The Unlikely Speaker - Parliamentary America in the Age of Rage

[MAINEiac4434]

From the Creator of Camelot Anew & In These Times

The Unlikely Speaker
Parliamentary America in the Age of Rage

[MAINEiac4434]

Lafayette

Lafayette Foster awoke with a start, anxious rapping at his door. "Mr. Foster! Open up!" came a shout. The aging Connecticut Senator shambled to the door, rubbing his eyes.

"Mr. Foster. It's the President. He's been shot." A short man with an unkempt beard was standing in Lafayette's doorway. He wore a Union officer's jacket.

"My good sir, do you know what time it is? Now isn't the time for practical jokes--" Lafayette began, before the other man interrupted him.

"The Vice President's been shot, too. Neither will see tomorrow. Mr. Foster, you will be Acting President when both perish. You must come to Washington immediately."

A few hours later, Lafayette Foster was informed of Andrew Johnson's death at the hand of a Lewis Powell. While Abraham Lincoln still fought on, it was abundantly clear that the President, the savior of the union, the Emancipator, would pass from Earth before nightfall.

As the elderly man placed his left hand on the bible held by his crying wife, and raised his right hand to recite the Oath, he couldn't keep himself from thinking how. How did this nation fall into such a state? How did this nation fail to protect its highest officers? How did we allow so many to be held in bondage for so long?

"I, Lafayette Sabine Foster, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of Acting President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me God."

He knew, right then, that he would have to break the oath.

[MAINEiac4434]

Second Constitution of the United States
Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Constitution of the United States, known colloquially as the Second Constitution, is the Governing document of the United States of America. Ratified June 2, 1867, its passage was encouraged by the Radical Republicans and President Lafayette Foster after the Days of Mourning and the Civil War. Believing that the First Constitution did not adequately prevent civil war, protect the rights of minorities, and placed too much power into the states, Radical Republicans and some Democrats advocated a new Constitution to address these shortcomings.^[1][2][3]

De-emphasizing federalism, the Second Constitution melted away many powers previously reserved for the States and instead places them into the federal government. It also merged the executive and legislative branches of government, mirroring a Westminster style of government used at the time in the United Kingdom.

The office of President remained, but with severely curtailed powers, with most executive power now resting in the Speaker of the House. Presidents are limited to one eight-year term.

[MAINEiac4434]

Melania

"...based on our exit polling, we can now project that Labor will lose 56 seats, with the Center Party and Progressive Republicans both losing dozens of seats...America is heading for a right-wing government, and Donald Trump, with 100 other MCs, is looking to be the kingmaker, if not the King himself. Remember, Paul Ryan publicly disavowed Trump after the Access Hollywood tape leaked, and the two nearly came to blows at the last debate, and Ryan knows that there simply isn't any desire for the first Grand Coalition in history, not with both Labor and the Conservatives hemorrhaging seats...there aren't enough Democrats for them to form a Government...the next Congress has the potential to be among the most unstable in history, and we could be looking at new elections in a year or two if not a month or two..."

Melania Trump clicked off the TV. She couldn't take it any more. Her husband? A kingmaker? Why did he even go on this stupid vanity trip? Why did he declare for the Staten Island by-election two years ago? He hates Staten Island! Why didn't he just listen to her, and just allow both of them a semi-active retirement? Why couldn't she be allowed to raise her son in peace and privilege?

He never wanted this, at least she didn't think so. He just wanted some attention, maybe some money. He probably was planning on resigning the seat a few months into the coming Congress. Now he'd be leading the third largest party.

She knew that Bannon would never let Trump play second fiddle to Paul Ryan, and that the Democrats were still too regionalist to lead a national government.

Melania feared that she'd be residing in the White House in a few months.

[MAINEiac4434]

Hillary

It wasn’t supposed to be this bad Hillary Rodham Clinton thought shortly before taking the stage to deliver her concession speech. Sure, the governing party always loses seats at an election. And it might’ve even been worse than usual with that rat bastard Sanders splitting the vote in marginal constituencies. But Speaker Obama was popular...and Ryan, Trump and Sessions weren’t.

She’d already told President Hatch that she and Labor wouldn’t accept the mandate to govern, and had told Labor Central Office that she was resigning as leader of the party. It was the least she could do. She might even give up her seat in Westchester. She figured it was time for new blood in the Party.

[MAINEiac4434]

I'll say again I'd love to see a map, and I'm willing to help with it if you were willing to make one.

I'd need all the help I could get...

[MAINEiac4434]

I'll say again I'd love to see a map, and I'm willing to help with it if you were willing to make one.

I'd need all the help I could get...

i'd like to help too, if I can... after all, I'm almost done with my 1000 districts maps (only PR and VI combined left) and i'm too damn lazy to actually upload them.

You could help create those Extra 102 districts we'd need, or we could just make it so there are 102 PR MPs and 436 Constituencies

My plan is based off the current congressional districts, plus DC. But because the state's don't quite function the way they do in real life, we could perhaps "ungerrymander" the seats..?

[MAINEiac4434]

I'd be down to help fill in some MC's once a map is made. Since the House is (presumably) more powerful, a lot of Senators might stay in the House as opposed to the Senate.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need help with that. As mentioned, Susan Collins represents what is basically ME-02, so Bruce Poliquin is out already.

[MAINEiac4434]

I'd be down to help fill in some MC's once a map is made. Since the House is (presumably) more powerful, a lot of Senators might stay in the House as opposed to the Senate.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need help with that. As mentioned, Susan Collins represents what is basically ME-02, so Bruce Poliquin is out already.

Maybe i should go in and name all the districts, UK style, once they're done.

Also question: who represents SF? Feinstein or Pelosi?

Or perhaps even Newsom?

Pelosi; Feinstein represents Marin County and Kamala represents Oakland.

[MAINEiac4434]

Let me go through with a couple of famous pols:

Chellie Pingree: Casco (ME-01)
Liz Warren: Cambridge
Joe Kennedy: Jamaica Plain
Adam Schiff: Burbank
Russ Feingold: Madison
Tulsi Gabbard: Oahu
Brian Schatz: Honolulu
John McCain: Phoenix South
Barack Obama: Chicago-Hyde Park
Jeff Merkley: Portland North
Joaquin Castro: The Alamo

[MAINEiac4434]

Don't mean to present a plot hole, but wouldn't dissolving federalism directly after the Civil War immediately spark armed conflict again?

No.

[MAINEiac4434]

Who's representing Charlotte?

Alma Adams, Labor, Charlotte North

[MAINEiac4434]

I'd be down to help fill in some MC's once a map is made. Since the House is (presumably) more powerful, a lot of Senators might stay in the House as opposed to the Senate.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need help with that. As mentioned, Susan Collins represents what is basically ME-02, so Bruce Poliquin is out already.

Maybe i should go in and name all the districts, UK style, once they're done.

Also question: who represents SF? Feinstein or Pelosi?

Or perhaps even Newsom?

Pelosi; Feinstein represents Marin County and Kamala represents Oakland.

I'd argue you should just use either 538's fair maps or DKE's.

Can you link me to the 538 one? I googled but couldn't find it, don't know if I'm searching for the right one.

[MAINEiac4434]

Thanks!

[MAINEiac4434]

Donald

Donald never asked for this.

He merely wanted attention. He had grown bored, now that most of his kids were adults and off running their own enterprises. He had initially been excited about a black Speaker...back in 2010, he was a member of the Labor Party after all. But he saw the rage that was building against Speaker Obama immediately after his inauguration. He saw the by-election defeats. He knew he could make a quick buck off of racial animosity.

The Conservative government of Dubya had wrecked the economy, but it wasn't improving quickly under Obama. Donald thought that if he could rile up the masses a little bit, he could make some money. Hell, he actually wanted to serve in parliament, at least for a little while, even if he did have to leave his beloved Manhattan for that hellhole Staten Island. Grimm was more than willing to defect from the Conservatives to Donald's nascent movement.

Donald never expected to take off. He loved the campaigning, but most of his candidates were idiots or sycophants. He figured he'd get 50 at most, resign a few months into the new term, bask in his self-made glory.

Now he was sitting in the Naval Observatory, waiting for President Hatch to name him informateur for the next American government.

Paul Ryan was such a pushover, he didn't even try to lead the government. Sessions was already behind Donald. The "negotiations" were mostly Bannon listing his demands to Ryan and Sessions and them acquiescing obsequiously.

Donald watched as President Hatch's attractive blonde secretary strode up to him.

"The President will see you now, Mr. Trump."

[MAINEiac4434]

Adam

Member for Burbank and recently-confirmed Interim Leader of the Labor Party, Adam Schiff should've been happy. Trump's approvals were record-low for an incoming Speaker, and the "coalition of chaos" spin was already resonating with the public, too.

But something didn't sit right.

The polls showed Trump was on course for maybe 60 seats, at most. How did he surge so spectacularly? How did the PRs and Center fall so dramatically? How did normally reliable polling go so wrong.

And then there was the Stone and Manafort connection. The rumors of Russian business connections. The outright praise for Putin on the campaign trail.

Adam knew the party couldn't make the same mistakes it did during Dubya's first term. "Allow the Speaker to govern," Bill Clinton and Lloyd Bentsen told the Labor caucus. But Adam knew that strenuous opposition was the only option for Labor...and the best choice for his forthcoming campaign.

[MAINEiac4434]

Excerpt from Chapo Trap House episode 101: "Labor Pains"

WILL MENAKER: Okay, so moving on now to the Labor leadership race...interim leader Adam Schiff has stepped away from the role of 'interim leader' and will run to be permanent leader of the Labor Party...and I just think, between him, Schumer, fucking Jon Tester...this is the opposition? This is who's standing up against fascism in America?

MATT CHRISTMAN: Yeah, this is the opposition. Adam Schiff, who can't get hard without going in front of a camera and screaming PUTIN at the top of his lungs, Jon Tester, who needs to consult with 42 energy lobbyists before deciding how to stand on an issue and Chuck Schumer who thinks the worst thing about the Trump speakership is that "the real problems is that Donald Trump and I aren't friends anymore." We are fucked.

WM: Yeah, just like three of the most just evil, fraudulent cretins in the Labor Party are standing here. But don't forget the ladies! Apparently Kamala Harris is thinking about running--

AMBER FROST: Yeah, brilliant. When so much energy on the left, including in the Labor Party, is in the movement to reform the justice system and hold police more accountable for their actions, let's put a prosecutor in charge. This will work out well.

WM: ...Claire McCaskill is thinking about it--

FELIX BIEDERMAN: Yeah if there's one thing that 2016 proved, it's that how much this country loves rich centrist blonde ladies. Wasn't McCaskill like one of Hillary's top surrogates? If Labor picks her they're basically just saying "hahaha we've learned nothing let's give TRUMP a majority without the Tories and Dems!"

WM: Liz Warren might do it...

MC: Liz Warren is the only not despicable person here, which means she's totally screwed.

AF: And we say "not despicable" because she has somewhat reasonable positions on things like ICE and Wall Street and healthcare, but when it comes to foreign policy she's basically Hillary. There's no discernible difference between them on foreign policy.

WM: I'm not sure that's quite fair to Warren, I mean I agree that she's not going to make life any better for like Syrians and Palestinians, but I doubt she'll like lead in an invasion of Syria and she's spoken against drone warfare in the past.

MC: And we have to think about Labor's Overton Window, which is so far right on foreign policy...Barbara Boxer couldn't get 60 other Labor MCs to join her in voting against the Iraq War. I mean the Labor Party's owners are willing to tolerate someone who makes the right noises on healthcare and immigration but they absolutely will not accept anyone who cuts into Northrupp Grumman's profit margins.

FB: So, yeah, Liz Warren is probably the best choice out of this shitfest, but it's like being the least racist member of the TRUMP party at this point, like it's not a big accomplishment when your competition is this bad.

AF: So here's how the race is going to go. Liz Warren is going to get a commanding lead on the first ballot, but absolutely none of the other candidates' supporters will back her second, or third, or fourth. So slowly they will unite around Russia Boy or someone, and they'll beat her on the final ballot.

WM: Yeah, you're probably right Amber. And then, because it's Liz Warren and she wilts when going against party bosses, she's going to give a rousing speech supporting fucking Jon Tester or whoever. This is the person that a lot of naive people who were backing Bernie in the 2015-16 leadership election were just waiting with bated breath for Liz Warren to come out and support Bernie and propel him to the White House, and she never did it. She stayed on the fence, and Bernie lost, and that was that.

MC: And this is the favorite of the rump left of the Labor Party.

FB: And that's another thing! She could've joined Bernie's party, like Pramila Jayapal and Raul Grijalva, and instead she took potshots at it for the entire campaign season!

AF: This just shows what dire straits the American left is in, and particularly those on the left who inexplicably remain in the Labor Party. It's not for leftists. It's for corporate candidates, it's for pro-war candidates, it's for the softest, most feckless pro-union and pro-diversity candidates. It's a liberal party, and has been since at least Bill Clinton.