information group. And in that clash, the high information citizen with the more firm opinion will tend to win out. It's more like an irresistible force encountering a movable object, than the reverse. And at that point, Hillary collapses. Again. Just like Martha Coakley. Hillary must certainly be personally and psychologically prepared for such an outcome, should she decide to run. I'm also thinking that the danger to her life and limb is unusually high, perhaps even higher than Obama, due to the large number of extremely deranged haters out there. I still think the best option for her would be to forgo the race.

[Beet]

How is that funny?

[Oakvale]

The problem is, among high information citizens Hillary's favorability is low. These are the people who both know a lot about politics and have made up their mind in a very fixed way. As the campaign heats up, and the low information citizens currently propping Hillary up in the polls start to engage and pay more attention, they are going to encounter the former high information group. And in that clash, the high information citizen with the more firm opinion will tend to win out. It's more like an irresistible force encountering a movable object, than the reverse. And at that point, Hillary collapses. Again. Just like Martha Coakley. Hillary must certainly be personally and psychologically prepared for such an outcome, should she decide to run. I'm also thinking that the danger to her life and limb is unusually high, perhaps even higher than Obama, due to the large number of extremely deranged haters out there. I still think the best option for her would be to forgo the race.

e: I see I've been beaten. Worth posting twice.

[Beet]

Well yes, I try to look at the candidates and facts objectively, same as I always do. I'm nobody's hack or worshipper.