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Author Topic: Yeet or Be Yote - a 2018 timeline  (Read 4166 times)
Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« on: May 15, 2018, 03:49:52 pm »

I have an AP exam tomorrow that I really don't feel like studying for so here's a piece of crap that I churned out in about 10 mins, will prob update as I continue to procrastinate.




6:30 PM on a Tuesday
Fairfax County


It was a dark and stormy night. Not the cliché, storybook kind - thunder booming through the sky, lightning flashing in streaks through the pounding rain, electricity in the air - the kind that usually results in a newborn appearing on a barren couple’s doorstep or some junk like that. It was the turnout-reducing kind. The kind that makes millions of illegal DACA immigrants look outside and say “nah, I’m not gonna vote illegally today.” The good kind.

It was the kind that made Ed Gillespie chortle with glee.

“Ed, stop,” said his wife Cathy. “It’s creeping me out. You’ve been doing this for hours now.”

But Ed did not care. Even better than the soothing smack of rain on the roof, better than the sound of a tree snapping in two and falling on his neighbor Greg’s Toyota, was the flurry of alerts that lit up his phone like Christmas lights.

“Fox News exit polls show Corey Stewart with big lead over Tim Kaine in Virginia Senate race…”

Img


« Last Edit: May 18, 2018, 12:26:21 am by Pessimistic Antineutrino »Logged
Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2018, 04:09:53 pm »

4:00 PM, in some moron’s dorm room
Los Angeles, CA

“Hey man we’re gonna go play some b-ball wanna come with?”

“Nah fam I got more important stuff to do.” The moron stared at his laptop as he had been for the last 72 hours straight, reading the exact same Atlas threads over and over yet never actually contributing to any conversation. The moron’s roommate shook his head.

“You’ve been on that site for such a long time. It’s unhealthy. We’re concerned about you, dude. You just look at maps all day. Come get some fresh air or something.” The moron made a noise akin to a snarl but sounded more like a balloon slowly releasing its air.

“Dude c’mon it’ll be fun. They’re burning Steve Alford in effigy again!” The mention of the basketball coach caused the moron’s head to spin 180 degrees, revealing bloodshot eyes and an unusually large amount of acne.

“It’s 7 on the east coast. You know what that means.”

“I actually have no fecking clue what that means.”

“It means we’re about to become conduits used to make an election night timeline seem more like a legitimate piece of literature rather than a list of candidate names and made up percentages.”

“Oh dang u rite.”

Just as he said that, the roommates’ phones began to buzz incessantly.

“Polls have closed in several key states; Braun leads Donnelly with 1% of the vote in…”
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« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2018, 08:24:24 pm »

I have an AP exam tomorrow that I really don't feel like studying for so here's a piece of crap that I churned out in about 10 mins, will prob update as I continue to procrastinate.


AP English gang?
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Former President Weatherboy1102
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« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2018, 10:49:44 am »

this is stupid which is why I love it
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« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2018, 11:29:09 am »

this is stupid which is why I love it
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Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2018, 04:07:04 pm »

AP English gang?

Nah, AP Macro. Took English last year and it was not fun tho.


Wink

Anyway here's another update to this thing. I do not use drugs.




? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

“Was it worth it?”

The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, a voice within Paul’s mind and yet it loomed over him, like an angry god in the heavens. Paul Ryan looked to the horizon, where the golden sky blurred and ebbed, meshing with the stark white ground that stretched seemingly infinitely into the distance.

“It was. I believe it was.” He didn’t know who he was answering, this voice that seemed to resonate as if it belonged to the earth itself. If you could call it earth. The Speaker of the House knelt down, feeling the hard, solid ground with his hands, staining them with snow white powder. Standing up, he tilted his head to the sky, speaking louder, with more assurance.

“I got what I wanted. The life I dreamed of having, all of the power with none of the responsibility. What more could one ask for?”

“What did it cost?” Paul hesitated. It had cost everything, didn’t it? He got his tax bill. But he had lost his job, Cheeto Man was still in the White House, and his majority was in jeopardy. Was that all worth a couple tax cuts?

“I… I don’t know.”

“You’ll find out soon. You just lost your first soldier.” The voice boomed again. “The answer is right in front of you, Paul.”

“Dad?”

“What the hell, no. Can you not tell what a female voice sounds like? It’s Ayn Rand.”

Paul was admittedly taken aback by this. If Ayn Rand Herself didn’t think it was worth it… He examined the powder that covered his fingers.

“Is this… is this cocaine?” Cocaine. Cocaine Mitch.

“Oh god… what have I done?”


——————————————

“With 62% reporting, the AP can now project that Andy Barr of Kentucky’s 6th district has lost his bid for reelection. This is the first seat to flip in what promises to be a long night…”
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 08:29:37 pm by Pessimistic Antineutrino »Logged
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« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2018, 06:07:37 pm »

lmao
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« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2018, 06:23:07 pm »

Why is this timeline so good
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Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2018, 09:01:41 pm »

Bit of a format change because election night coverage is the only thing worth reading.




Welcome back everyone, I’m Lester Holt with NBC and I will be speaking in red to make this easier for the viewers.

That’s very kind of you, Lester.

Thanks, Chuck Todd. Anyways, it is 7:30 in the east, which means the polls have closed in several key states - North Carolina, Ohio and West Virginia. There’s a number of key races in these states, including Democratic senators Sherrod Brown and Joe Manchin trying to defend their seats. We can’t make any calls here just yet, however. We’re gonna check in with Andrea Mitchell live at Manchin’s campaign headquarters in Charleston.

Thanks for sending me all the way out here, I really appreciate it Lester. We’re uh, having some interference it seems like… we’re picking up some extraordinary energy signatures in the vicinity of Manchin HQ. The rain is pretty strong out here, I wish I had brought an umbrella, but I can’t even hear the rain over the vibrations. It’s pretty unsettling, Lester. One of the tech guys says it may be infrasound. I wish I could get inside, you know, but I think it’s best not to interfere with whatever is going on around there. Back to you.

Thank you Andrea. Incidentally while you were telling us that, we received a call. We can now report that Barbara Comstock has been reelected to her House seat in northern Virginia. Given what we know about that area, it’s a bit of a surprise and definitely a good sign for the Republicans.

Indeed it is, Lester. NoVA has been trending left for a while now, so to see a Republican survive there must be encouraging. We’ve received reports of depressed turnout all through the area due to the rain, particularly in Fairfax County.

Interesting analysis, Savannah Guthrie. I can always count on you to speak in purple. Anyways fools, here’s a Senate map for you all who haven’t been following. It’s pretty empty right now, because we’re literally 30 minutes in. But everyone likes maps.



Not much to see there. Bernie Sanders has been reelected with an unprecedented 139% of the vote, because that’s just how things are. Governor Phil Scott has also been reelected easily over a literal 13 year old kid, because sometimes Democrats need to feel like they aren’t entirely partisan.

Speaking of governor races, have another map with like 3 states filled in:




Lester, please tell me why Republicans are in blue.

I don’t know, Chuck. I don’t make these maps, Chuck.

The House maps are normal. Look at Virginia.

Img


Oh, that is weird. Someone should get on that soon. Hang on… we’ve got some interesting news coming out of Ohio…
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« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2018, 09:17:45 pm »


Lester, please tell me why Republicans are in blue.

I don’t know, Chuck. I don’t make these maps, Chuck.

Lester is so done with Chuck's bullsh**t
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Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2018, 09:55:37 pm »

Minor movie spoilers for this one; if you know you know, if you don't know don't worry about it. This is definitely my last update for tonight, I don't think I can take any more of this crap.




He’d experienced loss before; you don’t survive almost seventy-two years on this earth without experiencing loss. He’d lost family, loved ones. There was that horrible night in ’06, when the blue wave kicked him out of Washington and sent him back home to Ohio. He had no desire to return to that place, but deep down the ambition festered, bubbled under the surface. He got his shot in ’10, beating some low-energy loser for the AG position. He was reelected easily in ’14. He bided his time. And when the opportunity came, he took it.
The opposition was weak and he crushed it easily. Taylor, Kasich’s crony-turned-rogue. Renacci, who saw the writing on the wall and decided to take on Brown instead. Husted, his biggest competitor-turned-ally. The man who lay beside him at this moment.
Fools, all of them. But, right here, right now, Mike DeWine wondered if he was the biggest fool of them all.

Loss. He expected loss, deep down. The upshot of running in the biggest Democratic wave in a decade. But this. This was worse.


“Hear me and rejoice!” Betty Sutton’s voice cut through the air. “The Realigner himself approaches. Bow before his well-coiffed might.” Well-coiffed? The dude looks like he has a bowl cut, DeWine thought. Made no difference to Sutton, I guess. “The Realigner’s path to glory begins here,” Sutton continued. “As prophesied by The_Doctor himself, to end the Reaganite Age and usher in a period of Democratic socialist hegemony in America. Tonight simply marks the first step on his quest to become the 47th president of the United States.

Rejoice, for even in death, you have become children of Richard Cordray.”

Through his cracked glasses, DeWine could see the hulking figure in front of him as he waded through the flames and debris. Husted was moaning softly a few feet away.

“I know what it’s like to lose. 2010… you got me then, Mike. You really did. You thought you had me nailed down, Mike? You had me running tail between my legs down to Washington, accepting the CFPB as a pity prize from Obama. Is that what you thought, Mike?”

DeWine could barely squeeze his words out.

“You won’t… win… ever. America knows better…”

Cordray grinned.

“They do. Of course they do. Look at Amy McGrath in Kentucky, Richard Ojeda in West Virginia. Dan McCready in North Carolina. All winners tonight. The tide is turning, Mike. It’s a pity you’ve chosen the wrong side. Even Kasich knows. You didn’t really think you could cut Medicaid and get away with it, did you Mike?”

“Stop…. calling me… Mike.”

“I’ll call you what I want. I’m done here, anyway. I’ve gotten what I wanted. The defeat I waited 8 years to avenge.” Cordray smiled again, wider this time. He raised his fist into the air, energy pulsing in waves off of it. Around him, the building began to collapse and disintegrate. DeWine felt the air prime with electricity as energy coursed through the ground, causing the cracks to glow with blinding heat and light.

“The Realignment is coming. 2024. Dread it, run from it all you like. Destiny arrives nonetheless.”

The last thing DeWine saw was the portal open, the grinning visages of Betty Sutton and Rich Cordray vanishing into thin air, as the world went white.


——————————————

In a surprisingly early call, we can now project that Richard Cordray has been elected Governor of Ohio, defeating his opponent Mike DeWine by a fairly wide margin.

Interesting implications for the rest of the Rust Belt here.

Indeed, Chuck. Indeed.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 10:00:12 pm by Pessimistic Antineutrino »Logged
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« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2018, 10:16:45 pm »

This is literally the greatest work of literature I have ever read, bar none
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Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2018, 10:19:03 pm »

This is literally the greatest work of literature I have ever read, bar none

Lmao thanks! I've been wanting to make my own TL since the moment I joined this forum 5 years ago. I guess this is how it's gonna go down - as a product of a mind trying very hard not to study.
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« Reply #13 on: May 16, 2018, 10:28:02 pm »

This is literally the greatest work of literature I have ever read, bar none
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« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2018, 10:54:14 pm »

This is literally the greatest work of literature I have ever read, bar none
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« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2018, 09:18:49 pm »

I have another AP exam tomorrow (Micro), which means that I am contractually obligated to release an update.






8:01 PM
Elizabeth, Allegheny County, PA


At the 8 o’clock bell, Rick Saccone’s last glimmer of hope went up in smoke.

It was unreasonable to think Reschenthaler would lose, of course. The new 14th was a very Republican district, even more than the 18th it would soon replace. But it was hard for Rick to keep that ideal scenario out of his mind, the shock loss that would prove his own was no fluke, the opening up of the ultimate opportunity to come back and beat Boerio in 2020.

That ended now. Reschenthaler was 35; the seat was likely his as long as he wanted it. Next door, Conor Lamb was out to a big early lead against Keith Rothfus. In the blink of an eye, Rick Saccone’s House ambitions vanished before him. His two opponents would enter the halls of the 116th Congress on opposite sides of the aisle, united by nothing but the man they defeated. Well, Reschenthaler would, at least. Hopefully Rothfus could pull it out and send Lamb’s insufferable mug packing. But with the rate things had been going tonight, Lamb would probably win by 20 or something. Because of course he would.

Pennsylvania wasn’t looking too hot anyway. The liberal court was, to be honest, just as much to blame for his defeat as Reschenthaler was. If he could’ve gotten another crack at Lamb…

Img


Two seats flipping to the Democrats in a matter of minutes. That moron Costello was to blame for that, getting cold feet at the worst possible time. Meehan too, though he probably wouldn’t have been able to survive tonight even if he had decided to keep his hands to himself. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to move out east… No. Allegheny County was his home. Besides, it was evident that he didn’t have what it takes at the ballot box. Lamb and Reschenthaler were young and energetic in their thirties. Rick would have to seek his revenge another way.

He stepped out onto the porch, feeling the cold rain on his skin. The storm wasn’t as severe this far north, but the raindrops came down like daggers nonetheless. He fumbled around in the darkness a bit, before his fingers curled around his trusty 12-gauge.

He looked back into his warm home, where his wife was waiting for him, where his life could go on as it always did.

But why should it? Rick Saccone was never one to settle for the same. Picking up the shotgun, he stepped off of his porch and walked into the storm.
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« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2018, 10:35:15 pm »

Saccone! Kill the Resch guy, not Lamb! Please!
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« Reply #17 on: May 18, 2018, 01:09:14 am »

Wtf lol
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« Reply #18 on: May 18, 2018, 01:08:05 pm »

“Was it worth it?”

"Mr. McConnell, I don't feel so good..." -Paul Ryan
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« Reply #19 on: May 19, 2018, 12:04:27 am »

Saccone! Kill the Resch guy, not Lamb! Please!

I've got plans for Lamb, don't worry Wink



"Mr. McConnell, I don't feel so good..." -Paul Ryan

lmao

Speaking of, I went really overboard on the superhero ripoff stuff this update. Forgive the corniness, it's mostly setup.


 




8:13 PM
An Undisclosed Location



South Carolina 5th district
A. Parnell (D) - 49.2%
R. Norman (R) - 48.8%
82% reporting

Ohio 12th district
T. Balderson (R) - 50.2%
D. O’Connor (D) - 46.6%
35% reporting

Pennsylvania 17th district
C. Lamb (D) - 63.6%
K. Rothfus (R) - 36.4%
1% reporting


Jon Ossoff took a fat cheef from his Juul. Things were looking good so far. None of his boys had won the first time around, except for Lamb. Hopefully that would change tonight. Even Hiral Tipirneni and James Thompson, whose races were admittedly longer shots, Jon had a good feeling about. He flipped through a few more races. Not much had reported after the 8’o clock poll closings, just the no-brainer statewide calls - Carper reelected, Cardin reelected, Murphy reelected. One race, of course, caught his eye.

Georgia 6th district
K. Handel (R) - 51.7%
B. Kaple (D) - 44.5%
65% reporting

Jon felt a twinge of regret seeing that. He had come so close the first time. Kaple losing would give him the chance to run for that seat again, of course, but Jon couldn’t help but feel that if he’d have run again that seat would be his. Out of all of the team members, he was only one not out in the field tonight. Everyone else had sought a rematch against their prior opponents. Well, everyone except…

“Why the hell does it smell so fruity in here? Rob Quist walked in with a sour expression on his face, as usual.

“I’m trying a different type of pod, Rob. Piña colada.”

“Why couldn’t you just smoke weed like a normal person,” Rob grumbled.

“You know I hate the smell of that stuff, Rob.” The country singer snorted.

“Prissy-ass millennials, wouldn’t know a real time if it crawled up their-“

“Holy sh**t!”

“What happened? Jon?”

“Turn on the TV!”

Rob flipped to NBC, where Lester Holt looked slightly even more concerned than he usually did.

——————————————

-trying to get ahold of Andrea right now. We repeat: there has been an explosion of some sort at Manchin’s campaign headquarters in Charleston. We’re trying to - we’ve lost all contact with our field team out there.

Wasn’t Andrea saying something about energy signatures?

Good thing the race is too close to call, heh.

Shut up Chuck.


I seriously hope no one is hurt out there.

Of course, Tom. I think we have to assume the worst at this point, but our thoughts go out to anyone who may be in harm’s way tonight. This comes in addition to the alarming reports we’re getting out of New Hampshire…

——————————————

“Energy signatures. Huh.” Jon narrowed his eyes. “Like infrared or something?”

“There’s only one person I know who can produce that much energy” Rob said, pensively twirling his mustache. There was a long pause. Jon had no idea who he was talking about.

“Do you… you don’t know?”

“No. Is it like Magneto or something?”

“Don Blankenship. Energy. Massey Energy. Jesus Christ, you are dense.”

“Ohhhhh. Wait, he lost the primary months ago. Why would he be attacking Manchin HQ?”

“I don’t know man, it’s just a guess. It honestly could just be a terrorist attack. But narratively, that’s less fun to think about.”

“So Don Blankenship is gonna be the uninteresting, stand-in villain for us to defeat? That’s kind of cliché, don’t you think?”

“If there’s anything I’ve learned, Jon, it’s that life is cliché. Also that physical assault is apparently not a turn-off for voters.

“RT.”

“What?”

“N-never mind. Time to suit up, Rob. Looks like we’ll be heading out into the field tonight after all.”

Rob Quist smiled.

“I thought you’d never ask.”
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« Reply #20 on: May 22, 2018, 03:18:53 pm »

Following, and this is a work of art.
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« Reply #21 on: May 23, 2018, 08:51:14 pm »

Well in the 4 days or so since my last update, this timeline has already been made inaccurate by certain events (@Parnell). I'm just gonna ignore that, thanks.










Like all things, his reign was fleeting. Power is fickle; it always has been. Anyone who doesn’t learn that early on finds out soon enough.

Chris Sununu knew that; he’d known it from the day his father was pushed out of the White House; he’d known it from the day the blue wave sunk his brother like so many Republicans that year.

He just thought he’d have a little more time.


The warning signs were there from the very beginning, starting with John’s loss to Jeanne Shaheen back in ’08. He’d declined to go after her in 2014 against Chris’s advice. He’d said only that it takes a woman to dethrone a woman in New Hampshire. It couldn’t be him. The red wave halted at the New Hampshire border that year, and Scott Brown bent the knee as Shaheen claimed a second term. But despite all that, Frank Guinta had beaten back Carol-Shea Porter. The Angry Women had limits after all, didn’t they?

Perhaps they did, at some point. It was a different era now. From the dawn of the Trump administration, the Angry Women had only gotten angrier. If they couldn’t break the glass ceiling… they’d break a lot of other things. Ted Gatsas learned that the hard way a year back, when Joyce Craig knocked him out to become, of course, Manchester’s first female mayor. Steve Marchand too, when Molly Kelly buried him in the primary. Idiot. What did he expect?

In spite of all that, Chris thought he could weather the storm. He was popular and uncontroversial, like his neighbors Scott and Baker albeit with a more conservative bent. He did everything right he could’ve done; he had used his power wisely. 

But power was a fickle mistress as usual, and now it was grabbing back.

——————————————

The mood was bleak in Bridges House. A calm before the storm, almost.


Jeb Bradley peeked through the curtains for the third time in ten minutes.

“They’re coming. I can feel it.” He turned to the cluster of men standing in the foyer, whispering amongst themselves. “It’s the exact same feeling in the air. ’06. ’08. They’re coming, Governor. They’re coming for us.”

The Governor of New Hampshire stepped forward. At 44, he was the youngest state governor in the country, but it’d be impossible to tell from the look of it. The last few days had aged Chris Sununu well beyond his years. 

“What can we do?” Chuck Morse asked, trying to hide the desperation in his voice. “There’s got to be something. We survived 2016; we can survive this. Is there any backup still out there?” Bradley shook his head.

“John Sununu is MIA. Both of them.” Bradley glanced at the Governor. “As is Ayotte.” The mention of the former Senator darkened the mood in the room further, if that were possible. She was their bulwark, their trump card. When Hassan took her out, it had left them open to attack. From then, it was only a matter of time.

“What about our House candidates?” Morse asked.

“No word on either of them. But it can’t be good.” They hadn’t had access to any outside news for a while now, but there was radio silence from Washington. New Hampshire, in all likelihood, would once again sending four Democrats to Congress.

“Let them come.” The two Senate leaders turned to their Governor, the man who they’d dutifully followed into this quagmire. “I will speak to them.”

“Y-you can’t. There’s too many of them,” said Bradley. In the distance, the shouts and screams began to increase in volume. The war cries of a revolution.

“Nothing else we can do.”

They knew he was right. He had Morse, Bradley, Edelblut, and the remainder of the Executive Council. It was them against an army.

The rumbling was growing louder now, by the second. It was as if the earth itself had begun to tremble. They were running out of time.

“We’re surrounded on all sides,” said Edelblut. He turned to Sununu. “They’re not gonna talk, are they? It’s been two years. They’re way past the point of talking.” Edelblut was right. It was over now, before it had even begun. Only thing they could do was decide how to go out.

“Then we die with dignity.”

They knew, all of them, what that meant. There would be no escape, but the least they could do was go down with a fight.

"It’s been an honor to serve alongside you all, these past two years.” Bradley closed his eyes. Morse looked to the ceiling, lost in prayer. “History will vindicate us. Our suffering will not be in vain. If the Angry Women must come to Bridges House, we shall welcome them with open arms. Sic transit gloria mundi.”

The men gave each other one last look as the Last Governor of New Hampshire flung open the doors.
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« Reply #22 on: June 03, 2018, 06:32:17 pm »

It's been a while since my last update, partly because I'm lazy and partly because I'm running out of ideas that don't involve aping common movie tropes. I'll put together some maps soon.



Interlude: America is Meme Country (with apologies to the mods)

5:29 PM
Los Angeles, CA

Across America, things were getting weird.

Inconsistencies. Things were happening that should not be. Archie Parnell, a man accused of domestic abuse and had been abandoned by the Democratic party apparatus, had just won his race for House, as if none of that had ever happened. Bobby Kaple, a candidate who had come third in the Democratic primary for Georgia’s 6th district, was now the nominee for the race despite having missed the runoff.

“Does no one notice that the candidate is different now? That doesn’t just happen. Candidates don’t just change.” The loser from Chapter 2 was very clearly flustered. He scrolled through the election results. “Look at Tennessee’s 4th. DesJarlais just won reelection by 30 points, even though he resigned 3 months ago.”

“Who?” The moron’s relatively normal roommate asked.

“DesJarlais? Remember the turnip scandal?”

“Oh. Oh god that guy?” The moron’s roommate shuddered, trying to shut the images he saw of the turnip scandal out of his mind.

“If the turnip scandal, one of the most horrifying incidents in American political history can just be erased, what else is going on?”

A timely alert from the moron’s phone answered that question.

“Fox News calls Virginia Senate race for Corey Stewart…”
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Pessimistic Antineutrino
Pessimistic Antineutrino
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« Reply #23 on: June 03, 2018, 08:18:37 pm »

Interlude 2: Maps, brought to you by your friendly neighborhood framing device.

We’ve heard no word from our team out in West Virginia and have no reason to assume any of them are even alive, but that’s ok because it’s 8:30 and we have a batch of polls to close!

…Actually it’s just Arkansas. Governor Hutchinson has won reelection, because this is Arkansas. And here are the maps.

We got the colors fixed, too.

No one cares, Chuck. But yes we did get the color scheme standardized.

Senate:

Img


Note that the Mississippi special election, not depicted here, is too close to call. More on that in a bit.

House:

Img


Governors:

Img


A few weird results there. It seems that Charlie Baker is doing so well at the polls that his success is not only helping Republicans in Massachusetts but spilling over into Connecticut as well.

I haven’t seen Mega-Coattails in a while, Lester.

Yeet. In summary, a bunch of races that we’ve yet to call for one reason or another.

To preserve suspense.

...Yeah basically. But it’s still early on in the night, and control of both chambers of Congress is clearly still up in the air. I’m Lester Holt and this is Election Night 2018.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2018, 11:05:21 pm by Pessimistic Antineutrino »Logged
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« Reply #24 on: June 03, 2018, 08:43:32 pm »

This is potentially the best TL I have ever read.
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