Blackjack and Hookers

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

"Fine! I'm gonna write my own timeline, with blackjack and hookers!"
Alternatively, "Half-serious, half-wank, half-sh**tpost, and 100% reason to remember the name."




Chapter I:
The Ballad of Jim Hunt

  Coming Soon?

[Jaguar4life]

Awww I wanted a timeline where Bender Rodriguez beats Nixon in a all state landslide

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Awww I wanted a timeline where Bender Rodriguez beats Nixon in a all state landslide

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Awww I wanted a timeline where Bender Rodriguez beats Nixon in a all state landslide

Keep in mind, the Earthican presidential election of 3020 is over a millenium out.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Awww I wanted a timeline where Bender Rodriguez beats Nixon in a all state landslide

Keep in mind, the Earthican presidential election of 3020 is over a millenium out.

Crucial time to build up steam in the donor primary!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Prelude: The Year Was 1984

President Ronald Reagan (R-CA) / Vice President George Bush (R-TX) - 525
Former Vice President Walter Mondale (D-MN) / Congresswoman Geraldine Ferraro (D-NY) - 13

Not much to see here. Ronald Reagan was re-elected in a landslide the likes of which had been seen just twelve years ago, surprising just about nobody. How about we look at the, but what about in North Carolina?


James Martin: 52.26%
Rufus Edmisten: 47.41%

With the help of President Reagan's coattails, Congressman James Martin defeated Attorney General Rufus Edmisten by a 5-point margin. Governor Hunt could not run for a third term, instead running for Senate. More on that below.


Jim Hunt: 49.81%
Jesse Helms (inc.): 49.66%

In the Senate election this year, Governor Hunt went up against incumbent Senator and noted conservative firebrand Jesse Helms. After a hotly contested election, Hunt was officially declared the winner of the race on November 12, nearly a week after ballots were cast. Helms has already expressed interest in running for Robert Morgan’s seat in 1986.¹

Meanwhile, in the House, Ike Andrews, Charles Britt, and James Clarke narrowly won re-election, while David Martin picked up Governor-elect Martin's open seat (the 9th), leaving them with ten out of the state's 11 districts.

¹Morgan is one of two Senators to survive 1980 that didn’t OTL. More on that later. Everything pre-1984 except those two races are exactly the same.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Cool TL. More!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part I
New Year, New Terms

The 99th Congress
(That's almost 100)

Republicans - 50 (+VP)
Democrats - 50


Democrats - 257
Republicans - 178


Strom Thurmond, President Pro Tempore of the Senate


Tip O’Neill, Speaker of the House of Representatives

Reagan’s Second Inauguration

On Monday, President Ronald Wilson Reagan was publicly sworn in for his second and final term, following a private ceremony the day before. Due to inclement weather, the public ceremony was moved indoors to the Rotunda of the Capitol, with the inaugural parade being cancelled.

In his speech, the President repeated the themes of renewal present in his 1981 inaugural speech. However, in his second speech, he reflected on the accomplishments achieved during his first term, and set out plans for his second.
Basically almost the exact same as OTL. Things get hot and heavy next update, I swear.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part II
Adieu Times Two

O’Neill To Retire From Speakership By End of April

March 15, 1985 - Speaker Tip O’Neill announced on Wednesday that he would be retiring from the House of Representatives at the end of his term in January 1987, and that he also plans on resigning the Speakership by the end of April, citing health issues for the early retirement. The clear frontrunner for the Speakership is House Majority Leader Jim Wright. However, third-term Congressman Chuck Schumer has already launched a quixotic campaign for the position. Other potential candidates, especially if Wright does not run, include Tom Foley and Tony Coehlo.

Senator Morgan Not Seeking Third Term

April 2, 1985 - Senator Robert B. Morgan (D-NC) announced on Tuesday that, in lieu of running for a third term in 1986, he will opt to retire at the end of his term. Former Senator Jesse Helms had been considering running for the open seat before Morgan announced his retirement. The Democrats most mentioned to replace Morgan are former Governor Terry Sanford, Congressman Ike Andrews, and Attorney General Lacy Thornburg.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part IIss
This Time, The Year Isn't 1985

The 1980 United States Senate election in North Carolina was held on November 4, 1980 as part of the nationwide elections to the Senate. Incumbent Democratic U.S. Senator Robert Morgan narrowly won re-election to a second term against Republican John East, with the race taking until November 20 to call. Both Morgan and East won their party's nominations unopposed.

[America Needs R'hllor]

FEEL THE CHUCK

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part III
Foregone Conclusions

Wright New Speaker of the House

April 25, 1985 - Jim Wright officially announced his candidacy for Speaker on April 9, and, unsurprisingly, the Democratic caucus generally supported him. Although Schumer continued his campaign, he only got 39 votes in the election. Wright, winning just three votes over a majority, is the new Speaker of the House.

Helms Running, Andrews Considering

May 8, 1985 - Surprising nobody, Former Senator Helms announced today that he would be running for the Senate seat being vacated by Robert Morgan. The Republican had originally served two terms from 1973 to 1985, when he was defeated by then-Governor James Hunt. Likewise, Congressman Ike Andrews, who has served North Carolina’s 4th since 1973, announced Monday that he would be forming an exploratory committee.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part IV
Blue Moon of Kentucky (or, Writer's Block Sucks)

KY GOP Attempted to Cause Collins Sex Scandal, Investigation Finds

July 27, 1985 - An investigation of the Kentucky Republican Party has revealed that the chair of the party has been paying young men to apply for open positions in Governor Martha Layne Collins's administration, with the goal of seducing Governor Collins and creating a sex scandal as a consequence.

McConnell: "I Can't Be Party To This"

August 8, 1985 - In light of the scandal which has engulfed the Kentucky Republican Party, the state's Junior Senator Mitch McConnell (R) announced on Thursday that he will become an Independent and caucus with the Democrats, effective September 1, 1985, handing control of the Senate to Democrats. When reached for further comment, McConnell, who made the decision on Wednesday night, said that "[he feels] as if a giant weight has been lifted from [his] shoulders". McConnell refused to indicate whether or not he'll officially join the Democrats at a later point.

[America Needs R'hllor]

Wow lol, a Democrat McConnell. Talking about surprises.

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Can't believe I'm typing this but FF Mitch McConnell

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Can't believe I'm typing this but FF Mitch McConnell

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Awww I wanted a timeline where Bender Rodriguez beats Nixon in a all state landslide

Keep in mind, the Earthican presidential election of 3020 is over a millenium out.

Crucial time to build up steam in the donor primary!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1985, Part V
Stop, He's Already Dead (or, Clever Crack About the Flu)
Content warning: normie colors, blatant filler

The New Jersey gubernatorial election of 1985 was a race for Governor of New Jersey held on November 5, 1985. Incumbent Republican Governor Thomas Kean sought reelection for a second term following his 1797-vote win in the 1981 election. Kean's 45-point landslide victory against the Democratic candidate, Essex County Executive Peter Shapiro, is the largest plurality in terms of percentage and raw votes in all modern New Jersey gubernatorial elections. Kean won all 567 municipalities in the state and his coattails led the Republicans to take over the General Assembly with a 54-seat majority.

In the 1985 Virginia gubernatorial election, incumbent Governor Chuck Robb, a Democrat, was unable to seek re-election due to term limits. Jerry Baliles, the Attorney General of Virginia, was nominated by the Democratic Party to run against the Republican nominee, Wyatt B. Durrette.

[tmthforu94]

Fantastic work, Peebs!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Should probably shamelessly promote the TL's official sh**tcord to bump this.

https://discord.gg/mzfey67

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1986, Part I
Tragedy Strikes Twice

Challenger Shuttle Explodes; All Seven Onboard Die

January 28, 1986 - The space shuttle Challenger exploded in a ball of fire shortly after it left the launching pad today, and all seven astronauts on board were lost. The worst accident in the history of the American space program, it was witnessed by thousands of spectators who watched in wonder, then horror, as the ship blew apart high in the air. Flaming debris rained down on the Atlantic Ocean for an hour after the explosion, which occurred just after 11:39 A.M. It kept rescue teams from reaching the area where the craft would have fallen into the sea, about 18 miles offshore.

Pipe Bomb Explodes in Capitol, Kills Sen. Morgan

January 29, 1986 - A pipe bomb was detonated in the United States Capitol on Wednesday. The explosion left Senator Robert Morgan, who was declared dead on the scene, mortally wounded, and Congressman Walter Jones in critical condition. Now-senior Senator Jim Hunt was also injured, although his injuries are less life-threatening. Hunt is expected to recover completely by the beginning of March.

Rep. Jones Has Died, Sen. Hunt Speaks

February 1, 1986 - On Saturday morning, Congressman Walter Jones died from injuries sustained from the pipe bomb detonated in the Capitol on Wednesday afternoon. Senator Jim Hunt has prepared a speech commemorating both Jones, who had served North Carolina’s 1st district for nearly 20 years, and his late colleague, Robert Morgan.

The Inova Fairfax Hospital, where Senator Hunt is being held for recovery

"This has been a horrible week, not only for the United States as a whole, but especially for the state of North Carolina. The late Senator Morgan spent over half his life serving the people of our great state, from the State Senate, to our Attorney General, and finally as a U.S. Senator. The late Congressman Jones maintained a duty to his constituents for 20 years, and I expect they’ll miss him just as we do."

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1986, Part II
In Soviet Russia, Update Reads You

Gorbachev Overthrown By Soviet Hardliners, Gennady Yanayev New Man In Charge

March 9, 1986 - As of Tuesday, Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party Mikhail Gorbachev has been placed under house arrest during a coup by high-ranking members of his own government, military and police forces. The coup has been carried out by the hard-line elements within Gorbachev’s own administration, as well as the heads of the Soviet army and the KGB, or secret police. Detained at his vacation villa in the Crimea, he was placed under house arrest and pressured to give his resignation, which he reluctantly did on Sunday. Claiming Gorbachev was ill, the coup leaders, headed by Deputy Chairman of VOKS Gennady Yanayev, declared a state of emergency and took control of the government.

And Now For Something Completely Different

11:52 AM
on a Tuesday
Anchorage, AK

Mike was flabbergasted. It had to be an April Fool's joke. No way in Hell could Yanayev invade Alaska. But it wasn't, he could, and Mike was likely out of a job and in a gulag by the end of the month. Mike thought about it. Can an Alaskan militia really melt Soviet forces?

To Make A Long Story Short...
aka I Can’t Write POV For sh**t

April 29, 1986 - They couldn’t.

And Another Thing...

Walter Jones Jr. defeats Eva Clayton in the primary, and Howard Moye in the general on June 3, 1986.

[BuckeyeNut]

Comment.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1986, Part IIss
While We’re Here...

The 1980 United States Senate election in Alaska was held on November 4, 1980. Incumbent Democratic United States Senator Mike Gravel ran for a third term in the United States Senate, and narrowly won in the Democratic primary against Clark Gruening, a former state representative who was the grandson of Ernest Gruening, whom Gravel had defeated twelve years prior in an election for the same seat. Gravel later went on to win the general election against Republican nominee Frank Murkowski, a banker.

Ignore the fact that AK-SEN 1986 isn't happening, okay? I'd fix it, but it might spoil you for later on.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

The Year Was 1986, Part III
Things Fall Apart

Cuéllar Warns US, Russia: "Use Nukes, and You Get Nuked"

May 2, 1986 - Secretary General of the United Nations Javier Pérez de Cuéllar issued a warning on Friday in light of the invasion of Alaska: If any one party unleashes their nuclear arsenal, a motion to expel them from the United Nations will be filed, in compliance with Chapter II of the United Nations Charter.

President Reagan Shot (Again), This Time Fatally

July 5, 1986 - On Saturday morning, Ronald Gene Barbour, a retired miliary officer and freelance writer, shot Ronald Reagan six times, including once in the head while the President was outside the White House. The First Lady called for an ambulance, which, after picking the President up, rushed to George Washington University Hospital, where President Reagan was pronounced dead, just under an hour after the shooting. Barbour was tackled by citizens and arrested by members of the Washington, D.C. police shortly after the ambulance arrived and is expected to stand trial starting August 4.

Bush Selects New Vice President: Congressman Jack Kemp

July 13, 1986 - Coinciding with his 51st birthday, Congressman Jack Kemp (R-N.Y.) has been selected to become President George Bush's Vice President. The Congressman has served New York's 31st district since 1971 and was previously a top-tier candidate for the Republican nomination in 1988.

"Black Wednesday" - Stock Crashes 23% in One Day

September 24, 1986 - By the end of the day on Wednesday, the stock had crashed from 3992.96 to 3058.87, a drop of over 900 points and 23%. Economists fear that this will lead to a recession, which may be a boon to Democrats in the upcoming midterms.