Vicky Whats-her-name vs. Donald Trump vs. TimTurner

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Vote.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

I'm voting for Vicky, because she's a wonderful babysitter.
P.S. I do not have fairy godparents.

[Crumpets]

If it weren't for Vicky's little pony tail, she'd actually have really similar hair to Trump. Just sayin'.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

If it weren't for Vicky's little pony tail, she'd actually have really similar hair to Trump. Just sayin'.

True.

[bagelman]

Turner's running mate would be an islamic Texan (appealing to minority voters in a state that might not be so solid D in the future), Vicky's would be an obviously coerced boy band member, and Trump's mate would be Chris Christie.

Vicky would be able to split Trump's base by being a much bigger a***ole than him. Even if this isn't enough to put Turner on top, along with the donations being made by family member Ted Turner, millions of people on election day would have the compulsion to vote for Turner on election day for no particular reason. As a result Turner massively outperforms the polls and wins in an unexpected landslide, finally breaking the color barrier by becoming the first president with a pink hat.

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At least that's the official story. Phah.

Only I, someone who's known TURNER for many years, know the TRUTH about how he CHEATED his way into power. I have been TAUNTED and RIDICULED, even FIRED from my job as an elementary school teacher for publicly opposing his campaign in his very own class. My REVELATIONS of TURNER'S TRUE POWER should have, if treated with the proper respect they are due, coming from the mind of an esteemed academic such as myself, been treated as the DISCOVERY OF THE CENTURY.

Instead they have landed nearly all of my recent posts this election season into a forum thread called "Worst posts of modern atlas" on the forum atlas after dark, wherein they are taunted mercilessly by snot brained armchair wannabe philosophers. They are OBLIVIOUS to the OBVIOUS CONTRADICTIONS of their LAUGHABLE EXPLANATIONS for this election, an election that was clearly and obviously caused by MAGIC from FAIRY GOD PARENTS!!! This is really no different to what's going on in the main atlas forum, where I have been reduced to a LAUGHING STOCK because I'm the only one who's not blind, deaf, and ignorant of the evidence right in front of my nose.

But soon now, soon they will be singing my praises. As will the rest of the nation when I, DENZEL CROCKER attend the inauguration with my MIRACLE OF SCIENCE INVENTION: FAIRY DETECT-O-TRON which will expose the FAIRY GOD PARENTS to THE WHOLE CROWD, THE WHOLE NATION, THE WHOL WORLD WILL KNOW MY GENIUS AND FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH!!

It will be amusing to watch the trolls both here and on AAD, after dog-piling me for all this time, finally witness me expose the TRUTH. Maybe I'll run for president later on after that, assuming they don't just offer the office to me outright, just to rub in it!

[Oldiesfreak1854]

Vicky should be Trump's running mate.  They're a perfect match for each other.

Turner's running mate would be an islamic Texan (appealing to minority voters in a state that might not be so solid D in the future), Vicky's would be an obviously coerced boy band member, and Trump's mate would be Chris Christie.

Vicky would be able to split Trump's base by being a much bigger a***ole than him. Even if this isn't enough to put Turner on top, along with the donations being made by family member Ted Turner, millions of people on election day would have the compulsion to vote for Turner on election day for no particular reason. As a result Turner massively outperforms the polls and wins in an unexpected landslide, finally breaking the color barrier by becoming the first president with a pink hat.

------

At least that's the official story. Phah.

Only I, someone who's known TURNER for many years, know the TRUTH about how he CHEATED his way into power. I have been TAUNTED and RIDICULED, even FIRED from my job as an elementary school teacher for publicly opposing his campaign in his very own class.

Mr. Crocker can't be fired; he has tenure, and the teachers' unions have fought to stop him from being fired.  That's why he can keep his job in spite of constantly humiliating his students and invading their privacy in their personal lives.

[Virginiá]

TimTurner obviously.

Now, time to go take my new Porsche out for a drive, which definitely wasn't given to me by Turner in exchange for a vote.

[Mr. Smith]

I'm a nanny-stater, so my vote is quite obvious .

[SATW]

Who is Tim Turner?

He claims to be an Independent voice for Texas...

...yet this persona falls apart quickly when one examines his past


...he believes in magical fairy oddparents...

[/color]...he believes that his babysitter is apart of the Bourgeoisie, and thus opposes her authority

...he wears effeminate clothing, such as pink shirts...

Is this who we want to represent Texas? A mentally delusional, capitalism-hating, gay-mafia-supporting leftist?

This isn't the Texas Way. Vote AGAINST Tim Turner.

The Sunrise Around The World Political Action Committee has paid for this advertisement.

The Sunrise Around The World SuperPAC is affiliated with Vicky.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Wow, the race is so close. I wish I was ahead by more than just 1 vote.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

Trump would win once Turner's past is revealed, and once Vicky's history of sadistic child abuse is also uncovered.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

RIP America. Vicky+Trump got 52.2% of the vote.