The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Context:

Pardon my crassness, but from one southwestern Sandernista to another (I assume), he can sit on a cactus.

x Saguaro

A smart assumption, albeit an untrue one. I'm ... idiosyncratic, to say the least.

[MT Treasurer]

I will not vote if the democrats nominate someone who doesn't say Trump is a racist 24/7

[TheSaint250]

I will not vote if the democrats nominate someone who doesn't say Trump is a racist 24/7

I'm pretty sure he's just a troll.

[TheSaint250]

TO add to my previous post, I'm pretty sure he is:

No, Maduro is fighting a right wing coup just like the one that happened in Brazil.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Wallace was 1968. Thurmond was 1948.

[Anna Komnene]

That's my prediction how Trump will mock potential Democratic candidates with nicknames:


John Delaney: "Has anybody heard of Tiny Johnny, that third-rate congressman? He's campaigning for three years now and went nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. He's at 1% in the polls. Think of that – campaigning for three years, wasting millions of dollars and at 1% in the polls. When I announced, I surged to first place within three days, spent virtually no money and knocked off 17 people. Big, big difference, folks. I think Tiny Johnny is going down in history as the most inefficient presidential candidate ever. Ever. Nobody even thought that was possible".

Elizabeth Warren: "Goofy Elizabeth Warren got nothing done in the senate. She's a whiny loser and disgrace to her party. A complete and total disaster. And the fake media complained that I called her Pocahontas. I actually would like to apologize to Pocahontas for insulting him so badly"

Joe Biden: "Wait, Old Joey is still around? Wow. Who expected this to happen? He thinks he's gonna be the second Obama. Obama actually wanted him to get in, but he didn't have the guts to run. So, very weak person. But at least he released his birth certificate. Or… has anyone actually seen it? Some people say he's born in Sweden. Who the hell knows?"

Kamala Harris: "Folks, you only get more illegal immigration with Open-Border-Kamala. She wants everybody in. The drug lords just gonna pour in by the millions. They kill us. Little Kamala is also a total lightweight, but thinks she's gonna be great for blacks. But she isn't! Trump has tremendous support from blacks that no other Republican ever had. Nobody wants to say it, but it's true."

Andrew Cuomo: "Corrupt Andy. He's so corrupt as hell and he shouldn't be allowed to run. He ruined New York big league with his stupidity and corruption. Very very bad guy! He only got in three times as governor because the Republicans nominated total joke candidates. Actually I considered running against him in 2014. And the early polls showed me beating him big league. I think I would have won by tremendous numbers had I run against Corrupt Andy. But I decided to run for president instead to make America great again."

Adam Schiff: "I watched this poor sad Adam Schiff the other night, Sleazy Adam. He's really failing like nobody has ever imagined. Zero enthusiasm in his small crowds. No wonder when you take a look at his record. I think, and I really mean that, that he's one of the worst congressmen the world has ever seen. He's got nothing done except obstruction and lied the heck all over the place. He should be ashamed of himself."

Steve Bullock: "Steve Who? Who ever heard of this guy? But he wants to run for office against the most successful president in history? Give me a break."

Kirsten Gillibrand: "Oh come on, who do you think is tougher on Kim, Putin and China? Barbie Girl or Trump?"

Cory Booker: "I call him the Bachelor, that Cory Booker. He's actually a really, really nice guy, but he just doesn't have it. I mean, he's not even married. If he can't be successful with women, he can't be a great leader. It's that simple. I have tremendous support from women."

Sherrod Brown: "Crazy Sherrod is trying to be tough on trade deals. He tried to copy me but failed miserably. He can't renegotiate our trade deals. Just can't. He'd better be careful and read the Art of the Deal first, before he's making such dumb statements that he's a great negotiator."

Bernie Sanders: And you know, that old Socialist, Angry Bernie, is trying for a final time. But no matter what the Fake News are telling you, his crowd sizes aren't bigger than mine. No way they are bigger. And when you take a look at his failed record, he lost against Crooked Hillary four years ago, so how does he want to beat Trump? Especially when he's so angry. He's really angry. Have you seen how angry he is? I mean, he's really, really angry. Nobody has ever seen anything like it."

Martin O’Malley: "1% Martin, that total joke artist, wants to run again? I mean, he got 1% the last time. 1%? How do you get 1% against Crooked Hillary and Crazy Bernie? Maybe he can crack the 2% barrier this time? But I'd actually love to run against 1% Martin, because he would be so easy to beat. Actually too easy to beat, if you want to know the truth."

Terry McAuliffe: "It's just gonna get worse with Pay-for-play Terry. He's even worse than Crooked Hillary and should not be allowed to run. Look what he has done to Virginia. It's big fat mess. Only the Fake Media doesn't like to tell the truth. Very bad!"

John Hickenlooper: "And then there is Governor John Hickenloser, a big loser. Big, big loser. And boring as hell. Have you seen his tiny crowd sizes? No wonder nobody wants to listen to him. As soon as he starts talking, everybody is falling asleep. I think he's even lower energy than Jeb. No, it's true."

John Bel Edwards: "If the Democrat Party thinks they will win the South by nominating a Southerner like John Fraud Edwards, they are totally wrong. I have unbelievable support in the South. This guy pretends to be pro-life southerner, but he's a massive fraud. The evangelicals don't want a fraud, they want Trump! They love Trump!"

Stephen Colbert: "And then we have that maniac with a failing TV-show, which is a pile of garbage with very low ratings. Did you note how he's pronouncing his name? Col-BEAR? He wants to sound like a bear, so that people think he's very strong. But it doesn't work. When he sits at the negotiating table, he's certainly no grzzly-bear, I can tell you that. He's actually a Teddy-Bear. And we don't need a low-ratings Teddy-Bear as president."

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Care 0%
Fairness 0%
Loyalty 0%
Authority 30.6%
Purity 0%
Liberty 100%

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Don't really need this account anymore.

Why not?  Do you have another one you like more?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

A bigamist protestant icon smasher, church burner and priest buggerer was teaching a class on Henry VIII, known heretic.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Martin Luther and accept that he was the most inspired prophet the world has ever known, even greater than the Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a wise, devoted, loving, Opus Dei member who had led 1500 sinners to Christ and understood the necessity of papal infallibility and fully supported all theological decisions made by the Bishop of Rome stood up and held up a rock.

”Is this rock solid?”

The arrogant hun smirked quite blasphemously and replied “Clearly it is solid. What is your point?”

"This rock is as solid as the rock Jesus founded his church upon - the rock of St. Peter, for even in your heathen manuscripts Lord Jesus says 'On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.'”

The protestant was visibly shaken, and dropped his condom and copy of the The Ninety-Five Theses. He stormed out of the room crying those protestant crocodile tears. The same tears protestants cry for the “inquisition” (while today witches and pagans are rarely even maimed and immolated) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the Vatican. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Martin van Oranje, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a protestant hate-spewer and blasphemer. He wished so much that he had a priest right now to baptise him.

The students applauded and were all baptised Catholic that day and liberated themselves from guilt and punishment due to Original Sin. An archangel named “Mary, Queen of Heaven” flew into the room and perched atop the keys to Heaven given to St. Peter by Jesus and shed a tear on the condom. The Nicene Creed was read several times, and God himself showed up and told Orthodox believers that they were wrong.

The protestant was forgiven for his sins and accepted, gratefully and joyously, into the Church . He died fighting as a martyr for the faith and was collected into the bosom of Jesus after his death.

Amen

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

[Mr. Reactionary]

Polling issues aside, Fresno is a terrible place that I've had to spend far too much time in.

Last time I was down there, I saw two pickup trucks drive by. One had a giant American flag flying in the bed. The one following it had a giant Confederate flag mounted in the back.

Wow, I hope you're OK! Thoughts and prayers bb!

[Badger]

The Left demonizes white people, period. It's not fair that this rubs off on the Democratic party, but it does. Yesterday Nikkita Oliver, who came in third place in the Seattle mayoral primary, attacked the two women who made it into the runoff as "white." Of course this kind of behavior is inflammatory and nurtures the Trump-right. I wish both sides would cut it out, or a vital 'center' ideology would be resuscitated.

Congrats. You win a bronz medal.

[Badger]

Skin bleaching is a big problem with Midwestern Democratic Congresswomen. You wouldn't know it looking at her, but Debbie Stabenow is half Zambo, half Aboriginal Australian.

[The Other Castro]

The Left demonizes white people, period. It's not fair that this rubs off on the Democratic party, but it does. Yesterday Nikkita Oliver, who came in third place in the Seattle mayoral primary, attacked the two women who made it into the runoff as "white." Of course this kind of behavior is inflammatory and nurtures the Trump-right. I wish both sides would cut it out, or a vital 'center' ideology would be resuscitated.

Congrats. You win a bronz medal.

Damn that's actually pretty good.

[White Trash]

Context:

- People who are physically attracted to goats- Solid Johnson

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Then how did Margaret Thatcher get elected in the UK? How did Golda Meir get elected in Israel? How did Angela Merkel get elected in Germany? How did Christie Todd Whitman get elected governor in N.J?

Gold, bronz, Gold!!

[Kamala]

This is so good I had to make it my signature.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

This is so good I had to make it my signature.

I'm sorry, you have the Democrat.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Even better with context (the next few posts in the thread are pretty funny too):

Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  4 hours ago

If @LouisXV doesn't have enough strength to satisfy a woman in bed, how on earth can he satisfy his people? Sad! #Impotency #Funny


Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  6 hour ago

It's no wonder sweet, sweet @BonnieCharlie4King is @ThePope's favorite. We know what is going on in Vatican bedchambers at night. #LevanousBenedict #Naughty

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

A Luftwaffe pilot helped protect a U.S. Army Air Forces pilot's life.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_Brown_and_Franz_Stigler_incident)

This doesn't absolve the evil of Nazi Germany because of the kind actions of one man. Same goes for Antifa.

WTF is wrong with you?  What is wrong with being anti-fa?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Even better with context (the next few posts in the thread are pretty funny too):

Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  4 hours ago

If @LouisXV doesn't have enough strength to satisfy a woman in bed, how on earth can he satisfy his people? Sad! #Impotency #Funny


Mustafa III‏ @RealSultanMustafa  6 hour ago

It's no wonder sweet, sweet @BonnieCharlie4King is @ThePope's favorite. We know what is going on in Vatican bedchambers at night. #LevanousBenedict #Naughty

You've outdone me, man

Benedict XIV @ThePopeIsMightier  3 minutes ago

@RealSultanMustafa hasn't spilled this much blood since his last period.  #BloodComingOutOfYourWhatever  #WomenLoveThePope  #MenstruatingMustafa #GodSaysItsNotSexist

Benedict XIV @ThePopeIsMightier  2 minutes ago

@FrederickTheGreat is so dishonest, he even LIES about his title.  Sad!  #KingOfPrussiaIsAHoax #FalseFrederick

Benedict XIV @ThePopeIsMightier  1 minute ago

Last night, @GeorgeII ate an Irish infant's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.  FAKE NEWS won't report English COVER UP.  #FakeNews #EnglishCannibalism #ProtestantConspiracy #LuciferInLondon

[Goldwater]

You shouldn't be "completely devoted" to or have "complete faith" in ANY politician's judgement ... like seriously, that's ed up.

Uh, no? That's perfectly fine...but not for Trump. Not at all. But for Barack Obama, that's how I was for almost 10 years, and for Bernie Sanders, that's how I am now.

What's wrong with that? That's how I feel about Gavin Newsom.

Thanks for directly posting in the thread!

He's dreamy though. I don't even know his political positions.

[White Trash]

2400 on SAT
36 on ACT
180 LSAT
8 inches

[Lambsbread]

2400 on SAT
36 on ACT
180 LSAT
8 inches

This truly made me laugh out loud.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

2400 on SAT
36 on ACT
180 LSAT
8 inches

This truly made me laugh out loud.