The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Sopranos Republican]

RIP Mechaman

When Mechaman is banned, I'll blame the WASPs. It's what he would have wanted.

[Sopranos Republican]

Context:

It's been years and years, Grumps.

[Sopranos Republican]

YO AFLEITCH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT NASO HAD ONE OF THE BEST CULTURAL OBSERVATIONS OF AMERICA OF ALL TIME

LOL. Came here to post this.

[Sopranos Republican]

Context:

My toilet after a round of wings.

[Sopranos Republican]

TPP and Labor won. I don't know how anyone could argue against that.

The Democratic Republicans lost, despite Maxwell's strong write-in effort. The bright side for them is that he probably would have won if his name were on the ballot.

The Federalists are barely even worth mentioning. It's not just that they didn't win. They didn't even lose. And I'm not trying to sound glib about this either - in fact, I find it deeply disturbing. Imagine what might happen if Lumine were not in the White House. Nothing would stand between Atlasia and the entire Communist Labor agenda - from nationalized energy to reparations, legalized secession, and thoughtcrimes, to state-sanctioned lynchings of the wealthy, to cats and dogs living together.

It would be nothing short of absolute madness.

Pictured: Labor Chairman TNF celebrates his victory with newly-elected Senators Lief and SWE in a violent, Marxist-Leninist orgy.

[Sopranos Republican]

SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT IT THE F**K DOWN NOW.

AT THE CONCESSION STAND


 - I can help you, sir!


 - Oh..... I'll uh, wait for the next one


 - I can help you, sir!

 - Yes, I'd like two large tubs of popcorn, two large Cokes and 2 large boxes of milk duds

 - Actually, I'd prefer a Sprite and not a Coke

 - Oh, that's only my order. You're on your own for your order. My poor bank account and all.

[Sopranos Republican]

You can't expect him to buy healthy food on the same day that his dipstick broke.

[Sopranos Republican]

Context:

The Patriots winning the Super Bowl, coupled with Villanova getting upset, caused him to question everything he knows. He will be back in a Socialist incarnation very soon.

[Sopranos Republican]

Why am I an independent?

Congressional Leadership: I see Reid, Pelosi, McConnell, and Boehner as only part of the gridlock and as people who don't care about getting anything done.

Desire for Compromise: We have a class of politicians in both parties who are only concerned about their reelection and never try to give and take a little to find things they can both tolerate passing through. Democrats and Republicans always talk about compromise, but when one side finally gets its act together and makes an offer, the other side almost always shoots it down without question no matter how reasonable it may be. I see no point in this endless bickering, and I would be willing to make reasonable concessions even if it meant my political death.

I would be expelled from the republican party on Day 1: I support massive defense cuts, minimum wage increases, equal pay for women, most of ObamaCare, a ban on Assault Weapons, Comprehensive Immigration Reform, a ban on conversion therapy, eliminating the payroll tax cap, limited civil unions, and the department of education. I oppose the Paul Ryan Medicare Plan.

I would be expelled from the democratic party on Day 1: I oppose Abortion, Gay Marriage, Forcing people to join unions, requiring health care companies to provide free birth control, and forcing anyone to perform wedding-related services for gays and lesbians. I support raising the retirement age for SS and Medicare, North American Energy Independence, The Keystone Pipeline, and a balanced budget amendment.

At the end of the day, I fear the far right more than I do the far left, so I'd probably caucus as a conservative democrat, but both parties would love me one day and hate me the next.

[Sopranos Republican]

Yes seriously. It being Easter people wanted to celebrate beyond the normal, and got out to the front and start actually dancing and pogoing and doing the whole fist pump thing. And at on point one guy got up and crowd surfed. So yes, my church is cooler than many metal shows. Haha! Unfortunately I didn't get that recorded but I got plenty of other clips. Man imagine if someone had told me when I was confirmed a long time ago church could be this cool. That I would be all sweaty in a hoodie, band shirt and ripped jeans jumping around...and it's not a show, it's church! It even concluded with the crowd chanting ONE MORE SONG over and over to the band that did an encore. This is simply great.

wow between bushie getting banned and this, it looks like God is really showing off today to mark His son's birth or whatever!

I just f***ing died.

[Sopranos Republican]

Mark B Graham,

let's say hypothetically that a certain 26 year old man is on a hot and heavy date with a girl he could've sworn was 19.  Later on a swat team breaks down his front door with a battering ram and then shots him in the leg with a tear gas gun and beats the sh*t out of him and then raids his closet to find about 20 pounds of marijuana.  Oh, and the chick turns out to be the local town sheriff's 16 year old honor student daughter.

Tell me, in your expert opinion how fucked would this poor sonuvabitch be?

[Sopranos Republican]

You honestly just sound like that stuck-up kid everyone knew who would give other kids sh**t because their clothes were from generic affordable chain stores. It's just a haircut.

I'm pretty sure my local barber shop costs less than SuperCuts.

Anyway, horrible (normal, sane)

No, as you see.  In a local barbershop there is an understood relationship between the patron and the owner.  Since you've been going there for a long time/converse with the nice person, you often will "tip" the person.  I know this sounds just awful, I mean, why should this disgusting peon get your hard earned paper money?  But hear me out.  Often this is mutually beneficial.  The owner/barber makes a little extra in his day of work, and you "feel good" for helping out a friend.  So that's where the extra cost comes from.  I know Mr. memphis says he does "tip" at these places, but he is a Democrat and by definition overly generous and well-meaning.  Ask Bushie if he tips at the Sportz Clipz.

Unfortunately, I don't believe I can answer that.

Interpretation: My parents didn't give me money for a tip.  Hey don't judge!  The economy is so tough now days and I am above honest employment!

No, there is a forum rule in place that I cannot divulge personal information or talk about my personal life in anyway.  I don't feel like getting death points...

[Sopranos Republican]

What is Einzige, the magazine?
 
 
 

He was a literal nazi and sex offender who used to post here.

But don't worry, he used to be fiscally conservative, socially liberal. (like me, lol)