The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Now there is an idea for a premium forum account feature: The Official Premium Atlas Hot Girls/Guys subforum, curated by Virginia and Torie, respectively.

$19.99 / year

[GeorgiaModerate]

The mods are both, at once too strict and too lenient.

Shrodinger's Atlas Mod

[Technocracy Timmy]

Lots of different opinions flooding the 2020 board.

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

In 2056 there will be a civil war pitting states east of the Mississippi vs. states west of the Mississippi, and after the East wins the war, voters will be polarized along regional lines. The key region will become the 11 states along the 94th parallel, as voters aren't sure whether they should count as the West or the Midwest/South. In 2102, the Western Party will run Cyborg Greg Orman, whose main issue is the promotion of mandatory Thursday night dinners at In-N-Out Burger. The East will re-nominate incumbent Senator Zombie Pat Roberts, whose main issue is defending the status quo of mandatory Wednesday night dinners at Five Guys.

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

LIVE LOOK AT THE US ELECTION ATLAS FORUM ELECTION DAY MEGATHREAD

The afternoon of November 6, 2018: ELECTION DAY, on the internet

[IceSpear]

Campaigns are squeezing us for money, and I donated before, and still lost in 2014 and 2016, it's a even more tighter economy now, so I don't have it😁

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

Wow, what an insult to the high standards of civility and dialogue that fine posters like Beet have upheld to make this forum an agora for the modern age.

[Dr. MB]

Not that I don't believe it...but where did you get it?

Mind you, if this is true, Beet must be stripped of his moderator position.

We can't have Confederate sympathizers, Muslim-Bashers as mods.

[Technocracy Timmy]

Greetings lovely citizens of Atlas,

I am here today to offer a solution to this polarizing, tough issue of Kavanaugh's confirmation. In order to correct Kavanaugh's wrongs to various women, as well as the GOP's stealing of Garland's seat, he must be raped by the daughter of Merrick Garland until he gets her pregnant. The offspring of Kavanaugh and Garland's daughter's baby will become the next Supreme Court justice. This is an effective solution because it is a compromise between Garland - dems preferred choice - and Kavanaugh, who is the repubs preferred choice.

I believe this solution is Fair™, Centrist™, Moderate™, Reasonable™, and most likely Wulfric Approved™. I am trying to get the Calthrina Certification™ as we speak.

[IceSpear]

It makes sense that a Republican male would be so woefully ignorant of sex education to think that you can just slip an abortion pill in a woman's smoothie as if she were a dog you're trying to give heartworm medication to.

[Technocracy Timmy]

2040

The people of the United States line up at polling places across the country to joyously cast their votes for the Dear Leader and his Party. They have much to be thankful for. The immigrant menace has been contained at the border; internment camps managed by Our Boys in Blue dot the Mexican side of the wall. Oil prices are at all time lows thanks to a steady supply of Canadian crude, overseen by our industrious companies with the support of party leadership. And the liberal claptrap once staining the airwaves on stations like CNN has finally been silenced.

California did not report its votes on time. No matter, they will be punished for their insubordination.

[GeorgiaModerate]

In "Are you addicted to the NYT polling project?":

I am extremely addicted. I haven't eaten, sleepen, or gone to class in 2 weeks. 5 super hot cuties wanted to hang out and i rejected all of them to constantly track every single change to NYT. My roommates have gotten really upset with how I smell like dogpoop, but I can't afford to move for 1 second because I need to know how long and strong the blue wave will penetrate the state of Virginia's wetlands

[NOVA Green]

In "Are you addicted to the NYT polling project?":

I am extremely addicted. I haven't eaten, sleepen, or gone to class in 2 weeks. 5 super hot cuties wanted to hang out and i rejected all of them to constantly track every single change to NYT. My roommates have gotten really upset with how I smell like dogpoop, but I can't afford to move for 1 second because I need to know how long and strong the blue wave will penetrate the state of Virginia's wetlands

*** Rushes to check to see if there is a new poll posted from the Great State of Virginia ***

Crap, still only the completed poll from VA-07 that still shows a (47-43 R) win in the suburbs of Richmond.   

Can't believe the Brat is still ahead.   

[Atlas Force]

Don't feel bad for Dino Rossi, he's obviously a masochist who gets sexual pleasure from being beaten by stronger women.

[IceSpear]

I guess when Wulfric said a "relatively short period of time" he was referring to a cosmic scale, so roughly 500,000-700,000 years.

[IceSpear]

Won’t he be the first Alaskan native to serve in Congress? He’s part Tlingit.

Why is it that the media ignores things like this when they come from Republicans?

Nonsense. The media was all over Roy Moore’s would-have-been-history-in-the-making of Alabama electing the first open pedophile to Congress

[IceSpear]

Safe D (sane), even with muh far-left Sanders/Warren.

This. If only there was a Titanium D option tho.

There is, but I already gave it to your mother

[Virginiá]

Context: Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearing *LIVE COMMENTARY* - Hearing resumes Sept. 27

https://twitter.com/JeffFlake/status/1044994139954335745

I'm sure he'll make a strongly worded statement.

He might even view with alarm.

The concerns? Oh, they will be grave.

[GeorgiaModerate]

Context: a post about large numbers of young people registering in Virginia:

I'm so glad so many young people register with me

[ON Progressive]

Yes

In fact, as a white male in America this happens everyday to me. I was strolling around in the local mall when a bloodthirsty mainstream media loving SJW came and attacked me with nothing but her bare hands. I laid on the floor, motionless, as if all bones had escaped my body. suddenly, I realized this woman was not alone. out of the shadows, 11 other Libtard feminazis walked up, chanting "men must die! men must die!" and the leader of this circle grabbed a gun from her pocket (I knew that it was an AK-47 from looking at it, I know a lot about guns ) and shot me 3 times in the chest. And since the majority of society are mainstream media loving SJW feminazis libtard snowflake manhaters, they didn't even notice when a straight white man was on the floor bleeding out of his stomach.

[Vespucci]

If only there were some national law enforcement organization that could quickly investigate which of these accusations were credible and which weren't.

Perhaps a Bureau. Or maybe even a Federal Bureau?

This seems to be something that we are lacking in the United States. A Federal Investigatory Bureau. I think we should all call on our Senators and Representatives to pass legislation establishing a Federal Investigatory Bureau capable of handling these sorts of matters.

[GeorgiaModerate]

When I look into Kavanaugh's eyes, I can see his soul. I see a good man. I believe him.

Which end of him were you looking into?

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

A bit of humor in the mess that is the confirmation hearings:

I must say, the writers have brought the SCOTUS arc in this season to a thrilling climax.

[IceSpear]

Am I seriously the only person on this red avatar echo chamber who wants Kavanaugh confirmed? Seriously?

Anyone else? Anyone out there?

You’re the only Jon Tester supporter I know who wants Kavanaugh confirmed.

[Fuzzy Bear]

For years ever since I was a kid I always had a strange fascination with what my parents told me was the first lady. Something back then as a child changed inside of me, once I saw her face on the television I felt a rush of boiling hot blood flow straight to my head. The way she would have her beautiful blond hair with the stern tone of voice that made you feel as if you were being commanded by a superior being to do bidding for their pleasure. For years growing up I somewhat obsessed with the women. I downloaded pictures of her off the internet and printed them out to stick on my wall. I would find all kinds of pictures of her and I'd lay in bed every night and morning just staring at her face. As I grew older I began to realize my obsession was more than some strange feeling of connection with this person I had never met before, it was much stronger and it was a feeling I had not ever been really aware of. I was sexually attracted to Hillary Clinton, around age 11 I guess you could say I came of age. You could say I started whipping my own cream if you will. Hillary Clinton was simply what I whipped my cream for. Years passed by, throughout school I kept it a secret. When real life females I knew for years liked me I would always turn them down. In the back of my mind thinking about Hillary and getting anxious to get home and stare at her.

Fast forward a couple of years, Hillary's running for president. Oh my god if I could express the blissful pleasure I received knowing the women of my dreams may be in control of not only me but the whole country. I did everything I could to campaign for her, spread word about her and try to get as many people to vote for Hillary as possible. Sadly she lost that year, I was devastated. However at the young tender age of only 16 I received word from the Hillary campaign that they appreciated my efforts but most importantly, Hillary signed it. There it was in my hands, a signed letter of appreciation from the greatest women in the world, the women for whom I've lived for years in service to, Hillary Clinton. Seeing her signature sent shockwaves throughout my entire body, it felt like a wave of pleasure rolling over my shoulders. I kept that letter close and I sealed it away to preserve it.

After a few more years I hear Hillary Clinton is running again. This time, I was personally contacted by her campaign to help them get Hillary Clinton to be the US president. I was all on it, I went to every house on the block teaching people about Hillary Clinton and why they should vote for her. Many people, many Bernie Supporters, all of them changed their opinions once I got to talk to them. I like to believe, I'm partly responsible for Hillary winning the primaries. So many people were almost as in love for Hillary as I was this past election. We were all so happy to serve such a intelligent women seeking to make the world a better place. Sometime near the end of the primary I was actually contacted by the clinton foundation themselves. Apparently I was offered a reservation at a meeting to speak to Hillary Clinton herself. My reaction was priceless, in my head I imagine my smile was from ear to ear. I started hyperventilating at the thought of talking to or better yet being next to Hillary. I had my parents help me get a nice suit, new haircut, even got my eyebrows done.

About a month later it was time, I was on my way 200 miles away to meet the women of my dreams, who I had dedicated my self emotionally and physically to since I was a child. We traveled across the state and into a gated community on a private resort. When we pulled up to the address we were sent, all you could see is cars lined up as far as the eye can see. I stepped out, walked into the party looking for her. I did not see her at first, spent about 20 minutes waiting and keeping an eye out. At the very least I just want to see her, I said to myself. Just then out of no where appeared what appeared to me to be a goddess sent from heaven. As the sunrays shined on her from behind, I instantly knew it was her, Hillary Clinton. She gave a 5 minute speech on fossil fuels and corporate tax rates. The entire time I felt my lesser bulging in my pants attempting to free it's self as I thought about all the times I had released by self in tribute to her. She stepped down from the podium, and I knew I had to talk to her. So I made my way over to her, and then there I was. She began walking towards a table near me, I'll never forget how she walked. It was so elegant and graceful like something I had never seen before.

Time seemed to be at a halt as I observed ever inch of her being. Noticing even the tiniest of details like a single split hair on the back of her head. I was nervous, but I knew I had to be calm and ready. Servers came out with a plate full of spaghetti. She ate it, and I sat there pretending not to watch. After she was finished I made my way to her. She made eye contact with me, and smiled. Her lips, teeth, cheeks, everything about that smile drove me crazy. It felt like I was going to let the devil do his bidding right there without any hands on help. But I controlled myself, I opened my mouth and said, hi. She responded with a reluctant hi that appeared somewhat skeptical of me, maybe she thought I was mentally disabled, I don't know. Then I told her how I helped her campaign and would go around getting people to vote for her. She thanked me, then she extended her hand in preparation for me to extend mine.

I reached my arm out, I grasped her hand, and I shook it. Just then I felt an electric shock go up my arm into my chest. It was like she had just taken everything that I am, balled it up and squeezed it. I felt pure agonizing pleasure shaking her hand. Knowing my own desires will never be fulfilled by this beautiful goddess of a women. I forget what I said next, but no matter how hard I try to remember I can't. Whatever I said after that handshake, made her laugh. Not only did I get to see her in real life, but I got to shake her hand, and I hear her laugh. My life felt as if it was complete, if i died right then and there I'd die the happiest man alive. Never had I expected such joy to even exist in this world. This goddess of a women, who's so strong and powerful, who've I've dedicated my entire life to, had just acknowledged my presence by not only communicating with me but physically interacting with me.

After that short interaction we both moved on. I never told her a word about how my life has been or the things I've thought about. I figured she would just think I'm some creep if i did. My pleasure and desires are not of her concern. Since then I've spent my life dedicated to her even throughout all the turmoil. I try my best to avoid any talk about her now in days, or even looking her up. There is too much hate that I can't stand to see. I know who she really is, and I will forever remember her as the women she presented herself to me as. My goddess, my love, Hillary Clinton.