...YOU HAVE TWO COWS...

[Brambila]

YOU HAVE TWO COWS:

LIBERAL
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness, Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend the concert because ticket prices are so expensive the only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people.

CONSERVATIVE
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neigbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both of your cows to support a man in a foreign country who only has one cow, which was a gift from your government.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an press release to the media stating that you have down-sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are 1/10th the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid, sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk, the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk producing cow.
You change your business from a dairy farm to a beef farm.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamente calls for higher taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7th of your farm, "for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault

[7,052,770]

LOL

[KEmperor]

LOL, very amusing.

[Brambila]

The sad thing is it's very true. I started getting depressed reading that.

[Lunar]

Funny, a little suspicious of bias.  Some of it is whining about how liberal California is and how foreign aid is bad.

You don't see any "TEXAS" ones where all the retarded baby calves are getting executed or something absurd like that.

[Brambila]

You can easily do SAn Francisco:

You have to cows
They're lesbian.

[Platypus]

UK:

You have two cows. They have mad cow's disease. They die, and infect hundreds of humans.

Australia: You have two cows. You stick them in the desert where there is nothing to each but sand. You have the lowest meat prices and best beef in the world

New Zealand:

You have two cows. Your justification? Polygamy is only outlawed in humans.

[Gustaf]

This is a classic...it's been around for decades. Personal favourites:

Totalitarianism

You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

And, of course:

Surrealism:

You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.



Links:

http://www.thecapitol.net/Recommended/twocows.htm

http://www.synthesized-dreams.com/reframe_funstuff.html

[ilikeverin]

....A TERRORIST:
You don't have any cows, so you blow things up.

[JohnFKennedy]

UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

....A TALIBAN:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they are stolen. You blame the godless American infidels.

SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate.

CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

ARTIST -- VISUAL: You have two cows. You stuff them and put them in glass display boxes. In London.