Is being responsible wrong?

[HillGoose]

I swear I feel like I get looked down on for being responsible and professional. I'm 21 and I make enough money with my stable job to live independently without government assistance or welfare, I pay all my bills, I'm in college to further my career, I'm not addicted to drugs or an alcoholic and never have been, I've never been to jail or in trouble with the law, and I don't have a bunch of kids that I can't afford.

Yet all these angry people think I'm some kind of "jackass" for having a stable life, when it was my own responsibility and good decisions that I made on my own that made it so I could live well with what I have. I don't have any sympathy for these people who made bad decisions and somehow want to blame everyone else for their lack of success.

I just noticed it because my family think I'm some kind of stuck up elitist for being responsible, and I thought it was just them, but now that I've gotten to know them, my roommates families' are mostly the same way (and I've heard certain people in my roommates families express disdain towards them literally for just attending college at all) Apparently I'm just an "uptight jackass" for making something of myself instead of spending my whole life as some overgrown child still playing victim and living on government assistance and saying it's everyone else's fault that I wasn't successful.

I didn't used to think so much of the population is like this, but it's like with everyone I get to know, they think it's wrong of me to be more responsible than them. Like I'm doing something that's harming them.

[GeorgiaModerate]

It's not new.  Your description would have applied to me at that age (over 40 years ago) and I got some of that attitude from peers and family.

[Hindsight was 2020]

It seems to be more of a resentment that you "escaped the pit"

[HillGoose]

It seems to be more of a resentment that you "escaped the pit"

I come from an appalachian county in southern TN and my roommates families all live in poor rural areas close to Nashville so I kind of wonder if this mentality might be more prominent in areas like this... I've wondered that before, because it seems like here if you're poor it's pretty much been like that in your family forever. But I also wonder how prominent this kind of mentality is across America as a whole, or if it's gotten worse/better over time.

[Mr. Reactionary]

I see this some. We have a family here thats like that. My understanding is that brother A may or may not have fraudulently destroyed a will so as to inherit money that he had been disowned from for being a lazy bum. He has not had a job since getting some of the inheritance and just sits on his porch all day living off the fat. Brother B, rather than contesting the inheritance just works hard renovating and renting property and still makes more money that Brother A. So since Brother B does not need the family money, Brother A resents him and will literally report any zoning code violation or property violation he can discover about Brother B. Sad.

[WritOfCertiorari]

You have to realize... in life, if you don't have your own best interest in mind, you can't expect anyone else to. As an adult, that's something that is hard to learn. It seems like a lot of people never learn that.

[CookieDamage]

I mean... you claim to not be stuck up... but then you spend your whole post talking down to people.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I never had kids out of wedlock.

Given you'd have to get a girl to sleep with you first, it's not a big surprise

[HillGoose]

You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm similar. I never tried any illegal substances, never been in jail, I never had kids out of wedlock. But I often feel out of place around certain friends and co-workers.

I've spoken to some family and other friends about it and they seem to have a theory. They think I'm "smart".

One BIG thing that I didn't do, was get a credit card. I know some might think that is stupid, but I noticed that "bad credit" or "debt" was something that many young people my age deal with. Every young person (18-29) that I know has multiple credit cards and rack up debt. I just received my first credit card a few weeks ago, have an account, and slowly pay down the small amount on the card gradually. That way I have established credit. However, I hear horror stories of people who got multiple credit cards a few years back and now owe thousands and thousands of dollars. These are kids, mind you. Younger than myself. It's just insane.

Secondly, living situations. I opted not for roommates or living with someone, but rather to save up several thousand dollars before ever moving into my own place. That way even after the rent, the bills, and the deposits, I would have a few grand left over in the bank. Plus money from the job continuously comes in, thus you can afford your place. I see so many young people rush and move into a place without a base of financial support. I opted to live at home until I was 26 so I could work and save, and then move out with a base of money.

Finally, I lack what they call "impulsiveness". You know, you see someone living great for about five seconds and then they move out of their place, or move in with someone they just started dating a couple weeks before. I recently had a 15-month relationship and she and I lived in our own places and never once in a conversation did living together EVER come up. I see friends meet a girl, have a fling, then leave their nice place of residence to shack up with the person. Predictably, the "relationship" fails, then the person can't afford the new place, then moves again. They basically live in three different places in one year's time. It's astounding to me. I see people tell me how broke they are, but then take impromptu trips and go to concerts that they can't really afford. I see people say they need money but then randomly spend money on getting themselves tattoos. Who does that? Who says, "Oh I need money but I'm going to randomly get a tennis ball tattooed on my butt on a Tuesday"?

Impulsive people. I lack impulsiveness.

So don't feel ostracized by those people. Keep doing the good stuff, the right way. Remember, I'm almost 9 years older than you but you're on a good track.

Oh and by the way, it can get lonely. I will admit, there are many nights of TV dinners and sitting alone in my house watching Kevin Costner in "JFK". Don't think it's all a party. That's one of the reasons I HAVE money. I don't earn it thinking of the present, I earn it thinking of the future.

Thanks for the well thought out response!

I could live on my own, but I live with roommates to make saving money easier. All my roommates are stable and responsible people as well, so no problems there. I honestly would recommend living with stable and responsible roommates to anyone looking to move out of their parents house. It can be hard to find though.