[quote author=Labour Television Broadcast]("Time Won't Wait" by Jamiroquai plays in the background, gradually growing more powerful (this is just how the song goes) as the camera slowly moves towards Prime Minister McDonnell, shrouded in darkness and bobbing his head slightly while facing a black background. As the music peaks and the strings parts kick in, McDonnell dramatically turns around, and spotlights roam across an expansive red wall in the background, with a neon Labour rose in the center. As McDonnell begins grooving his way forward, the camera pulls back along with him.)
MCDONNELL: We have an opportunity before us unlike any ever known, but Britain has to open the door.
(The camera pans around to a literal door, a replica of the one at 10 Downing Street, which McDonnell opens and walks through. On the other side is a high school gymnasium, bleachers packed with cheering Britons of all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, and probably sexual orientations, except you can't really tell because it's a video, etc)
MCDONNELL: Are you ready to change the world?
CROWD: YEAH!!!
(An electric guitar is tossed through the air to McDonnell from offstage. Catching it perfectly, he briefly shreds out a sick solo before quietly placing it on a stand to the side of the podium.)
MCDONNELL: Do you want to know how we're gonna change the world?
CROWD: YEAH!!!
(Now, as the music drops off, we transition to more traditional political stuff. Standard shots of McDonnell roaming the floor, speaking.)
MCDONNELL: My friends, this is not an easy time for us Britons. (Low murmurs through the audience) While the political class is thriving more than ever, the income and wealth gaps between the rich and everyone else are growing wider by the day (video of a homeless shelter). Our infrastructure is decaying (shots of bumpy roads), and our health system is lacking (people waiting in hospitals). So, we ask, what is there to do about this?
Some of our opponents have suggested that the answer to the problems facing our people is austerity -- massive spending cuts and caps that would ostensibly improve our economy. To these people, I ask a simple question - what happens when you take billions out of the economy? Even plan that suggest tax cuts would result in a significant amount of spending simply vanishing from the economy (On the screens behind the Prime Minister, stacks of paper money are shown vanishing in a flash of light and smoke). In these troubled times, it is this that Britain's economy cannot afford.
We are proposing a bold alternative to what any other major party has put forward: increases in spending. Now, I understand that this may make inspire skepticism in many, but when we think about spending, we have to remember that it isn't just dumping money into a hole somewhere, or chucking it off a boat into the Channel (muffled laughter as a cartoon of a boat dumping piles of cash into the ocean is covered up by a ❌). Government spending is no different than investment of capital by a private organization: we shuttle money into the economy to stimulate growth. In addition to providing basic public services, our proposals will directly facilitate economic growth, and I'm about to tell you why.
First of all, the living wage. I think everyone here can agree that no man deserves the indignity of working full-time and being unable to support himself (cheering). However, what isn't talked about is the fact that when people have more money in their pockets, they spend that money, and it goes straight back into the businesses that are paying them more -- growing our economy even as it improves the wages of the working class.
Our infrastructure plan is even more beneficial -- if we are voted into Westminster, Labour will invest billions in the rebuilding of Britain's roads, trains, bridges, airports, power facilities. First, this will create thousands of new jobs for those who are constructing these wind turbines, and building these bridges. However, when power is cheaper, the air is cleaner, and the roads are smoother, people are going to want to use more power, use those roads, and go places -- to spend money on our economy. Who wouldn't want that? (Throughout, a montage of mentioned things plays on the screens)
Finally, Labour will improve our healthcare. Who here uses the NHS? (A fair portion raise their hands) Alright, who has had to wait for weeks for care? (Most hands still stay up) This is intolerable. Think of those who have been sick for weeks waiting. Think of those who have died waiting. (Deathly silence) We will not allow this to continue. By investing in staffing of NHS hospitals, we can reduce these wait times, and get those who are sick back into life, and back into our economy.
(McDonnell stares directly into the camera)
Now, I understand that we are down. However, we are most certainly not out. This is a fight that is bigger than you, bigger than me. And it is bigger than this election. And this is a fight that we will fight for the rest of our lives, and a fight that our children will fight when we are gone -- the fight for justice, the fight for equality, and the fight for the forgotten man. So, I remind you, Britain -- help is on the way!
(The room goes dark, except for a red spotlight on the Prime Minister, who clenches his microphone in a fist that he dramatically raises to the sky while looking down and closing his eyes.)
MCDONNELL: Labour out!
(The broadcast ends with a short, punctuating guitar riff over the cheers and applause of the crows)
Eh, not like I had much to lose.
