Backstory, Part 1.5: The Shadow
Also, I forgot to mention (and I'm surprised nobody else did), GOP holds the House in 2018, 229-206.
Anyway, this is the part with the shameless self-insert, courtesy of darthebearnc (RIP
), but not without a few changes.
Once, there was a strapping young lad named Peeb Hans Peebleton IV.
Peeb lived in Charlotte, North Carolina and had exactly four friends. They were Lienad the lying lion, some random D-NY avatar, the guy on the left in the Blue Man Group, and the
Wikipedia article on sex-reassignment surgery.
Pictured: From left to right, the guy on the left, D-NY, and Lienad, having just blue themselves.
Peeb and his four friends all went to the JJ Learning School for Education. It was taught by a corpse and part-time actor named Ted Bessell and his wife Olivia Munn.
Life was pretty jim dandy for Peeb and his crew until one day, he was sitting in his bedroom when he heard someone knocking on his door, to which Peeb got up and walked to his door.
He opened it. Slowly.
Who was at the door? None other than the mystical magical wizard of the Carolinas, Dar himself.
Peeb said "What are you doing here, Dar?"
Dar said "I am here to take you on a quest, young Peeb. "
Peeb said "A quest for what, Dar?"
"A quest!"
"For what?"
"You may bring two friends with you."
"Okay, but what is the quest for?"
"A quest!"
"Okay."
Peeb thought long and hard on who he should bring on his quest.
"Alright, Dar, I guess I'll be going with Ted Bessell and the random D-NY avatar."
"K, sounds cool, m8."
Peeb's first task was to go get his friends.
First, he texted the random D-NY avatar.
"Hey, where are you, random D-NY avatar?"
Peeb didn't get an answer. In reality, the D-NY avatar was hiding behind the 272 freiwal.
"Oh well," Peeb said. He decided to just leave D-NY behind and go find Ted.
Ted lived in one of the richer neighborhoods. Peebs went up to Ted's house and opened the door.
Inside, there was a frightful sight. Ted was watching the Newsroom, with one hand on the remote and one hand on... his own remote?
Peeb said "For god's sake, Ted, use both hands when you're watching TV. Also, we have to go."
So Peeb and Ted went back to Dar, and the merry band of three began their quest together.
Peeb said "Where are we going, Dar?"
Dar said "Well, this is the part that I stopped writing, so I guess we'll have to improvise."
So he did.
Peeb looked at the map and wondered aloud: "388 electoral votes in Wyoming? What was this person smoking? Also, I guess we're going to Wyoming."
So they headed straight to Tobago, Wyoming, where they ran into the Wikipedia article. I don't even know, I'm bullsh**tting this for a reason I mentioned earlier.
Anyway, the article spoke thus; "Hello, Peeb. I've been looking for you for quite a long t-"
Peeb pulled out a gun and started shooting himself in his, well, I suppose her now, goods.
The article was like "Dude, what the f[inks]?"
Peeb, now known mononymously as Peebs, replied "I am no dude. Also, I should probably get these bullets out."
Peebs went to the nearest doctor, who performed a proper procedure while she was there. She was safe, for now. But the dark thoughts would soon return. And speaking of dark thoughts, the article offered her a job.
"Hey, Peebs. Roy Cooper's gonna run for Governor, and McCrory's gonna go a little more caca in March. Wanna galvanize your team into voting him out?"
"Sure."
And in November of 2016, by God, she did. And six years later, when McCrory ran for Richard Burr's seat, she performed the feat again. Which brings us back to now. But first, the 2020 elections.
